Chapter 8
It was a time for peace and prosperity. Never before had Tamaran enjoyed such a time as it had under the rule of Emperor Galfore. He was able to accomplish much in the short time that he ruled the planet. He had negotiated peace treaties with neighboring star systems, crime was down, employment was up, and he was able to implement many of his ideas that he had only dreamed about. Even so, the challenges of running a kingdom during good times still existed. There were still those without, who had not yet achieved a level of success that Galfore had envisioned. On Earth these would be called the destitute, the poor, the impoverished. The Tamaranian emperor swore that he would not rest until all Tamaranians could enjoy a better quality of life. It was here, that he tasked Starfire. She was only too happy to oblige, she liked taking care of people. Seeing that they would have a place to stay, food to eat. It was rewarding work. It was also time consuming work, which made it appeal to her even more. The more time she spent focused on her tasks, the less time she had to think about her own problems.
But still...at night, when her work was done and she would retire for the evening, her thoughts wandered back to Earth. To Jump City. To her friends. To Robin. She felt guilty for not at least sending a message to them, but she couldn't find a way to do it. She even tried to find a way to see if she could contact Raven, Beast Boy, or Cyborg without contacting Robin. But she knew that would be a long shot, and even if she happened to luck out and get one of them...she knew they would be unable to keep it from him.
After an especially trying day...a day of taking care of unwed mothers and their children, Starfire made her way back to the castle and to her quarters. She wasn't able to keep her friends out of her mind tonight. She sat down on her bed and just stared blankly into space. Her work was rewarding, but it wasn't where her heart was. She knew it, but couldn't admit it. She walked over to her dresser and rummaged around until she found her portable stereo...a gift that Beast Boy had given her for her birthday. She liked to listen to the music that was popular with Earth girls her own age, party out of a desire to fit it...but mostly because Earth musicians wrote of life experiences that she was able to learn about and experience for herself. With a little bit of effort, she managed to find the 3 Doors Down CD she had bought. Popped it in, and cued it to the proper track before falling back onto her bed, staring up at the ceiling. It had become a routine for the Tamaranian beauty...
"A
hundred days have made me older
since the last time that I saw
your pretty face.
A thousand lights had made me colder and I don't think I can look at this the same.
But all the miles
that separate
They disappear now when I'm dreaming of your
face..."
She allowed herself to mouth the words that she had learned by heart...
"I'm here without you baby
but your still on my
lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all
the time
I'm here without you baby
but your still with me
in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me..."
Starfire sat up and walked out onto the balcony overlooking the Tamaranian landscape. She closed her eyes and tears began forming...now realizing that she had not outrun her problems.
"Oh, X'hal! I am so confused. My heart aches because I still love him so, though I do not wish to. Why can I not let him go? If I return I know what will happen...I cannot withstand this heartache. Is this what love is supposed to be? Where does it end? Where?"
Suddenly there was a knock at her door. Starfire tried to compose herself...
"Who is it?"
There was no response. She assumed it was one of her valets or security...
"I do not wish to be disturbed this evening...please return in the morning if this is not an urgent matter..."
She turned back out towards the balcony when she heard the door open.
"It is not an urgent matter, princess. But I wanted to come up to see you my little bumgorf."
She didn't turn around, but she knew who it was. Only the emperor would have been given permission to enter without her consent. She refused to turn around, not wanting him to see that she had been crying.
"Galfore, I am no longer little. Why do you continue to call me your little bumgorf?" she asked, sadly.
"True, my princess. Indeed you are no longer a little girl, and I am very proud of the young woman that you have grown to become. But this old Knorfka has seen much in his day, much more than most Tamaranians need to see or would ever want to see. In my eyes, I feel I have earned the right to do or say as I wish. And in my eyes, you will always be my little bumgorf."
Starfire smiled at the kind words, it had been awhile since she had felt loved...or felt a sense of belonging.
"Something troubles you...you have not been yourself. Is it anything with which I can be of assistance?"
She finally turned and reentered the bedroom, but couldn't bring herself to look Galfore in the eye.
"No, I fear you cannot help me this time...nothing that the emperor of Tamaran can fix by decree..."
"I respect your decision to keep your problems to yourself. To this point I have not asked why it was that you came to return here, or why you keep to yourself here when your work tasks are finished. You are grown, and are free to do as you wish. But do not underestimate this old man. As I have said, I have seen much in my day."
Starfire sighed, the welling up of sadness continued to build up until she began to cry. As Galfore embraced her she spent the next several minutes explaining what it was that had brought her back to Tamaran...and what had caused her so much grief over the last few months. Once she was all cried out...she looked up into the eyes of her knorfka. He was smiling sympathetically.
"You probably think I am foolish..."
"I do not...your problems are indeed worthy of merit. And I understand."
"You...you do?"
Galfore smiled and let out a small laugh. "As I said, I am an old Knorfka and have seen much in my day...and this old man was in love once too."
Starfire listened intently and he continued...
"When I was young, during the migration from Okarra, I had met a lovely young woman. She too had eyes for me. And she was the most wonderful person...very kind...very beautiful. After a courtship we had planned to marry."
"It does indeed sound wonderful...I bet it was...perfect."
Galfore laughed softly again. "Well, that is the way I would have liked to remember it. But sometimes the heart and the mind will give different accounts of the past..."
"What do you mean?"
"She and I, while very much in love, were very different people. There were many disagreements...and sometimes those disagreements could not be overcome..."
"They...could not? What did you do?"
"We simply agreed to disagree."
"I do not understand..."
"Princess...there is no such thing as 'perfect' when it comes to love. When two choose to share their lives, they must do their best to overcome the differences...to understand that they are not perfect, but to also understand their partner is not perfect. If love is there, the effort to overcome will be rewarded."
Starfire stopped to reflect on what Galfore had said. She looked up when he had not continued, and saw a look of sadness in his eyes.
"What is wrong, my knorfka?"
Galfore paused before continuing. "It was not long after that the war had come. We had been separated...she...was a casualty of it. This is what I strive for, why it is so important that this kingdom know peace...that younglings will not have to endure what I have endured."
Starfire reflected some more on what he said. "You are most wise."
"Princess, not a day goes by that I do not wish that I could see her lovely face just once more. Do not allow time to become your enemy. You must embrace every moment, for once it passes...it will never come again. Do you understand?"
"Yes," Starfire smiled and wrapped her arms around the neck of her knorfka. "I love you, Galfore."
"And I, you...princess."
As Galfore turned to exit, he gave a curious stare to the radio on Starfire's dresser.
"This is what the people of Earth call music?"
"Oh, yes! It is the doors of three down...they are most popular in the culture."
Galfore simply shook his head as he exited, "...they are indeed a strange race of people."
Starfire was suddenly filled with a sense of hope, optimism. She got up and turned the radio off...and rummaged again through her dresser, finding a picture of her and Robin.
"I have been such a fool. It is I who have failed you. And I will not rest until I have made it right."
