Hi everyone, and thank you so much for the wonderful response last chapter. You guys are amazing. Those of you familiar with my work will know that I'm not big on happy endings, but since this is a new type of story for me I feel comfortable giving you a little reassurance: this is a very light-hearted story. Everyone will get a happy ending, all the girls will end up with someone by the end of it, and there will be love and laughter all around (gosh, it makes me feel weird just to even write that - I'm holding back my natural tendency to kill or maim characters). So, read on, and rest assured that everything will work out in the end. Don't forget to review, and I'll see you all next week.
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Aria wasn't entirely sure why she had decided to take refuge in the library. Of all the people in the school, the two most likely to find her here were the two she least wanted to see right now – Spencer and Ezra. She wasn't sure how to talk to either of them anymore, so maybe it was better if she just didn't.
She spent most of the lunch hour curled up in a corner of the library, absently flicking through a book she couldn't bring herself to focus on. She knew who she had to talk to, but until she figured out exactly what she was going to say, she wasn't game to try that either. So for now she just had to wait.
The cardigan, she noted, smelled like Spencer, and she wondered when she'd even noticed Spencer had a particular scent, let alone committed it to memory. She couldn't quite describe it, but it was comforting, kind of sophisticated and yet earthy. As she read – or let her eyes skim the pages, at least – she found herself wrapping the cardigan more tightly around herself. She wouldn't quite let herself imagine it was Spencer holding her, but it was still nice.
She spent the rest of the school day trying to pay attention during class while simultaneously coming up with a way to start the conversation she knew she had to have. By the time the bell rang to signal the end of class for the day, she still didn't know, but she couldn't let it wait any longer.
As expected, she found Emily coming out of her last-period chemistry class. What she hadn't remembered, though, was that Spencer was also in that class. The two girls stopped when they saw her, and Aria had the sudden sensation that her feelings were written all over her face.
"Hey," Spencer said brightly. "Emily and I were just heading over to the Brew. Do you want to come with?"
"Um." Aria fiddled with the hem of the cardigan, trying to come up with a tactful way to get Emily on her own. "Maybe."
"You okay?" Emily asked, sharing a look with Spencer as they noticed Aria's unease.
"Yeah," Aria said, in what she hoped was a convincing voice. "Hey, Em, can I talk to you for a minute?"
The other two girls shared another look, and Aria couldn't help but notice that Spencer looked slightly hurt. "Go ahead," Spencer said to Emily, frowning slightly at Aria as if trying to figure out what she could possibly want to talk to only Emily about. "I'll wait out in the car."
"I'll be there in a minute," Emily said, and she and Aria watched Spencer disappear down the hall. Then she turned to the smaller girl and asked, "So what's on your mind?"
"I need to talk to you," Aria said, falling silent as a group of freshmen wandered past. "But not here."
Confused, Emily followed Aria out to the courtyard, which was quickly emptying. By the time they sat down the last couple of people had trickled away, so they were alone. Aria had half-hoped there would be other people, so that she would have an excuse not to have this conversation. But she'd set her feet on this path and she needed to follow it through.
"Aria," Emily said after a few minutes of silence. "What is this about?"
Although Emily was the most understanding and least judgmental of all of them – Aria included – Aria still didn't know how to approach this without startling her. She sifted through a few different tactics before quietly asking, "When did you know? That you were…?"
"Gay?" Emily supplied, raising her eyebrow.
"Yeah," Aria mumbled, looking down at her lap instead of at her friend's face.
Emily was clearly curious, but much to Aria's relief she didn't ask any questions. Instead she leaned back in her chair, thinking. "I think," she said slowly, "it was probably right around the moment Maya kissed me for the first time."
"So you didn't know until you'd kissed a girl?"
"It was more that I was never sure until that moment," Emily said thoughtfully. "I'd had a couple of thoughts before that, but I'd always been with Ben, because that's what I thought I was supposed to do. So I never let myself consider it too much."
"But when Maya kissed you, that was when you knew?" Aria glanced up at her and then away, unable to stand the curiosity burning in her friend's eyes. There was no way she'd be able to pass this off as casual interest or distant curiosity; they both knew this was something closer to the heart. "How?"
"Well," Emily said, with a wistful kind of smile, "I started kissing her back."
Aria let this sink in for a moment. "So do you think you have to kiss a girl to know for sure?"
"I didn't say that," Emily said cautiously. "That's just how it happened for me."
A bird flitted past the table, landing on the ground a few feet away. Aria watched as it pecked the ground, looking for scraps, until a larger bid joined it. The second bird, obviously a male, flapped its wings and puffed out its chest in what was unmistakeably a courtship display. The first bird, the female, took one look at him, flapped her wings slightly, and then strutted away, completely uninterested. I know how you feel, Aria thought, before turning back to Emily.
"You didn't just bring me out here to ask about my love life," Emily said; a statement, not a question, leaving no room for Aria to argue. "So what did you actually want to talk about?"
"I think I might…" Aria trailed off, licked her lips, tried again. "There's an outside chance I might possibly…"
The rest of her sentence drifted off into nothingness, but Emily plucked the unsaid words from the air and filled in the blanks. "You think you might have feelings for girls?"
"One girl," Aria corrected quickly, and then cursed herself. It would be a lot easier to hide this if she was general about it. Telling Emily that she had feelings for one girl in particular was like hanging a huge neon sign over her head: Hey, I have feelings for my best friend! Not to mention she was actually wearing Spencer's cardigan at this very moment. Way to be subtle, Aria, she scolded herself.
"Do you want to tell me who it is?" Emily prompted gently.
"No." The word came out too forcefully, so Aria looked at her friend and said, more softly, "I'm not ready to, um…"
"That's fine," Emily assured her. "You don't have to tell me. But if you do want to, I'm always here."
For a moment Aria considered telling Emily who this one girl was, but she had a feeling there was a limit to Emily's understanding. Having feelings for girls was something none of the others would have a problem with; having feelings for her friend was another matter entirely. She wondered how Emily would react to the news, and then decided it was better she didn't know.
"Thanks," she said, fiddling with a napkin she found on the table. She carefully tore straight lines into the edge, parallel, the same distance apart; forty lines in all, ten on each side. Then she tore the whole thing up and left it sitting there like a dusting of snow.
"Hey," Emily said, reaching for her hand. "I know this is hard for you, but we're all here for you. You know that, right?"
"Yeah," Aria said, squeezing Emily's hand in thanks. "I know."
"Thank you for telling me, by the way. I'm glad you can trust me so much."
Aria smiled in response.
"It sucks now," Emily told her, "but it gets better. Trust me, I've been there."
No, Aria thought sadly, I don't think you have.
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Coming up next chapter: McHastings, and the beginnings of a revelation. See you guys there, and happy holidays!
