Hey, I'm back, I made it...!
Chances are, I won't survive my Latin test tomorrow, so if I never update, you'll know what happened *shudders*
(Actually would be fine tomorrow if I had spent time studying instead of writing this morning but I can't not write, I'd go crazy)

Thanks to pinkdoughnuts for the review!

This one is a tad more lighthearted. I don't know why that happened, but it happened. And hey, it was time for that again. I hope you'll like it!


"I assure you, Prussia, the Italians pose no threat to us."
"Are you really sure about that? You've lost once."
Germany watched the conversation between Austria and Prussia in silence, calmly sitting beside Hungary, who was watching with an equal amount of calm, simply sipping her tea as the scene unfolded. Of course Prussia was riling Austria up on purpose. Of course Austria was trying to prove again and again that he was better than Prussia. It was always like that.
"We've lost once, we've won once," the Austrian protested, chin up. "We're doing well this time around, so I see another victory on the horizon. Don't underestimate my army, Prussia."
The younger of the two cousins just shrugged. "Hey, if you say so. I'm just saying, though, losing to Italy is like the worst of the worst. Those two have proven that they're not exactly soldier material."
Now Austria just sighed and didn't respond anymore, and Germany wondered if it was because he could not deny that fact or if he was just tired of Prussia always having an answer to whatever he said.
Germany just hoped they could soon move on to more serious, pressing issues, or at least a serious discussion. This was just a waste of time so far. Beside him, Hungary seemed to think the same, as she sighed and put her tea down, staring at the two. "Next time we're to hold a progress evaluation, Ludwig," she suggested flatly, "let's make sure it's just you and me. It's the only way we'll ever get any work done."
"Oh, really?" Austria, who had heard this comment, then demanded irritably. "I don't see you working much, either!" Hungary almost flinched at the anger in his voice, but she kept her calm exterior. Germany was more surprised, though; Austria almost never snapped at anyone, not that he knew of, and definitely not at Hungary.
Prussia hadn't expected this either, it seemed, and he tensed because of it. "Hey!" he burst out, raising his voice now. "Would you not talk to her like that, you shit?"
For this, naturally, Austria turned on him again. "Would you not tell me what I can and can't do? Also, don't forget Hungary's my wife, and what and how she and I speak to each other is none of your business!" He looked as ready to punch Prussia as the kingdom did him, but it didn't come to that, thankfully.
Only because Hungary stepped in now, getting up with still that same calm demeanour. "That's enough, guys. Roderich, that we're married doesn't give you the right to treat me like garbage –and I'm not saying that you do, it's just an example- then throw a fit when someone corrects you. I thought we were a union based on mutual respect, and you'd do good to remember it." Then she sighed and turned her blank green gaze to Prussia, who only smiled sheepishly at the stare she gave him, one that clearly asked what the hell he thought he was doing. "Gil, don't you dare 'protect' me, got it? I'm plenty capable of defending myself, physically and verbally. Also, if you think you can win me over like this… not a chance."
The albino laughed nervously, in a way that simply screamed 'busted'. Of course he did. "Well, you know me, Lizzie," he tried to defend himself feebly. "I don't give up my battles. If I start a conquest, I keep on going until I've conquered my prize." Hungary rolled her eyes at this, though she couldn't seem to suppress her amusement over this comment, because she also smirked a little. She didn't say anything as she turned to bring her teacup to the kitchen, though. Until Prussia added with a wink: "I promise you, Lizzie, it's only a matter of time before you change your mind. Until then, I'll be right here, waiting patiently for you, honey!"
"Bite me, Gil."
"Sure, if you want to," the kingdom just joked, snickering now. "Where do you prefer?"
Germany sighed, wondering whether he should be annoyed or amused or both. He glanced at Hungary for a moment as she left the room, counting down in silence. 3… 2… 1…
Smack!

And just as predicted, Austria had hit Prussia over the head for his behaviour. Sometimes they were so predictable it was as if they had a script for it all. In fact, Germany had guessed the general message in Austria's next words flawlessly, though the exact words he used were different. "Honestly, Prussia, you've got some nerve," he muttered angrily, gritting his teeth. "Flirting with a woman while she has clearly rejected you several times, right in front of her husband at that!"
"Dude, chill," Prussia sighed, sitting back as he gingerly rubbed the sore spot on his skull Austria's hand had left. "I'm just teasing. It's just a game, dammit."
This was Germany's chance to interrupt. The best opportunity he'd had so far. "Exactly," the young empire scolded his brother with a correcting stare. "But you should remember it's war, not playtime. Get serious, I mean it."
Honestly, the young nation didn't know what was worse anymore: the battles to fight, or these forced breaks they were supposed to take regularly, starting with this one? He dreaded every second he spent in the trenches, but these moments at home or, in this case, visiting their allies, were just as bad. For some reason they were all irritated and easily aggravated. Well, not that it was surprising of course. Who wouldn't be, after all? But especially with Prussia it was as if the nation was seeking conflict whenever he wasn't fighting an official battle. Hungary had assured Germany already that this wasn't unusual for Prussia during wartime; she hadn't confirmed her theory yet, but she figured this was Prussia's way of dealing with stress.
By being a damn jerk to everybody.
Sounded accurate enough.
Next there was Austria, of course. He was more emotionally-controlled than Prussia was (but then, so was 90% of the world population, going by Germany's experience so far), but still a lot more short-tempered than he sometimes made out to be. When Austria was stressed out, he was pissed off. When he was pissed off, getting him anywhere within a 100-metre radius of Prussia was just asking for a war to break out between the two.
Hungary herself could be hard to judge. One moment she looked like she was genuinely trying to mediate between the two cousins and avoid conflict, the next it looked as if she was purposefully fuelling their irritations. Even worse, it sometimes looked to Germany as if she was encouraging Prussia in his annoying flirting with her, paying no mind to whether Austria was or wasn't near. Of course he would never give up if she seemed to enjoy the attention. It sure didn't help.
Germany was, naturally, the innocent bystander caught in the middle. He'd long since given up trying to keep the three older nations under control, and instead was there only to watch, disapprove, and sometimes remind them of their tasks if they took things too far. Like now.
Had they honestly forgotten about the terrible war going on outside the walls of this house, or did they just not care?

For once, Prussia seemed to actually listen to him, his eyes flashing with a certain unrecognisable emotion as he turned to look at his younger brother. He smiled, but it was clearly forced and not very convincing. "Hey, Ludwig," he said softly, his voice having a completely different tone to it than just seconds ago. Soft and gentle as if he were trying to assure a scared child that there was nothing to be afraid of. It was almost patronising. "This is fine, all right? We can't think about the war every second of every day, can we? How would we survive any of that?" By some miracle, Austria nodded and voiced his agreement to his cousin's words.
But it didn't do whatever Prussia had intended. On the contrary, Germany was hit with a wave of anger over this statement. How could they not think about the war? "Well, I'm still alive, aren't I?" he retorted curtly, getting up from the couch. "Apparently it's not so difficult to survive it as you might think." Neither of the two nations responded to this as the young German walked away, and Germany didn't spare them a single glance anymore, either.
With a sigh he went into the hallway, planning to go sit in the garden or something despite the chilly October air. Anything to not have to be with them for now. Once they had relocated and successfully retrieved their common sense, he would consider going back, but not before then.
But in the hallway, Hungary was waiting for him, looking at him with an even gaze. "I heard that," she told him softly, and he just sighed. Still, she asked him: "Mind if I come with you, wherever you're headed?"
He wanted to tell her that she was no better than them, that he wanted some time alone and that she should leave him alone. For some reason he instead told her that it was all right with him, and he dreaded her following him outside. Once there, he sat down on one of the few garden chairs, grimacing for only a moment when he found it still wet from the drizzling rain that morning. Hungary noticed the same thing, and wisely decided that it would be more comfortable just standing there. She inspected the younger country in silence for about a minute, then sighed softly.
"Ludwig, what's going on?" she asked him carefully, sounding worried about him all of a sudden. "I know we're all not in the best mood, but you… Something's off. Can I help in any way?"
Germany huffed, then met her gaze with a blank stare of his own. "Maybe by acting as if you care about what's going on," he muttered, glancing briefly at the house. "Same goes for those two." But he couldn't deny that there was truth to Hungary's words. Less than a year ago, he had welcomed distraction from the war with open arms when he'd gotten that chance with Christmas. Months ago he had almost begged to be given a time-out from battle and bloodshed and pretend he could still find some normalcy in his life. Now he had another such short break, and he loathed every second not spent on something useful. He didn't want to go back to the battlefield, though.
Hungary seemed to sense his own confusion over this, and smiled reassuringly. "What's on your mind, Ludwig?" she asked, though she didn't wait for him to answer –a good choice, because he wouldn't have answered it anyway- and instead guessed almost immediately: "This is still about Scotland, isn't it?"
…Dammit. She was insightful sometimes, all right. She had her oblivious moments, but the young woman knew Germany well. He hesitated a moment. "…Partly, yes."
Hungary bent down now, until her face was at the same level as Germany's, and looked straight at him with a stare so intense it forced him to meet her gaze. There was warmth in her eyes, comfort, but also pity and worry. "It was a mistake, yes," she began, her voice soft but clear as she spoke. "But accidents can be just that –a simple mistake with grave consequences. And the one who made that mistake can hardly be blamed for it. Unless they were acting recklessly, knowingly putting others at risk, it's not their fault." She paused for a moment, waiting maybe for a response, but the young nation was listening almost breathlessly, only staring back at her in silence. "You didn't know," the Hungarian then went on. "You had no idea that he was there. You were following orders. And yes, you knew that what you were ordered to do was wrong, you all did, but you had no idea what consequences it would have exactly. You're not to blame, Ludwig. I'm sure Scotland knows that."
Almost as if on auto-pilot, Germany shook his head and replied this time, though he hardly realised that he was speaking until he was already halfway through his sentence. "Because I was there, he almost didn't know anything anymore," he protested softly. "Would never know anything again. He could've died because of me!"
"He would've been injured and incapable of fighting anymore for a while even if you hadn't been. That gas is terrible; prolonged exposure to it has got to be harmful to us, too, albeit less so than to humans."
"But I was there!" Germany insisted, growing tense. Why couldn't she just see the problem? Why did she have to try again and again to tell him none of it was his fault, while he was clearly the cause of it all? "Because of that, he is injured and incapable of fighting, well, maybe permanently! And not just of fighting –he's blind, for God's sake, I don't think he's even capable of fending for himself right now, if he ever will be again. All because I just had to be there, goddammit. I've ruined someone's life –a potentially eternal life. We're not talking about decades here, we're talking centuries, perhaps still millennia!" He quickly averted his gaze now, hoping to escape her calm expression. He couldn't stand it, not now. Not like this.
But despite his fierce reaction, she still insisted in a soft, warm voice: "And was it your own decision to be there?" A silence fell, and though Germany didn't answer, Hungary knew what that answer would have been anyway, and she just went on after a minute or so. "I think not. So believe me, Ludwig, it's not your fault." She hesitated for a moment, then brushed some droplets of water from the chair beside him and sat down after all, carefully holding his hand in both her own. "I understand that you're frustrated over our supposed indifference over the war –but trust me, I can never really stop thinking about it either, and neither can those two idiots. We just try, for the sake of seeking some normalcy in all this chaos. But do you understand that what you're doing is just as frustrating for all of us?"
He looked up at this, unable to hide his confusion. How was this frustrating for them? He hardly interfered in their attempts at distracting themselves. He mostly just let them be and wished they would do the same to him.
Hungary answered this unspoken question quickly. "It's because we don't know how to help you, Ludwig," she explained, a hint of sadness now in her still warm, calm voice. "The only thing we can do is talk about it, but no matter what we say, nothing changes. We can try to take your mind off it, but you won't let us. You're making it impossible for us to help. Meanwhile, you're just torturing yourself with constantly reminding yourself of all the bad and telling yourself that you're the wrongdoer, that it's all your fault."
Somehow her words brought a lump to Germany's throat, which he tried hard to swallow and ignore, but it wouldn't go away. At least he didn't sound too choked up when he protested feebly: "But it is my fault. My people did horrible things to the Belgians when we invaded their land. We stepped out of line when we attacked France like we did. We've massacred entire Russian corps. Now we're filling the air with poison to win our battles, and where do those victories bring us to? Nothing. The war is still at a stalemate. All that bloodshed we've caused, and we're still getting nowhere." He sighed deeply, letting his shoulders hang. "We've done monstrous things, Hungary. I know the others have, too, but how can I ignore the fact that my people are committing atrocious acts?"
She let go of his hand, and instead the older nation grabbed his face, turning it back in her direction, forcing the young German to look at her again. Her gaze was harder now –still warm and compassionate, but hard. She meant business now. "You're young," she told him bluntly, pulling him back when he tried to turn away and look elsewhere. "You've grown up quickly, you're mature in more than one way, I know. But you still haven't learnt every lesson a nation needs to learn as they grow up. Germany, you are your people, but you're also a person. You represent them, but therefore it's the people who influence you, not the other way around. None of what your people do is because of you. If you died, it's not like the every last German on the planet would vanish! If that happened, however, you would. You do not control your people, they control you. They do not exist because of you, you exist because of them." She waited once again, letting those words sink in for a moment. Germany couldn't even think about moving away now, or responding, anything. He could only listen, waiting patiently for her next words. Hungary's expression softened again, her hold on him still there but weaker. "However, it's true that the nation is usually the one who gets the blame for his people's actions. But this is unfair. Yes, your people have done and undoubtedly will still do terrible things. But that doesn't make you responsible, it doesn't make you a monster! Ludwig, sweetie, you're a good person. You're a kid who has and has had to grow up too quickly. I won't tell you that you're innocent, because that would be a lie; no nation is innocent. But don't let anyone convince you that you're responsible for all this, because you're not. Don't you ever believe them when they tell you that you're a monster –you're an honest, good soul, tainted only by a situation you were forced into due to circumstances." For a moment he thought she was finished, and he already couldn't breathe anymore, that lump having grown steadily as the Hungarian woman spoke and now completely choking him. But Hungary still added in a voice barely louder than a whisper: "When we're speaking of nations as individuals, sweetie, trust me when I say that, of all the nations fighting in this war, you are the closest to being completely innocent."
Germany noticed that he was trembling by now. His eyes felt prickly, he realised blankly. How long had those few tears been there? He hadn't noticed them before now. He gritted his teeth for a moment, then opened his mouth, wanting to say something. Not a single sound came over his lips, though, and he gave up just seconds later. Feeling more tears well up now, he quickly closed his eyes before they could overflow, trying desperately to suppress his emotions. But he couldn't; the tension in his body only increased, the tears dripped down from his eyelids now, he still couldn't breathe. His heart began racing in panic. He had to, he had to control himself! Emotions were dangerous, emotions were what brought people to make mistakes, emotions could be deadly, he had to-!
Hungary's soft voice pierced these frantic thoughts, wiping them away from his mind in an instant. "It's all right," she reminded him. "You're not on the battlefield here. You don't have to fight here. It's all right."
Right. He wasn't on the battlefield. It was okay here. Emotions were all right outside the battlefield… weren't they? Yes, yes, they had to be. He didn't have to fight soldiers now, so he didn't have to fight these, either. Wasn't that right? It was according to Hungary. It must be okay… It was fine if he stopped fighting this hopeless battle, even if just for a moment. Just like the battles his people fought, this one wouldn't help him go forward. It would only be meaningless damage. Best to give in now.
All this swirled through his mind in a single second after Hungary had spoken. In the next, he was already crying, unable to stop it even if he tried. And Hungary just hugged him, silent now, which was exactly what he needed.
Just… silence. Someone there with him, yes, but silence.
She really did know him well.


Prussia watched approvingly from where he stood in the kitchen, the backdoor that led to the garden just slightly open. He had still been hoping that a blunt approach like this one wouldn't have been necessary, though he had begun to see that, unfortunately, it was. He also knew for a certainty that Germany wouldn't have listened to him quite as well as he would anyone else, for the simple reason that he was used to his brother giving him lengthy lectures on the struggles of life and how to overcome them. Maybe also because, due to Prussia's own occasional mental and emotional instability, he no longer believed the kingdom even knew what he was talking about; if this were true, Prussia couldn't even blame Germany for it. Sometimes he doubted even himself if he was fit to give such advice. Well, he could at least serve as an example: 'whatever you do, avoid becoming like this at all costs!' ('And maybe, once you've figured out how to do that, you can tell me how?') He was such a pathetic brother sometimes. Thankfully he was also still awesome, just not always anymore.
"Looks like she has performed yet another miracle," Austria commented softly as he stood behind Prussia, watching along over the albino's shoulder. The two cousins had stopped bickering the moment Germany had walked away like he did.
Prussia smiled and gave a short nod. "Thank God she did…" The young empire had never said so aloud, but Prussia was pretty sure he viewed Hungary as an older sister of sorts. Whatever she was to him, it was more than just his cousin's wife. Since he's known her all his life, it was hardly surprising, especially since Germany had met Austria and Hungary before he'd very well met the Benelux, let alone Switzerland and Liechtenstein.
Austria stepped away then, and Prussia followed him, softly closing the door again. "When did he start thinking he isn't allowed to feel anything, anyway?" the Austrian asked once he and Prussia were back in the living room. He didn't sound like he was accusing Prussia of anything, but it did feel like it to the albino.
Prussia shifted uncomfortably, looking away with a deep sigh. "Since a year or so…" he confessed softly, feeling almost ashamed of it now. "When we were so suddenly separated by the General Staff, I… I panicked. I told him he must try to suppress his emotions, because they can pose a serious threat in certain situations."
"True," Austria commented flatly, raising one eyebrow at this, as if he couldn't believe how stupid the younger nation could be sometimes. "In certain situations. But in most situations it's pure suicide to even attempt to block out emotions. And that he blames himself for everything? Did he pick that up from you as well?"
Prussia flinched and turned his red gaze to the floor, his shoulders raised almost defensively. "Maybe… subconsciously… It's not like I knowingly taught him to do so, but I… Well, I do blame myself for a lot of shit."
Suddenly Austria wacked him over the head, scolding him harshly: "You utter numbskull! You don't honestly believe that you're in any way fit to give anyone advice on how to deal with emotions, do you?" Prussia looked up slowly, knowing full well that Austria was right and expecting another reprimand or something of the likes. But instead when he met his cousin's gaze, the older nation's eyes shone rather sympathetically. They stared at each other for a moment, then Austria sighed. "You look pathetic when you're acting meek for a change," he stated flatly. "Now come on, you fool."
Then before Prussia could even guess what was going on, Austria held him in a hug. None too close, none too enthusiastically, but willingly. "I know that we basically fought a war over who gets to raise Germany," the Austrian said in a soft voice, "but until you've got yourself together again, how about you leave Germany to me and Elizaveta?" He let go of Prussia again and stepped back, looking Prussia straight in the eyes. "Not to take away any brother privileges or however one might call it, not at all. You'll always be his brother and I'll always be his cousin. But it's just…" He sighed and shook his head slowly, and when he looked back at Prussia he looked almost desperate. "You were going to get help," he reminded the younger nation. "Then the war started, and I know and fully understand that you can't do so right now, but in the meantime I cannot watch you ruin Germany. All right?"
While these words hurt to Prussia, of course, he knew that Austria only meant well and was only thinking of Germany. Well… of Prussia, too. He smiled. "Sure." Then, jokingly, he added: "But don't teach him your sissy antics, you hear me?"
Austria snorted, but for this once he only went along with the joke. "Sissy antics? Oh, you mean baking and music? Gilbert, please, you know full well that you can't fool me; you love every note I play and do I really need to remind you how much you love my baking?"
Just the thought of it made the Prussian's mouth water, and he snickered. "Well, I seem to have forgotten indeed… So how about you go into the kitchen and work your sissy magic? Just to serve as a reminder, of course."
Now, Austria just laughed. "You're the worst! Honestly, Prussia, go learn for yourself how to bake."
"Your Sachertorte is a piece of art."
"Did I hear the word Sachertorte?" suddenly came Hungary's voice, startling both nations; she was walking back into the living room, Germany right behind her. Hungary just skipped over to Austria's side, giving her husband a quick kiss on the cheek. "Darling, that sounds like a wonderful idea!" she said with a grin, then she turned to look at Prussia and gave him a playful wink and a smirk. Prussia grinned back silently.
Meanwhile, Germany sat down on the couch and poured himself some coffee, which was only just about still hot enough, asking the others if they wanted any as well. "I must say, though," he commented calmly as he also poured cups for the three older nations, "I wouldn't say no to Sachertorte."
Austria, who hadn't even gotten the chance to say anything, was already being pushed toward the kitchen by Hungary as he began spluttering protests. "Ah-ah," Hungary silenced him with a chuckle. "It's cake duty for you today. I'm sure it'll be as delicious as always."
"And don't go too easy on the apricots!"
"Shut up, Prussia."
"…Actually, I agree with brother for once."


Germany will have such a long way to go until he's as emotionally controlled and composed as he is in the manga. It's a hard road to being in full control of your own heart. A hard, endless road; for no one is ever fully in control. One way or the other, emotions will always come back to you, and if you've spent so much time bottling them up they will only come back worse and worse.

Also I know from personal experience that, if you've done bad things, it's all too easy to think of yourself as a bad person, too. But that's not it; actions do not define the person -actions do not always reflect what's in a person's soul. But it's so easy to think that, and so hard to break that thought.

Thankfully for both Germany and Prussia, there's always Austria and Hungary, there to support them!

(Also, as I was writing this, I remembered how Hungary, in canon, called Germany 'Doitsu-chan' or something along those lines... which in here I have decided to translate permanently to 'sweetie'! She's the only one who can still call him that and get away with it. Well, until it happens in public...! *snickers*)

Thanks for reading and I hope you liked it!