Chapter 7

How long how long will I slide
Separate my side I don't
I don't believe it's bad
Slit'in my throat
It's all I ever...

I heard your voice through a photograph
I thought it up it brought up the past
Once you know you can never go back
I've got to take it on the other side

Other Side- Red Hot Chilli Peppers

It's a common belief that for a dog, one human year is the equivalent of several years. Of course, that notion varies with each dog but the sentiment is definitely there.

It goes to show you that perception is everything. For a dog, the moment spent in one year can mean a life time, while for humans a lifetime can seem too little to experience in a year.

My brain seems to use this metaphor as I lay there in darkness, feeling myself being poked and prodded in the most of voices and confusion.

This of course annoys me, but in my state of limbo I realize that I can do nothing but silently lie there; hoping I can regain some sense of control.

And since things never seem to go my way, it feels like forever when the poking and prodding finally stops and I slowly feel like I am regaining control over my body.

It's enough control that through the pins and needles sensation coursing through my legs and arms that I somehow manage to open my eyes.

That my friends, was definitely a bad idea.

Bright white lights welcome my sight and I squint my eyes at the intensity of the rays. The light is so painful that it's enough to me make me turn my head against the pillow under my head and make me realize that despite the feeling in my body, I am immobile and strapped down against the bed.

My first initial reaction is to panic but slowly my brain begins to catch up with the latest turn of events and I realize that I'm in a hospital.

But it doesn't look like a hospital.

The walls are white and bare; extremely bare. There are no flowers, pictures; anything. There isn't anything in here to make this room look a little inviting to someone staying here.

There's not even a television in here and the strong pungent smell of alcohol and antiseptic permeates the room which is enough to make me nearly gag.

I look down at my body; the visible half that isn't covered by the antiseptic smelling white cloth blanket and see that each of my arms are strapped down my side. My left forearm is covered in a white gauze bandage that slightly sticks out under purple bandage wrapping.

It's odd to me considering it's the only source of color in this white room. A symbol of vibrancy in all of this muted delusion.

Laying there for a couple of minutes, it doesn't take a genius to realize why I'm here.

I try to pull against the restraints but I only end up in making my arms red and agitated causing my bandaged arm to ache.

My head is pounding and the world once again begins to get hazy. I can vaguely remember turning my head and looking into a pair of haunted green eyes before once again everything becomes dark.

The next time I awoke, I could tell it was morning. The little ray of sunshine through the overcast sky was enough to give a little light to my gloomy mood.

The pounding in my head was now gone, only replaced with a dull ache that came and went as I moved around which wasn't much.

I tried pulling on my restraints once again, but to no avail.

I felt myself become incredibly frustrated as I just wanted to move around a bit. I was so uncomfortable lying on my back as I was used to curling up on my side or lying down on my stomach.

Shuffling around a bit, I noticed the bed remote beside me, casually lying beside my knee. I knew that if I could somehow reach it, I could get someone to remove these dreaded things from my arms.

I was a few mere inches from grasping it and grunted in surprise when a large male hand came down and moved it from out of my reach.

I looked up startled into the grey eyes of a tall middle aged man who was looking at me with sympathetic eyes behind a pair of huge coke bottle glasses.

He was dressed in one of those long clichéd white coats with a pair of tan loafers on his feet. The man was balding with a mix of black and grey hair that reminded me of a bad rendition of Larry Fine from The Three Stooges.

I kept these things to myself from my little observation. Didn't need to offend him more than my mind already had.

He spoke up first.

"Hello Isabella." His voice was surprisingly soft.

"Bella." I croaked. My throat was raw and scratchy.

"Bella then. I'm Dr. Gerandy. You do know why you're here right?" He spoke to me slowly, like I was incapable of understanding what he was saying.

"No I haven't the slightest idea." I huffed. I knew it was a precaution but it still irritated me.

"Bella what have I told you about manners?" I turned to see Phil standing in the doorway. To say he looked like hell would be an understatement. He looked tired; way older than a man of twenty eight years of age. He had heavy bags and dark circles under his eyes and his hair looked like it hadn't been washed in a while.

It made me wonder how long I was "under" or was my perception of time really just that; a perception.

"Dr. Gerandy, can you please give us a minute. I'd rather talk to her instead myself." Phil grumbled. Dr. Gerandy nodded his head and walked out the room with the assurance that he would be back later to take my vitals.

We stared at one another for a few minutes.

Blue meeting brown, angry meeting frightened, scared meeting lost.

I sighed. "Uncle Phil…" He raised a hand up at me.

"No I don't even want to hear it. Do you know how much you fucking scared me or how angry I am right now?" he asked in an eerie calm tone. I gulped.

"Yes I get it; I know I frightened you…" He cut me off again.

"No you don't get it Bella. If you did, you wouldn't have done what you did in the first place and we wouldn't be here now would we?"

"It wasn't what you think it was. I wasn't trying to kil…" Phil cut me off again.

"Then explain Bella. Explain to me why your friends came up to me scared out of their minds, since you just up and ran out of class. That I had to gather everyone I knew to find you, only to find you unconscious in a pool of your own blood, Bells. A fucking pool. Not a few speckles or drops, but a pool. Enough that it spread to the entrance of the doorway of the kitchen looking like a god damn murder scene." Phil screamed as he began pacing back and forth in the room.

"I couldn't even get to you, because I feared I was having heart attack. If it wasn't for Edward and Carlisle coming in and taking charge you might be dead by now." Phil breathed.

Edward? Who the hell was that?

The confusion must have been apparent on my face because he rolled his eyes.

"E.T or whatever. That's beside the point. That boy just about ripped his own skin off trying to use his shirt as a tourniquet on you while Carlisle tried to stop the bleeding. We couldn't even pry you from his arms and only then when we got to the hospital that he agreed to let you go, and even then he seemed to be a little reluctant." Phil sighed.

"Why are you telling me this? It wasn't like I was intentionally trying to kill myself. I just wanted a little release and it got out of hand." I defended. Phil let out a humorless laugh.

"You don't get it Bells. You don't understand the repercussions of your actions."

"Yes I do, or I wouldn't be here." I rolled my eyes. His voice rose again.

"Bella I love you. You're my niece and the remaining piece of my sister. I know you've been through a lot but you're being awfully selfish." He growled.

"Selfish, how am I selfish, you don't even know what I've been through?"

"I could Bells, if you actually opened your mouth and spoke up for once. You think this is all about you. Yes you're in a hospital because you nearly bled to death, but you're not the only one it affected. You scared people Bella. You've been unconscious for the past six days. When you're around people who love you, and you make a decision like that, it affects everyone not just you." Phil hollered and I could see the tears falling down his face. It took me a moment to realize that I had a few of my own streaming down my face.

"You need help Bells. Why do you think you have those restraints on your arms huh?" He asked. I looked down at my arms.

"At first they were a precaution, to make sure you weren't a threat to yourself from your self-inflicted wound. But it was the nightmares Bella. You thrashed around and screamed for days, tearing at your skin."

"Days?" I whispered again now knowing why it felt like I was so out of touch with the real world.

"Bella," Phil sighed. "You in reality now, you have to deal with the things going on this side now. You're so frail. Losing a lot of blood took a toll on your body. It was touch and go for a while. I blame myself really, since all the signs were there and yet I ignored them all to give you some space."

"It's not your fault." I whispered. Here I go again causing hell again.

"And it not yours." He looked at me with those familiar blue eyes.

I sighed and shook my head. Knowing this was a lost cause; he sighed and abruptly stood up.

"Okay here's the deal and I have no time to play games with you. You have one of two choices. You can stay here in the psych ward section of the hospital, because yes you are here and they are worried you may be a threat to yourself, or you can join the W.T.F group while getting treatment under Carlisle and his team." Phil stated.

"You know I don't want to join that stupid group." I huffed. "I don't have a problem."

"See that's the thing baby girl." Phil walked over and kissed my forehead.

"You do and until you realize that, you are going to keep having problems. It's your choice. I'll be back later tonight." Phil kissed my forehead again before giving me a quick glance and left.

I closed my eyes and sighed.

I hated making decisions.

…WTF…

"This doesn't have to be awkward. It's only awkward if you want it to be Bells." Phil said putting his arm around my shoulders.

"Hmmm let me think. Hi again, you remember me, Bella? The girl who got a little hands on with a butcher knife, "accidently" cut herself and then bled all over the floor unconscious? You do? Nice to meet you all again." I chuckled un-humorously.

"What am I going to do with you?" Phil mumbled as we walked up the driveway. We were at Esme and Carlisle's home, which looked more like a mansion than it did as a home two people. Apparently this is where they held all of the meetings and groups leading me to believe that there was definitely more to them than they were letting on. There were cars piled in the driveway and it was no wonder why we had to park so far back down the street that led to their home.

"Hopefully, you'll take us back home and let me back into bed. I've been home for all of what two, three hours and here we are at ten in the morning on a freaking Saturday." I huffed, trying to rest my head against his shoulder. It was one of those chilly days in Forks. Where despite it being almost spring, the cool breeze was enough to send a chill to your bones.

After what felt like freaking ever, the door finally open and short blonde haired girl who looked no more than 13 or 14 opened the door. Her face looked slightly familiar and then I remembered that she was a freshman down at the school. I think her name was Samantha or something.

Just as quick as she appeared, she disappeared leaving me standing there bewildered. Phil and I both walked inside and shed our coats. I kept my hoodie on, still a little paranoid about the thick purple cast that covered my arm. I apparently did a number myself and was told that it was going to take quite a while before my arm properly healed up.

It was now Phil's turn to disappear on me. He practically shoved me towards the living area where twenty to forty kids my age stood. They were no better off than I was. Fidgeting around and shuffling their feet. It was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop as we all scrambled around each other awkwardly.

I noticed a few of them taking their seats around the room and decided to do the same.

Since there were so many people, I situated myself on the floor and brought my knees up to my chest. From my peripheral vision, I could see the Samantha girl do the same as she walked over and sat down beside me, although she seemed to scoot closer to me than the others.

We sat down there for maybe all of five minutes when Esme entered the room.

The room was silent except for the labored breaths of everyone around me as we waited nervously for her to speak.

The room was tense and not even the warm smile she gave could get rid of the nagging feeling that I was not going to like this too much.

Luckily from where I was situated on the floor she didn't have a real clear view of me.

"Hello again everyone. If you guys don't remember me, I'm Esme Cullen and I am the head of W.T.F. which stands for Project: Worth the Fight. Now as you all know we are a one year mentoring program that deals with teens who deal with serious matters. What most of you guys don't know if that those serious matters pertain to those who suffer from drug abuse, mental and physical abuse, and those who pose a threat to others or themselves." She said and I noticed her eyes scan the room and I knew she was unconsciously searching for me. She continued.

"Yes you all are very different but all have a few things in common. All of you have issues that are intervening your life and we are here as a guide to help you and get you on the right path."

"We meet six days a week for three hours a day." Esme said and collective groans filled the room.

"Yes six days a week. You guys are our responsibility and it's our duty to make sure we help you. I have a wonderful team who are trained and will keep anything you say to them completely confidential unless you say otherwise or if we feel the need to intervene."

"My team consists of ten main leaders, along with a few others. A few of whom you may have already met. They will act as your guide as you go through this program. Some of you will have one of them as your individual mentor while some of you will have them all of them as your guides or levels as I like to call them. You will have individual sessions with each of them as well as group sessions with your own personal group." Esme continued.

"Now I know what you are all thinking, "How in the world are we going to get through to all of you and access your needs with just ten people?" Esme stated.

"The answer is that we won't. And that is because some of you will not be here by the end of this program. Why is that, you ask? Some of you are over eighteen or have no obligation to be here. I can see from the looks on some of your faces that you do not want to be here. It hurts me to say it but it's the truth. I do ask that you do stay so that we can at least give you the resources, but if not, I ask that you please leave once I'm finished speaking because there are others who might be in need of our services." Esme said and I noticed that five or six hurried and got up before scurrying out the door not bothering to wait until she was finished.

I looked over at Esme who had a sad smile on her face.

"Unfortunately that always happens and I'm pretty sure I won't see a few of your faces again and I respect you all waiting until I'm finished." She composed herself and continued.

"But for the rest of you, you have no choice. Either by a parent or guardian, a state official, or hospital, you are our responsibility and in our care. Your meetings with us are mandatory until we say otherwise" Esme said and more groans filled the room; a few which I admit came from my own mouth.

"So today, we are just going through the preliminary stuff. You will all meet one on one with all of us as group, as we access your needs on how we can help you. We will be calling you in one by one in about fifteen minutes, so don't you all get comfortable yet. I'll have my assistant Maggie call you when it's your turn and one we get through everyone, we will have refreshments in the back. So I'll see you all in a little bit." Esme smiled giving a quick glance over the room before exiting.

As soon as she left out was as if a fire had been lit under a couple of the other's asses. Fourteen others quickly stood and exited, leaving us down to exactly twenty one, which I figured was comprised of the rest of us who didn't have a choice in the matter.

Ten minutes later, a short red haired woman came in with a clipboard and began calling off names.

It surprised me that she never called any of the names of the people who had left, and thought back to what Esme said about knowing who would stay and who would go.

One by room, the other teens in the room got up and headed into the back. None of them came back out and it further increased the anxiety that was building up in my stomach.

Soon enough it was down to me and that Samantha girl from school who was slowly shaking beside me.

"Hey are you okay?" I asked. She looked up at me frightened with wide blue eyes.

"Yeah, just…just nervous." She stuttered, sweeping a few blonde strands of hair from her face. I noticed she had a faint bruise around one of her eyes and around her neck but said nothing.

"I am too." I admitted and she gave me a small smile. That small smile she gave me soon turned into a grimace as her name was called.

I would have reassured her if it wasn't for the fact that I realized that I was last and it felt like I was going to puke.

Waiting only took ten maybe fifteen minutes, but to me it felt like hours.

I began fidgeting with the edge of my jeans every couple of seconds and even the stupid cast on my arm began to itch.

I felt like a junkie trying to get another hit and was even contemplating trying to escape unnoticed when my name was called.

I stood up on shaky legs and followed behind Maggie as she led me down a hallway and pointed to a door at the end of it.

Time to see what was on the other side.

Scarlet starlet and she's in my bed
A candidate for my soul mate bled
Push the trigger and pull the thread
I've got to take it on the other side
Take it on the other side
Take it on
Take it on


Thoughts? Leave it in a Review!

I'm not getting too much of a response on this story but I would really appreciate it if you left a review. I'm really interested in how you all perceive this story and if there's anything you would like to see.

On another note, Bella's little stunt is nothing, there's so much more to come as begin to get deeper into her story and Edward's too.

Also, I'm wondering if you all would be interested in an outtake of that day. What really happened when they found her lying there and how did they react? Interested?

Until again,

Xoxox Sylvia Cullen