Kendall
I looked up when I saw our waitress coming our way, "Hi there, guys, I'm going to be you're server today, my name is Marie. What can I get you all to drink?"
I watched as she looked at each of us taking our order before walking away to fill them.
I suddenly felt out of place when Logan and Carlos got lost in their own world, or course. I pulled out my phone because I didn't know what else to do in the awkward situation, and because I don't know what to do about James.
After two whole minutes of staring at Facebook I couldn't stand the feeling of eyes on me anymore and I looked up at James who I know was staring at me the entire time, he looks annoyed, "What?" I say to him as I shrug my shoulders acting as if nothing is wrong.
"Don't 'what' me, Kendall, you know what." He snapped back at me. Ok, yup, James is pissed.
"James, can we not do this right now?"
"No. Because then you won't ever do it, Kendall. I'm not gonna sit back anymore and watch you slip away from me." He leans forward with his forearms on the table, hands splayed flat; all I can do is stare at his hands. I'm terrified, though I won't admit it, "Kendall," his voice is much softer and I lock eyes with him, "please, even if we can't be together, be my best friend again. We both know that we need each other and we are just tearing ourselves apart." His eyes are pleading with me, and I have a feeling that this is a last ditch effort to get through to me.
I have no idea what to say or do, I just place my phone face down on the table and fold my hands in my lap looking down at the yellow table top, gross color.
I watch James lean back into the booth when the waitress sets the drinks in front of us, to be honest, I completely forgot where I was and that Logan and Carlos were with us. I have no idea if they are even paying attention to us.
"Are you boys ready to order?" She asks with a smile and cheery voice.
As she talks to the others I think about what James had said and let it sink in. I don't want to ever lose him, but I don't know what I want with him. Then a thought hits me, if I don't take him, someone else will. Could I really live with myself every day knowing that he would be the one that got away? Fuck no! Ugh, I know that James has always been there for me. I don't exactly have to make a decision right now. I know that we are perfect as friends; we only fell apart when we took it farther. Maybe, just maybe, if we go back to being friends we can work a relationship out.
She then gets to me, breaking me out of my planning, and I tell her that I want the Chef Salad, though, I'm not really hungry. When she walks away James seems to be stuck in his own thoughts, staring down at the ugly yellow table, his face blank.
I suddenly feel panicked and the need to be touched and I look at Logan before it hits me. No, I can't go to Logan. Yes, I love him to death and I would do anything for him, he is an amazing friend, but he isn't my best friend. My best friend is sitting across from me and I'm tearing him apart because I'm fucking stubborn. This shit has got to stop and Logan is right, everything is going to fall apart if both James and I don't get our shit together.
I'm suddenly thinking back to a talk that I had with Logan and Carlos. I had told them that James could tell me anything and that I could tell him anything, it's not like that anymore, and that needs to change. We need to recover our friendship before we can do anything else.
I now have to get my best friend back by opening up to him and going to him with my problems like I used to, talk to him like I used to, and always be by his side. I reach my hand out to him, ok maybe this isn't exactly what we would have done but it feels right, silently asking him for his hand. He stares at me and I know that he is hesitant to do this so I smile at him slightly, trying to tell him that it's ok.
He cracks a small smile of his own before he reaches out to me and we interlace fingers. I'm aware that Logan and Carlos have stopped talking and I know that they are watching us. I'm sure that they are proud of their work.
Before I know what is going on James bends my fingers back and I feel them crack, a chocked scream leaving me because of the shock and slight pain. I pull my hand back to my chest and cradle it. I see Logan drop his forehead into the palm of his hand out of the corner of my eye, and before I have a chance to say anything the waitress is back with our food and placing it in front of us.
I glare up at James and he is already eating a fry while glaring back at me.
James
"Was that really necessary?" Carlos asks me as I drop down onto my bed staring at the ceiling.
"What? He was being an ass. He deserved it after all this shit we have been going through. He's lucky that's all I did." Yes, I'm pissed. I know that I must have gotten through to him, even if it was a little bit because he sure as hell wouldn't have done that before I said anything, I don't think. Honestly, I feel like I don't even know my best friend anymore. Yeah, Carlos and I are close, but he could never be what Kendall is to me, or at least was. I'm not sure if we will ever go back to the way we were.
I feel the bed sink beside me and I look to my right to see that Carlos has collapsed next to me before I stare back up at the ceiling like he is, "you know he was trying, James. You are both confused and need to work through this together because you are never going to get anywhere without the other."
I look at him again with my brows pulled together and I wait for him to look at me before saying, "When the hell did you become so mature?" He rolls his eyes and slaps my chest laughing. I rub my chest breathing out an "ow" while laughing along with him.
X x X
I had just gotten out of the shower when I was heading back to my room. I threw on a pair of boxers and pajama pants before quickly drying my hair with my towel before dropping it on the floor. I'll pick that up tomorrow.
I slowly walk around my room turning on my T.V. before I turn off my light and climb into bed. I get comfortable before grabbing my phone off the table next to my bed and check it. Much to my surprise I have a text from Kendall.
I feel my heart pick up the pace before I open the text and it's just a simple 'hey.'
I look at the time that he had sent it and see that I was still in the shower when I received it. I check the time and see that it's about eleven so I'm sure that he is still awake so I send back a quick 'hey'
I roll over so that I'm on my back and rest my phone on my chest waiting impatiently for Kendall's response. I can still feel my chest pounding in my chest and I quickly turn off my television because it's just noise now that Kendall is talking to me, kind of.
I jump when I feel my phone vibrate against my skin and I quickly check it, 'whatcha doin?'
Really Kendall, you couldn't come up with something better than that? Though, this is usually how our conversations start, 'Just got into bed after a shower. What about you?'
I let my eyes close in the dark and take a few deep breaths, and it does seem to help some. My phone vibrates, his response coming faster than the last, and I pick up the phone while it still vibrates in my hand. I see his name across the screen indicating that he is calling me instead of texting me back.
I quickly slide my thumb across the screen so that I don't miss his call and press the phone to my ear. Everything around me is so quiet even the other end of the line and I speak quietly afraid that my voice will cause a natural disaster if spoken to loudly, "Hey."
He takes a moment to reply, though I know he's there, "Hey" I don't know what to say and I know that he wouldn't call me if he didn't have something to say so I give him time to get his thoughts together, "Um…I'm sorry." I can hear him moving on the other side of the phone and I know that he is nervous.
I roll over onto my side. I know exactly what he is sorry for though I want him to elaborate and telling me exactly what he is thinking, "What are you sorry for?" My voice is still quiet though it holds some venom that I wasn't expecting.
"James, you know what I'm sorry for." I don't answer signaling for him to go on, "I know that I was being difficult and I know that I was wrong. I was wrong for so much. I had finally gotten you and I didn't know what to do after that. I feel like we just moved so fast and it scared me." He stops and takes a deep breath, "Please James, like you said earlier, 'even if we can't be together, be my best friend again.' Please."
Now that the little bastard has used my own words against me I don't know what to say, just like he didn't earlier. But you know, this is a big step for us, we're talking, "James? Please, say something." Shit, I know how much he hates that.
"Kendall, we will work something out. I promise. We won't give up on each other this easy. We're in this together, friendship or relationship." Jesus, I can't believe I just said that….how corny can I get?
I hear him laugh on the other end and my heart starts to pound again, I love his laugh, "Shut up! Don't laugh at me, Blondie!" I say though I know that he can hear my smile.
"Diamond! Don't you be calling me that, you know I hate it!"
"I know," My voice goes quiet again, "So, um, you wanna come over tomorrow? I mean, I gotta work in the afternoon but we can see each other in the morning?" I don't know why that came out as a question.
"Yeah, sure." He paused, "I'll talk to you tomorrow James."
"Bye, Kendall."
He hung up the phone and for some reason I felt as though I couldn't breathe. Shouldn't I be ecstatic that I have him back? Well, for the most part. Maybe it's because I just finally got him back, barely, and I'm scared that any time spent without him he could so easily slip away again.
But that's not gonna happen. Even he agreed that we will work at this, together, and we will make it through.
Friendship or relationship.
Alright guys! I am proud to say that I got this chapter up a lot faster than the last. It was a lot easier to write and I think it's better than the last few chapters, but you guys are the judges! Let me know what you think. As always suggestions or ideas are welcome. Please leave your thoughts! Thank you!
