Chapter 8: Nothing Really Matters
School was kicking my ass at the moment. Between my classes, the paper and all my other extra circulars I found it hard to just keep up with everything else that was going on. I barely got any sleep on the weekdays, three hours at most. And even when the weekends came around, I was always knee deep in work to actually enjoy it.
And then December came, and the temperatures were dropping even further and of course, there was the ever present reminder that winter was knocking on the door. Traverse Town, the ever bustling heart of Kingdom City was experiencing an increase in tourism, to which I found extremely annoying. …God, the trains were so crowded in the morning it was ridiculous.
As the days passed, Twilight Town was losing that ever hazy spark of perpetual dusk that it always had as the skies melded into a dark mix of orange and grey, befitting that of winter. Hollow Bastion, Radiant Garden and Destiny Island also followed suit with the holiday bug. Lights went up, wreaths were hung on doors -- it was time to pull out the heavy comforters, brew thousands of batches of coffee, hot chocolate and the like and spend evenings in front of a toasty fire being normal.
Everyone …just seemed so happy these days, having been bit by the holiday bug.
Right.
Everyone but me, that is.
I never really liked the holidays to tell you the truth …
They're too many bad memories that revolve around them …
o—o
It was late on Wednesday afternoon, and Kairi and Sora were sitting in the library together while Kairi was doing research for a paper of hers. Riku had a pervious engagement to attend so he left them as soon as school had ended.
While he waited for Kairi to finish making copies of some reference book she had found, Sora sat off at a lone table, reclining his chair onto its heels while he read a sports magazine without much interest. He turned a page, looking over at Kairi who was cursing the machine to the seven layers of hells as she kicked it for bugging. The librarian, Malecifent turned around hissing at Kairi briefly, pushing the glasses up on her nose.
Kairi rolled her eyes at the woman, wrinkling her nose at her as she turned back around. The auburn haired girl came over to where Sora was, dropping a stack of papers she had just copied down in front of her. She sat back down heavily in the seat, throwing open another heavy textbook and flipping through it. She hurriedly scribbled something onto the paper in front of her. Frowning, she grabbed a handful of hair in a balled fist, and rested it again the side of her temple. She sighed, making a strained noise in her throat as she rubbed at her eyes and laid her pen down.
"Are you okay?"
"No." She answered quickly. Looking at Sora, her eyes softened and she sighed again, pressing her face into her arms, "Not at all."
"What's wrong?" Sora was quiet, thoughtfully within his own world before sticking a finger up. He whispered to Kairi, "…Is it that time of the month?"
She growled, narrowing her eyes at him.
He put his hands up, waving them as if to surrender, "Oooookay …guess not." He cocked his head to the side, eyebrows furrowing. "So …um …"
"Stress." She mumbled, "Just …stress, Sora …" She picked her head off of the desk, giving him a sideways glance.
He in turn gave him his famous cheeky grin and giving her a thumbs up, "It'll be okay, Kai! Vacation starts today!"
"But I'm already swamped with work …"
"Oh, come on."
She turned her head away from him, sighing again. Sitting back up in her chair, she shuffled the papers in front of her and pulled her bag into her lap. "Look …"
Sora looked at the clock, then turned back to Kairi cutting her short, "Let's go down to mom's shop!" Sora stood up, throwing his book bag over his shoulder and grinning. "She'll fix you up one of her Frozen Hot Chocolate's! On the house! It's bound to cheer you upppp"
Kairi looked up at Sora's bright blue eyes mirroring her own nearly purple ones. He batted them a few times and she sighed, "Oh, Alright," She began stacking up her books up, and shoving them into her bag, "I gotta go to my locker first."
"Alright!"
He followed her out of the library as the two walked side by side into the deserted hallway. Sora shifted his book bag on his shoulder as they neared Kairi's locker. She kneeled down, dumping her own bag onto the floor and popped her locker open. Sora was quiet, taping his foot against the floor as Kairi checked through what books she needed.
Sighing she closed her locker and stood up, pulling her coat on, wrapping her scarf around her neck and fixing her ear muffs onto her head. "You have to get anything before we go?"
Sora shook his head, pulling his own jacket on. "Nope."
Kairi pulled her bag onto her shoulder. She felt around in her pockets for her gloves. With her free hand she motioned for Sora to follow her as the two of them walked into the quad, and out the front doors of the school.
They were greeted with a bone chilling gust of cold air. Kairi stiffened up, wrinkling her nose up, "God, I hate the cold." She held a hand up to her forehead trying to shield her hair out of her eyes.
Sora laughed, his breath coming out in short puffs of smoky white air, "Oh, come on. Winter's nice." He looked above them at the grayish sky, then down at Kairi who glared at him. "Eeesh …"
They were quiet again, sitting down on the benches to wait for the bus that led down to Sora's mom's shop. The bus came by shortly, screeching to a halt. Both boarded after paying their fair, sitting in a double-seater. Kairi stared out of the window, watching as the bus zoomed by passing through town.
I hate winter …Kairi mused to herself, peering up at the cloudy grey sky and shaking her head. Sora stole a look at her, frowning slightly. They rode on in silence, finally getting off at their stop close to a half hour later. Sora tugged Kairi along, jogging down the side walk to The Usual Spot. He pulled the door open holding it open for her, following in beside her.
They were instantly warmed from the outside chill, Kairi letting out a low sigh as she flexed her freezing fingers, stuffing her gloves into her pocket. Sora removed his hat, shaking his spiky hair free. There was soft jazz playing from the speakers above them and the sweet aroma of coffee and chocolate wafted all around them.
"Come on, she's probably in her office."
The two of them shuffled through tables, heading up to the second level of the coffee house. Sora led Kairi down a long back hallway, knocking on the door, poking his head in gently. "Mommm?"
Suri was sitting behind her desk, looking over something on a paper when she looked up at Sora and Kairi who stood behind him, "Hey, you two!"
"Hey Ma," He opened the door, motioning for Kairi to follow him in. He let his book bag drop by the door, and began unzipping his coat. Kairi followed suit, taking a seat over by the door, and folding her coat neatly within her arms.
"What brings you two here?" She stood up, letting the papers drop. She rounded around her desk reaching to give Sora a hug.
"Nothing. Just stopping by to say hi." Sora grinned, "…We're gonna be staying for a little while, so do you think you could order up the usual?"
Suri grinned, picked up the phone and dialing downstairs. "Hey …can you put in two orders of Frozen Hot Chocolate? Haha, yes, Sora's here. …Thanks, Setzer." She hung up, "Go on, you two."
"I'll be back up in a few." He pulled Kari along, as the two descended back downstairs to pick up their drinks. Kairi sat down by the window while she waited for Sora to come back.
"I thought I saw you coming in," Stezer said, handing over the drinks.
"Yeah. Thanks Setzer." Sora grinned, turning around with the tray in his arms. He set it down on the table, sinking into his own seat across from Kairi. She was already swiveling the drink around, sipping at it. Sora had already dismantled his, sucking all the whip crème off the top until he got down to the base drink.
"So …" He began, licking his lips and cocking his head to the side.
Kairi didn't respond. She kept her eyes focused on the drink in front of her, looking at its contents floating around in her glass. She poked at the little floating pieces of chocolate chip, then sighed, looking back up at Sora. "…You know what's coming up in a few days …right?" Kairi asked, folding her arms on the table.
Sora thought, "Well it's the 20th today … so, your birthday," He added a soft smile in, " .…Christmas, New Years …your …" He looked at her and then everything suddenly clicked and made sense, "Oh …"
"It's been twelve years." She began, shaking her head.
He scratched his head, starting again. "Has it really been that long?"
"Yeah." She took a sip of her drink, "I … realized it just last week."
"Kai …"
o—o
My father passed away, one day after Christmas and two days after my fourth birthday on December 26th.
Back then, we used to live on Destiny Island and were just about to move to Traverse Town just as the year was going to end. Mom was just starting on her own line of shirts for her clothing line she called "ParaIsle", and Daddy had been out of the hospital for nearly a year with his cancer in remission.
The night of my birthday, December 24th, Sora, Roxas, Riku, their mom's and dad's were all over. Daddy gave me a small chain with a key on it. The edge of the key was tinged in red, and adorned with flowers. Further down the key it changed from red to orange and yellow, and the handle was blue on one side and gold on the other. There was a small red chain attached to the key with a small paopu fruit at the base. I was so happy when I got it; I told him I'd wear it forever. …And I have still to this day.
…We were all sitting down to blow out my candles when Daddy fell to the floor and my mom was screaming at Aunt Suri to call 911.
His cancer had come back and this time, the doctor's could do nothing to save him. It was spreading fast and all we could do was watch on as he suffered. I spent Christmas at Aunt Suri's house. Mom had come over for five minutes before she had to go back to the hospital to be with Daddy. She came back over at nearly four in the morning the next day, sobbing hysterically going, "He's gone. He's gone."
I didn't know what was going on. Mommy took me back home and when I asked her where Daddy was and I wanted to see him, she told me, "Daddy's going away for a little while, sweetie."
And I asked her, "Where'd he go? When is he coming back?"
Her expression was pained,"He's in Heaven honey …and he …you …you'll see him soon… when you're older."
A child can't understand the concept of death. They're told that the person they want has just, "stopped working" or "they've gone away". I remember after his funeral, I went into my parent's room after everyone had come back to our house. My mom came in and found me dialing a random number on the phone and asked me, "What are you doing honey?"
"You said daddy went to Heaven, right, mommy? So …they must have phone's in heaven … so I'm gonna call daddy to tell him I love him and I can't wait to see him again. "
"Oh, Kairi …" And she started crying again.
I never saw my mother cry again.
A few years later when I was seven, she got remarried …that marriage ended about three months later. Two years later after we had moved into the loft when I was twelve, she got married again. That marriage ended a little while later of course, and after that mom told me she wasn't going to waste her time anymore.
As long as she had me she would be fine.
o—o
She shook her head, "Mom hasn't really said much about it. I'd presume she'd want to go visit his grave out on the island." She looked out of the window, a clouded expression in her eyes, "He was my father after all."
Sora didn't say anything, as Kairi continued to speak.
"…I mean, she's remarried twice, but I know she was never over dad. She was just looking for someone to fill that void. Dad was the only one that could do that …" She swiveled the liquid in her cup, taking a sip of it. She licked her lips, looking back at Sora. "…Sora, can I ask you something completely off topic?"
"Hm?"
She bit her cheek, looking out the window again, "What …" She tapped a well manicured finger on the table, "…Rather …how …did you know you liked, Riku?"
He looked at her, raising an eyebrow. Hunching over on the table he shrugged, "I dunno …I guess it was always there. It was like …whenever I was around him I always felt funny, you know? Like there were butterflies in my stomach." He chewed on his straw absent mindedly. "He just …he makes me feel things. Things that no one else does. Sure, he may be cocky, arrogant, a closet pervert and a bit cold at times but …that's what I like about him, I guess."
Kairi smiled a little at his expression, covering her mouth and coughing slightly.
"Was that a smile?" Sora asked, a smile curling at the corners of his mouth.
"No." Kairi replied, sipping at her own drink and looking over her shoulder.
"It was, you were smiling!"
"Was not."
"Was too."
"Nope, you're delusional." She set the drink back down on the table.
"Oh come off it, Kai."
"I'm not hiding anything."
"Well why are you so curious all of a sudden?" Sora pouted, jutting out his lower lip, "Are you planning on trying to steal a poor little gay boy's rich sugar daddy away?"
"Sora, you are hardly poor. And …since when is Riku your …rich …sugar daddy?" She stuck her tongue out, shaking her head.
"Come on, we both know Riku's loaded." Sora whispered, "…You should see the jeans he got me at Armani Exchange last weekend when we went out."
"…Riku's always frivolous with his money."
"Is not."
"Is too."
"Is not."
"Is TOO. Like you really needed a pair of hundred dollar jeans!"
"…I can't help it that he spoils me." Sora mumbled innocently, pushing his fingers together.
"God, what does your mother say about all of this?"
"Hey, you know mom. She thinks we're oh-so-adorable."
"…I think mom, Aunt Suri and Auntie Adrii all do."
"…Well, I think even middle-aged woman are turned on by hot, young, gay boys." He struck a pose, pushing his hair up and puckering his lips.
"Firstly, that's disgusting. And secondly, you are hardly hot." Kairi rolled her eyes, shaking her head.
"Hey!"
"More like a dorky …adorable younger brother." Kairi grinned slightly, pushing her drink off to the side.
"I'm older than you!" Sora pouted, jabbing a finger at her.
"That may be, but …" She smirked, "…you still act like a dork." She glanced outside of the window, looking up at the sky. It's getting dark …
"Hmmm …" He stirred the rest of his drink pushing it to the side, "Feeling better?"
"A little, yes, thank you." She looked up at him, a faint smile tugging at her lips. "I should get going though."
"I'll call up to mom to get you a cab. I don't like you taking the train by yourself when it's dark like this." He picked up their two cups, carrying the tray back over to Setzer. Leaning over the counter he started, "Setzer, call upstairs to mom and ask her to get a cab for Kai, would you?"
"Gotcha." Setzer replied reaching for the phone.
"What are you, taking over for you and Riku?" She mused, hands on her hips.
"Just doing my job and looking out for little Kairi." He smirked, "Stay here, I'll be right back with your stuff."
He came back downstairs a few minutes, handing Kairi her jacket first. Securing her ear muffs on her head, she draped her bag over her shoulder. Outside a car horn sounded and Sora headed outside with Kairi as she was about to get into the taxi. She turned around sideways to look at Sora, "Well …I guess I'll see you on my birthday …"
"Yeah …call me when you get home, okay?"
She gave him a quick hug before getting into the taxi, as it sped off down the street in the direction of Traverse Town.
