A/N: Sorry for the extremely long wait. I will try my very best to not do it again, and you may notice a drastic change in the writing style. I would love everyone's feed back on what they like more. I want this story to go as smoothly and as enjoyable as possible.

Also I would like to try and get back into weekly updates and hopefully life shall let that happen. Thank you to everyone who has Alerted and reviewed so far, it really does keep a writer going when they know how the reader feels. Thank you all so very much.


This dream feels strange. I guess you could say surreal or maybe a little too real. It's much too loud here. The noises feel so foreign and yet I seem to recognize this place. Tall buildings, paved streets with an endless ocean of bodies and cars. People living their lives completely unaware of anyone else. It felt right, like home. I know this street and it makes me feel like crying. I need to run home. I need something... no, someone. Someone is waiting for me. I need to go. I start to run, the people they just move out of my way as it was completely normal, yet none of them look at this crazy woman running wildly down the crowded road. The street signs, they are a blur. I can't read them, but it doesn't matter I know where I'm going. The harder I run, the farther away it feels but I can't stop, I need to get there, he's waiting for me and there's no time.

The world it ... shifted, I'm not where I was... how did I get, wait... I know this place.

"There you are, I've been looking for you."

It's him, I know him. At first I want to rush him, leap into his arms, but it's wrong, this feels...

"Are you alright?"

I look around, this is home, but it's not. Everything is completely wrong. This place, it has a haze over it, like everything's too loud, too real... dreams are not this real. I don't remember his name, but his face, he stares at me with his dark eyes. I feel a pull to him like this is so right, but my body is screaming to flee as if there was no greater danger than this single man who knows me but I cannot remember him.

"Who am I?"

He laughs at this, of course it sounds funny to me too, like I should already know. I don't know though, but I'm sure he does, at least I think so. He takes a step closer to me, arms stretched out, I automatically recoil back. Something in the back of my mind screams not to let him touch me.

"What is wrong with you?"

"Tell me..."

"Tell you what?"

"Who am I?"

"Don't be stupid, come on we're going to be late for the concert."

"Tell. Me. Please."

That made him angry, his face almost distorting, feral, dangerous. My heart felt like it was about to explode through my chest. He steps toward me again which made me stumble back.

"Stop being so difficult, you don't want to be late, they're all waiting for you." His voice was more like a growl now. My body began to tremble. I wanted to run, to get away but my feet would not move. The world around me felt as if it was melting away. I tried willing myself awake, it use to work when I was little but I'm being held in place, like the dream won't let me go.

"Maddie?"

This voice came from behind me, I knew this voice. I turn away from the nameless man I had once known. Warm and safe, the keeper of this second voice is my salvation. Inches away, his honey brown gaze held mine. I know him, of this I have no doubts.

"Anders?"

He smiles even though his eyes are filled with concern, he doesn't feel unreal like the other did, he felt almost solid and completely real.

"So this is the real you?"

The real me? Of course I'm real, how much more real does he need me to be. Oh wait. My hands fly up to my face, then slide down to my chest. Yeah those are much bigger, I know these boobs, and then I noticed waves of dark, red hair rested on my shoulders not the raven black hair from before. Then it clicked in. This is me. Me, the real me, not the other me, not the Maddie Hawke me.

"Listen to me Maddie, you're in the Fade."

"The Fade?" Who cares, I'm me! I need a mirror, something... anything. I need to see myself, I need to remember.

"Yes, I don't know how you did it, but you pulled me here with you. I need you to listen, to understand. That man is a Desire Demon."

A Desire Demon? Crazy but I know this to be true. I don't know how I know, but as Anders spoke, the words I knew we were in trouble.

"She is mine, Mage, you have no right to be here," the man I knew growled menacingly, everyone is out to get me, even in my dreams now.

I watched as Anders lunged forward, tightly grabbing hold of my arm, pulling me up behind him. He is so protective of me in my dreams, I wonder if he would do the same if it were not just in my head. I've never been one to be the 'damsel in distress' type, but still, it's nice to feel protected for once. Anders glared at the thing now moving closer to us. It is not the man I knew anymore, the stranger with the familiar face was gone and a woman was there instead.

At least I think it's a woman, she's kind of purple and horny. The Demon now donned a very slender, appealing figure with long curled horns protruding from her beautiful, yet terrifying face. Long nails escaped her hands as she held them out at her side while she spoke, showing off her naked lavender colored skin, only covered by a gold necklace that traced down her chest and attached itself to nipple tassles. She looked like one of those stripper from those gentleman's clubs I've read about, and now this dream has taken on a whole new kind of weird. They argue over me like Anders and that Elf did before, and this makes me wonder why everyone seems to either want to kill me or save me. This is a dream though right, I can protect myself. I remember my Mother telling me that when I was little. 'You rule your dreams,' she would say and from that moment on I did, I was always in control. I pulled at Anders' arm and away from the hooker demon chick, this is turning into a really bad B rated horror flick. Why couldn't she have been a buff, sexy hunk of man meat, not that I don't find women attractive I just... focus Maddie, dream, demon, evil hookers here. I didn't want to spend too much time dwelling on it but when I pulled Anders away she got really pissed off.

I hardly recall how or even what happened next, all I can recall was a lot of light and screaming then silence. The demon hooker was gone, and Anders stood staring at me with notable fear in his expression.

So I made the best of it. I reached forward and grabbed ahold of his coat, and I pulled him into me. My lips yielded against his. I felt his body tensed against mine at first, but this is my dream and if I want to kiss him I'm going to damn well kiss him. I let go of his coat and let my hands slide down his chest, and this time I felt his body relax beneath my hands. I didn't get to explore very much before his arms wrapped around my waist pulling me tight against him. A soft moan escaped me and he responded with a growl of his own.

I am so taking full advantage of this dream, and if anyone wakes me from this, I swear I will stab them with the nearest sharp object I can get my hands on.

We are still in my house, at least I think it's mine. I'm not about to put too much thought into it. This dream is definitely going the way I want it too. I pull him along with me towards my bedroom, he follows willingly, his hands roaming up my shirt, caressing my bare skin, his touch so light the way I like it. I let myself fall back onto the bed and pull him down on top of me. He follows, his body pressed against mine, his weight holding me into place, our lips locked hungrily. I can't help but think that I have never been so turned on in my life, whether that's true or not it feels like it now. When our kiss breaks I tug gently on his bottom lip, causing him to moan and thrust his hips into mine. I can feel his hardness pressed against me and the want for him is just too much. I want him now.

My hands start pulling frantically at his clothes, I feel desperate, I want him and I want him now and he does the same. This quickly became a game of who can get naked faster and I want to win very badly. Suddenly he stops, pulling back slightly looking down at me, a mix expression of affection and lust fill his dark eyes.

"Maddie, I don't think this is a good idea."

I listen to his laboured breath as it matched my own, and it took a moment for his words to sink in. How dare my dream lover cock block me! So I ignore him and try and pull him down for another kiss, but he resists. "Maddie, I don't want to take advantage of you."

"Sex, now, yes." I bat my eyelashes and pout, trying to give my best sad puppy look, but he just pulls away more, sitting up looking all conflicted, "This is my dream, Anders, I want this."

"I know you think that..."

"I don't think it, I know it. I mean Hello, I'm the one who kissed you, I'm the one ripping off the clothes of your very sexy body."

"Maddie..."

"Shut. Up. And fuck me Anders..." This made him laugh and even in this weird ass dream that laugh made my stomach flutter.

"I just don't want to complicate things Hawke, I'm not good for you. I will hurt you."

"You're not going to hurt me, now less talkie, talkie and more touchy, touchy."

His smile is so genuine. I would say dazzling but that's just tacky, then slowly he leaned down, this time he kissed me, and it wasn't desperate, it was careful. There was meaning behind a kiss like this, alot. It was tender, affectionate, it deepened; our breathing became ragged. My emotions seemed to shift, this wasn't just sex anymore, this was much more. I lost complete control of this dream. It was like it was no longer mine, it was now his. This was passion, his wanting for me. Slow burning heat that was so intense and I now realize that I want this just as much. I want him.

His lips traveled down my body, painfully slow, making me ache even more for him. Fingers glided lightly across my bare skin, my body felt like I would explode at any moment. His tongue flicked the nipple of my bared breast that made me shiver and I couldn't help but moan. This was so perfect, it felt like everything I had ever wanted was in this one moment, this one...

"WAKE UP LAZY ASS!"

I jolted awake failing, arms and legs kicking wildly as I fell off the bed onto the hard rotted wood floor. I am so going to kill him. Carver plopped down beside me on the floor laughing, at me, and me at this moment, I want to punch him right in the face.

"I am going to kill you..."

"You should have seen yourself!"

"Dead... You. Are. So. Dead. D.E.A.D."

"Aww, come on, lighten up."

I've decided that I am just going to ignore Carver as I start to pick myself up off the floor and crawl my ass back into bed.

"Not so fast, you have to get up."

"No," My voice muffled under the blanket, I want to get back to my sexy doctor dream dammit.

"You have too, we're suppose to head to the Hanged Man to meet Varric."

"Why would I want to go to The Hanged Man?"

"Because it's one of your favorite places, and where Varric lives."

"Of course."

"So, get up, let's go."

"I'm starting to hate you."

"Well that would be nothing new."

I can tell he's joking yet the comment stung a little. Of course I really don't hate Carver but I really would like to have a day to myself, that dream, not just the sexy doctor part but my home. I don't know what it meant and I don't know who I should tell about it. Can I really trust these people that call me their friend, after the last forty eight hours of hell I'm not so sure. I know I can't do this alone though, maybe I just need to put my trust in these people.

"Fine, fine. At least give me a moment to wake up and look halfway decent."

"Mother would love to hear that you've taken to worrying about your looks."

"Is that right?"

"Yeah, she thinks you try too hard to look like a man."

"On that I can agree."

"This is going to take time to get use too."

"What is?"

"You not being rude and ignorant, I can actually stand being around you."

"That has yet to be seen."

"Right, well I'll let you get ready, Varric was pretty adamant on getting you over there early."

"Don't want to disappoint the Dwarf."

Carver snorted at my comment and started to walk out of our room, he paused at the door and looked at me with a evil smirk. "What were you dreaming about anyway?"

"W-what?"

"It sounded like you were..."

"NOTHING, nothing at all." That's not convincing at all.

"It sure didn't sound like nothing, it sounded like..."

I panicked and I grabbed my pillow and threw it at him, he laughed and caught it in mid air throwing it back at me. "So who was he?"

"CARVER!" I can feel my face going flush, I bet I look like a radish.

"In all my life I have never seen my sister blush over anything. You are going to be so much fun to tease," he quipped and slipped out of the room, leaving me completely embarrassed, and scrambling to get dressed. So much for sleeping the day away. I quickly washed up in the basin of water my Mother brought in last night. Oh how I miss showers, nice hot steaming showers. I guess I just have to make do. There wasn't much to choose from clothing wise either, so I threw on a black pair of cotton pants and a loose fitting shift, not very fashionable but at least it was comfortable. I slipped out of the room to find my Mother beaming at me with a small plate of what looked like scones.

"Darling here take these with you, I hate seeing you going out so early without eating something."

I can't help but stare up at Carver who has a mound of biscuits shoved in his mouth, his cheeks bulged as he attempted to chew. I tried not to laugh at this ridiculous sight. "You look like a chipmunk." I snicker and he stops his ravenous chewing, and looks at me with the fakest look of anger I've ever seen.

"I'm hungerfy, I haf to eaf before yof gef yorf hands on it."

"Are you calling me a pig?" He grinned at me, I rolled my eyes at him and grabbed a couple of the biscuits, I figure this will at least keep Mother happy. As I proceed to shove one in my pocket and one into my mouth I noticed that it was very dry and tasteless but it's food none the less. Carver grabbed the shoulder of my shirt dragging me towards the door, I didn't bother resisting, I mean what was the point. He wasn't about to let me go back to bed, and even if I did I'm sure people would just show up at the hovel.

The sky was still a dark shade of blue as the sun had not begun to make it's appearance to start the day. Yet with all the very obnoxious chirping sounds of the birds there was a sure indication that the sun was about to make its grand entrance soon enough. I was about to complain about it but why bother really, it seems like I have no real say in what I get to do I might as well follow him and hopefully get some real answers for once.

We didn't go very far when we arrived at the entrance to The Hanged Man. Really? What a horrible name for a bar; until I noticed the figure of a man hanging upside down, roped by his ankles, blindfolded with his hands tied behind his back, hanging at the main entrance. Now not only did the name of the bar made sense, but I suddenly had the urge of a drink. That was until Carver opened the door. The stench hit me like a warm wall of piss and stale beer. My stomach rolled and I had to swallow hard to keep myself from up chucking my meager biscuit. I hold my breath and step inside. The whole place is dimly lit and it's completely empty, until later today when I assume it will be filled with beer guzzling swine looking for their next wench. The bar itself was much larger inside than it appeared from the street. The open floor was filled with long wooden tables and benches, empty barrels and chairs and in the far left corner stood a rounded barkeep's station ready for its afternoon customers. Carver however dragged me across the room to a set of stairs leading up to a second floor. A bar and an inn, that would be handy if it wasn't so nasty in here. At the top of the stairs, the expanse of rooms was again much larger then it seemed but Carver stopped us at the first door and knocked loudly. The door swung open and the dwarf I had met yesterday was there smiling warmly.

"Ah good, you made it just in time, come in." he sounded way too cheerful for this early in the damn morning.

"Why so early?" I mumble, stepping inside a room that was much nicer than the rest of the bar. A very large table sat in the middle of the room. Why would someone so short need such a big ass table? Sitting around the table was everyone I had met the day before, all of 'Hawke's' friends. The dream came rushing back with crystal clarity, and the thought of it sent a shiver through me. This truly wasn't my body. I am not nor ever was Maddie Hawke, and even though I know this without a doubt in my mind, I still have no idea who I am, where I came from or who that demon man from my dream was.

"Aww, come on Hawke, you've always been the one who said the earlier the better."

"I must have been half off my rocker, I rather enjoy my sleep."

"You definitely were enjoying it this morning," Carver snickered and I felt my face going flush again, as I glance around the room again looking for the only person who was not there. Varric chuckled when he noticed what I was doing. I am just so obvious I want to bury my head in the nearest dark hole.

"Blondie should be here soon, this was his idea anyway. It's a long trek from Dark Town."

It feels like everyone can read my damn mind. They are all sitting here grinning at me like I did something very dirty, and so I quickly take a seat next to Merril because she's the only one that truly seems clueless.

"Are you alright Hawke? You look a little flush," she asked with a hint of confusion in her tone.

"Yeah, I'm fine Merrill just a little tired," my voice squeaked a little in turn making Isabela laugh, I find this whole thing far from funny.

"Didn't sleep well sweetness, plagued with dreams of a sexy brooding doctor?"

"Oh god... I can't... I'm going home," but as I stand the door opens and he's there, looking just as tired and disheveled as I felt. Our eyes met and I had to look away, it was too much. I might as well tell the world I had a wet dream about sexy doctor man there.

"Uh, sorry I'm late, didn't sleep too well last night." His voice was raspy, I really wanted to look at him but I could still feel my cheeks were flush and I didn't need him knowing how completely embarrassed I am right at this moment.

"You too? Hawke didn't sleep well either, perhaps you two are coming down with something?"

"N-no, Merrill, I'm fine really."

"I don't know Hawke, you really don't look well, maybe you should let Anders check..."

"NO! I mean.. really I'm fine. Can we please just do whatever it is we're doing here. Please."

"Finally," Fenris snapped as Anders took the empty seat beside me. Fucking brilliant! I swear the cosmos is trying to kill me right now.

I will not look at him, no, no. No! But I can feel him beside me, staring at me. I'm being tortured, I swear, some god somewhere is getting a big ol' laugh out of this, I'm sure of it. And all I can do is stare dumbly down at my hands. At least he hasn't said anything to me. I really don't think I can deal with it right now.

"Now that we're all here, we need to figure out what to do about Hawke's little problem." Varric spoke from across the head of the table.

"You mean the demon that has taken control of her?" Fenris started.

"She's not a demon, Fenris, of that I am a hundred percent positive." Anders rebutled.

"Ha, says the abomination."

"I am not an abomination! Justice is not a demon."

"That's enough from both of you." Avaline interjected. "Anders, what makes you so sure? Yesterday you were ready to kill her for that very reason." I could feel Anders shift uncomfortably beside me.

"I just know, you'll have to trust me. She is no demon, she's also not from this plain of existence." That got me looking at Anders, was he there in my dream? Did he see? That's just bullshit and yet, he looks at me as if searching for the same question.

"Fine then, my sister is not a demon, but she's not my sister anymore either, where is my sister then?" there was a hint of concern in Carver's voice.

"I don't know Carver we may never know, then again she may come back as quickly as she came." Anders spoke then looked back at me with his dreamy yet worried eyes.

"Great, what am I supposed to tell our Mother then? She's bound to figure it out that she's not Maddie."

"Maybe it would be best to just tell her the truth?" Merrill squeaked. I was about to agree with her when Varric quickly countered.

"I don't think that's a good idea Daisy, I don't think anyone will take to well of the idea of Hawke having some stranger taking over her body. No matter the improvement on her personality."

"Thanks Varric," I couldn't help but smile at that, it makes me wonder how this woman could have such amazing friends if she was such a evil bitch. I guess I'm lucky that of all the people I could be in it's this woman Maddie Hawke, although I still wish I knew who I was and where I came from.

"Anytime peaches."

"Peaches?"

"Yeah, well since you're not the real Hawke, I'll have to call you something, and when you blush your face is a very pretty shade of..."

"Okay, I get it," I blurt out trying very hard not to start blushing again, I'm never going to be able to see another peach again in my life; thanks to this little man. "So if we're not telling anyone, what are we going to tell people. Won't people notice?"

"Not if we tell them your fall caused a permanent memory loss, then people would expect it."

"I get that may work for the memory loss, but what about the change in personality. I'm not a bitchy person, I don't want to be mean to anyone, fake or not."

"That's the beauty of the place Hawke, it can be a side effect of the injury."

"If you think it will work..."

"Just be yourself, if anyone questions one of us we will be there to back you up. No worries alright, we have your back." The dwarf sounds so confident and yet I have this awful feeling of dread bubbling up inside of me.

"What about choir boy? He may be a little harder to fool, and I don't think it would be in Hawke's best interest to tell him the truth." Isabela frowned looking across at Varric.

"Choir Boy?" This person I know I have not met yet, and by the sounds of it I may not want to.

"Sebastian, he's a brother of the Chantry and the prince of Starkhaven, and you're right Isabela, he won't be easily fooled by this, and we don't want him thinking she is an abomination either." Varric explained.

"So the head thing won't work with him?" I asked, not liking the turn this was taking.

"Maybe, but why take the risk." Varric was frowning and it looked so out of place on the seemingly happy dwarf.

"Then maybe Hawke should just avoid him, as far as I know they haven't spoken much since she helped him with his family problem."

"Family problem?" I feel so out of the loop here.

"I'll tell you about it later, Sister." Even though he's not my true brother, I still feel this strong sibling connection to Carver. "Right now I want to know what we're doing about going into the Deep Roads."

I bit back a laugh, I just can't help but think about some horrible 60's porn everytime someone talks about this place, and as my mind starts to wander, part of me realizes everyone has stopped talking and are all now staring at me.

"Hawke?" Merrill spoke with such innocence.

"What?"

"Are you okay?" Her eyes were full of intrigue.

"Mmhmm, just fine." I replied, trying so hard not to laugh.

"Right then, what do you want to do about the Deep Roads?" Carver interrupted, trying to push ahead to the next order of business.

"I... uhh, I guess I should go. I mean if that's what I planned on doing, I shouldn't stop right?"

"I think that's a bad idea, Hawke," Anders said. "You have no idea what it's like down there. It's not a place anyone should go ever, no offence Varric."

"None taken, Blondie," Varric smiled, "I wouldn't be going either if it wasn't for the fact that we all could use the money. I think Hawke is right, we should carry on with the plan gather the rest of the money and head down there. The sooner the better."

"She doesn't even know how to control her magic, being down there is a disaster waiting to happen."

"Then teach her how to use her magic, we don't have nearly enough money to go right now. You could teach her and we could continue to do odd jobs to gather enough coin. By then she could be ready."

"I planned on teaching her, but she can't very well go around as she is now, she'll hurt herself or someone else. I still think it's a bad idea going into a place that dangerous."

"I have to Anders." He looks at me surprised and a heart melting look of concern.

"Hawke, you don't know what it's like down there."

"And you do? Have you ever been down there Anders?"

"Yes, Maker yes. I'm a Grey Warden, it's what they do, and I've been down there more times than I would like to even think about, Maddie. It's dark and damp, everything is filled with corruption, darkspawn around every corner. It feels as if the world has swallowed you whole. It's a horrible place. You don't want to go down there, there's a good chance you'll not make it out alive."

Holy shit he's trembling. He's really scared of this place and suddenly I am too, his brown eyes looked at me pleadingly. Maybe he's right, this could be a disaster waiting to happen, but I've made a promise to these people and somewhere deep down to myself. If I have to live a lie than I will have to live it right, and I don't think this Maddie Hawke would back down from deep dark caves and things that go bump in the night. Also there is the need for money, my faux mother can't be living in that hovel forever, I've stolen her daughter's body, her life, I owe that woman at least a better life outside of that dump.

"Anders... I..." He puts his hand on mine and squeezes, his mouth a hard thin line.

"You don't owe anyone anything, Hawke, you're not responsible for what happened to her." How the hell did he know that, am I that easy to read?

"Yes I am, Anders... I may have been forced into this body, but that doesn't mean I have the right to abandon those who are counting on me."

His hand slipped away from mine, he looked so defeated. I could feel all eyes on us and it was very disconcerting. No one spoke for a few minutes and I didn't know what else to say, everyone just stared at me with this look of pity. Even Fenris' expression seemed to have softened towards me, I couldn't stand the silence any longer, I just wanted to leave, get out of here.

"Is that it, can I go now?"

"Sure Hawke, we'll talk more later. There's some jobs I found that you may be interested it." Varric said quietly, he looked so somber now and I feel badly about this whole thing. I've turned everyone's world upside down, my own included. I just want to go home now.

I stood quietly to take my leave when Anders grabs my wrist, holding me in place. "I'll be by your place in a few hours. We'll start training then." His tone was flat but not angry, and I wondered if he was taking pity on me now, I don't have the energy to be angry anymore. I nod at him, pulling my hand gently away and walking out the door, no one else followed and I'm on my own for the time being, thankfully.