Author's Note: I'm really surprised by all the feedback I get for this story. It's definitely a challenge to write but I love it. I take all your reviews into mind when I'm writing this fic.
This chapter has some Finchel, it's kind of heavy but it's only about them from here and out. :)
Keep them reviews coming, they motivate me to write more :)
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Chapter 8: Don't You Wanna Share The Guilt?
"You want us to wait for you, man hands" Santana asked as she and Kurt and Carole and Burt were on their way out of the room. Kurt and Santana we're going home for the night, as was Burt going to the hotel while Carole stayed behind to look after her son.
Rachel shook her head "You guys go ahead".
"Ok" Santana muttered. "See you tomorrow, Finn" she said looking over at him.
Finn nodded "See you tomorrow" he smiled.
Kurt waved at his brother before they all exited his room except Rachel.
Rachel exhaled deeply, sliding her hands inside her jeans.
Finn sighed heavily as he watched his mom, Burt, Kurt, Santana leave the room.
"What a day" Rachel sighed as she watched them leave the room, looking over at Finn.
"Yeah". Finn's bed was now sitting up, as was he. His color was back a little, he looked more alert, everything seemed to be going in the right direction now.
Rachel sat on the bed beside him, turning to face him.
Finn put his arm around her, softly caressing her back, his index finger tracing circles.
Rachel looked up at Finn "I'm so glad you are awake now". Her eyes were on his amber eyes.
"It's gonna take a lot more then Brody Weston to take me down" Finn chuckled but it was then followed by a groan, feeling a sharp pain in his chest.
Rachel leaned over closer to Finn as she placed her lips on his, kissing him softly. "I love you" she whispered.
Finn was taken aback by the kiss but he softly kissed her back. His eyes met hers as he heard what she said. "I love you too" Finn responded.
"I want us to get back together, Finn" a soft smiled formed across her lips.
Finn was a bit shocked at how fast she was moving this. He didn't once expect to hear her say those words to him again so soon or even want to get back together with him. "Why now" Finn curiously asked.
Rachel was a bit shocked by his question. "I just want to be with you" she said.
Finn knew where this was coming from and he didn't want to get back together like this. If he had never got shot by Brody, Rachel would of never even suggested getting back together. "Is it because of everything that has just happened" he asked, rather curious what Rachel would say.
Hearing Finn's question Rachel looked away, her eyes moving from his amber eyes as she looked down. "No it's not" she answered looking back up to him.
"Rach..." Finn sighed, his eyes not moving from hers, he wasn't believing what she was saying.
Rachel shrugged "Maybe" she mumbled. "I could of lost you, Finn. Last night, it really opened my eyes. I don't wanna spend anymore time without you".
"That's not enough of a reason for us to just get back together, Rach" Finn told her. "It defeats the whole purpose to why you broke up with me then".
Rachel shook her head "No it doesn't, Finn".
"Rach.." Finn began to say but was interrupted.
"So what are you saying? You don't wanna get back together" she asked. Rachel looked away from Finn, suddenly hating where this conversation was going.
"At least not now" Finn replied. "You are hurt. I hurt you. Now, Brody hurt you by what he's done. I think you just need to be by yourself for a while. Clear your head, think things through"
Rachel felt her heart drop when she heard him say not now. She looked back over at Finn "I forgive you for that" she said. "I know what I want. I don't need to think things through. I just want you" Rachel leaned in to kiss him but he backed away.
"Rach, I hurt you" Finn told her. "In more ways then one". He didn't want to get back together with Rachel this way. "I need to earn your trust back. I need you to trust me again. And just because I got shot doesn't prove that. I'm going to make up everything I ever did to you" Finn admitted. He was going to earn her trust back the old fashion way.
"I do trust you though. I do" Rachel repeated herself. "I know you won't do what you did before again". Tears began to fill her eyes. She thought they would of easily got back together after everything that just recently happened but Finn wasn't making this easy at all. Rachel turned away and stood to her feet getting off Finn's bed.
"Don't cry, please, Rach..." Finn sighed, feeling guilty for making her cry.
"How can I not, Finn" Rachel turned around looking at him, tears in her eyes. "I love you and I want to get back together with you and you don't want that". The tears beginning to fall. "You have earned my trust back, especially after what you did for me last night. You knew Brody was up to something and that he was doing something wrong and you didn't want me to get hurt" she walked back up to his bed sitting down. "I trust you, Finn. More then anything".
"Rachel, this isn't the right time" Finn sighed. "I hurt you, Brody hurt you". Finn placed his hand on top of hers. "I think you need some time to yourself before just forgiving me".
Rachel looked down, her hair falling down. "I don't need that" she shook her head. "No".
Finn reached over, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I want nothing more then to call you my girlfriend again" he truthfully admited. "But right now you owe yourself this time. I don't want you to look back at this and regret forgiving me so soon" Finn sighed that was the one thing he feared the most.
"But..." Rachel began to say but stopped as she heard the door opening, she quickly wiped her tears, turning her back towards who ever was walking inside.
"Rachel, are you going to be staying tonight" Carole asked as she walked in with a bad cup of hospital coffee. "If you are I can get the extra bed up here again" she added.
Rachel looked at Finn, she would of loved to stay there but after the conversation her and Finn just had she needed to get out of there. "Um actually no" she said as she looked over at Finn. "I'll come back in the morning with Kurt and Santana" she said sliding off the bed as she stood to her feet gathering her purse and coat quickly. "Good night, you guys" Rachel said as she left the room, the door closing behind her.
"Good night" she said to Rachel as she left. Carole was a bit confused by Rachel's rather sudden departure. She actually thought that she would of stayed at the hospital with Finn. "Is everything alright with you two" she asked her son as she set her coffee cup down on the table.
Finn sighs. He hated seeing Rachel like that. A part of him did regret not just getting back together with her, he did however think she needed time to herself, especially after everything that had happened. "I'm beginning to think if I made the right decision or not".
"What's going on. Talk to me" Carole urged her son as she sat down in the chair.
"Rachel wanted to get back together tonight" Finn told his mother.
Carole's eyes slightly widen "That's great" she smiled. "I always knew you two would find your way back to each other". She always believed they would get back together, she liked Rachel, she was good for Finn. "So why did she leave in a sudden hurry then" she asked now confused of this whole situation.
"I told her it wasn't the right time" Finn shrugged. 'Did I make the right choice' he thought to himself.
"Finnigan Christopher Hudson" Carole exclaimed, not believing what she just heard. "You have been going on for the past 5 months how you would do anything to get Rachel to take you back and when she finally decides to take you back, your turn her down" she said flustered, confused by what was going through her son's mind.
A frown formed across his lips as he heard his mother say his whole full name. He hated when she used his full name. "Mom, her now ex-boyfriend just went to jail for shooting me and playing her, cheating on her with god knows how many other women" he said in disgust and his facial expressions showed it. "I just think she needs time to herself".
"Well when you put it like that" Carole exaggerated, understanding where her son was coming from by the decision he made.
"I don't know how serious Rachel was with Brody" Finn shrugged. "They were living together so it must of been serious".
Carole sat there listening to her son, she wondered just how serious her and Brody were too. She didn't think that serious, especially with how Rachel was acting after Finn got shot and everything.
"Look, mom. I'm tired" Finn said as he began to lower his bed down, the pain medication was starting to wear off and he was beginning to feel some slight discomfort, a little pain in his chest everytime he moved. "Can we just talk about this in the morning or not at all" he asked.
Carole nodded, standing up to her feet. She kissed her son on his forehead.
"You know you don't have to stay. I'll be fine. Go back to the hotel" Finn told her.
Carole shook her head "I'm not leaving my son alone in a hospital by himself, especially after something so serious like this happened. You'll understand that feeling when you have kids one day".
"And hopefully that day won't be until I'm at least married and a teacher by then" Finn laughed, suddenly let out a groan feeling a sharp pain in his chest from the movement of laughing.
"What's wrong" Carole asked worried.
"Nothing" Finn replied. "Just a little pain from the laughing".
Carole nodded "Alright, get some sleep. Good night".
Rachel rummaged through her purse trying to find her keys to get inside the apartment. "Ugh" she groaned. Finally spotting them in her purse she pulled them out and slid the key into the hole, twisting the key as she slid the door open, sliding her key out, she stepped inside closing the door and locking it up.
"I didn't expect to see you home so soon" Santana said as she shut the TV off looking at Rachel, it was just then she noticed her friend had been crying.
"What's wrong, Rachel" Kurt asked as he stood up as he walked over to at his best friend.
Santana quickly following Kurt.
Rachel took off her jacket and hung it up, her purse falling from her hands to the floor. "I'm fine, really" she tried convincing them as she walked to her bedroom.
Kurt and Santana followed her
"I told Finn I wanted to get back together and..." she began to cry. "He doesn't want to, at least not now anyway".
"You already had the talk" Kurt asked a bit shocked. He never expected to be hearing this from Rachel so soon.
Rachel sat down on her bed. "I almost lost him" she exclaimed looking at her two friends. "It really opened my eyes" Rachel wiped her tears away.
Santana sat down on Rachel's bed. "So Frankenteen didn't want to get back together" she asked a bit puzzled, considering this was Finn they were all talking about, the one crazy in love with Rachel.
"Finn said I need time to myself, especially after what Brody done to me, being a hooker and all and screwing other girls for money" Rachel said bluntly. Even though they weren't exclusive or anything she was pissed off by the whole 'prostitution' thing, she felt used.
Santana couldn't help but laugh at how she worded what Brody was. "Diane Warren, get it right. He's a sick man-whore" she corrected her.
Rachel laughed, wiping her tears away. "Can you both help me with something" she asked, looking at Kurt and Santana.
"Yeah anything" Kurt answered with a nod.
"Help me get everything of Brody's out of this place" Rachel said. She wanted everything that was his out of her.
Santana smiled "I'll definitely help you".
"What are you going to do with his stuff" Kurt asked.
"I know exactly what to do with his junk" Santana quipped as she stood up "Gather it all up and meet me outside in the alley" she told them as she walked out of the room.
Rachel looked at Kurt "What" she asked confused. What the hell was Santana doing now, she thought to herself.
Kurt helped Rachel gather up Brody's things. It wasn't much since most of his stuff was in storage, he only kept mostly some clothes here as well as a few nic-nacs. They walked outside into the alley a few minutes later "What are we doing out here, Santana" Kurt asked as they seen her standing over by a large metal tin.
"This" Santana lit up a match, throwing it into the bin, fire lighting up.
Rachel smiled, actually liking the idea, this was her payback for what he did to Finn and Santana. Brody was nothing else but her rebound. She began to wonder if he was even that, after all she was just with him to make Finn jealous.
"Just toss it all in" Santana told her.
"Fine" Rachel tossed the armful of clothes she had into the fire, watching it burn up into flames.
Kurt threw the rest of the things he had in his hands in the bin. "It feels to finally get rid of him" he chuckled, watching the fire.
Rachel looked at both Kurt and Santana "You guys didn't like him did you" she asked, already knowing the answer though.
"Dios Mio, no" Santana shook her head. "I couldn't stand that donkey face".
Kurt shrugged "Honestly, I don't know what you seen in him, Rachel" he sighed. "Maybe it was you had NYADA in common and the love for Broadway or something but I thought he was just all wrong for you".
"I agree with Lady Lips" Santana said before she rubbed her owns arms feeling the cold air surrounding them, the fire wasn't strong enough to keep them warm.
"Come on let's go inside. I'll make us some tea" Kurt said as she rubbed his own arms.
Rachel nodded.
The two girls both following Kurt back inside to their apartment.
"Look" Kurt cleared his throat. "I'm not saying this because he's my brother but Finn does have a point, Rach" he said as he turned his back away and walked into the kitchen putting some water in the tea kettle and placing it on the now turned on burner on the stove.
Rachel sat down in the chair at the counter listening to her best friend.
"You just learned something about this guy and to be honest and he was with you but also with a number of girls behind your back. I think you do need time to yourself to think about everything before getting back together with Finn" Kurt said truthfully, looking at his best friend.
Rachel sighed, her fingers going through her hair as she pulled it back, slipping the scrunchie off her waist as she put her hair in a pony tale.
"You and Brody were serious, you were living with him for heaven's sake" Kurt said. "Nude and all" he reminded Rachel as he cringed remembering how Brody would walk around here in the nude.
Rachel suddenly shuddered as Kurt mentioned Brody walking around their apartment in the nude.
Santana couldn't help but notice Rachel's response. "So you didn't like looking at him" she curiously asked Rachel.
Rachel ignored Santana's question, glaring at her.
"Santana" Kurt exclaimed. He didn't want to hear this kind of talk and he definitely didn't want to know Rachel's reply.
"Oh come on. Just answer it, Diane Warren" Santana sighed. It was just then another question popped inside her head and this one was a the question she wanted an answer to. "I have it" Santana playfully slapped Rachel on the shortly. "But you have to answer this" Santana told her.
Rachel sighed "Fine".
"It's a good one" Santana smiled. "Finn or Brody" she asked.
"What about them" Rachel asked dumbfounded.
A grin slowly formed across Santana's lips.
"No" Kurt exclaimed covering his ears, he knew exactly what this question was now. "I don't wanna hear this" he said grossed out.
"Who would you rather see naked? Finn or Brody" Santana asked. She put her arm around Rachel "You don't even have to answer. Give me a grin, I know it's Finn. Don't do anything, I'll know it's man-whore" she said as she sat back in her seat, her hands resting on the counter.
Rachel rolled her eyes, a grin slowly appeared across her lips as she thought of her answer without her even realizing it. Her face turning a bright shade of red.
"Oh lord" Kurt closed his eyes trying to mentally forget what he had just seen and heard from these two girls.
Santana laughed seeing the grin. "I knew it" she exclaimed.
Rachel covered her face with her hands, hiding her red face. "Can we move on to a different subject now" she asked rather embarrased.
"Yes" Kurt agreed as he heard the tea kettle whistling, he shot off the burner and grabbed three mugs from the cupboard.
"You are such a mood killer, Lady Lips" Santana rolled her eyes
Kurt shot her an annoyed look before proceeding to fix their tea.
"I miss him" Rachel admitted as she placed her arms down on the table.
"Who? Brody" Kurt asked a bit grossed out.
"No" Rachel groaned. "Finn. I should of stayed at the hospital, now I'm just going to worry about him all night" she sighed.
Kurt set a mug down in front of the girls before sitting down on the stool "How serious was this thing with Brody" he asked, wanting to know.
Rachel picked up her bringing up to her lips as she sipped the hot beverage. "I wasn't in love with the guy or anything, I was just with Brody to make Finn jealous" she admitted, setting her mug back down on the table. "I don't want anymore time away from him but apparently he thinks I do" she sighed.
"Maybe there is more to it then you are realizing, Rachel" Kurt shrugged. "I mean Finn loves you more than you realize, he took a bullet for you, defending your honor".
Rachel looked over at Kurt. "What are you talking about" she asked rather curious where this conversation was going.
Kurt sipped on his tea "Maybe it's not so much winning your trust back, but rather trusting himself again when it comes to you" he said placing his cup down on the table.
"What" Rachel asked confused.
"I'm saying maybe he's scared to get back together with you because he doesn't want to hurt you again" Kurt suggested.
It was just then Rachel suddenly realized what he Kurt was talking about. She remembered the conversation she had with Finn outside his apartment that night before they made love, the conversation on how he had to focus on himself, how he regretted everything he did to hurt her, choosing her over Quinn, the whole no-contact fiasco, leaving in the middle of the night, the list could of went on. "It makes sense now" she mumbled to herself.
"What does" Santana asked.
"Everything Finn said to me that night before we made love" Rachel said absentmindely, she was so lost in her thought that she didn't even realize what she just revealed.
Kurt choked on his tea as he heard what Rachel said.
Santana looked over at Rachel "Whoa, whoa. Back up here man hands" she said, she was shocked by what she just heard come out of her friend's mouth. "When the hell did that happen" she asked.
Rachel then realized what she let slip out seeing her friend's reactions. She sighed heavily "It was the night I said I was with Brody".
"I knew something else was up" Santana exclaimed loudly. "You would never go out with Brody all night. I knew it".
Rachel's phone suddenly started buzzing on the counter, she picked it up checking to see who was calling. "Why's the hospital calling me" she asked, worry washed over her as she began to think something had happened. "One of you answer it" she said holding the phone out for one of them to take.
"Give me it" Kurt motioned over to him as he reached over taking the phone, he exhaled deeply before pressing the answer button and putting the phone up to his ear. "Hello" he greeted the caller.
"Hey Kurt" he heard Finn's voice on the other line. To be honest he was relieved it was just Finn calling and was happy nothing was wrong. "I take Rachel doesn't want to talk to me since you answered" Kurt heard him sigh.
"No she's right here. She just didn't recognize the number" Kurt told him as he held the phone out to Rachel. "Finn" he mouthed to Rachel.
Rachel smiled, so relieved to hear it was Finn on the phone. She reached over taking the phone from Kurt. "Hi" she greeted him as she bought the phone up to her ear.
"I'm sorry about earlier" Finn sighed, he was so happy to hear her voice.
Rachel got up from her chair and walked away, leaving Kurt and Santana sitting there as she went inside her bedroom closing the door. "No, don't apologize. I guess I can understand where you are coming from with that decision". Rachel sat down on her bed "I just want to clear the air with you, Finn. I don't want there to be any secrets between us anymore.
"Ok" Finn said.
"Brody and I weren't serious. I was just mainly with him to..." Rachel said.
"Make me jealous" Finn finished what she began to say.
Rachel sighed "Yeah. I'm sorry".
"I don't wanna be us to be apart. I miss you it's just..." Finn sighed, stopping before he got carried away in this.
"It's just what" Rachel asked.
"I'm scared" Finn whispered.
"Of what" Rachel asked.
"Hurting you again. I don't wanna hurt you anymore, Rachel" Finn said. You could hear the pain and regret in his voice for everything he had done to her. "I love that you wanted to take me back tonight but right now I just can't trust myself. I don't want to hurt you again" he revealed.
It killed her to hear Finn like this. "I know you won't hurt me again, Finn" Rachel said.
"I don't though" Finn said. The last thing he wanted to do was put her through more hurt again. Before they got back together he wanted to be sure he wasn't going to do anything like he did before again. He didn't trust himself at the moment.
"I've gotten over it, Finn. I just wanna bury the hatchet and start over with you. I miss you. I love you" she sighed "But I understand, just take whatever time you need" Rachel said. She laid down on her bed, resting her head on the pillow. "I'm not going anywhere" she assured him. Rachel was going to accept that he needed time to forgive himself before they got back together.
"Thanks, Rachel" Finn mumbled. "Are you gonna come back tomorrow" he asked over the phone.
Rachel smiled "Of course I am" she said. "Do you want me to bring you anything".
"If you could sneak in a pizza I'd love that" Finn chuckled. "The food here taste like paste" he declared.
"Yeah it does" Rachel giggled. "I'll definitely try to sneak in something for you, although I don't think I can get a pizza past all them doctors".
Finn laughed "That's alright".
"Finn, do you think you could just stay on the phone with me, at least until one of us falls asleep" Rachel asked it was followed by a yawn, hoping he would say yes, hearing his voice always soothed her.
"I was just gonna ask you the same thing" Finn said.
Rachel smiled. "So tell me how are you liking New York now" Rachel asked turning over to her side, the pillow holding the phone up to her ear now.
Finn began telling her about New York and how he may had misjudged it the last time he was here.
They both were happy they were talking again, they knew deep down, it was only a matter of time before they were back together again, everything seemed to be going in the right direction now for them and it was only just a matter of time.
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7 REVIEWS UNLOCK CHAPTER 9
Author's Note: They are slowly working their way back to each other, expect to see lots of scenes between Finchel now. It's totally them from here and out. And not to mention there are indeed some SHOCKING twists along the way.
Keep them reviews coming. They are definitely motivating me now more then ever. :)
