Janeway: Generations
Chapter 8
Having worked all morning and into the early afternoon Admiral Nechayev felt tired and drained. Her body was still recuperating from the injuries and the emotional turmoil wasn't helping either. After a light salad with white bread she took a nap on the couch in her living room. Alynna had hoped for some peace but even her dreams were invaded by the images of a certain green eyed artist. Half an hour later she was roused from an uneasy sleep and a grumpy Admiral went to open the door.
"What?" A bad-tempered Admiral barked when she opened the door.
"Good afternoon to you as well, Admiral." Phoebe smiled, seeing the other woman's sleepy appearance.
"What do you want, Miss Janeway?"
"May I come in?" Phoebe was unfazed by the Admiral's use of her second name again.
"If you must." Stepping back Alynna allowed the younger woman to enter.
Leading Phoebe into her living room the Admiral waved towards the couch and for Phoebe to take a seat while she herself remained standing in front of the French windows.
"I'm sorry if I woke you."
"Too late now. So, what can I do for you?" Nechayev hoped to get rid of the younger woman as soon as possible. Dreaming of her was one thing but having Phoebe in her home, looking as beautiful as she did, was something else.
"We need to talk." Phoebe was determined to not let the Admiral's attitude get to her.
"About?"
"Us."
"Us?" Alynna was surprised. "There is no us! There is you and there is me, but most certainly no us! If that is all, I would like you to leave."
Taking a deep breath Phoebe did all she could to not shout at the older woman. Of course there was, how could Alynna not see that? Why was the woman so damn stubborn? Getting to her feet Phoebe crossed the room to stand in front of the Admiral and looked into her clear blue eyes. Gone was the warmth she had come to expect when gazing into those eyes. All she could see now was a coldness that would have made her shiver if Phoebe didn't know better. She knew it was Alynna's way to protect her from getting hurt.
"I will, don't worry." Phoebe softly said, her own eyes reflecting the sadness she felt. "As for the us, you can't deny there is an us because I know there is."
Raising an eyebrow at the presumptuous woman, Alynna Nechayev was determined to not give in to her feelings. She linked her hands behind her back, straightened to her full height so she was towering over the younger woman before Alynna put more ice into her voice.
"Even though you obviously have the habit of listening in on other people's conversations doesn't mean you know me. You don't, so don't pretend otherwise. As for me being a bitch, I have told you the first time we met I know who I am and what I am and to be honest I do not care what you think of me. As for the 'us' there never was and there never will be an 'us'. Now I would appreciate it if you leave. You know the way out, good afternoon, Miss Janeway."
Phoebe closed the distance between them and cupped Alynna's face in her hands before she put the gentlest of kisses on Alynna's lips. She brushed her lips a second time softly over Alynna's to savour their texture and taste. Then she finally let go and without a further word she left.
The Admiral turned towards the window with unseeing eyes, waiting for the front door to close before she gave in to the tears. No sob could be heard, no shaking of the shoulders could be seen, silently the tears were running down her cheeks, unrestrained and unhindered. She closed her eyes and the memory of the hurt look on the younger woman's face at her cutting words made the tears run even faster.
Suddenly a thought hit Alynna full force, she had not been rejected quite the contrary. The younger woman had offered her love, she had not rejected her. Could it be? No, impossible. But she had kissed her, not once but twice. What did it mean? There was only one way to find out.
The Admiral ran out of the house and looked frantically for the artist. She spotted her down the street getting into a cab.
"Phoebe, wait!" Alynna's voice carried all the way to the younger woman, who stopped mid-motion when she heard her name being called. Phoebe let the cab drive away and waited for Alynna to catch up with her.
Coming to a hold in front of the artist the Admiral had to catch her breath, before she could say what was on her mind.
"What is it, Admiral? I really don't feel up for another lecture."
"No", Alynna panted. "Please, I ... You were right, about us, I mean. Please, come back so we can talk. Please."
Not sure if she could trust her voice, Phoebe nodded her consent and followed the older woman back to her house.
Back in the Admiral's living room, Phoebe decided to wait for Alynna to speak first. After a deep breath the Admiral turned towards the younger woman and swallowed hard.
"I apologise for my earlier words. They were uncalled for, you meant well and all I did was hurting you. I am deeply sorry."
"It's all right", Phoebe turned to her side, and her right leg rested bent on the couch while her right arm rested on the back, her hand slightly touching the Admiral's shoulder.
"But can you tell me why?"
Sighing at the softly spoken words, Alynna looked at the folded hands in her lap.
"Because I have been Admiral Nechayev for so long that I don't know how to be Alynna anymore." Alynna whispered heart brokenly.
"I've seen glimpses of Alynna and like her a lot. And I have to admit, to my own surprise, I also like Admiral Nechayev."
"You do?"
"I do", Phoebe confirmed with a tender smile. "Why else would I be here?"
"I wonder why because I am a foolish old woman." The Admiral said ruefully.
"Look at me." Phoebe softly pleaded. When the Admiral refused to do so, Phoebe scooted closer and with a gentle finger under her chin she guided Alynna's face up. Alynna's eyes were closed though and Phoebe couldn't help but smile at the stubbornness.
"Alynna, look at me, please." It was the softness of the command that made Alynna obey without a second thought.
"You are neither old nor are you a fool. I know you are scared and I think that at least to some degree I can understand why."
"You can?"
"Yes and I would like to show you that you do not need to be afraid of me."
"How?" Alynna whispered huskily.
Phoebe simply showed her. She leaned forward with one hand on the older woman's cheek and the other at the base of her neck she captured the Admiral's soft lips in an equally soft kiss. Soon the kiss turned slightly more passionate and Alynna drew back with an apologetic look in her eyes.
"I'm sorry, it's just too much too fast."
"It's okay." Phoebe smoothed her thumb over Alynna's lower lip, leaning their foreheads together. "We'll take it slow."
"Thank you", Alynna whispered. "So, uhm... would you like to have dinner with me on Saturday?"
"Why, Admiral?" Phoebe laughed "Are you asking me on a date?"
Alynna blushed an endearing shade of red because she was nervous as hell. "Yes. I mean I would understand if you would prefer not to be seen with me..."
A soft finger against her lips stopped her ramblings.
"I would very much like to go out with you. And for the record, I would be honoured to be seen with you. Why would you even say that?"
"Well, I am an officer with or without my uniform people do recognise me. And given your dislike for Starfleet I thought, well, you'd prefer to keep it quiet."
Smiling at Alynna's bent head and her insecurity, Phoebe put a finger under her chin to raise her head again to look into her beautiful eyes.
"I like you, even when you are an idiot."
Leaning in again Phoebe brushed her lips over Alynna's. This kiss lasted longer this time and turned more passionate with each passing minute. They only broke apart when air became an issue.
"Wow." The artist breathed with a smile on her lips.
"Wow, indeed."
"I should go now."
"I will be at your house at eight on Saturday." Alynna said solemnly.
"I can't wait", Phoebe pecked her on the lips before she left.
Falling back against the couch after the younger woman was out of the door, Alynna couldn't keep the smile from her face that was tugging on her lips. She was still afraid but somehow she was convinced it was the right thing to do. The usually patient Admiral Nechayev felt herself getting impatient for the first time in her life. Saturday evening couldn't come soon enough as far as Alynna was concerned.
On Saturday the Admiral was frantically searching her closet to find the proper clothes to wear. She couldn't possible wear uniform on their date. This would certainly not do, no way. Nothing too formal but also not too casual. Sighing at her dilemma Alynna sat down on her bed and stared into her open closet.
The Admiral finally settled on a dark blue suit, a white shirt and flat black shoes. Sadly enough though she couldn't leave her comm badge at home but decided to put it in the breast pocket of her jacket, so it wasn't visible.
She took a cab to the San Francisco transport station and made the driver stop at her favourite florist's to buy a simple long stemmed dark red rose. In Indiana she took another cab to Phoebe's house.
Delicate rose in hand Alynna exited the cab with a nervously pounding heart. After ringing the door bell Alynna didn't have to wait long for her date to open the door. Light from inside the house was illuminating the younger woman and the Admiral couldn't help but get lost in the vision before her.
Phoebe's long red hair was pinned up with some tendrils falling softly to her shoulders. She wore a dark green summer dress that came half way down her calves and showed enough cleavage to let your eyes linger. A long cream coloured shawl was carelessly draped around her shoulders to ward off the chill of the early summer night and her feet were adorned by sandals.
When she saw the Admiral Phoebe's face turned into a warm smile and she stepped out to greet the older woman with a kiss.
"Hi!" Phoebe greeted huskily. Stepping back with her hands still on Alynna's jacket lapels Phoebe took in the older woman's appearance.
"You look very handsome tonight, Admiral."
"Thank you." Glad that she had made the right decision, Alynna presented Phoebe with the red rose. "You on the other hand look absolutely gorgeous."
Phoebe took the rose, put her left hand behind the Admiral's neck and drew her down for another, more intense, kiss.
Alynna extended her hand to help the younger woman out of the cab and wasn't all too surprised when Phoebe refused to let go when they entered the restaurant. Alynna usually wasn't comfortable with any public display of affection but didn't mind when Phoebe held her hand, because it felt really nice.
The Admiral had known the owner for over a decade now and he led them to a quiet table in the back. When she held the chair for the younger woman, Phoebe couldn't help but smile at the Admiral's constant chivalrous behaviour. She should have known that Alynna would act this way, given the other woman's attitude she shouldn't be surprised at all. Fact was, she simply wasn't used to it. Catching Phoebe's smile Alynna wondered what it was about.
"What is it? Did I do something wrong?"
"Not at all", Phoebe put her hand over Alynna's where it rested on the tabletop. "Quite on the contrary. You make me feel special."
"Good."
The food was delicious and the wine was equally excellent but the company was even better. Both women had a wonderful evening, enjoying their first date tremendously.
While they had coffee and dessert a very well dressed man stopped at their table.
"Phoebe, what a pleasant surprise!" The good looking, tall stranger grabbed Phoebe's hand and kissed her cheek.
"Hello, Peter", Phoebe was surprised as well as a little bit annoyed.
Alynna had gotten to her feet when the man had hijacked Phoebe's cheek, waiting to be properly introduced.
Phoebe could sense the older woman's apprehension and turned her attention to her.
"Alynna, this is Peter Mitchell whose gallery is hosting my exhibition next month. Peter meet Admiral Alynna Nechayev."
Shaking the offered hand Mitchell looked curiously at the Admiral when suddenly recognition dawned on his face.
"Of course. Admiral Nechayev, Starfleet's very own iron lady. No offence."
"None taken." Alynna inclined her head she had been called worse after all. She felt an instant dislike of the man mostly because she didn't like the way he was looking at Phoebe. His eyes were undressing the younger woman. When the Admiral's eyes turned cold as ice, Phoebe sensed the subtle change in the older woman's demeanour and decided it was time to get rid of Mitchell.
"It was nice to meet you, Peter. Would you excuse us?" The artist smiled pleasantly.
"Certainly. Ladies." He left their quiet corner and Alynna sat down again.
"I'm sorry", Phoebe felt the need to apologise.
"You have nothing to be sorry for." Alynna sounded slightly distant while she refused to meet the younger woman's eyes.
When she felt a warm smooth hand covering her own again Alynna looked up and found gentle green eyes gazing worriedly at her.
"What is it?" Phoebe knew something was wrong.
"Nothing." Alynna didn't want to give in to her own petty insecurities and jealousy. She didn't want to ruin their evening.
"Would you like to go for a walk on the pier?"
Deciding to let it go for now the artist smiled and nodded her assent.
Even though it was a pleasant night not many people were out taking a walk. Strolling down the pier hand in hand both women were lost in their own thoughts. They found a bench and sat down. The slight breeze from the sea was chilly and Phoebe put her shawl across their laps while Alynna shrugged out of her jacket to put it around Phoebe's bare shoulders.
The Admiral put her arm around Phoebe's shoulder to draw her closer and Phoebe snuggled into the older woman's body enjoying the warmth and smell of her perfume. Letting her head rest against Alynna's shoulder, Phoebe put her arm across Alynna's belly and sighed contentedly.
"You all right?" The Admiral asked against Phoebe's hair.
"Perfect." The artist smiled when she felt lips being pressed into her hair.
When it became too chilly to stay any longer they decided to make their way back. Alynna brought Phoebe home and after many kisses they parted with the promise to meet for lunch the following week. That night both women fell asleep each with a smile on her face.
The following Monday the Admiral was back behind her desk at the HQ again which brought a whirlwind of activities for her. Her desk was nearly invisible under the amount of reports piling up and the meetings she had to attend seemed to go on forever.
At 9 p.m. she finally called it quits, with bone tiredness she went home to her empty house. The last few weeks at the Janeway farm and her new relationship, even though it was in its early stages, made the loneliness and emptiness of her home nearly unbearable.
She was pondering if she could call Phoebe. Giving in to her desire Alynna went to her study and called the artist. She didn't have to wait too long before Phoebe's paint smeared face appeared on the screen.
"Hey, Admiral", Phoebe smiled.
"Hey, yourself. Are you still working?"
"Yup. I have to get three more paintings ready for next month. And thanks to you my creativity is flowing high at the moment."
"Well, I am glad I could be helpful." Alynna smirked.
"I wanted to thank you for the wonderful evening. I really enjoyed myself."
"You are welcome. So did I."
Phoebe noticed the fatigue in the older woman's eyes, even though she tried to hide the exhaustion which was clearly visible if you cared to look. Alynna had a high profile job and the artist was sure that after such a lengthy absence she must be swamped with work.
"Listen, I am in San Francisco on Wednesday what about our lunch date then?" Phoebe suggested.
"Sounds fantastic."
"Great. Now get some sleep!"
"Is that an order?" Alynna raised a questioning eyebrow.
"Do I have to make it one, Admiral?" Phoebe smiled softly.
"No. Good night, Phoebe."
"Good night, Alynna."
Phoebe was on her way to the HQ feeling slightly nervous because she didn't know what to expect. Here the older woman wasn't just Alynna, here she was Admiral Nechayev and Phoebe knew this made a whole lot of a difference.
She took a deep breath when she stepped through the doors of the HQ and made her way to Alynna's office. The Admiral's aid was sitting behind her desk and looked expectantly at her when she stopped in front of her desk.
"Miss Janeway", the Lieutenant greeted her.
"Hello, I have an appointment with the Admiral."
"Yes, ma'am I know. The Admiral is still in a meeting, but I'm sure it will be over soon. Can I offer you something to drink?"
"No, thank you. I'll just sit down over there and wait." Phoebe pointed to the couch on the opposite wall.
"As you wish, ma'am."
With a sigh Phoebe went over to the couch and took a seat. She thought of the last time she had been called ma'am, if ever. Starfleet officers, she shook her head, were always so stiff and formal. Well, not always. While she was reliving pleasant memories from her date with Alynna, the door to the Admiral's office burst open and an angry man stood in the door.
Before he finally left he shouted back into the office.
"This isn't over, Nechayev, not by a long shot!" He slammed the door with a loud bang.
Looking uneasily at the Lieutenant Phoebe wasn't sure what to do. Should she knock or should she wait for the aid to announce her presence? Obviously the Lieutenant didn't know either because she simply shrugged her shoulders leaving it up to her.
Phoebe decided to be brave, so she got up and knocked. When there was no reply she knocked again and was more than startled when she heard Alynna's irritated and angry voice barking through the closed door.
"What?"
Gently Phoebe opened the door and tentatively stepped into the office. Alynna stood in front of the large window, her back to the door, her hands linked behind her back, her body rigid and tense.
"What is it?" The Admiral barked at the intruder, the annoyance and anger over the recent conversation still detectable in her voice.
"Uhm ... hi?" Phoebe swallowed nervously and waved shyly at the furious woman.
Alynna whipped around and shot daggers at the intruder. She closed them, took a calming breath and when she opened them again the ice was replaced by the warmth Phoebe had come to know.
"Hello! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you." Alynna's pose began to relax slowly, but she kept her distance, unsure how to greet Phoebe.
Sensing the insecurity in the older woman Phoebe knew it was up to her. She went over to Alynna and simply embraced her. She felt the tension in the Admiral's body but refused to let go and slowly the other woman relaxed. Alynna's arms went around Phoebe and she carefully leaned into the embrace. Phoebe closed her eyes, glad that she had taken the chance.
When she heard the younger woman's content sigh Alynna tightened the embrace, revelling in the warmth and comfort she found in Phoebe's arms.
"It's okay", Phoebe soothed the Admiral's fears. "Tough day?"
"Horrible day." Alynna admitted. "But that's no excuse."
Holding the older woman at arm's length Phoebe looked into troubled eyes.
"Hey. I'm a big girl, I'll live. And it's not as if you knew it was me."
Shaking her head 'no', Alynna didn't trust her voice.
"Come on, Admiral, I'm hungry. You promised to feed me." Phoebe grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the office.
"That I can do." With a smile the Admiral followed the younger woman, glad to be forgiven.
TBC
