I let the warm water run over my body, enjoying the relaxing feeling it gave my muscles. A soft knock came to the door. "Yes?" My voice rang off the walls. Antonio came and sat down on the toilet. "Do you know how long?" I sighed, turning off the water. I pulled back the curtain to see Antonio on the other side, towel wide open, eyes closed. I wrapped it around myself. "Antonio," I trailed off. He didnt need me to say anything. "You know, every year I send a picture of Nick to his mother. It was the agreement we made years ago. She saw me change. She understood. She is the love of my life. Nick doesn't know. Now, he probably never will, and she will never see her son again." My eyes watered. I couldn't even begin to understand what Antonio is going through.
"Do you want me to send her a picture this year?" He shook his head. "Maybe my death is exactly what they need."
"No one needs this!" He put his hands up. "Maybe this is what they need to finally meet each other after all of these years." He gave me a small smile. "This is the only way it seems remotely okay. The thought of them meeting each other. It'll be worth it." He turned and walked out of the bathroom. "Antonio," I whispered as he walked away. I quickly threw my clothes on before running back to my room. I wrote exactly what Antonio said to me. Nick would need to hear it, after his father's death. Writing down what he said made me feel like a bigger dick then I already felt. I know he had a right to know, but at the same time, I feel bad for felling him. I mean, if I knew how I was going to die and had no way to stop it, I would probably be locked away in my room. No, I know I would be locked away in my room, smoking and drinking until death took me. At least my death would be at my own hands at that point.
I guess I would just have to do everything in my power to stop his death. His death and all the others in my family. I would rather risk my life then see my family died. I don't think I would be able to look at Nick after his father dies. Knowing my luck, if he knew, he would never look at me again. He might just hate me. If Antonio dies, if Pete dies, if Logan dies, I will leave the pack. I'll be a Mutt. I don't think I would be able to be around my family knowing what I know. I don't think they would want me around if they knew the truth.
First step, saving Pete. Maybe my dream tonight will help shed a little light on what truly happens to Pete. If not, I may just have to stay by his side and save his ass. I knew it would still be a few hours until Pete got here. In the meantime, I am going to trap myself in my room. I poured myself into my new book, trying to push away the thought of my families life riding on my shoulders. A few hours went by and a soft knock came to my door. "We are gonna ride into town and wait for Pete. Wanna come?" I shook my head.
"No, I have some things I still have to finish," I pointed to my screen. "I'll just see him when you guys get back." Nick gave a small nod before closing the door and disappearing. He had broken my concentration. Naturally. My mind started wondering. I groaned as I rested my head on the desk. I grabbed my pack of menthol and headed outside. Lighting up, I took a deep drag, enjoying the burning sensation, the heat, the smell, the nicotine being absorbed into my body. Nothing could compare to the feeling of that first drag after a long period of not smoking. I sighed, feeling a little light headed. "When did this start?" Jeremy stood behind me. "When the nightmares started." He gave me a confused look before sitting down next to me. He put his arm around me as I continued to smoke.
"Nick broke my concentration on my work. I needed a break."
"So, naturally, you took up smoking?" I sighed, taking another drag. "I smoke to help me relax. I smoke to calm my nerves at 3 in the morning when I wake, soaked in sweat because I cannot get away from the nightmares. No matter what I try. They don't stop and I have no clue what else to do. I have tried just about anything from not sleeping to sleeping pills. Nothing works. Except this," I held up the cigarette, taking another drag. The sun had started to set. I sighed before putting my cigarette out. "I had no other options. Be mad if you want, I truly don't care."
"I am more worried about your health."
"So being with me forever isn't good enough?" He gave me a light chuckle. "I will quit when the nightmares do." He pulled me close, kissing my forehead. "I just ask that you are patient with me." He placed a kiss on my lips. "Always". We sat together on the back steps watching the sun go down, enjoying the silence.
A/N
I know it has been sooooo damn long, and I am sorry! I am soo sorry guys! Please, please forgive me.
During the week I will be working on my fanfick, and during the weekend, I will be working on my book. I beg you guys to please be patient with me.
I can promise one thing. It will not take a year for me to make my next update!
I dont know if you guys got notifications, but I redid the previous chapters. Not redid. More along the lines of fixing errors. Already working on the next chapter, and I hope you guys forgive me!
