A/N: Thanks for all the continued support. It's been great getting to know new people via this story. :)
If you only knew
How many times I counted all the words that went wrong
If you only knew
How I refuse to let you go even when you're gone
When Dean awoke, he was immediately aware of Sam's absence from the room.
Dammit, I shouldn't have gone to sleep.
He wasn't sure how he was supposed to have managed that feat when his body was still screaming for rest. He rubbed his hands vigorously over his face, attempting to scrub away the fatigue. Rolling over to the edge of the bed, he switched on the bedside lamp and blearily surveyed the room.
Sam's bed had never been slept in and Sam's things were all where he'd left them when he'd went to take a shower. Dean glanced at the closed bathroom door and was immediately wide awake. Sam had never come out of the bathroom.
Damn, damn, damn, Sammy, please don't do this.
With a trembling hand, Dean turned the knob and slowly pushed the door open. Sam was slumped in the floor, head resting against the edge of the tub. Dean's heart jumped to this throat but then he realized there was no blood anywhere and Sam's chest was rising and falling gently. Why the hell was his brother asleep in the bathroom?
Dean lowered himself to the floor and crossed his legs. He sat silently, watching his brother sleep; something he was sure Sam didn't do enough. This was the first time he'd really been able to study his brother since they had reunited.
Sam's hair had always been ridiculously long in Dean's opinion but it now appeared as though Sam had forgone haircuts altogether. He had, however, shaved his face which was gaunt and pale. Dean felt a twinge of guilt at the dark bruise on Sam's jaw but then decided Sam was damn lucky one punch was all he had thrown.
Dean could tell the kid had definitely lost weight. Before his leap into the pit, Sam had been to the point of almost bursting out of most of his shirts because of all the muscle mass but now his clothes hung off of him, as if they were hand me downs from someone two sizes larger.
Dean wondered if he was even eating at all. He remembered when he returned from Hell how it had been hard for him to eat at times, especially meat, the one thing he had loved before taking the trip downstairs. In those days, the smell reminded him too much of the charred flesh he had help Alastair slice up on a daily basis. Even now, he sometimes had trouble eating a burger. Did Sam have memories like those or was it something even worse?
Dean hadn't thought anything could get worse than being trapped in Hell with Alastair but Sam had been in the devil's pit with Lucifer himself. And while he wasn't exactly sure what was in that pit, Dean couldn't imagine spending any amount of time with Satan would be good for the soul.
"Sammy, I'm sorry," whispered Dean. "I wish I could have saved you from that."
Sam moaned in his sleep and Dean pressed his hand against his brother's chest. Sam quieted but Dean kept his hand there, rising and falling with Sam's every breath, relishing the feel of his brother's strongly beating heart.
Dean had begun nodding off himself when his cell phone rang out in the motel room. He jerked his eyes open, almost falling backwards when Sam came awake with a gasp, clawing at the air. Dean grabbed his brother by the shoulders and gave him a gentle shake.
"Sammy? You're okay. You with me?"
Sam's head bobbed in acknowledgement but his eyes were not on his brother. Like a starving man, Sam's eyes had hungrily searched out the light hanging from the ceiling. Even now, with Dean only inches from his face, Sam's eyes were drinking in the glow of the single bulb illuminating the small bathroom. The realization of what it meant slowly dawned upon Dean.
Regardless of whatever else had happened in the pit, Dean knew that the time Sam had spent with Lucifer had been wrapped in absolute darkness.
"Was that Bobby?"
Sam busied himself pulling clothes out of his duffel, while avoiding Dean's face.
"Yeah." Dean snapped his cell phone shut, rubbing the back of his hand against his eyes. "Why the hell is he up so early? He probably woke the freaking rooster up this morning."
Sam smiled but kept his eyes lowered as he headed back toward the bathroom to change clothes.
"Sammy?"
Sam paused with his back still turned.
"You know we're going to talk about this, right?"
Sam's heavy sigh told Dean how much weight the kid was carrying. He needed to let it go.
"Yeah, Dean, I know."
Dean nodded even though Sam's back was still to him. "Okay, then. Go get dressed because I'm starving and I saw a Waffle House down the road last night."
Dean glanced over at Sam who was carefully studying the two rings in his hand.
"Got everything figured out yet?"
"Huh?" Sam gave his brother a distracted look. "You say something?"
"What's going on in that freaky head of yours?"
"Nothing, Dean. I was just wondering what makes them work."
"I can promise you, it's nothing good. I just hope Bobby's theory is right and we can finally destroy the damn things when they're all together."
Sam shoved the rings into his pocket and pulled out the road map, tracing the route to New York with one long finger. Dean rolled his eyes and reached for the radio dial, cranking the music as loud as it would go. Every attempt at conversation for the past few hours had failed and Dean was to the point where he just wanted to make it back to Bobby's, destroy the rings and attempt to go on from there. What that actually meant…..Dean had no idea.
They had decided to drive straight through to New York and retrieve the ring even though it was a lot of nonstop driving and put them arriving at the lock-up around three a.m. Dean was getting ready to ask Sam how many more miles they had to go when his cell phone rang. He turned down the radio and without looking at the caller id, flipped the phone open.
"Hey, Bobby."
"D-Dean?"
"Lisa? What's wrong?" Dean felt something clench in his gut.
"Where are y-y-you?" Lisa sobbed into the phone but it was cut short by a gasp.
"Lisa!"
Dean was aware of Sam leaning toward him, wanting to know what was happening on the other end of the phone.
"Hello, Dean." A voice as smooth as spun silk glided into Dean's ear.
"Who the hell is this?" Dean gripped the Impala's wheel tightly as he steered to the side of the road.
"Take a guess, Dean. You've already met most of my family."
"Abaddon." Dean ground the name out through clenched teeth. "You sons of bitches just keep coming out of the wood work."
Sam motioned for the phone but Dean pushed his hand away.
"I've been looking for you for a long time, Dean, but you're a hard man to find."
Dean grimaced. "Yeah, well, I try to stay away from shit. It tends to mess up my shoes."
Rich laughter came pouring through the phone. "I heard you were a funny one. Let's see how funny you are in a few minutes. Listen carefully."
There was a pause on the other end of the phone.
"Hello?"
Lisa began to scream.
"Don't you hurt her you son of bitch!" Dean flung open the door of the Impala and Sam was at his side almost before he was all the way out of the car. "Please….don't hurt her."
How had that bastard found Lisa? And an even worse thought followed: where was Ben?
"Now here's what you're going to do, Dean. You're going to tell me where those rings are before someone gets hurt."
Dean clutched at Sam's arm, desperately trying not to panic. How could he have been so stupid? Didn't he know this was going to happen someday? Even if Sam had never escaped the pit, some evil son of a bitch was going to show up sooner or later and take everything he had left. Sooner or later, he was always going to be left alone.
Sam pried the phone from his hand. "Let her go now."
Dean could no longer hear the velvety smooth voice but he could see Sam's face harden as he listened to the angel of the bottomless pit.
"We're going to Black Rock, New York, you bastard. Castle Storage." Sam's voice was nothing but pure hatred. "Now leave her alone or I swear to God, I will kill you."
Sam handed him the phone and pulled his own cell from his pocket. Dean heard Lisa's frantic voice yelling his name.
"I'm here, Lisa. I'm here. I'm so sorry. God, I'm so sorry." He pressed a hand to his mouth to hold back the babble of words threatening to tumble out. Taking a deep breath he asked, "Where's Ben?"
"He's spending the night at a friend's." Lisa's voice was calmer but Dean could still hear the underlying fear. He glanced at his brother who was gesturing wildly while talking to Bobby on his own phone. Sam nodded at him.
"Okay, Lisa, this is what I want you to do. I want you to get Ben and go stay with someone until you hear from either me, Sam or Bobby."
"But Dean…."
"Just do it, please." Dean closed his eyes as tears began to gather there. "You'll probably hear from Bobby first. He'll give you something to protect you."
"Who was that man, Dean?"
Dean almost spilled it all but at the last second he bit his tongue. No. He wasn't pulling someone else into this life. Lisa only knew part of what his former life had been like. He'd been sloppy and careless to think she'd never be in harm's way.
"Lisa, just do what I said and you'll be fine."
He shut the phone and leaned heavily against the Impala.
"Bobby said as soon as he gets the ring, he'll go to Lisa's and fix up her up for protection against angels and demons."
Dean nodded absently, his thoughts lingering on the woman and child he had come to care about in the past year. He'd almost cost them their lives. How many more people had to die because of him?
"Dean, we have to go." Sam's hand was on his arm, leading him around to the far side of the car. "Abaddon is on his way. He's after the rings."
Dean allowed himself to be herded into the passenger seat. He glanced up at Sam before shutting the door. "This is why I can't go back, Sammy." His voice was thick with tears. "No matter what you or Lisa or hell, even I want…..I can't go back. I can't ruin someone else's life. I can't be responsible for someone else's death. I can't do it, Sammy."
Dean was impressed that even with Sam driving they made it to the lock-up in New York an hour earlier than they had planned. They spent most of the drive in silence. Dean had no idea what was going through Sam's head but he had been focusing on what they would do if Abaddon had beaten them to the lock-up. He was pretty sure the angel wasn't going to just grab the ring and leave. He would wait until they got there and check to see if they had the other rings. Dean cursed himself for not leaving War's ring at Bobby's but what bothered him the most was the fact that they didn't have one single weapon to use against an angel.
They gathered the usual weapons, a couple of flashlights and at the last minute Dean grabbed the small battery operated Coleman lamp and shoved it into the bag with the weapons. Sam gave him a quizzical look.
Dean shrugged. "Just in case the lights are out. You never know in these old places. It was pretty dark the first time we were in there."
Dean headed toward the lock-up with Sam close to his shoulder, shotgun covering all angles. Dean knew if the lights were out in the lock-up Sam would balk at going in with just a flashlight and Dean needed back up.
At the door, Dean fumbled with the lock while Sam surveyed the area. He slid the door open on its track and had barely stepped inside before he was flung through the air. He landed hard against the casket in the corner and felt an excruciating pain knife its way through his body. Sam crumpled to the floor next to him, his head thwacking against the edge of the casket.
"Sammy." Dean reached for his brother, who was giving him a dazed look. Dean had time to notice that at least the lights were working when a dark figure appeared from a hidden corner of the room.
"Well, well, well."
Dean recognized the voice immediately. The face that went with it was as oily as the tongue.
"Oh, don't tell me," Dean gasped raggedly. "You're wearing a politician. And I thought Zachariah was skeevy."
"You really never stop, do you?" Abaddon rubbed his hands together in what Dean could only surmise as delight. "Castiel said you were like that."
"What have you done with Cas?" Sam had finally found his voice, although blood was pouring down his face at an alarming rate.
"Never mind about Castiel. Where are those rings? I already have the one you stashed here, Dean. Not very inventive, leaving it out in plain sight on the desk but I guess you never really thought there was a reason to hide it. I mean, after all, you only held on to them in hopes of rescuing your brother. Too bad he didn't bother to tell you he was already out. You could have had the rings destroyed long ago and none of this would be happening now."
Dean saw the look of dismay on Sam's face and Dean wished he had one of Castiel's angel killing knives because he really wanted to stab this smug son of a bitch in his pretty little face. He'd just driven one more nail into the cross Sam bore. How much more could the kid possibly take?
Abaddon was digging in Dean's pockets and he felt strangely violated as he was unable to move away from the angel's insistent hands.
Talk about being touched by an angel.
When the angel's search proved futile, he turned his attention toward Sam. He fumbled in every pocket, finally smiling triumphantly as he pulled something from the left front pocket of Sam's jeans.
"What the hell is this thing?" Abaddon tossed the object aside and continued his search.
Dean barely noticed as the angel finally found what he was looking for. His eyes were glued to the object Abaddon had thrown to the floor. It was the amulet Sam had given him many years ago at Christmas, the one he had tossed in a trash can on a hopeless night in a different lifetime. Dean stretched out his hand until it closed around the small, brass colored charm and his eyes locked with Sam's. Abaddon placed his foot squarely on Dean's outstretched hand and Dean cried out in pain as he felt something break but he didn't relinquish his hold on the necklace.
"I take it that means something to you?" Abaddon shrugged, holding up the rings for Dean to see. "I've got what I came for anyway. And after I leave here, I'll be paying your friend Bobby a visit and I'll have exactly what I need to open the pit."
"Why would you do that?" Sam was pushing himself up on his elbows.
"Because it's what I'm supposed to do! Unlike you Winchesters, I accept the role I was given. I mean, what else am I going to do? I've been waiting for this for thousands of years."
"But the apocalypse…..we stopped it."
Abaddon wagged a finger at them. "But you also started it. All I was waiting for was the start, not the end. Now I really hate to run but I've got a date with Bobby Singer."
Abaddon headed for the door as Sam staggered to his feet. He reached for Dean, who grasped his hand and managed to pull himself into a half standing, half kneeling position. The pain in his side flared, leaving him gasping for breath.
"I'm sure I'll be seeing you boys." From the outer side of the door, Abaddon gave a flick of his wrist and the door flung itself shut. At the same time every light in the lock-up blew out and Dean had just enough time to see the sheer terror on Sam's battered face before they were engulfed in total darkness.
Thanks for reading! To be continued next Thursday...
