AN: WARNING: CONTAINS CHILD ABUSE, ALCOHOL ABUSE, AND CUTTING! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

SODAPOP POV

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" I asked Steve as he threw some of Pony's shit out of the way. We were searching his room for anything that might be a clue on what happened these last few years.

"Do you want to know or not?" Steve asked as he searched through the mob of black clothes.

"You think that's his blood?" I asked Steve as I held up a black shirt with blood stains all over it. I sure hope this wasn't his blood but I got the feeling it was.

"I don't know man." Steve said as he continued to dig under the bed. "He sure has a lot of shit."

"Some of that junk is probably from before mom and dad died." I say as Steve through me a baseball glove. "I remember this. Dad bought Ponyboy this for his first season of little league."

"Doesn't ring a bell to me." Steve said from under the bed.

"Well we were ten and he was seven." I say as I thought back eight years ago.

"Soda! Soda! Soda!" A seven year old boy ran into my room and onto my bed.

"Pony! Pony! Pony!" I say with a grin in the same excited voice.

"Guess what!" Pony laughed.

"We don't have time for your little guessing games kid." Steve told him as he turned the page in the car magazine we were looking at.

Ignoring him, I asked. "What is it?"

"I'm going to play baseball!" Pony told me with a wide grin.

I laughed and ruffled his hair. "That's a tuff sport. What do you play?"

"I get to be pitcher!" Pony told me.

"That's great kid." I tell him proudly. "Just think, my baby brother is going to be the pitcher of the...uh, what's your team called?"

Pony laughed. "The Lions."

"Ah, my kid brother is going be the pitcher of the mighty lions!" I say in the deepest voice I can muster.

Ponyboy fell down laughing. "You're crazy Soda!"

I laughed. "It's genetic you know?"

Pony laughed. "Well maybe it'll skip me since you, Darry, and Dad already have it."

"What was that?" Daddy asked as he came in with a pitching glove. "My own son calls me crazy when I was about to give him a preasent."

Pony laughed and hugged his leg. "I'm sorry. So whatcha get me?"

Dad and I laughed. "Well I just so happen to have here a glove for my youngest son so he doesn't have to catch the ball with his small hands."

"Thanks Daddy!" Pony said as he hugged his waist. "You're the best!"

"Sodapop!" Steve yelled at me and I snapped out of my little daze.

"Yeah?" I asked confused. How long had he been calling my name?

"I said I found something." Steve said as he came out from under the bed with a comic book. "What is this?"

"Well Stevie, it looks like a comic book." I say like a smartass.

"Oh really Soda? I'm just such an idiot I didn't know that." Steve said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.

"Is it healthy to dog yourself like that?" I asked him and laughed when he threw the book at me.

"Just read it smarty." Steve says.

I opened it to see notes all over it. "Huh?"

"Is it Pony's?" Steve asked. "I sure don't know his handwriting."

"Nahh, it's Darry's." I say as I read some of the notes outloud. "Dear Lisa..."

Steve cut me off. "Lisa Willioms? That hot little babe he used to go out with who was middle class?"

"I'm assuming." I say as I got back to the note. "Dear Lisa, We are in math class and I'm watching you sleep. You sleep like an angel floating on a white puffy cloud that looks like a marshmellow.

I share a snickering look with Steve before reading on. "Your body moves up and down slightly, giving me closure that you are still alive. The drool that is flowing out of your mouth reminds me of that time we had to watch a vidio of that waterfall in a cave called Ruby Falls.

Steve and I laughed. "No wonder she dumped him. He's talking about her slobber." Steve laughed.

"You have to be the prettiest, sweetiest, and happiest person I've ever dated. No word could put into how I feel about you. Your beauty runs deep and it shows in every way, shape, and form. I love you with all my heart and will forever. Darrel Shaynn Curtis."

"Aw how sweet." I say as I through my head back laughing. "Who knew Darry was so corny."

"I did." Steve said with a laugh. "Let's see what else is under here. Damnit Soda, I wouldn't be surprised if I found a hobo under here."

"You will if you count yourself." I laugh as Steve threw his shoe at me.

"Oh your funny." Steve said as he continues to search. "Hey look at this!" He pulled out a toy model car that he and I put together a long time ago. The red paint was chipped but it looked to be in good condition other than that.

"I almost forgot about that." I say as I look at our tuff mustang.

"I got something for you boys." Mom said as she came home from the store.

"What is it? Is it chocolate?" I asked excitedly as I started jumping up and down.

She laughed and place the bags on the table. "No honey, you're hyper enough as it is."

I laughed. "No I'm not!"

"What ya get us?" Steve asked her.

She pulled out a bunch of pieces of wood. "This is a car you put together yourself. I know how much y'all dig cars so I thought it'd be a nice project for you boys."

"Tuff!" Both Steve and I cried as we took the box and ran to my room. The whole two days we worked on that car without taking a break. When it was finally finished, Dad bought us some paint to color it up a bit. We charished that car for the longest time till we were able to work on real cars.

"Man oh man do I feel old looking at this thing." I said as I shook my head at the memory.

"Ain't that the truth." Steve said as he looked back at the bed. "I doubt Pony'll put anything under here."

"Yeah true." I say as an idea popped in my head. "He was always one to put things in the closet."

Steve got up and started searching the bottom of it while I searched the top.

"Hey look at this!" Steve said as he held up a box. "I wonder what's in it."

"Check it out." I say as I watched him open it up.

"Oh God." Steve said as he looked in it as a smirk came to his lips.

"What's in it?" I asked as I tried to peak.

"Condoms." Steve said with a laugh. "So I guess we know he's sexually active."

I tried not to but I had to grin. "Put it up and let's keep searching."

"Remember where we use to hide ours?" Steve asked as we continued to look through the small closet.

"Yeah, under the floor boards of the porch." I say with a grin. "We thought that my dad would kill us if we knew what we had done."

"Yeah and when he did figure it out he went off on us saying eleven year old boys shouldn't even be thinking about it let alone doing it." Steve said as he shook his head.

"Yeah and then he gave us a talk about all that could happen if we wern't careful." I said as I grinned.

"I think I liked to died when he started talking about STD's and stuff." Steve laughed.

"Man were we stupid." I say as I sighed.

"Yep." Steve says still in a daze. "Real stupid."

I looked at him and grinned. "You know, the only reason I did it with that girl was because Darry said it would make me a man."

Steve laughed. "I remember that. We wanted to be men so no one could tell us what to do."

"If I had known it wouldn't have changed a thing then I don't think I would have done it." I laughed.

"I don't know man. I think I would have tried it any way, just to see what it was like." Steve said and then we continued searching.

"Hey what's this?" I asked as I picked up a envolop that was way in the back.

"What is it man?" Steve asked as I leaned against the wall.

"It has the Vietnam address on it." I say as I looked at it. "Must be a letter I wrote to him." I opened it up and unfolded the piece of paper.

AN: WHAT WILL THE LETTER SAY?? YOU'LL KNOW IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! SORRY IT'S SHORT BUT I PROMISE THE NEXT ONE WILL BE A LOT LONGER!! THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS!! PLZ R/R AND TELL ME WHAT YA THINK!