SUMMARY: No matter what she did - going back to ZAFT, taking secluded vacations, the hole won't heal. Neither would his. Either he let go of the memories of the blonde dancer, or let go of his first friend … (S x L)
MAIN PAIRING: Shinn x Lunamaria (implied Steshin, LunaRey, Yzak x Shiho, Dearka x Miriallia, Asucaga, Kira x Lacus)
DISCLAIMER: This is a story based on characters and situations from Kidou Senshi Gundam Seed and Seed Destiny. I don't own it. Disregard upcoming Movie and the Special Editions
WARNING: Text and all related materials are rated PG13/T and there is rather strong and coarse language and mild adult themes. So don't complain about offensive languages! XD Also, there are/might be some grammatical errors and typos, spelling mistakes, even after rereading it many times. OCs alert, but the plot would still be focused on Shinn and Luna.
NOTE: The story is set from pre-GSD to post GSD. It will mostly be focused on Shinn and Lunamaria. Read the dates carefully!!!
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Let Go
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Hope never existed in my life, neither did my memories. All I need to know was to kill, kill and kill. It was the only way to survive. Everyday was the same; there was no past no future. Yet, Shinn gave me a tomorrow. So I will give him the same too - he will have a tomorrow, with the one he loves. – Stellar Louissier
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Chapter 8 Tomorrow
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- C.E. 75 Berlin, Germany -
Luna wanted to say something, anything, but her throat was too raw and she ended up in a severe coughing fit.
The blonde woman was by her side instantly, with a glass of water in her hand. She carefully eased the water down Luna's throat, making sure she didn't choke. Weakly, Luna stared at the blonde in confusion.
"Sorry, you must have a lot of questions for me," the woman said apologetically, "My name is Esmeralda Louissier, but you can call me Ella for short. You must be wondering why you are here..."
Luna blinked slowly, trying to speak but she still couldn't utter a single sound. No, I just want to to know more about you...why do you have the same last name as ...her?
Granted, Ella didn't look identical to Stellar; Ella seemed older than Luna and had higher cheek bones. Her hair was straight and a lot longer than Stellar's. But her eyes were exactly the same shade, and her voice was the same as Stellar's. Or was it Luna's imagination?
Luna wanted to sit up but she couldn't summon up any strength at all.
Ella seemed to understand her question. She whispered gently as if not to startle her patient, "You're in my underground lab in Berlin. I found you when I was collecting for special herbs. Yes, outlandish as it sounds, there are some types of plants that grow on the wintry hills. I have all sorts of equipments here. I dragged the remains of your cockpit here. You've been unconscious for almost two months."
Luna's eyes went wide in shock, completely speechless. Two months? The short time she had been reliving her past life with her parents was that long? While she'd been trapped in the past, she had lost two months in reality?
Oh god, Meyrin, Shinn... She shivered, trying to think further but couldn't. She was tired. Ella gazed at her sympathetically and coaxed her to rest for now.
Before sleep claimed her, Luna managed to croak out her question. "Why...do you...Stellar...you are..."
Ella froze and covered her mouth as her eyes lit up in joy, "You know my little sister? Please, tell me how she is!"
Upon seeing the look of joy on Ella's face, Luna couldn't bring herself to reply. Her sister...that explains it...
Darkness claimed her once again, but this time she felt slightly better at ease.
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Luna had grown used to the rountine everyday: she would wake up, Ella would feed her since she couldn't move, they would attempt to converse, awkward silence would follow, and she would fall asleep once again.
Sighing wistfully, Luna couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't dead. She had no objections against living but...well, better dead than being miserable, right? I mustn't think this way - optimistic, that's what I should be, because that's who I am. She rolled her eyes.
Be who you are, Shinn's words from when they first met rang in her mind, and she felt a small smile quirk at her lips.
"How are you feeling? Can you move at all?" Ella asked gently, sitting on a chair besides the bed.
"I'm alright. I can move my fingers," Luna's index fingers lifted feebly before sinking back onto the blanket, "a little."
Silence was beginning to get on her nerves. She sighed in resignation, "You've been dying to ask me more about Stellar, don't you?"
Ella looked up hopefully, and guilt penetrated Luna at what she was about to say.
"I'm sorry, Ella-san, but, um, Stellar's dead." Awkward awkward awkward, she chanted inwardly. She could understand Ella's feelings; she was completely crushed when she had though Meyrin died, back then.
Ella didn't reply; she exhaled deeply and whispered, "Tell me everything. Please."
Luna gulped down her discomfort; it was difficult to tell a story of someone she wasn't exactly friends with, someone she practically knew nothing about. She managed to describe how she knew Stellar: a soldier of Earth Alliance, an ace pilot of Gaia and later...Destroy...
"Stellar piloted that thing?" Ella winced and her eyes narrowed in contempt, "Just what did those Earth Alliance...creeps do to her?"
"She was an Extended, so she didn't know what she was doing, "Luna quickly said defensively. Ever since that fight with Shinn, she'd been particularly sensitive about the 'Extended' subject.
"Yes, but it didn't change the fact many people died," Ella closed her eyes sadly, "I was one of the people helping ZAFT with the medicinal treatments after the attack. I saw how devasting it was. And all I could think about is my little sister, an innocent toddler, dancing away-"
She stopped, wiping away a tear hastily, "I wish those creeps took me instead of Stellar. So then, she wouldn't be turned into-" she broke off again, trembling in obvious distress.
From bits and pieces of her words, Luna managed to figure out what had happened: Stellar was taken away when she was little, and experimented on by those Earth Alliance guys. As for Ella, she was sent to medical school instead because she was extremely smart. The two sisters never met again.
Luna quivered at the thought of never seeing Meyrin again; it was terrible enough to lose one's parents, but sibling as well? She admired Ella, really.
Luna thought she might understand more about Stellar Louissier. It was a weird feeling - by knowing more about Stellar, she felt she was closer to Shinn somehow. Ella represented what Stellar would've been like if she weren't taken before. The magenta-head felt much-needed peace in her usually raging heart.
"She died in the arms of the man she loved," Luna suddenly spoke, and she surprised herself to find no bitterness in her voice. Ella smiled sadly, "Tell me more about her, please."
The two went on talking, the previous tension already gone. Perhaps it was company they needed; someone to confide their pains in - someone who was a complete stranger but was connected to them somehow.
And now, Luna discovered she could talk about Stellar Louissier wih a free heart.
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It took Luna more than four months to completely heal from her injury, and three more months to get back on her feet, literally. She was unaware of the timeframe however - she'd lost track of time long ago. Ella said her nerves was damaged in the attack so that was why it took so long to heal. With time and Ella's medicines, she was able to recover. Of course, she had to walk with a cane for now (which annoyed the hell out of her - after all, she was an active girl and liked to move around without restrictions).
"So, you seriously dragged Impulse's cockpit back here all by yourself?" Luna asked incredulously.
"Yes," Ella grinned proudly, "This is my secret lab after all, and I have all sorts of equipments and underground tunnels. I also helped with the reconstruction of Berlin too, Luna-san."
"Wow. It sounds like you're involved in some kind of secret organization or something," Luna chuckled, but she didn't miss the surprised and wary look in Ella's eyes.
"Um, yes it does," Ella's eyes shifted uncomfortably. Luna narrowed her eyes suspiciously but decided not to pursue more. Ella did save her life after all, so surely she wouldn't mean her any harm? Ella trusted her enough to show her the lab...
"Holy-how did you-" Luna stammered, opening her eyes wide at the mecha before her. It was Core Splendor, almost rebuilt back into its former self.
"Um, yes, I fiddled around the remains of the cockpit and, um, voila," Ella averted her gaze. "Oh, yes, I still need to paint it .What color would you like it to be, Major Hawke?"
Luna closed her eyes and she could almost see images of her friends; Meyrin, Vino, Youlan, Rey and Shinn back on Minerva...Rey's cold, blue eyes and Shinn's ruby orbs...
"Red."
"Red?!" Ella seemed astonished, "But, it's like, it's like the color of blood..."
"No it isn't; it's the color of warmth," Luna replied quietly, staring into space.
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Naturally, she 'd been trying to contact the outside world, but apparently the lab didn't have any communication devices, which was rather suspicious. Luna couldn't make up her mind about Ella - enemy, or foe?
Ella was a good friend and helped Luna recover. Major Hawke was no longer there - Luna was just Luna, no one else. It was easy to forget her past. It was easy to just not think about it. Recently, however, she found herself spending more and more time just staring at Core Splendor, longing to fly it again - to re-experience the joy of flight and being an ace-pilot of ZAFT.
Yes, ZAFT - her proudest achievement, being a ZAFT redcoat. But by doing nothing and dwelling on the past continuously, Luna knew she would not be worthy of being one.
Nightmares still occurred from time to time - her inability to stop Djibril escaping, her helplessness at saving her teammates, terrifying visions of Meyrin, Rey and Shinn dying...
I wish Rey was here. he'd tell me what to do. A harsh scolding, anything, Luna closed her eyes wearily. She could almost see the blonde's expressionless face and steely eyes, reprimanding her in his emotionless voice.
"Luna-san, I need to tell you something. I can't...lie to you anymore, " Ella's unusually cool voice spoke up behind her suddenly.
Luna's military training kicked in as she felt a cold shiver down her spine. She braced herself and gripped the cane tight, ready to retaliate at any moment.
She turned around slowly, and wasn't startled to see a gun pointing at her.
"Aren't you surprised?" Ella smiled lightly. It was a cold smile.
Luna didn't answer; her eyes were still trained on the gun with confusion. She had suspicions, but she was still rather hurt by this revelation. Maybe it was alright...to be killed by Stellar Louissier's sister, she thought vaguely, not exactly sure where that came from.
"I resent Earth Alliance, you know that," Ella continued, "I hate them for destroying my family and Berlin. But I also hate ZAFT for their weak structure - blindly following a leader, fighting to destroy Logos yet fighting to protect Requiem, which was ersponsible for the deaths of their fellow citizens. I cannot forgive either side for forming peace so easily. There is no retribution!! Do they think harmony can be established by mere words? By Lacus Clyne and her followers? By Cagalli Yula Athha and Orb?" Her voice rose up a notch with bitterness and anger.
Still, Luna remained silent; she understood, on some level, of Ella's feelings. After all, Luna was enemies with Earth Allliance and Orb. She had chosen to follow Dullindal's words and Shinn to protect Requiem, and was ultimately defeated by the Triple Alliance.
"And it's not just me: there are so many people who shared my opinion - disliking the way peace is established without any punishments at all. And thus the terrorist groups you mentioned - I helped them build Surtr, a Mobile Suit that can cause electromagnetic interference and other radio waves, disabling enemy MS and battleships. But then," Ella's voice wavered, "I saw the destruction it brought. So when I saw your battered cockpit...I brought you back. You have no idea how relieved I was to see you wake up. Even now, I don't regret my decision for leaving that organization. From your stories, I begin to think that perhaps, the current world isn't as bad as I thought."
Luna could see her own reflection from the shiny gun barrel; her face was just as emotionless as Rey's. Was that what Rey felt - that he couldn't decide what emotion he was feeling so he settled for a blank face instead?
Ella's eyes narrowed, and Luna was reminded of the feral look in Stellar's eyes when she was captive on Minerva. However, to her surprise, Ella looked down guiltily and changed the direction of the gun, as if offering Luna the weapon.
"You're a good person, Lunamaria. That's why I can't keep this secret any longer," the blonde said lightly, "I co-constructed Surtr, so I'm ultimately responsible for your team's destruction and your current condition."
"What are you doing?" Luna asked monotonously, staring at the gun. Ella seemed puzzled, "Well, aren't you going to take revenge on me? For your teammates deaths?"
Luna's fingers twitched. Anger surged through her being - the person right before her was responsible for so many deaths. She could avenge her comrades right this instant.
Her hand closed over the gun slowly, and with a casual swing, she threw the gun behind her. Ella stared at her as if she was crazy.
"That's stupid," Luna sighed, "So what if I kill you? Is that going to change anything?" She had seen enough - Stellar Louissier annihilated Berlin and was therefore killed. Because of her death, Shinn became obsessed with revenge and destroyed Freedom. Athrun defected ZAFT and Shinn almost killed him and Meyrin. Luna herself had blamed Athrun, hated him even.
But did any of that change anything? To become trapped in the past, unable to let go of hatred, and spread even more hatred in the world? Just as Shinn was? Just as Ella did?
At this very moment, Luna felt that she understood what Athrun meant during the Battle of Messiah. "You must look to the future," Luna said softly, "You mustn't let the future become the same as your past."
Yes, she must protect that future. Wasn't it why Luna become a Redcoat, so she could protect her sister and fellow citizens of PLANTs? So that the same tragedy wouldn't happen again, meaningless war that killed so many innocent people.
It's been so long after the war, but at least, I've found my answer. Thank you, Ella, as unintentional as it is, I've finally realized what I have to do. Meyrin and Shinn are still alive, aren't they? I must be there for them, no matter what. Shinn should know what I feel. He deserves to know that at least. No matter what his response is, I'll still be his friend , Luna made a promise to herself, feeling her old confidence slipping back as she found her purpose of living.
Ella was about to say something when the ground shook as if an earthquake had occurred. Thunderous rumbles of explosions indicated that there was a fight going on, right above their heads.
"What's going on? Are they the terrorists? Why have they come back?" Luna gritted her teeth, trying hard to balance herself.
"I don't know. Ever since I left them, I've lost contact with them," Ella murmured in wonder. She quickly turned on a huge screen and typed a few commands. Luna froze with shock at the visuals - Destiny was fighting against Legend!
"It can't be...Destiny was...nobody can..." It's Shinn's Mobilt Suit. Only he can pilot it this well. But Legend...Legend is powerful and I'm certain Rey isn't the pilot..right? Shinn said he would never fight in a Mobile Suit again so who...?
"It's no good, no one can defeat Seth, not with Surtr sending out those inteference waves," Ella muttered to herself.
"Seth?"
"Legend's pilot."
Luna clenched her fists and with the best of her abilities, she climbed up the ladder and stumbled into the cockpit of Core Splendor.
"Well, tell me how to stop that Sur-whatever-its-name-is!"
"Hey, wait, you're not fit to fight yet!" Ella protested, but the determination burning in Luna's eyes stopped her.
"I don't care!" The magenta-head shouted desperately, "I just know I have to help Destiny...I have to!"
"But -" Before Ella could say anything else, another rumble shook the lab so hard that several monitors fell from the table and the ladder fell.
Luna's hands shook with half excitement and panic, but she didn't let go of the controller. A soothing sense of familiarity calmed her raging heart as her fingers typed in the commands effortlessly.
This is where I belong. This is who I am, a MS pilot. Piloting an air fighter should be no problem for me.
She used all her strength to press onto the pedal. The engine roared into life and Core Splendor shot off into the airway. She fired the missiles and the gateway blasted open, revealing the open sky.
Ella seemed to be telling her something, but she couldn't hear anything since there were too much noise. Her eyes softened and she stared at the blonde in gratitude.
"I'm sorry, Ella. Thank you for everything," she spoke to the speaker, hoping Ella had heard it.
She swerved the plane in an arc expertly, and headed towards the site of battle.
With a powerful battlecry, Shinn charged at the grey Mobile Suit and slammed the anti-ship sword down hard towards it.
It seemed the pilot of Legend was a veteran; Lengend intercepted the attack with its beam shield easily, causing series of blinding sparks upon contact.
The cockpit shook furiously, so hard that it made Shinn dizzy. He was too angry to think straight - Rey's words could no longer reach him. All Shinn wanted to do was avenge Luna.
So concentrated on Legend, Shinn didn't notice other units' attacks. Growling in annoyance, he disengaged from Legend and quickly shot down the enemy forces.
Legend took the chance and shot all of his beams at Destiny. The butterfly-like Mobile Suit dodged gracefully and aimed the boomerangs at the opponent. Swinging the double beam sabre expertly, Legend destroyed the boomerang and charged towards Destiny.
Snorting scornfully, Shinn prepared himself for the incoming attack and activated Destiny's palm, ready to destroy...
"What?" He gasped in shock when a fiery-colored Mobile Suit suddenly materialized out of nowhere. The newcomer looked similar to Infinite Justice, but this one's jetpack had cannon-like structures attached to countless wires. The cannons seemed to be shooting something to Destiny...
All of a sudden, Destiny could no longer move - it seemed there was some kind of system malfunction. Electromagnetic interference! No, it must be something more, specifically targetted at one Mobile Suit...
Around him, his allies seemed to be faring well against the enemies - their units were still moving, but Destiny wasn't.
"Damn it, dirty trick!" Shinn cursed angrily, unable to block Legend's attack.
Destiny's cockpit was slashed open; Legend didn't waste anytime and immediately shot all its beams at zero-blank range.
It seemed that Legend's first attack made some of Destiny's circuits reconnect - Shinn was able to dodge some of the lethal shots, just barely, though.
Destiny fell onto the earth below with a resounding crash. Shinn felt blood trickling down his lips and grimaced when he saw a few pieces of the cockpit was embedded into his arm and side. From the slashed opening, Shinn spotted Legend diving down to deliver the finishing blow.
Damn it...if only I have more strength...this is pathetic...I lost? To this bastard? No, I can't die yet, I can't!
A stranger's voice spoke from the speaker, "Destiny's pilot, Shinn Asuka, correct?"
Shinn glared at the grey Mobile Suit and snarled, not caring the strain it was putting on his body, "Yeah, so what if I am, bastard?"
The voice was cold, "Just so you know, this is revenge to all the Extended you've killed during the war!"
These words hurt Shinn more than the physical injuries. Revenge? Images of a green-haired man, a blue-haired man and Stellar flashed in his mind. Chaos, Abyss and Gaia...the Extended...Stellar dying in his arms...
Luna's cheerful grin...revenge...Rey's calm smile and Mayu looking at him adoringly...
There was just too much in the world for one to take revenge on. There were just so many precious things lost, so many innocent's deaths and the frustration at not being able to protect those they cherished...
In this aspect, wasn't everyone the same?
I've killed many during the war. Perhaps this is my punishment, but I've got to move. I promised Meyrin. I promised myself, I have to find Luna... Shinn thought faintly as a black haze slowly covered his vision.
Suddenly, he felt a pair of warm hands closing over his. He felt strength rushing into his body and just as Legend was about to stab through his cockpit, Destiny's palm caught the sabre.
A explosion followed when the palm destroyed the weapon, and Legend backed away quickly.
Shinn gaped in shock. What just happened?
"Don't give up, Shinn. Didn't I tell you? I'll see you tomorrow...I'll always be there for you whenever you need me..."
The sound of her voice was like melody to his ears. Tears slid down his cheeks at the realization of whose voice it belonged to.
"Stellar..."
Summoning up all his remaining strength, Shinn maneuvered Destiny carefully. The Mobile Suit slowly stood up with uncoordinated movements but hey, it still moved.
"So, you're ready to fight with me one last time, eh, buddy?" Shinn told his unit.
Destiny. Just as Rey had told him long ago, he was given this unit because he was the chosen one - he could change his own destiny. If only he could move Destiny's plasma cannon...
Something red shot across the sky and fired several missiles at the unsuspecting Surtr. The jetpack exploded, and the control's on Destiny seemed so much lighter. Surtr's pilot aimed the beam rifle at the red object and managed to grazed its wings...
Shinn's eyes went wide. It looked different but it was definitely Core Splendor!!!
Not wasting the opportunity, Destiny's plasma beam hit its mark and destroyed Surtr's rifle-wielding arm.
A black battleship materialized from thin air and fired retreat signals. Legend, Surtr and other enemy units retreated immediately. The battleship flew away with amazing agility - there was no way the Minerva could catch up.
Speaking of Minerva, Shinn could spotted his mothership coming from the opposite direction.
"Oi, Asuka, you alright?" Yzak's gruff voice came through the almost static speaker, "Shiho's team fired the signals so we went there first. I thought everything was fine here..."
Oh yea, the signals, Shinn thought lazily; he had totally forgotten. He didn't really have the strength to reply. Agonizingly, he dragged himself out of the cockpit, staining the grass below with crimson droplets.
He stumbled across the field, trying to spot the red jet fighter. Smoke was still coming out of its wings, but the plane seemed to be fine. He broke into a painful jog, ignoring stinging pain from his side; he just had to know. He must.
A familiar figure with long magenta hair climbed out of the cockpit slowly, almost falling onto the ground. After steadying herself, she looked up.
Their eyes met. Despite their ragged appearances, they recognized each other instantly.
"Luna!"
"Shinn!"
They ran towards each other automatically. Despite Shinn's injuries and her jagged movements, they embraced each other hard, unable to describe the emotions they felt at that moment.
Luna's hands trembled as she wiped away Shinn's tears and blood. "Shinn, you're-"
He wouldn't let her finish; his lips closed over hers and she responded with equal intensity.
That's right. They needed each other. They were friends first; an unbreakable bond started to form through comradeship. Words weren't needed; they trusted each other. From all the inner turmoil and tragedies in the war, they relied one each other for support. After the war, he thought he didn't care for her that way anymore, and she tried to find what path she should take. They broke apart only to realize how much they meant to each other; they had surpassed the line of friendship long ago. She thought it was fine the way things were, and he still couldn't let go of the past.
It took them both so long how much they meant to each other.
The past was important, yes; memories of your loved ones were hardest to let go of. Therefore, it was more the reason to treasure the future.
We must work hard, to create a better 'tomorrow', our own future.
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End of Chapter 8
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A/N: Yay they reunited! I hope all the stuff about the terrorist isn't too confusing. So, yes, the terrorists are still here and they will reappear again in the future. But Shinn and Luna's story has come to an end. (and longest chapter ever)
For the sequel/companion fic, stay tuned for 'Imperfect', a story of Kira and Lacus. More information will be posted on the epilogue. Oh yes, there's an epilogue after this.
Esmeralda, the OC, her purpose in this story was to make Luna realize things (I know, Ella still took up half the chapter even though I've already cut out several scenes(sigh)). And in upcoming fics...
For those interested about mecha, Surtr and the terrorist's battleship both have Mirage Colloid, same as Blitz' ability. Surtr can emit interference waves during the cloak so no one would know its presence. But if it wants to stop a specific MS, like it did to Destiny, it'd have to discard the cloak.
Thanks for all the supports!
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Athyra
