A.N. Hello everyone! Welcome to those who recently started reading, I'm always glad to hear what you think! Because of University I'm going to try and keep my profile up to date to let you know if something changes, if not feel free to PM me and I'll let you know the status of the chapter and when I hope to have it posted. I think that's all so if you like (and even if you don't) please read and review. And as always, enjoy.
P.S. If you haven't watched the CM Season Nine promo go watch it now. And by right now I mean after you've read this chapter!
Aaron Hotchner was having a hard time comprehending what he was hearing; the word rape was echoing around his head almost like Derek Morgan's revelation had years earlier. The shock froze his body and made his bones feel empty to the point where he was entirely certain that she could have knocked him over with a single breath. The more he thought about it the more it made sense; why she'd kept her children from them, why there wasn't a boyfriend or a father, why there weren't any pictures in the house of someone who'd been remotely important before she'd come to Quantico. As a general rule the team tried not to profile each other but it was hard not to notice when someone acted strangely, after a while he'd just accepted it as Riane's own version of normal, he'd never realized how right he had been. Everyone had different coping techniques and he'd figured that she was someone who liked to separate her private and professional life and he'd had no reason to interfere because it hadn't affected her ability to work. Now that he knew the truth Hotch couldn't believe that he'd missed all of the signs, especially the obvious ones such as her anxiety and discomfort around men she didn't know and the fact that she seemed to try and avoid as much physical contact as she could.
Hotch had seen much worse though, compared to some of the degenerating mental and physical damage he'd seen in rape victims - both male and female - Riane appeared to be ahead of the pack. However, not all rapists impregnated their victims and those that did were almost always delusional and trying to act out some kind of fantasy. Which almost always took a toll psychologically on the victims who couldn't understand what was happening.
"Hotch?...Hotch?...You there?"
Riane's calling eventually brought him back to the present and he did his best to maintain his mask of indifference when he looked up at her.
"Sorry. I'm listening."
She smiled sadly, "I don't really know what to tell you. I guess I owe you the entire story"
"You don't owe me anything," he cut in. "You can tell me as much or as little as you feel comfortable with."
"Well the rest of the team knows. Reid recognized...him from a photo he'd seen before he met my boys."
Hotch nodded slowly, he had noticed that his team had seemed to be on edge a bit. He'd also noticed that Reid had been acting strangely at Riane's birthday party; he'd shrugged it off when he had thought that Spencer had looked guilty but now he understood why that was the case.
He saw something out of the corner of his eye and looked over to see her holding her phone out to him. The screen showed a picture of a young man that Hotch recognized immediately; he'd seen that face many times with only a few alterations to the facial structure.
"This is Silas Donovan," Riane said quietly. "This is my own personal nightmare."
The more he listened to her story the more he recognized it, and that recognition made his chest feel tight. It was an all too familiar situation, one he'd seen before and one he was sure he'd seen again. Everyone knew not to go out alone at night but no one figured that they would be picked off the street in broad daylight; the truth of the matter was that most people who were kidnapped were taken because they were highly regimented and followed a schedule, unknowingly making themselves targets.
She didn't go into any detail and he didn't ask her too, he really wasn't sure if he wanted all the details. Some things needed to be kept a secret but he would always listen if she wanted to talk.
"So yeah. He, um, kept me for two days..."
"Two days?" He asked before he could stop himself.
She nodded slowly, still perched on the window sill. "Yupp. I was special – his stressor if you will. After all, I was one of the cops working his case. In the end it was what made him though, they were able to get him a week after they found me."
He wasn't sure how to respond to her, after all he'd dealt with countless victims of rape and other sexual assaults but Riane was a member of his team. Not only did she know every trick in the book but the last thing he wanted was to make her feel like a victim especially seeing as it had been about two years since the incident and she was trusting him enough to let him stay in her home.
"Did he know you were pregnant?" Hotch asked.
Riane smirked, "He was tried in April 2012 and by then I was five months pregnant so yes. I'm pretty sure I was seeing 'whale sized' in the rear view by that time. Honestly? I think it was the point. To leave me with a constant reminder of what had happened. There were five of us…I was the only one he left alive." Her voice was a little more than a whisper at the end and she cleared her throat before continuing.
"I left Palo Alto as soon as I was done on the stand, a friend called me to tell me he'd been convicted."
"What was his sentence?"
"He got ten years for each count of rape which added up to fifty years as well as four counts of first degree murder which in Iowa is life without parole. He was also charged with kidnapping with intent to kill and every other charge they could make stick."
"He'll never get out." Hotch murmured.
She shook her head, "Nope. Really doesn't make it any better though…He didn't win though Hotch, he didn't."
"I know that."
"No, you don't. He thought he'd won because he'd gotten me pregnant...but those are my children and there isn't anything I can't imagine that I wouldn't do for them. I might not be the best mother out there but they are always my first priority."
He didn't have to look at her to believe her, there was a determination in her voice that he admired and a strength that was almost tangible. When he did look at her the intensity in her eyes was hard and he realized that the only thing that had kept her going was her children. It was something he sympathized with immediately; he knew what it was like to have a desperate need to protect your children and to always be there and always be 100% when you were there because it never lasted long.
No one said anything for a few minutes, they just let the dust settle and gave everyone time to acclimatize. There was a lot he wanted to say but he didn't have the words to do so and he doubted that any words he did say would help the situation.
"I appreciate you telling me this." He said.
"It wasn't fair in the beginning to keep it from everyone. It definitely wasn't fair to keep it from you alone, not with everything that has happened."
"So you're nightmare..."
She nodded, "Yupp. I think all the talking just took over my subconscious because I usually don't have that many anymore. You work me too hard, at the end of the day I just come home and collapse." She said with a grin.
He arched an eyebrow, "I don't believe that."
She made a face. "You're right. I come home, do mom stuff for a couple hours and then collapse, and let's not pretend that you don't do the same thing when you get the chance," she amended.
Hotch shrugged, "I will concede to that."
She shot him a weak smile, "Checkmate."
It took her a while but she eventually sat back down in the recliner, something he was glad for. The last thing he wanted was for her to be uncomfortable around him, it was essential not only because of their current situation but because he needed to know his team was a single unit and not fractured because of personal relationships.
"So you were five months pregnant when you left Iowa?" He asked.
She nodded.
"With triplets?" He added.
"Seriously Hotch?" She asked exasperatedly.
He smirked, "How did you even get on a plane that pregnant?"
She groaned dramatically, "Lord in Heaven Hotch you have no idea how much crap I had to go to through to get on a plane. It was ridiculous! I understand that I was high-risk and all but it was so much hassle. It took literally every connection I had to get me on the flight and it's like a little over two hours. During the whole thing they treated me like I was 102 and made out of fine china. And when we landed? Don't even get me started because I'll never stop."
He laughed, "I can't imagine. I'm glad you made it here though."
"Me too. Although I must admit Quantico scared the hell out of me in the beginning, it's completely crazy."
"Compared to Iowa maybe."
She chuckled, "Definitely. Alright well it's getting late and you need to get up tomorrow so I'll leave you alone. Don't worry about inflating the air mattress because if my boys sleep through my louder than necessary vacuum then they can sleep through the motor on the air mattress."
"Thank you. Good night."
"Night Hotch."
Hotch got to work on setting up the air mattress while Riane was in the washroom. Originally he'd planned to stay in the guest room with Jack but it was too late and too dark to try and drag the mattress into the boy's temporary room, he'd probably knock something over and wake everyone up.
His thoughts kept him up long into the night. He started off thinking about Riane but somehow his thought circled back to his days as prosecutor. He thought about the case they'd had in New York back when Elle had still been on the team and about how she had mentioned how seldom rape courses made it to court and how many were dropped after they had. He rationalized - as he was sure Riane had done - that she really was one of the lucky ones, she was alive, she'd moved away from where the incident had taken place, and she had a beautiful family. He tried to focus on the lighter side of the situation, tried to focus on the side that Riane saw because he didn't want to speculate about the details. When Hotch finally did fall asleep he'd exhausted him mind into a dreamless slumber.
The next morning passed with a blur for Riane. She hadn't had a minute to herself since she'd gotten up; between getting three children dressed and fed along with Jack, getting Hoch to ingest something more than a cup of coffee, and getting to the hospital on time she was exhausted and had yet to start her physical therapy. As it happened her physical therapist was a complete slave driver, she was the one of the nicest women she'd met until they actually started the physical part of the session. By the time it was over she was exhausted and sore but it felt good to use her muscles again, although she'd never been a huge fan of working out she always loved the feeling of sore muscles, something about it made her feel accomplished. After she'd had her children she'd had to wait to exercise again because of the C-section scar but by the time she'd gotten out of the hospital she'd been able to start back on a routine of simple exercises and light cardio. It had been imperative that she try and get rid of as much of her baby weight as possible before she started at the BAU or she would have never been able to keep her secret for as long as she had.
As she was unlocking the door she heard her phone ring, bringing it to her ear she tried to hold it there with her shoulder and get inside at the same time.
"Hi Hotch," she said when she finally got through the door.
"Hi, how was the physio?"
She arched an eyebrow, "Fine. It was fine. You didn't call about that though right?"
"No. Strauss came to see me this morning, she seems worried about inter-team relations..."
Riane laughed, "Oh no! Seriously?"
He chuckled, "Unfortunately. You'll probably hear from her, I know she wants to talk to you as well."
Riane made a face. It wasn't that she disliked the Section Chief but Erin Strauss was a force to be reckoned with. Over the past six months Riane hadn't really had any run-ins with the woman but she knew from what she'd been told that it was better not to cross the woman.
She sighed, "Alright. Thanks Hotch. Do you guys have a case?"
"Not at the moment, we're riding the desk."
"Happy paper working!"
"Thanks." She could hear the amusement in his voice.
Hanging up the phone she quickly made sure that she hadn't missed any calls from Strauss; Riane could only imagine that the only thing worse than answering the woman's calls was having to call her herself. Locking the door Riane walked into the kitchen, the quiet was unnerving and she wasn't used to having nothing to do; even in the hospital there had always been something to pique her curiosity even if it had been drilling the nurses about medical procedure.
It didn't make sense for Strauss to be paying her a visit, not only was she not interested in Hotch in a romantic perspective but the FBI didn't have any rules that specifically prohibited dating other members of the FBI. That didn't even take into consideration how dangerous it was to be romantically involved with someone you worked with in such a dangerous capacity; she'd seen people do crazy things for those they loved and the last thing she needed to worry about was having someone trying to take a bullet for her.
The phone call came twenty minutes later. In typical Strauss fashion the phone call was brief and to the point and only last about three minutes. Riane had about an hour before the Section Chief showed up and about a half an hour before her children got home which didn't give her a lot of time to do anything. She was sill sweaty from the physio and as much as she wanted a shower it would have to wait. Using a wash cloth she used cool water to wash her face, neck, and arm before changing her clothes into something more presentable then what she'd had on.
She got a text from Heather giving her a ten minute warning as she was trying to find something quick for lunch.
She had the grilled cheese sandwiches in the pan on low when Heather knocked at the door. Thanking and paying the sitter for her time she flipped the sandwiches before getting everyone into their respective seats.
"Are you ready for some lunch?" Riane asked over her shoulder as she plated the food.
"No!"
She rolled her eyes, "Awesome. I'm so happy you learned that one Harry."
The boy laughed and reached out for her as she put his plate down. Kissing his forehead quickly she did the same for Nathanael and Atticus before grabbing her own sandwich. She hadn't realized how hungry she was until she started eating because she was done the food in record time. Her boys on the other hand were busy switching between eating the food and playing with it. Putting what she could into the sink and loading all that was applicable into the dish washer Riane figured she had less than five minutes before Strauss showed up and given how organized the woman was Riane wouldn't have been surprised if she had a knock on her door that second.
As it happened Strauss didn't show up for another ten minutes which was useful but still wasn't enough time for everyone to finish lunch. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves she always had when dealing with an authoritative figure - except for apparently Hotch - and opened the door.
"Chief Strauss," she said. "Thank you for coming to me."
Strauss shook her head as Riane let her through the door, "Of course. I wouldn't ask you to come in in your condition, how are you feeling?"
"Not too bad actually. It's really just a matter of getting this cast off my arm and getting the muscles in my leg back into shape."
Strauss nodded, "That's good to hear."
Riane smiled and led Strauss into the living room. She anticipated the moment and almost laughed when she heard Strauss' shoes on the floor stop and a small 'oh' escape her.
Smothering a grin Riane turned to face the Section Chief. "Ma'am these are my children: Atticus, Nathanael and Harrison and in all honesty they were eating lunch but I'm not quite sure what's happening right now."
Out of the corner of her eye Riane could have sworn that she saw Strauss smirk but before she could really acknowledge the action it had passed. She knew that obviously Strauss wasn't always a hard ass desk jockey but Riane had never seen the softer side of the woman, she'd only heard about rare moments through what others had said.
"It's fine Agent Collins." Strauss said with a slight wave to the boys.
Riane grinned and nodded, "Boys why don't you say 'hi' to Chief Strauss?"
"No!"
"How about I swap you for some Canadian kids with manners?"
"No!"
Riane sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, "Of course. Ma'am I'm sorry."
When Riane looked over she could see Strauss visibly smiling and she shook her head dismissively. "Don't apologize, I know what you're going through. How old are they?"
"Fifteen months."
"Corrected date? I'm assuming of course that they were premature."
Riane's eyebrows shot into her hairline and she cleared her throat. "Actually yes. They're thirteen months corrected date."
"They seems to be doing very well."
Riane nodded quickly, "They are. I mean they're not talking or walking as well as an average fifteen month old and they don't have as many teeth but so far there haven't been any serious health concerns."
"Did you have to stay in hospital for long?"
"A little over a month. They were born at 33 weeks and weighed around three pounds each which is what I was told to expect. They were in the NICU for most of the month but by the time we left they were a little over five pounds and there weren't any dangerous medical conditions other than Harrison's jaundice which was gone in a month."
Strauss nodded, "That's not bad, I've heard some horror stories about multiple pregnancies."
Riane laughed, "They're all true believe me. Do you want anything to drink?"
When Strauss declined Riane showed her over to the living room so they could sit down while they talked. She was still in a mild state of shock that Strauss had asked her about the details of her pregnancy; most people weren't knowledgeable enough about multiple pregnancies to really be able to ask about how adversely they can affect the babies.
"I assume Agent Hotchner informed you as to the reason for my visit?"
Riane nodded slowly, "Yes ma'am. He called earlier and I can assure you that there isn't a romantic relationship between Hotch and myself."
"So I was told. I'm sure you're aware that officially I can't stop you from pursuing a romantic relationship should one happen but in my experience if the relationship ends badly it can have serious implications on the effectiveness of the team."
Riane inclined her head, "I understand completely. We had a couple instances of bad breakups when I worked in Iowa and it was just awkward for everyone. I mean and that was just a beat cop job so I can imagine the implications are compounded when speaking about the FBI."
Strauss seemed to relax a little, as if relieved by the prospect that she wasn't going to have to deal with a pair of love-sick agents. "I'm glad to hear that Agent Collins. I'm sorry we haven't had the chance to sit down and talk before this. I take it the BAU is treating you well?"
Riane grinned, "Extremely so. I'm very grateful and lucky to be working with such a talented group of people. Although I must admit that the content of the job is something I could live without."
When Strauss smiled softly Riane followed her line of view and saw Atticus falling asleep in his chair, his head bobbing before he woke himself up and looked around confused. Nathanael and Harrison having already fallen asleep, all three covered in bread crumbs and ketchup.
Riane chuckled and looked at her watch. "Sorry about that, it's nap time."
"Don't worry, I understand how important it is to maintain a schedule for children that young. I can come back at a time more convenient if that's fine with you."
Riane shook her head and stood up, "You don't have to do that. If you're okay with waiting I'll only be five minutes."
Strauss stood when Riane did, "That fine. Do you need help?"
"Oh no ma'am it's alright I couldn't ask you to-"
"You're not," Strauss interrupted. "I'm offering."
Riane smiled and nodded, "Help would be wonderful."
In the end it took the two of them over ten minutes to clean up the tired, fussy children; the whole time Riane watched in awe of how easy and comfortable Strauss was with the boys. People offered to help her all the time but as soon as Riane took them up on their offer it was easy to tell who had children and who didn't and from what she could see Strauss definitely had children Riane just wasn't sure how old they were.
It also never ceased to amaze her how trusting her children were. The last thing Riane had wanted was her children to grow up not knowing how to trust others but so far they seemed to have no problem with the team or Strauss which made Riane happy. Of course she was still going to teach her children about stranger danger but she was glad that she hadn't infected her children with her less than healthy sense of trust.
When they settled back in the living room Riane exhaled deeply. "Thank you for the help, having one arm makes everything difficult. Do you mind if I ask you something?"
Strauss shook her head, "No. What do you want to ask?"
"You have children right?" Riane blurted out before realizing what she'd said. "What I mean is that you were so natural with my kids so I just figured that you must have kids but I'm sorry if I offended you and I really don't mean to ramble…oh God."
Strauss chuckled softly, apparently amused by how flustered Riane was. "Yes I do have children. Two daughters and a son but their much older; it's been a long time since I had a toddler around the house."
Riane nodded, "I see. They must be very lucky, I can't imagine it was easy to raise three kids with your job."
"It's difficult but you learn to make it work. You seem to be doing well enough for yourself."
Riane shrugged, "So far I guess. I'm sure it'll get harder as they get older and understand better but for now it seems to be working."
Strauss nodded, "It's a balancing act and it's difficult for any new parent but you learn to cope and find a method that works best."
Riane listened to everything the older woman said with rapt attention. Since moving to Quantico the only other mother she'd met within the FBI had been J.J. and although she didn't doubt that J.J. had had to sacrifice a lot of time with her son to be dedicated to her job it wasn't quite the same because she had Will. Usually Riane didn't have anyone to help her so it was nice to hear advice from a mother who – judging from the lack of wedding ring – was also a single parent.
The two talked for another ten minutes and Riane got the feeling that the only reason Strauss was so chatty was because both Hotch and Riane had but to bed the idea of a blossoming romantic relationship. Left to her own devices Riane got busy straightening her house out. Although Hotch had kept the place as clean as possible there was still mopping and dusting to be done which kept her busy for another hour. When her children did wake up she kept them occupied by putting her copy of The Prince Of Egypt on. The fact that her children loved the movie was a great help because they watched it all the time and it made the Catholic in Riane proud because they didn't get the chance to go to mass regularly.
As they'd been doing paper work all day the team must have finished work at five because Hotch was home with Jack shortly after six. Riane was completely unprepared for the screaming that ensued when Hotch walked through the door. The movie was completely forgotten as the three boys tried to get to Hotch as fast as they could. As Riane watched Hotch crouch to greet the boys she couldn't help but remember Rossi's warning from her birthday party and she took a couple of deep breaths. If she could have picked any man on the face of the Earth for the father of her children she would have picked Hotch in an instant but she had a responsibility to remember who they were and to protect her children from as much heart ache as she could.
When Hotch was finally able to stand up again he smiled, "Hi."
She grinned, "Hey. How was work?"
He shrugged, "You know what it's like. Did Strauss stop by?"
"Yeah but don't worry, I told her what the specifics of our relationship was. She's really not that bad you know, we had a good conversation."
He nodded, "I'm glad. I don't know if she thought there was really anything to worry about but I think she just wanted to make sure."
"Who could blame her? I'm sure she'd got enough to deal with without having to worry about something so trivial."
Later that evening Riane lay awake in bed for what seemed like hours. The evening had gone by without incident but she couldn't help but fixate on how easy it was to live with Hotch. She hadn't lived with another human being since she'd moved out when she'd been twenty-one and she hadn't expected it to come so naturally. At work she'd always seen Hotch as a tightly wound man who worked too hard and poured his heart into all aspects of his life. However, she never imagined that he'd be so easy to get along with yet here she was letting this man into her life and more importantly into the lives of her children and she wasn't sure how to contain the situation. Sooner or later Hotch was going to leave and she was going to be alone again and so were her children and it was imperative that she protected them. She was grateful to Hotch for all that he had done but it didn't change the facts and Riane needed to find a way to prepare herself and her children for when there wasn't anyone to rely on anymore.
