Shepard glanced at Garrus' still form worriedly; he was still breathing deep and evenly, his vitals were all within an acceptable range but she found she was feeling wary- what would he think of all this when he woke up, assuming he even had the memories?
She winced, "Watch where you're sticking that thing, Doctor."
"It's a hypodermic syringe not a "thing", Commander."
Shepard smiled wryly at Dr. Chakwas, "In your hands it ought to qualify as a lethal weapon."
"I'll take that as a compliment, Shepard."
Shepard watched her blood flow into the vacuous tube curiously; it certainly didn't look any different, but Mordin had insisted that in order to cope with the dextro protein her body must have undergone some sort of change and she hadn't even told him of her latest activities. She glanced back at Garrus again; this would all be so much easier when she had a chance to speak to him, she hoped the doctors would take a cue and leave when he began to stir.
"Shepard, we need to get your leg properly splinted; Garrus is safe in Dr. Mordin's care for now."
"Affirmative. Best to accompany Dr. Chakwas, will keep an eye on him."
Shepard glared, "No funny business, Mordin. Wait until he's awake and consenting to run your tests."
Awake and consenting, that sent a wave of guilt crashing through her; she hadn't really bothered with consent when running her "tests" either; the fact that he had been an eager participant aside, she had taken advantage of his state and sooner or later she was going to have to confess; she didn't know what she'd do if he gave her that betrayed look like the one he'd shot her when Miranda had first injected him, seeing that once had been enough for one lifetime.
Shepard allowed Dr. Chakwas to help her to feet, leaning heavily but stubbornly directing her where to go and constantly trying to increases their pace. Dr. Chakwas stopped out in the hallway. "Enough, Shepard. Don't push too hard; I need time to evaluate the damage and you will only make it worse if you keep abusing yourself like this."
Shepard sighed and nodded, recognizing good sense when she heard it even if it was unpalatable. "There's more than just this weighing on your mind, Shepard; if you need to talk, I am accounted a good listener."
There was a subtle question beneath the words that Shepard chose to ignore, wanting only to be left alone with her thoughts; what if Garrus woke up without her? Would he be distressed or relieved? Shepard shook her head, looping her arm about Dr. Chakwas once again as they set off at a crawling pace.
"Do you know, I'm not certain we have any crutches aboard. I think you may have to make do with a cane."
"A cane! I'm not some little old lady, I've been managing well enough this far."
"It will heal faster if you don't put so much weight on it all the time-"
"Are you calling me fat?"
"Commander, you are determined to take offense where none is intended."
"Sorry." Shepard mumbled sheepishly.
"You've had a trying week."
"You don't know the half of it." Shepard mumbled, staring disheartened at the floor.
Dr. Chakwas sighed deeply, whatever was bothering her it was clear she was going to have to work it out herself.
Shepard tested out the new splint gingerly, a vast improvement over her impromptu bandaging planet-side; Dr. Chakwas was a wonder. With a light pain-killer in her system and a not too terrible cane in hand she felt a little more herself.
She made her way back to the central med-bay quickly, hoping that Garrus would have roused by now so that they could discuss exactly what they were after all this. Was it selfish of her to hope that he would continue to acknowledge her as something more than a friend? Even a- she swallowed hard, a blush rising up to her ears, even a mate?
She was bound for disappointment, when she arrived Dr. Mordin was looking her over her blood test results, Garrus still resting behind him.
Mordin seemed to sense that she was on edge, he nodded reassuringly toward the bed, "Not a matter for concern; exhausted after overcoming the primal state. Should wake refreshed within the next three hours. Treatment appears to be having desired effect."
"Glad to hear it. You think he'll remember anything?"
"Difficult to tell, but no reason he would not. Joker is looking for you."
Of course.
She ignored the information for now, choosing instead to go to Garrus' bedside, fanning her fingers over his scar once more, he turned toward her touch in his sleep and she felt a smile on her lips; perhaps all was not lost.
"Shepard, would like to discuss test results when you return. Certain anomalies to go over, further tests to run."
Shepard hurried from the med-bay as fast as her cane would take her, not wanting to be caught up in the Doctor's tests just yet.
"Joker, you wanted to see me?"
"Miranda said you had a cane-"
"Get to the point or I will beat you with it." Shepard smiled to take the sting from the words, but Joker swallowed and leaned back.
"Just wanted to know where we're off to next." He blushed slightly, tapping the arms of his chair nervously. "Now seems like a good chance for shore leave; I mean, with your busted leg you probably don't feel up to anything too strenuous right?"
Shepard rolled her eyes, the hope in his voice was plain. He was right, though; it had been too long since they'd had any time off. "Why not? I leave the decision in your capable hands. Anywhere but the Citadel, I couldn't deal with that just now." She turned to go, but was stopped at Joker's tentative words.
"Commander, are you alright?"
"Fine." She turned to go again, but Joker caught her wrist quickly, "And Garrus?"
"We're both fine, don't worry about it."
"It's just… you were gone a long time you know? Without any contact, had me worried for a while- all of us."
"I'm back now. No more half-assed missions. Promise." Shepard threw a mocking salute and walked off once more, glad that he didn't call her back this time but only stared after her questioningly.
Her omni-tool beeped and Shepard jumped, flicking it on absently as she continued on her way to the infirmary. "Shepard, results are in. Would like to talk in med-bay."
"I'm already on my way."
Shepard did her best to look surprised when Dr. Mordin informed her that her chemistry had altered sufficiently to allow her to derive nutrients from Garrus' dextro, meals. It was an ability that could be lost if she did not take care to maintain; assuming Garrus was amenable she had every intention of preserving it. Something in her face must have given her away because Mordin had stopped talking and was watching her closely for a reaction.
"Shepard… not much data on turian mating rituals, did anything untoward occur?"
Shepard blinked, "Such as?"
"Apologies, will speak plainly. Were you injured, did Garrus force his attentions?"
Shepard sputtered indignantly, "Absolutely not! Nothing happened; we sheltered there for a few days, got along fine and now we're back. It's over."
Dr. Mordin sighed, "Garrus recognized you as his mate, not over. Not now."
Shepard shook her head, "I think in this case you're wrong, Doctor. Nothing "untoward" occurred."
"Of course, Shepard. Better to keep watch after he's awake; determine which symptoms linger."
"How much longer until he wakes do you think?"
"Not long now. Not long. Would be best if you were here, covered in his scent."
Shepard blanched, Mordin could tell that? Who else? None of the humans, surely. Garrus, Garrus would know. She swallowed nervously, she had to be here so she could see his reaction and decide exactly how many apologies and explanations were owed. Not too many, she hoped. None at all would be preferable, but she didn't think Garrus would immediately adapt to their new roles. Before nature had had its way, so to speak, Garrus had seemed pretty adamant that he didn't have a thing for humans. Hopefully their interlude had changed his mind but she could be patient.
Shepard made her way to his bedside once more, gazing down at his sleeping face. It felt strange not to be in his arms as he slept and she wondered how she would adapt to sleeping alone once more. Not terribly well, she suspected. Once more couldn't hurt, surely; she gestured Mordin from the room grateful that he left willingly and curled up next to Garrus on the bed, basking in his warmth. His arm curled about her sleepily and she lay there, content in her lover's arms.
Garrus tightened his arms around the comfortable weight that rested in his embrace, breathing in her familiar scent as he felt his muscles relaxing as though after a great strain. She'd been gone too long, but it was fine now that she was back with him. He burrowed his nose in her soft fringe, noting the clean, sweet smell and delighting in the smooth texture. He froze; warm weight, familiar scent, soft fringe. This was… Shepard. For a moment he began to relax again only to tighten like a bowstring. The hell was Shepard doing in his bed? His eyes flickered open, hands running down her vulnerable form in a panic.
Spirits, he hadn't hurt her had he? She smelled of his bonding hormones. What had he done? Was she alright? He jerked away from her, piling the blanket on her protectively as she roused, fierce and battle-ready.
"Spirits, Shepard. I'm sorry!"
Some niggling thought in the back of his mind supplied their location; they were secure in the Normandy's infirmary, alone. She had been resting in his arms, comfortably asleep until he had awoken panicking. Maybe this wasn't what he had first thought, but why was his scent all over her?
Shepard's eyes widened in surprise and joy, "Good to see you awake again, Vakarian. You gave us a scare."
Garrus automatically stepped toward her, but then pulled back; he needed to know all the details of this situation before he could make a tactical assessment. His eyes flew to her damaged leg, her hand resting on the bed-frame for support. He held out a hand tentatively, careful to keep the gesture as non-threatening as possible. She had probably been through enough.
He winced when Shepard paced to the wall instead, taking a cane from the corner and leaning on it. He could see a bruise on her shoulder, multiple nips all along her neck that must surely have been painful and yet she didn't seem to fear him. That was Shepard, fearless to the point of folly at times, but always concerned with the well-being of her crew. Garrus closed his eyes and drew a deep breath; she couldn't even bear to touch him, preferring the support of her cane. The turians had abandoned their gods long ago, but he beseeched any listening beings to grant him forgiveness.
Since she was acting normal it would be best if he copied her attitude, they could discuss his conduct whenever she was ready. He swallowed nervously, "How long was I out?"
"Sleeping? Almost a day. You've been "out" for almost a week now."
A week? Why the hell hadn't they taken her away sooner? He knew the answer, it was there for any turian to smell. He would never have surrendered his mate willingly and it would have meant death for them to try taking her.
"I see. How did you manage?"
Shepard flinched slightly and Garrus felt a bolt of pain shoot through him at the sight; he'd have given anything for the assurance that she was truly alright and this wasn't some act to placate him.
"We managed fine, Garrus. We're a team, right? You didn't think I'd have left you out there on your own?"
"No, of course not." He essayed a reassuring smile. That was exactly the problem, she would never have left him because as far as she was concerned he was family. She would have done about anything for him and counted her losses a fair exchange. That was what was eating him up inside, how far had she gone to save him this time?
Shepard took a cautious step forward, watching him as though he were some sort of predator that might set on her at any minute, well he hadn't exactly done anything to allay that fear had he?
"Garrus, we need to talk about what happened out there. I think it might… change some things."
His heart was dying in his chest, he bowed his head; "Of course, Shepard."
Shepard stepped back from him, eyes glinting suspiciously- anger or tears?
"We can do this later, I have work to attend to. You'd better rest, Vakarian."
He stepped forward, arms stretched out pleadingly, but she had already turned her back. She paused at the door and faced him, noting that he was still frozen there. "Call it an order if that makes it any easier." And she was gone.
Nothing had changed, damn it. Nothing at all.
Shepard hobbled away from the med-bay as fast as her legs would carry her, which was to say a little faster than a snail she thought irritably. Her eyes burned with unshed tears, cursed if she'd let them fall though; she'd known the risk and gone ahead with it- her dues were paid.
It had hurt when he'd pulled away from her, gods it had hurt, but she'd tried to assert some control over the situation, all to no avail. He hadn't come any nearer, had even pulled away just when it looked like he might approach, and the way he had distanced himself from her when he was speaking: "how did you manage" indeed! As though they hadn't been through it together, as though she would have left him there and fended for herself.
Shepard growled in frustration, what had finally ended it for her was that defeated slump to his shoulders when she'd suggested they discuss the situation; it was plain he didn't want to and why would he? His feelings were plain, he really hadn't been joking about looking closer to home but like a fool she had pushed it, a strategical miscalculation she assured herself; they were still a team. Shepard and Vakarian were not so easily separated, but the chances of ever being anything more looked decidedly slim from her angle; he wouldn't trust her again, and maybe she deserved that.
A very vocal part of her subconscious, the rash and brazen part of her she had to fight to suppress, wanted to storm back into that infirmary, slam him against the wall and tell him just where he could get off; preferably while getting him off. That would truly be the end of it, she wasn't about to go so far but the urge was harder to fight than she was entirely comfortable with, Garrus had always brought out her darker side, what harm in letting him deal with the consequences? No. Absolutely not. She wasn't some depraved monster bent on forcing the crew to her will, she was better than that. She was.
She ached and it was more than just her leg; she punched the button in the elevator to go to her quarters, hoping against hope that he might bolt from around the corner and stop the doors from closing, push his way in beside her and declare that they were going to talk out their dilemma like grown adults and then adjourn to her quarters to explore this "mating" idea in more thorough detail.
The doors closed without any hindrance and Shepard leaned back against the railing, she stared up at the ceiling, willing the contraption to move faster so she could file her report and crawl into bed for an uninterrupted night's sleep. A single tear beaded in the corner of her eye and she wiped it angrily away, sleep was exactly what she needed; tomorrow she would find Garrus at his calibrations and they would have it out then and there, no more delays.
Shepard keyed open the release to her cabin and stepped inside. It was good to be home, aside from her shower and a quick nap she hadn't spent much time in here at all; thank goodness Kelly had looked after the fish. She tapped the glass softly, watching them swim away; seemed no one wanted to be too close right now.
Shepard shook her head, that wasn't fair and for all her complaints about Garrus' attitude she wasn't much better; throwing a temper tantrum like a willful child when there was work to be done. She moved over to her desk, propping the cane against it as she sat down to write that report. Her head was pounding viciously but she pushed it aside, setting stubbornly to work. She would forget this until tomorrow morning, give Garrus some time to acclimate and make some very important decisions, then they could decide together what to do from here.
Garrus couldn't sleep; he'd tossed and turned for nearly two hours now, rolling from one side to the other, curling or uncurling, even pulling his pillow close and trying to pretend it was Shepard, her scent still lingered faintly on the fabric but nothing worked.
He wasn't fooling anyone, least of all himself; he had to know what had happened on that planet when he'd lost himself to rage, Shepard could fill in the dark spots he knew and he feared he just wouldn't be able to comply with her orders until she had done so.
Looking back on it in the cold light of logic it seemed unlikely that he would harm her; the 'primal state' as Dr. Mordin had called it, had been designed to aid in the protection of one's mate, by that reasoning wouldn't it have prevented him from hurting her? Besides, she was Commander Shepard; it was easy to forget sometimes that just because she was friendly and playful with him didn't mean she couldn't turn killer in a second flat when threatened. If he'd made a move she didn't like she would have kicked his ass into the middle of the next cycle; or at least she would have if she hadn't been injured, and therein lay the crux of the matter.
He pushed himself up from bed, stomping toward the door as he rehearsed what he was going to say; should he be apologetic or matter-of-fact? Should he ask to speak to her in a public area or presume to enter her sanctum? The choice was already made he knew, but thinking of the many ways it could play out, devising a strategy for each one kept him calm.
The elevator seemed to take forever to reach her level and he found his foot tapping nervously, still frantically searching for the right words to say. He would almost feel better if she punished him, then at least he would know that justice had been done; some traitorous part of him wished that she would still want to pursue that relationship they had been dancing around before this… mess. That seemed unlikely, whatever feelings she might have had for him he had probably killed with his selfishness, but it didn't stop him from hoping.
He hesitated outside her door for a minute, resting his head against the cool steel as he steadied his breathing; he punched at the entry timidly, straightening his back and bracing his shoulders as he strode inside.
She lay face-down on the desk, arms sprawled out to either side and neck resting at an unnatural angle, he went cold with fear before she came awake, scrabbling at her holster for a gun she had long since put away. She relaxed when she saw her visitor, and that gave him hope that perhaps all was not lost.
"Garrus. Come in." She raised her brows at him, sarcasm dripping from every word. Garrus winced, "Shepard, I wanted to talk to you."
"Didn't I order you to rest?"
"And I did, but I'm up now and we have a lot to go over." He drew a breath, "starting with whatever I might have done to you. Shepard, I'm sorry; I wasn't myself, I-"
He spread his arms helplessly, voice lowering until it was only just above a whisper, "I would never intentionally hurt you."
Shepard frowned, "No one said you had." She slumped in her chair dispirited, "The opposite in fact. I took advantage."
Garrus could've sworn his heart skipped a beat. Had Shepard just admitted to "taking advantage" of him? As in, deliberately provoking him to mark her?
"I see. Shepard?"
Her voice was hoarse, "Yes?"
"Did you… Did we…?"
Shepard glanced up at him with bitter disappointment in her eyes, "I'm sorry, Garrus. At first I was honestly just trying to keep you calm; I was hoping it might bring you back to yourself."
"At first?" His mouth was dry with excitement and he could feel an edge of arousal in it, a glimmering hope that they might fix this after all. His eyes darted toward her bed but he pulled his gaze stubbornly back to her; there were more important things to deal with. He had to know that she was comfortable with the idea of being his mate and not just struggling with her own feelings of guilt.
"You didn't exactly put up a fight. I know it was instinct but when Mordin said it was essentially courtship behavior I just got a little carried away."
"Shepard, enough."
Shepard looked up, eyes narrowing dangerously. "I decide when I've said enough, Garrus-"
She cut off, her gaze dark with surprise as she finally recognized the rumble in his voice and her breath came faster seeing the intent in his movements.
He stalked toward her slowly, voice dropping to that rumbling growl she had come to recognize over these last few days, "I didn't force you? You were willing?"
Shepard swallowed as her tongue snaked out to wet her suddenly dry lips, Garrus sucked in a breath at the gesture. "Didn't I just say so?"
Garrus blinked disbelievingly, coming another step nearer; Shepard leaned back in her chair and grabbed the arms in a death grip. "Shepard, do you know the significance of that?"
"I get the feeling you're going to enlighten me." She felt a smirk growing at the corner of her lips entirely against her will, "You accepted my courtship, Shepard."
"I suggested it, Garrus. You were the one that backed down; I believe the reason sighted was the uncertainty of inter-species relations?"
"Irrelevant."
"Finally; to think it only took a week to convince you of that. Stop right there." Shepard held out a hand and Garrus' mandibles flickered in surprise.
"We've established that I haven't… raped you. We've decided that your courtship is accepted so on and so forth, but you haven't really asked me my opinion on the matter."
She caught the uncertainty in his posture as he readied himself to step back. "Not so fast, Vakarian. I'm not done with you yet."
He clearly recognized her intent from her tone, hackles rising in playful threat as he pushed her boundary, edging forward slightly. Shepard smiled, "You gave me quite a scare out there; I wasn't sure when or if you were coming back and I promised myself a little retribution for all the times you forced that muck down my throat. It's your turn."
Garrus blinked in surprise, a new fear spreading across his face; maybe this really hadn't been the time to bring up the force-feeding sessions, but it was still a pet peeve of hers and she had promised.
"On your knees."
Garrus dropped to his knees immediately; it was just one of the things she loved about him, his willingness to trust her. "You know, you fed me that dextro stuff for five days regardless of what I said or did."
"Shepard, I-"
"I am talking; you will listen." Garrus fell silent, a shade of worry in his eyes that could not quite cover his excitement.
"Dr. Mordin says it may have permanently altered my system, provided I take care. I can… ingest dextro protein, even derive some nutritional value from it. That got me thinking about what else might have changed. Quite a bit, as it turns out."
Garrus was looking a question at her, "Trust me; I'll show you." Shepard undid the belt of her trousers slowly, unzipping them at an agonizing rate, Garrus found himself craning to see, silently willing her to strip them off completely. Spirits, clearly she had decided underwear were unnecessary today; Garrus began to pant softly and Shepard smiled at him as she leaned back in the chair and spread her legs marginally, "Get these off me."
Garrus needed no further urging, crawling forward to slip his claws through the soft fabric, cutting it from her carefully.
"It took me ages to get these on the first time and now you've ruined them. What am I supposed to do for clothing?"
"Wear a dress; I've always been partial to that sexy little strapless Kasumi foisted on you."
"I concede that might have its own benefits." Shepard slid farther down the chair, her hands ghosting along the side of his face as he leaned into her caress, massaging behind his fringe as she pulled him to her. "I ate regardless of what I wanted; it's only fair you should return the favor."
