Sasha woke in the middle of the night, still tangled with Bucky in her arms. Her forehead rested against his. She pulled back enough to examine his face. He didn't look peaceful. His face was scrunched, and his eyes fluttered behind his lids. He was dreaming.

Sasha ran her hand over his head and down to his cheek to try to soothe him. Bucky grabbed her wrist, pinned her back to the bed, and grabbed her throat with his metal hand.

She gasped and pushed at his chest.

"Buck-"

His eyes were locked on hers with a coldness she had never seen.

"Ple... please."

The coldness faded, and confusion filled his face as he pushed himself away. Sasha coughed, gasping for air.

"I'm sorry." Bucky shoved his hand in his hair. "Are you all right?"

Sasha sat up. She coughed, but nodded her head.

"I'm so sorry."

She reached for his hand, but he got off the bed.

"This is why I pushed any thoughts of a relationship out of my head. I was an idiot to think this wouldn't happen."

"Bucky... you were having a nightmare."

Her voice sounded like it was being dragged over gravel. Her throat was on fire, but she wasn't about to tell him that. He left the room. She tried to call for him, but his name caught in her throat.

Bucky came back with water and sat on the edge of the bed as she sipped it.

"I can't do this," he said.

"Yes, you can."

"I almost killed you."

"But you didn't. I woke you up in the middle of a nightmare. It's my fault."

"Don't you dare."

He stared at her neck. The red already began to deepen to purple as bruises formed in the shape of a hand.

Bucky reached out with his right hand and brushed a finger over her discolored skin.

"I'm so sorry."

"We'll work through it. Now I know not to touch you when you're dreaming. I'll let you wake up on your own."

"I should leave."

"No, you need to stay."

"Then I'll sleep on the couch."

Sasha took Bucky's hand. He tried to pull away, but she held on tight and he didn't fight it.

"You were the one who pursued this. You pushed me to admit that I want you. You don't get to run away now."

"I hurt you."

"And you've apologized. Bucky, I know what's going on in your head, remember? I know you didn't want to hurt me. It looked like you didn't even see me. You saw someone else."

"It was Tony's mom. In the dream I was..." He looked away. "When you touched me it triggered an instinct to fight back. It was a mission. You were just someone I had to kill. A job I had to do." He grabbed her face with both hands and pressed his lips to hers. "That's what scares me. I don't want to hurt you."

"I know."

Bucky lifted her face and gently kissed the bruises on her throat.

"I'm so sorry.

Bucky lay her back, then pulled her into his arms as he lay next to her.

"What if it happens again?"

"We'll deal with it."

"What if I don't let go that time?"

Sasha put a hand to his face. "You will."

Neither of them slept well that night, and they both slipped into an exhausted sleep as the sun came up.

The call from the hospital woke her. Sasha was never late, so when the morning was half gone and she hadn't shown up for work her partner called. She told him she was sick, and her voice was still scratchy enough that he believed her.

Bucky was awake when she snuggled back into him. He pressed his lips against her head and sighed.

"I like this," he whispered.

"I do, too."

His fingers trailed over her throat.

"Does it hurt?"

"Not really."

Bucky nuzzled his nose into her hair.

"I'm so sorry."

"Bucky, stop apologizing."

"I have to stop these nightmares."

"We will. Give it time."

"What will you tell people? Those bruises are bad."

"I'll stay home until they're gone. Work thinks I'm sick. The other doctors can see my patients for me."

Steve was at the door an hour later. Sasha looked through the peephole, then had Bucky answer the door while she got dressed. She left her bedroom door open to listen to their exchange.

"So, spent the night, huh?"

"I messed up, Steve."

"Why? What happened?"

"I nearly killed her."

"What?"

"I was asleep, in the middle of a nightmare, and she woke me up. I grabbed her by the throat."

"And I'm fine," Sasha said as she walked up.

Steve stared at the scarf around her neck before he yanked it off, and his eyes widened.

"It's not as bad as it looks, and it doesn't look as bad as it did before." She turned to Bucky. "I think that was mostly the freshness of it happening... all the deep redness."

"It shouldn't have happened," Bucky said.

"No," Steve said. "Maybe you should come back to my apartment."

"Guys, the only way to get through this is to go straight through. We shouldn't avoid it. I was hesitant to let Bucky stay here to begin with, but now that this has happened, leaving would be a mistake. We work through it."

"How?"

"For starters, we work on your nightmares."

"That's great," Steve said, "but you've got a session with Tony today. You can't hide the bruising behind a scarf. It's too obvious."

"Only because Bucky told you what happened before I came out. Tony won't have any idea."

Sasha was right. Tony paid no attention to the scarf, and they made some progress in their session.

When she returned home, Steve and Bucky were sitting on the couch. Steve stood as she came in.

"I guess I'll get going. Sasha, if you need anything-"

"I'll call you. But I think we'll be ok."

Steve nodded and left. Sasha went to sit next to Bucky, but he pulled her into his lap and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and he pulled the scarf from her neck. His lips brushed over the hand-shaped bruise, then he smoothed her hair back.

"How do we get rid of these nightmares?"

"It will take time. Bucky, your mind was manipulated in ways I didn't think were possible. The nightmares may never go away completely, but I'll try my best. At the very least, I want to make it so they don't overtake you that way."

Bucky nodded. "I never really had time to realize that anything was wrong. What they did... the way they scrubbed my memories..."

"They tried to. Didn't really work, did it?"

"It worked good enough. But seeing Steve, having him push for me to remember, it made me focus on what they did... what they took from me."

"What did they take from you?"

He looked at her like she'd grown a second head, but she smiled and he realized she was being his therapist at the moment, despite the fact that she was sitting in his lap. He rubbed his hand over her thigh.

"They took my choices... my entire existence. I was just a machine to them."

"But that's not all they took from you."

"Actually, it is. Not to say 'that's all' like it's nothing, because it's everything. But I was at war. I chose to follow Steve back to go after Hydra. I fell from that train. If they hadn't found me, I would have died. I had no future."

"Are you actually putting a positive spin on this?"

Bucky shrugged. "I'm alive, right? Everything else can be dealt with."

Tears filled Sasha's eyes, and Bucky frowned.

"Shit. Is that bad? Am I not dealing with this right?"

Sasha shook her head. "No, Bucky, it's good. Very good."

He wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.

"Why are you crying?"

She rested her forehead against his.

"You've come such a long way, so quickly. Most people, something like this would take years... decades to get over."

"I'm not over it, yet."

"I know, but it's progress."

Bucky smiled. "I can't imagine you cry over every patient who makes progress."

Sasha pulled back, and pressed her hand against his chest.

"You know you're different."

"Yeah, a real hard-case."

"Without sounding too conceited, you were brought to me because I'm one of the best. My work is my life. I could count on one hand how many dates I've been on in the last decade, and I wouldn't have to use every finger."

"Ouch."

"That's just it. It was by choice. It doesn't upset me." Her eyes followed her finger as it trailed over his chest. "Remember when you told me I made you want things you thought you shouldn't want?"

"I do."

"You made me want things I thought I didn't want."