Tegan held me close to her, wearing a soft smile on her face. Her words caught me off guard because it was nothing I ever expected her to say. She missed me? How could she miss me? My mind flashed back again to a few months ago, the same night I was imagining earlier.

Lindsey pulled back from the kiss, and I stood dazed. She didn't have an expression on her face either, which made everything else here so odd. Tegan came running back out of the building, panting. "Sorry about that you guys! Let's get going!" Tegan was smiling, but it slowly went away when she saw the look on our faces.

"Everything…okay?" She asked. Lindsey looked at Tegan and smiled a little.

"Yeah, it's fine." Lindsey said as she walked away from me to the car. Tegan walked past me to get in the car as well, giving me a questionable look as she passed.

My mind skipped to a different day, a month later. Tegan stood by the door of my house, in tears. I couldn't look at her, it was just too horrible.

"I'm sorry Sara…I can't do this anymore. After everything and the things with Lindsey…I love you, but I can't stay here." Tegan looked down and said "I'm sorry." again. She opened the door, turning to leave. I looked up, seeing her walking out of the door. I couldn't do it. I didn't want this. This wasn't supposed to happen.

It wasn't my fault..

I ran up to Tegan, screaming as loud as I could through my tears. "PLEASE! TEGAN! DON'T LEAVE ME!" I fell to my knees clutching onto her pants. Tegan burst into tears as she shook me off and ran out the door, leaving me to sob uncontrollably in my door way, screaming to the world of my sadness.

Aching, my mind jumped again. It jumped to a few weeks later. I sat alone at a bar, sipping a drink that a friend had bought me but now she was off with someone else. I starred into the drink, sliding the liquid around in the glass. A woman sat down next to me, laughing a little. She smelled like cigarette smoke.

"Hey there baby." She said, sounding drunk.

"Hey." I said, uninterested.

She looked around and chuckled. "Baby you look like you could use a smoke!" She pulled out a fag from her shirt pocket and held it out to me. "Here, it's on me."

I looked at the cig and shook my head. "No thanks - I don't smoke." I said, looking back at my drink.

"Come on!" She pushed, "They'll help you chill out! Here, I even have a lighter." She picked up my hand an put the lighter in my fingers. "Keep it!" She exclaimed, holding out the cig again.

I looked at the small stick and thought for a second before I gave in and reached for it, putting it in my mouth and lighting the end. At first the taste was rough and dry, but after a few more puffs, I felt my brain relax and a smile form on my face.

Then I saw something different, it was my house, sometime after that that I couldn't remember. I sat alone on the couch, a beer in one hand and a lit fag in the other. I hadn't slept in days, and by the way the sun was rising - I didn't think today was going to be the day.

And then I came back to the present, in front of Tegan. She still held her gaze on me. After thinking about the past so much, Tegan's face stood out to me. She looked so different than she had a year ago. But I missed her too. I missed her so much, more than I ever thought I could. I missed the way she looked at me, I missed the way her hands fit in mine, I missed the way she smelled. Just everything about her, I craved her here next to me.

I leaned against Tegan's chest to hug her, and we stood there in the smokey room that was covered in forgotten dust. I felt a tear fall from my eye as I squeezed her in my arms.

"I missed you too…I missed you so much." I choked out.