From Chapter 6
"I can see that you are pretending to be my friend. Your smiles are too fake, your thought too transparent, and your actions too obvious. I can actually smell your fear." I said as I lowered by head, covering my eyes with my hair. I couldn't but who cares. It is the same. Majority of the humans have always hated ghouls, and it isn't going to change anytime soon. Not in a million years and especially not now. I felt tears well up in my eyes. Just say it already. I hate suspension. Just say that you want me gone already!
"What are you talking about?" Chitose said nervously.
"Stop lying." I said, eerily calm as I suddenly spread my wings, trying to seem menacing. I blinked away the tears in my eyes that were still covered by my bangs. I would do no one any good if I cry now. This was the only way. I don't want to get hurt and I don't want to live with "what if" s in the future. When they tell me the truth, I will leave and never come back. Just say it. How much energy does saying "Leave" take anyway?
Some Homra members backed away from me when they saw my crystalized kagune.
I guess I must look a little threatening, with my glowing kakugan and wing like kagune but I still felt a stab of pain in my heart when I realised that they were scared.
"How inconsiderate can I be?" I thought as I mentally face palmed. I want them to tell me to leave and I don't want them to be scared. That's too much to ask of a human. Or ghoul. Whatever.
A heavy silence settled over us, the uneasy tension in the atmosphere thickened. Unsettled eyes glanced unceremoniously around and tried to avoid other eyes, especially mine. I never thought that the Homra bar could be so quiet with all the members still here.
The tension broke when Eric moved closer to me. "Yata." He said.
Here it comes. I closed my eyes.
"You are hot-headed, a hopeless with studies but uselessly athletic person, a shy virgin, small as a Chihuahua, and an idiot."
I let out a small, forced smile.
"But you are part of our family now, and that is never going to change. We accept you a friend, as family."
I felt my heart stop a beat and breath got caught in my throat.
Acceptance. That was all I had wanted. Humans do not know how lucky they are to be born fully human, with no trace of ghoul blood. They were accepted in the human society and this world that I live in. Ghouls lived much more difficult lives than humans but they were still accepted in the ghoul community. But no matter what, I can't seem to find acceptance. Until now.
It was too good to be true.
No. It can't be true. It was a curse I was born with. The only way to remove it is to somehow remove the half-ghoul, half-human blood running through my veins.
To be frank, I use to hate gangs (before I joined the red clan of course). I felt that it was unfair. They had lives where they were accepted as part of the community, a life that I could only dream of in my sleep. However, they do not know how lucky they were. Instead of being grateful, the ungrateful humans went around, beating people up, even risking their lives. What right did they have to be so uncaring about their lives when I have to struggle so much in mine!
"Do you even know who you are telling that to?" I said coldly, amazed that my voice did not waver.
"Yes, a friend, someone who is part of this family." Eric said without hesitation.
My eyes widened with surprise. The cold mask I put up on my face shattered into smithereens. I felt something wet flowed down my cheeks and my wings turned back to their feather-like state.
I touched my cheeks, concerned that I was somehow bleeding. There was no blood, only tears. Suddenly, I realised that I was crying. The last time I cried was when Hinata died. That day I promised myself that I would never cry again. Looks like promises are really meant to be broken.
Anna walked towards me and looked at my wings through a marble. "Pretty." She said.
"Yata, are you alright?" I heard Kusanagi's concerned voice. I looked up and smiled.
"Yes, I'm more than fine." I said.
It was true, I am more than fine. I may have to eat the corpses of humans to survive; I may have to kill people to protect those I love; I may even have to sacrifice myself in the future. But right now, in this bar, I am surrounded by my friends that accept me for who I am, or rather what I am, and that is more than enough for me to be considered fine.
I said that I am rewriting it, but I have lost the will to do so. I edited some things. I will continue writing but please, someone give me some ideas on how Fushimi and Yata would reconcile. *Puppyeyes
