I AM SOOOOO SOOORRRYYY I HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN A REAAALLLY LOOONG TIME!
I BEG FOREGIVENESS! D: …ahem….so, moving forward…
Btw, Rikuobsession, "My mother ate my turtle!" is from iCarly! It's blindfold time! :D
Anyways, the poll has been closed, the votes are in, and the best man is...
It was the day of the wedding.
Everyone was running around like crazy, trying to get all the preparations finished. "I want that chair on the left wall, and I want all the tablecloths pressed to perfection!" barked Marluxia.
Vexen leaned into Xigbar. "Who died and made him the wedding planner?"
Marluxia spun around. "Do my ears deceive me?" he spat. "Do I hear some gossip being spread? Hm? Hm!"
Vexen quickly shook his head. "Uhh, no ma'am—I mean, sir! No, sir!"
Marluxia pursed her—I mean his pink lips together, and nodded. "That's what I thought," he said crisply. He turned suddenly and began barking again. "Roses! We need lots of roses!"
Zexion, who had been hiding in a corner, let out a small breath of relief, stepped out, and was just about to walk away when Marluxia spotted him. "You there!" he shouted.
Zexion froze in his tracks, and winced. "Whatever can I do for you?" he mumbled sarcastically.
Marluxia pointed his finger at him. "Have all the guests arrived?"
Zexion gulped. "Umm, guests?" he said, unsure of what he meant.
Marluxia rolled his eyes. "Yes, the guests! Remember, I was telling you yesterday that you were in charge of all the guests!"
Zexion thought back for a moment, trying to remember when Marluxia could possibly have said that.
*FLASHBACK TIME*
"Larxene, I want you in charge of all of the bridesmaids!" shouted Marluxia into a large megaphone.
Larxene flashed out her Knives, but nodded.
"Xigbar, I want you in charge of decorations!"
Xigbar groaned. "Why do I always get stuck with the GIRL jobs?"
"You may trade with Larxene."
"…I'll pass."
"Very good. Luxord, I want you in charge of the beverages!"
"Rum!" shouted Luxord.
Marluxia sighed. "The groom has requested something a little less….alcohol-related, and is having a craving for mango smoothies. Can you do that?"
Luxord squinted hard, and tried to say it. "M-Ma-Ma-Margarita!" he belted.
"Close enough," said Marluxia, checking it off the list. "Zexion!"
Zexion was sitting on the couch, watching his favorite soap, Killing Heights.
"Maybe….waiting isn't good enough…"
"My thoughts exactly! If you have a dream, don't wait, act! One of life's little rules. Got it memorized?"
"Who are you?
"I want you in charge of all the guests!" shouted Marluxia.
"Ashton. I happen to be an acquaintance of Sampson's. Why don't we go see him?"
"Sampson?"
"This is an extremely important job, so make sure that you get it done! Are you even listening to me? Zexion?"
"You and I have something in common, Karma—"
"ZEXION?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I heard you!" mumbled Zexion, not wanting to miss a moment of the new episode.
*FLASHBACK ENDS*
"ZEXION?"
"Huh?" Zexion snapped out of his flashback.
Marluxia groaned. "Do you have the guests, or not?" he said, waving the guest list in front of his face.
Zexion took the list from his hand. "Pfft, yeah, of course I have all the guests!" Zexion said dismissively. "I was just about to go get them, in fact!" Zexion started to walk away.
"Good!" called Marluxia. "And make sure to bring some help! AND WHERE ARE MY ROSES?"
Zexion, who had interpreted the word "help" as the word "Axel," went off to go find the redhead.
Zexion found Axel twenty minutes later, sobbing on the couch in The TV Room That Doesn't Entertain. "Axel!" he called. "C'mon! I need you to…wha...?"
Axel sat on the couch, his legs curled up underneath him, and a box of tissues beside him while he looked through a large scrapbook.
"Oh, no," mumbled Zexion, rolling his eyes. "Not the scrapbook…"
Axel blew his nose, flipped to the next page, and pointed at a particular photo of him and Demyx. "This is a picture of us at an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet in Radiant Garden," he said, letting out a small sob.
He flipped to the next page. "A-And this is us at one of those exclusive nightclubs in Destiny Islands!" he said, crying a little bit harder.
"Umm, Axel…"
"WHERE DID MY LITTLE PERVERT GO?" Axel burst into a pool of pathetic tears. He slumped over the scrapbook, not bothering to grab a tissue for his flowing tears and snot.
Zexion shuffled over and placed his hand on Axel's shoulder uncomfortably. Axel seemed to cry harder. "Hey, it's okay," he said, in a somewhat reassuring voice.
Axel, his face still planted in the scrapbook, choked. "No it's not!" he groaned. He erupted in a fresh new set of tears.
Zexion cleared his throat. "Umm, if it makes you feel any better, you can come with me on another adventure," he said.
Axel stopped crying for a moment. "Really?" he asked, not lifting his head.
Zexion nodded. "Yup. Nothing to tie us down, except manly things, you know, like…sports, and, uh…beef?"
Axel finally lifted his head, eyeliner running down his puffy, red face. (Yes, Axel does wear eyeliner, in case you didn't notice!) "Will there be…ice-cream?" he said, wiping his nose on his sleeve.
Zexion handed him a tissue. "Sure...there'll be ice-cream..." he mumbled uncertainly.
"Well, what are we waiting for?" cried Axel. He jumped off the couch, knocked the scrapbook to the ground, opened up a dark passaged, and ran through it. "C'mon!" he shouted.
Zexion, sighed, wondering what he just got himself into, and hurried after him.
A few minutes later, Axel and Zexion appeared in the Superior's room at the local hospital in Hollow Bastion.
Axel looked at Zexion's list in confusion. "He's the first one on the list?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.
Zexion nodded solemnly at the man lying in bed. Bandages covered him like a mummy, covering him from his feet, all the way up his arms, and covering his entire face.
Zexion closed his eyes and shook his head. "Let's just get him out of here; we're on a tight schedule as it is."
Just as Axel and Zexion wheeled him into the Dark Corridors of Darkness, Doctor Eraqus appeared. "Oh, there you are!" he exclaimed, combing his luscious black hair.
Zexion stopped for a moment to catch his breath. It was, for some reason, really hard to wheel the bed through. "No...*huff**huff*...time...*huff*..." He started pushing Xemnas through again.
"Well, I bet you would like to know how the surgery went—" started Doctor Eraqus.
"We really don't."
"But if you would just—"
"Goodbye now!"
"But...?"
Zexion and Axel had already wheeled him through. Doctor Eraqus sighed, took out a hand mirror, and gazed at his reflection longingly. "Well, now it's only me and gorgeous me!" he gushed.
Ew.
In the Corridors of Darkness That Exist Between Worlds But Aren't Really Worlds Themselves...
Axel and Zexion huffed and puffed as they tried to wheel their Superior through the dark corridor.
Axel gasped for breath. "Why...is this...so difficult? ...That...Jenny Craig...diet...always seemed to work...before..."
Zexion stopped pushing, allowing Axel to collapse onto the ground (of DARKNESS!). He bent down and looked at the wheels of the traveling bed cart.
"Ew..." he whispered. The wheels were completely covered in dark purple guck, making it hard for them to spin.
Axel sighed, and whipped out his cell phone. Zexion looked at him suspiciously. "What are you doing?" he asked.
Axel started dialing. "I'm calling the DCTC," he said simply.
Zexion's face went pale. "Th-The Dark Corridors Taxi Corporation?" he asked, hoping he had heard wrong.
Axel nodded his head. Zexion, in a panic, grabbed Axel's phone, and stuffed it down his own underwear.
Axel gave Zexion the weirdest look. Zexion looked down at the ground uncomfortably, feeling Axel's phone scratch up against his...well, you know...
Axel opened his mouth. "Why...?"
"THEY'RE A VERY SKETCHY GROUP, OKAY?" Zexion snapped, his voice cracking.
Axel almost snickered. Instead, he smiled. "Y-You're afraid of a...taxi company?" he asked, desperately trying not to giggle.
Zexion shuffled his feet awkwardly. "I don't ask you about your childhood..." he mumbled.
Axel smirked, but rose up his hands. "Fine, fine," he said. "Then we'll just have to do it the old-fashioned way," he said.
Zexion looked up, his eyebrows high. "And, what is that?" he asked.
Axel did not respond. Instead, he started to chuckle. "Mhmhmhmm..." he chuckled.
"Hehehe," giggled Zexion for no reason in particular.
"Mmmehehehe..."
"Hahaha..."
"Mwehaha..."
"Hahaheeha..."
"Mwaaaahaaa!"
"Hahaahahaheh!"
"MWAHAHAHAHA!"
"HEHEHAHEHAH!"
"MWWAAAHAHAHAHAHEEHAA-*cough**choke**cough*"
"Teehehehe..."
"*Cough**Sputter* ...Jerk..."
At Disney Castle...
Axel looked at Zexion up and down, examining his work. "Turn around," he said, motioning with his hand.
Zexion sighed, and turned slowly. Axel clapped his hands together with absolute glee. "It's perfect!" he cried, grinning up and down.
Zexion looked down at his baby-blue soldier's uniform, complete with the unnecessary brass buttons, sash, trademark white Disney gloves, and a tall, furry blue hat. "I-I look ridiculous!" he complained.
"Oh, nonsense, you look just like me!" Axel put on his own furry blue hat, fastening the clasp under his chin so his hair flattened out awkwardly. Then he stood up tall and pretended to solute like a real soldier, except for his goofy smile. Zexion nearly cried with embarrassment.
When Axel stopped saluting, Zexion pointed to Xemnas, who was still lying unconscious in his stretcher. "What do we do about him?" he asked.
"I already got that covered," said Axel. He reached into his pocket, managed to pull out another furry blue hat, and strapped it onto Xemnas' bandaged head.
Zexion stared at their soldier-mummy Superior, then back at Axel. Then back at their soldier-mummy Superior. Finally, he said, "This isn't going to work."
Axel poked the tip of Zexion's nose with his finger. "Zexy; have my plans every gone wrong before?" he said.
Zexion was just about to answer, but he let the AXEL'S PLANS THAT HAVE GONE COMPLETELY WRONG MONTAGE take the lead.
*AXEL'S PLANS THAT HAVE GONE COMPLETELY WRONG MONTAGE!*
"Hey, Isa! Look at this large mysterious black hole I found!"
"Umm, Lea, I really think we shouldn't…"
"Aw, c'mon, it's not like anything bad is going to happen!"
"Here you go, Marluxia; now your chocolaty-brown hair can have golden highlights!"
"But, the bottle says, 'Bubblegum-Burst Pink.'"
"Eh, they probably had a labeling problem, or something."
"Okay…"
"Axel, I really think this isn't safe…" *adjusts apple on top of head*
"Oh, relax, Xiggy! It's not like I'm going to shoot you in the eye!" *takes out archery equipment*
"A hot air balloon…made out of plastic bags?"
"Yeah, I saw some guys do it on TV, Roxas!"
"But, plastic bags are so thin, and the wind speed is going so fast…"
"Oh, it's a guy thing, Xion! You wouldn't understand!"
"*sigh* I don't even understand myself…"
*Zexion walks in* "A-Axel? What are you doing to the cake mix?"
"The instructions said a cup of oil, so I'm putting in a cup of oil!" *scoops in petroleum oil*
"Y-You're supposed to use cooking oil, not—"
"Hey! Who's the cook here?"
"AXEL? HAVE YOU GONE MAD?"
*Throws sticks of dynamite all over the room* "Mwahahaha! Now nobody is safe from the wrath of Axel, Flurry of Dancing Flames!"
BOOM!
*AXEL'S PLANS THAT HAVE GONE COMPLETELY WRONG MONTAGE ENDS!*
"Hey!" whined Axel. "The last one never happened!"
Zexion looked at him with a dark expression on his face. "But you were planning it," he said matter-of-factly.
Zexion started to walk towards the palace. Axel shuddered, but followed after him. "Zexion does not read minds! Zexion does not read minds, and he never will!" he whispered under his breath.
As they approached the palace gates, they heard a voice behind them. "Hey, who are you supposed to be?"
Axel and Zexion turned to see a talking cow dressed the same way they were, walking towards them.
"I've never seen you two around here before! What are your names?" he asked, looking at them up and down.
Zexion cleared his throat. "I'm urr…Edward Emu, and this is my friend…Sidney Sloth…" he said, hoping he would buy it.
The cow leaned in close. "You don't look like a sloth to me," he said, staring at Axel.
Axel pretended to burst into tears. "How could you say that to me?" he cried, covering his face with imaginary shame.
The cow's eyes went wide. "Gee man, I didn't mean it," he said, patting Axel on the shoulder.
Axel sniffed. "I-It's okay," he said softly. Zexion couldn't help but stare.
After he let them pass, another animal walked up to the cow. "Hey, Carl, why are those guys carrying a stretcher?" said what appeared to be a rooster.
Carl Cow shook his head. "Dunno, Robbie. My guess is fruitball," he said, shaking his head.
Robbie Rooster shook his head, too. "It's always fruitball," he said sympathetically, taking off his fluffy hat in respect.
After watching them leave for a few moments, Robbie turned to Carl. "Say Carl, what's the red-haired guy supposed to be?" he asked.
Carl shrugged. "Says he's a sloth," he said simply.
Robbie squinted his eyes, looking at Axel more closely. "Dang man, that is the weirdest sloth I've ever seen," he said.
Carl snorted. "Don't tell him that," he said softly. "He's one of the sensitive ones."
Axel, Zexion, and Xemnas crept through the royal hallway, jumping peeking through doors as they went.
"Mmmuuhhh," someone moaned. Zexion and Axel looked down at Xemnas, who was starting to lift his head.
"He's starting to wake up!" exclaimed Zexion.
Xemnas opened his eyes, and looked around weakly. "Where…?" He looked confused.
They were just about to explain everything, when they heard other voices. "…I always knew there was something up; I just didn't know what…"
Zexion started to panic. "What do we do? What do we do?" he hissed.
Axel started to freak out as well. "D-Don't look at me; you're the one with the plans!" he whispered back.
Zexion started to hop up and down with fright. "I'm scared!" he squeaked.
"Umm…" Axel quickly grabbed Xemnas' stretcher, and shoved it down the large flight of stairs behind them.
"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" their Superior cried. Axel waved his hand, and Zexion leaped behind the next wall. Axel, caught up in the moment, got scared and stood still with his eyes squeezed shut, hoping nobody would see him.
"And then of course he started going out all the time, not coming back till 2:00 in the morning. Naïve little old me, I didn't think anything was wrong…"
"Mmhm, you are absolutely right, your majesty!"
"He claims he's taking lessons to become a hardcore Keyblade wielder, but I know where he really—oh, hello!"
Axel opened an eye just a crack, and saw Queen Minnie and Daisy standing in front of him, waiting for him to answer.
Axel fumbled, but bowed down as best he could. "Umm, hi, your majesty," he said.
SLAM! THUMP! CRASH! BOOM! WHAAAMM! "Ouuuuuccchhh…" Xemnas moaned from the bottom of the stairs.
The Queen looked down for a brief minute, and then turned her attention back to Axel. "And who are you supposed to be?" she asked, smiling sweetly.
Axel sighed, and said his fake name once more. "I'm…Sidney Sloth," he said, wishing Zexion had chosen a better name for him.
Minnie's eyes went wide. "Sir Sidney Sloth? From the Administration of Barn Animal Rights and Liberties?" she cried.
Axel frowned. "Uhh, sure," he said, unsure of what he just got himself into.
Queen Minnie's eyes filled with tears. "It is…an honor, Sir Sloth!" she cried, bowing down so low her crown almost slid off her head.
Axel shuffled his feet, very uncomfortable. Minnie rose, and waved her hand to her royal vizier. "Daisy, you are free to have the rest of the day off," she said, not taking her eyes off of Axel—I mean, Sir Sloth.
"OhThankKingdomHearts!" Daisy cried, bolting off in a different direction.
Minnie yanked Axel down to her level, took him by the arm, and led him towards her study. "Come! We must discuss political issues, Sir Sloth!" she said.
Axel, unable to break free, turned his head and looked at Zexion. Go on, he mouthed. I'll catch up!
Zexion's eyes filled with worry, knowing that Axel would somehow manage to do something incredibly stupid while he was gone. However, he ran down the stairs, grabbed the stretcher, (Xemnas had been knocked unconscious again), and headed down the hallway once more.
By the time Zexion actually found the garage, he had climbed up 20 flights of stairs, walked through 40 hallways, passed through 9 gardens, opened 145 doors, and possibly went around in a circle 10 times. So instead of walking through the last door, he fell through it.
Hearing the sound of bells and hammers, Zexion peeled his face off the ground, realized where he was, and leaped up and down with some assortment of Nobody glee.
He grabbed the handles of Xemnas' stretcher, spun him around and around, flung him down the flight of stairs ahead of him on accident, and collapsed on the ground, giggling and kicking his feet in the air. Man, it was disturbing.
Realizing that what he was doing was completely out of character, Zexion pulled himself up off the floor, raced down the stairs, jumped over Xemnas' empty stretcher, ran past Xemnas (who had flown off of his stretcher and got his head stuck in the brick wall), went over to the controls, and slowed down when he saw how many buttons and levers and pulleys and switches and knobs there were.
His smile faded.
He scratched his head, trying to look at the problem from different angles. No matter which way he looked at it, it just seemed…well…not as easy as he had hoped.
How did Axel expect me to steal a gummi-ship? I've never stolen anything in my entire life…
Zexion stopped in his tracks.
Okay, so maybe I have stolen a few things…but no matter what the other's say, I did not take Xaldin's last lemon square! I have an alibi! …And Larxene's bra was solely for scientific research! There was no need to get violent about that!
Zexion sighed, closed his eyes, and pointed to a random button.
Might as well push this one! Nothing REALLY bad could possibly come out of this, right?
Queen Minnie took a long sip of tea from a tiny China teacup. And I mean, like, one of those looong, awkward sips that make that really loud slurping noise, and nobody wants to say anything, especially Axel, because she was THE QUEEN.
She set down her cup at last, and smiled. "So, how are you liking your stay in Disney Castle?" she asked, trying to start up casual conversation.
Axel wiggled around uncomfortably in his large, pink cushioned chair which he was practically falling into, and looked around. Even though the pink and lighter pink room with deadly weapons on the wall and portraits of the queen EVERYWHERE should have made him feel comfortable, it really didn't. The only solace he found was staring at the large fireplace in the front of the room.
Axel swallowed hard, trying not to glance at the spiky club hanging right above his head. "Oh, umm, everything is going just fine…" he mumbled.
Gaahhh! What am I supposed to do, make casual conversation? Ugh, where's Zexion when I need him?
Queen Minnie started to stir her tea. "You know, I really do admire your work in the outside worlds, Sir Sloth," she babbled, not realizing that Axel wasn't paying attention in the slightest bit.
Oh, heavenly Kingdom Hearts, whatever did I do to deserve this punishment? I've never done anything bad in my entire life…
"I am an admirer of yours…well, I guess you could say that I have always been an admirer of yours!" said Minnie, her face blushing. "But, to tell you the truth, I never thought a moment like this…would become a reality…" She scootched up closer in her chair, smiling flirtatiously.
…Okay, so maybe I am…a bit of a troublemaker at times…but the fangirls LOVE that! And so what if I told everyone that Zexion was the one who took Xaldin's last lemon square? A man's got to do what a man's got to do!
Axel couldn't help but smile a little bit.
Although, we all know that Larxene's bra was not for "scientific research" or whatever…it's still in his room…speaking of which, WHERE IS ZEXION?
Queen Minnie straightened her dress. "Well," she said. "How do you like my new dress? Does it suit me well?"
Did she just ask me a question? Jeez, do women always expect you to listen? Uh, uh, what am I supposed to say…oh! Think: what would Zexion say in this type of situation…something about the room…
Axel sat up straight, opened his mouth, and said the first intelligent thing that came to mind. "THE WAY THE LIGHT SHINES OFF OF THEM IS VERY RIVETING!" he blurted.
The room went completely silent.
Minnie's face turned bright red, while Axel's face went very pale after realizing what she asked and what he said.
The Queen opened her mouth, and was just about to say something that would make this chapter a lot racier than it is, when she was interrupted by the security alarm.
WARNING! WARNING! INTRUDOR ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT! UNAUTHORIZED PERSONS IN THE GUMMI-SHIP GARAGE! WARNING! IF YOU SEE A CUTE GUY WITH SHAGGY SILVER HAIR WITH A STRETCHER, PLEASE TAKE NOTE! THIS IS A STATE OF EMERGENCY! THIS IS NOT TIME TO PANIC! WARNING…
Minnie sat up so fast that her chair fell back. "We must alert the guards at once!" she shouted. She turned to Axel. "This will only be a moment," she said winking. She then ran towards the security alert button.
Axel's heart started to pound in his chest. No, no, no, no, no, no! I am not about to get trapped in a room with a lonely mouse queen! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
So, in a panic, Axel did one of the many things he does best.
Zexion stood there, his finger still on the cursed button that set off the alarm, his eyes squeezed shut.
I should've stayed home! I knew I should've stayed home! I could be in my room right now, stroking Larxene's br…ook! Book! That book I borrowed from her last week! Yeah, that one…
Axel burst through the door, carrying a mysterious black bag. "Zexion! We've got a sit—Ow! Ooo! Eee! Ahh! Oof! Ow—AAAHHHH!" CRASH!
Axel, not noticing the stairs in front of him, had tripped, fallen down the stairs, landed on the rolling stretcher, and got his head stuck in the brick wall, right next to Xemnas.
Axel yanked his head out of the wall, and started again. "Zexion! We've got a situation!" he shouted, his head covered in debris.
Zexion rolled his eyes. "Gee, Axel, I never would have guessed," he said.
Axel ran over to the control board, pulled a few levers and switches, and slammed down a large red button.
Immediately, the Gummi-ship doors opened as it was lowered towards the ground and onto the launch pad.
Zexion's jaw dropped to the floor. "How did you…?"
Axel sighed, and pointed to the large inscription: 'WHEN YOU WANT TO ACCESS THE MAIN GUMMIE-SHIP, PRESS THIS BUTTON. YOU CAN'T MISS IT!'
"Oh," said Zexion, smiling sheepishly. Axel groaned, and was just about to say a really good comeback, when they heard shouting.
"There they are!"
Axel and Zexion looked up to see that a whole bunch of guards, (including Carl Cow and Robbie Rooster), had formed an angry mob in the hallway.
"Get 'em!"
"RRROOOAAAHHH!"
"AAAAAHHHHH!"
As the guards rushed down the stairs, Zexion pulled Xemnas out of the wall, slumped him over the stretcher at an awkward angle, and wheeled him inside the ship as fast as he could.
Once inside, Zexion sealed the hatch as best he could, and turned to Axel. "Now what? Now what!" he cried, hopping up and down again.
"Whuz goin' on?" groaned Xemnas, waking up for the second time that day.
"SHUT UP!" screamed Zexion, all panicky and twitchy. He opened up some random compartment, (which just so happened to be the gummi-ship garbage chute), grabbed the handles of the stretcher as best as he could, and shoved Xemnas inside. "NOW'S NOT THE TIME TO PANIC!" he screamed.
Together, Axel and Zexion ran to the bridge (that's the main control-y part of the ship, for all you "land lubbers," hehe), sat themselves down in the fancy swivel chairs, and started manning the controls.
"Hey!" cried a tiny voice. Zexion and Axel looked around, confused.
"Down here!" cried the voice again. Axel jumped, and pointed to the source of the voice.
"What do you think you're doing?" shouted Chip, who was standing in the Captain's Swivel Chair, his arms crossed across his chest. "This is private property of His Majesty, King Mickey!"
"Yeah!" shouted Dale, who was standing next to Chip. "Chipper's right! You can't just steal a royal gummi-ship! Stunts like these can get you arrested, or thrown in jail, or boiled in oil, or—"
Just then, a rock thrown by the angry mob outside flew in through a random open window, and smashed Dale on the head, knocking him unconscious in the middle of his rant.
"Dale!" cried Chip in dismay. He looked up at Axel and Zexion, and smiled weakly. "Hehe," he forced a small laugh, while attempting to back away slowly.
Axel sighed, took Zexion's Lexicon, and used it to brush Chip and his half-dead companion into the wastebasket, which he threw into the gummi-ship prison cell.
When Axel came back, he saw Zexion sitting in the Captain's Swivel Chair, stroking the arms tenderly. "Hmhmhehe…" he chuckled softly to himself. "How I have longed for this day…"
Axel shuddered, but took a seat in the Less-Important Swivel Chair, put his hands on the steering wheel, and frowned when he saw the angry mob still outside, this time holding pitchforks.
"We…uh, all set to go, Zexy?" he asked, his eyes going wide as he saw one guard climb up onto the hull of the ship.
"It's Captain!"
"Okay, Captain Zexy," said Axel, flinching back as he saw the same guard stabbing his pitchfork against the glass on the main widow.
"My name is Zexion!" barked Zexion.
"Are we ready to go, Zexion?" Axel's voice cracked with nervousness as the guard gave up on the pitchfork, and started gnashing at the window with his teeth.
"Captain Zexion!"
"Fine, Captain Zexion!"
"What was the question?"
"ARE WE READY TO GO?"
"Yes, yes, there's no need to shout…"
"I'M NOT SHOUTING!"
"Yes, yes you are."
"Ahem! Okay, now I'm not shouting anymore."
"Good, fine!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
Zexion then pressed the Master Button on his chair, and waited for the engines to start running.
Nothing happened. Raising one eyebrow, Zexion got up from his chair, and started walking towards the engine room to see what was up.
WHOOSH!
The launch pad beneath the gummi-ship suddenly let go, and the gummi-ship zoomed downwards, knocking off all of the mobbers and slamming Zexion against the ceiling. Even Axel had to grip onto the steering wheel to make sure he didn't fly up and hit against the ceiling.
Suddenly, the gummi-ship slowed down until it stopped dropping completely, then went forward at a comfortable cruising speed. Axel breathed a sigh of relief, and relaxed his shoulders. "Everything all right, Captain Zexion?" called Axel, not looking behind him.
"Uggghhh…" Zexion groaned. Axel turned, and saw Zexion flattened up against the top of the ceiling of the ship, face squished against the hard metal.
"Uh, Zexion?" Axel started to get up from his chair, but Zexion peeled off of the ceiling and hit the floor with a loud CLANG! instead.
Axel stared at Zexion, lying on the floor. Axel reached out his hand, but Zexion jumped up, brushing himself off in the process. "There was, uh…Captain…business up there…" he mumbled. He saluted, not realizing that his sliver bangs were sticking upwards at a strange angle.
Axel rolled his eyes, shook his head, and turned back to the steering wheel, making up extremely witty comments in his head, but he wanted Zexion to have at least a little bit of dignity left, so he kept them to himself.
Zexion looked out at the beautiful scenery around them, but shook his head. "It puzzles me," he said, his forefinger stroking his imaginary scientific beard. "Why would the guards hunt us down so relentlessly? All we did was sneak in unauthorized, right?"
Zexion looked at Axel. Axel sat in his chair, fumbling with a small box of matches in his lap, his face turning pink.
Zexion froze, suddenly afraid. "A-Axel?" he said.
Axel turned his head and looked around the small compartment, while humming a classic tune softly to himself.
"Axel?"
"It's a small world after all," he sang quietly, his hands shaking as he continuously fingered the matchbox. "It's a small world after all…"
"AXEL!"
"IT'S IN THE BAG!" Axel confessed, throwing the box of matches up into the air.
"Huh…?" started Zexion, unsure of his sudden confession.
Axel folded his hands between his legs, and started rocking back and forth. "I-It's in the bag," he whispered this time, giving Zexion the guilt eyes.
Zexion's eyes went wide. "You don't mean…" his voice trailed off. Without waiting for Axel to answer him, he ran over to the mysterious black bag that Axel had been carrying, opened it up, and found Axel's Organization coat crumpled in the ball. Zexion reached over and picked up the coat, except it started wiggling around.
"HOLY…!" Zexion screamed, dropping the coat on the floor.
"Ouch!" a voice spoke from the coat-ball. The wad slowly started to unwrap itself, until Queen Minnie emerged, mad as ever. "How DARE you!" she howled, fixing the crown on her head.
Zexion dropped his jaw, and stared at Axel. "You…" he started.
Axel burst into hysterics. "IT'S NOT MY FAULT!" he cried, taking his hands off the steering wheel, and flailing them about as he told Zexion the whole story. "We started having casual conversation together except I wasn't really listening but I should have because she started hitting on me and I said something really awkward due to a reference from you and she got the wrong idea and then the alarm went off and she was going to summon the guards and I had to do something so I PANICKED!" he blubbered.
The whole time Axel was flailing around his arms and telling the story, the gummi-ship was zooming around in loops and circles, spinning in 360s and smashing into random flying meteors.
Zexion listened intently the entire time, ignoring the rocking and bumping of the bridge. Finally, he crossed his arms across his chest and shook his head. "You do realize that you just kidnapped THE QUEEN OF DISNEY CASTLE?" he said, his eyes glaring.
Axe, who thought it wouldn't be quite appropriate to get up and grab his box of matches, started fiddling with one of the gold buttons on his soldier's uniform. "Well, yeah…" he said softly.
Zexion continued. "And of course you realize that this could start a war! A rebellion! Another angry mob!"
Queen Minnie interrupted. "Excuse me!" she shouted. "I hope you know that my husband is one of those chosen by the Keyblade, and you don't want to mess with him! Plus, I have connections with dukes and duchesses from all different worlds, so don't even THINK about doing anything suspicious with me, misters! And, not to mention, this place is FILTHY! The very least you could do for me is lay out a carpet, or wipe off some of these counters, my goodness…"
As Queen Minnie rambled on in her annoying tone, Zexion rolled his eyes, and looked at Axel with a desperate expression.
Axel nodded in understanding. "I got this," he said.
He got up, grabbed Minnie by one of her large black ears, dragged her across the room, and threw her into the gummi-ship prison cell.
"W-What are you doing? Don't you dare take a step closer—Ow! Ow! Ow! Let go of my ear this INSTANT! I command you! Oh, this is completely undigni—WHOOAAA!"
CLANG!
Axel strode back to his swivel chair, brushing off his hands and whistling again. As soon as he sat down, they heard a strange ringing sound coming from Zexion's pants.
When you walk away
You don't hear me say please
Oh Baby, don't go!
Simple and Clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight…
Axel scrunched up his nose. "That's funny," he said. "I would've sworn I had put it on vibrate…"
"Gnnaagghhh!" Zexion shot up out of his chair, squirming and wiggling his butt awkwardly.
Axel grinned and nodded his head. "Yup, I knew it!" he exclaimed.
Zexion glared at him. He reached down into his pants, pulled out Axel's phone, and tossed it to him.
Axel caught it, then gasped and threw it back in disgust. "Ew! I don't want anything from your pants!" he cried, wiping his hands on his shirt.
Zexion caught it, but threw it back to Axel. "No, I insist! It is your phone after all!" he said, smiling.
"Ick!" Axel threw it back to Zexion.
"Take it!" shouted Zexion, throwing it back.
"No!" cried Axel, throwing it to Zexion.
Zexion growled, and chucked it at Axel's head. Axel bent backwards, the phone zooming by two centimeters away from his nose.
Axel shot back up. "Ha!" he cried, giving Zexion a smug smile. "You should have seen the look on your—"
SMASH!
Axel turned just in time to see his only ways of mobile communication go smashing threw a side window.
Axel and Zexion stood where they were, their fun suddenly going sour. Finally, Axel sniffed. "You're buying me a new phone," he grumbled.
Zexion opened his mouth, and was just about to reply when his own phone rang.
All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies
Now put your hands up…
Zexion fumbled to yank his phone out of his pocket as fast as he could without Axel hearing his ringtone. Axel smirked at his sad attempt.
Pressing the answer button, Zexion pressed the phone against the side of his face protectively. "Hello?" he asked.
Why hello there, Zexion! It's the love doctor calling!
Zexion looked so disturbed at that moment that Axel was dying to know what the other line was saying. "What? What is it?" whispered Axel, his eyes wide.
Zexion waved him off, and cleared his throat. "Umm…excuse me?"
*sigh* …It's me, Doctor Eraqus, from the hospital, regarding Xemnas. I tried you both on Axel's phone, but he didn't pick up.
Zexion's eyes went wide with realization. "Ohhhhhh…" he said, nodding his head in understanding.
Axel started jumping up and down with anticipation. "What is it? What is it?" he whisper-shouted.
Zexion waved him off again. "Is there something you need to tell us?" he asked.
Well, I was trying to tell you earlier, but you RUDELY vanished off into the Corridors of Darkness with the patient, which is, of course, illegal. I would have called the authorities, but since your members have always lent me your hair products in my time of need, I let you off the hook.
Zexion scratched his head, and nodded. "Yeah, sorry about that…oh! And thanks for not calling the cops on us, we appreciate that, too," he said, guilt in his voice.
Axel stood up on his swivel chair, and started spinning in circles. "What? What is it? What did he SAY?" he said, curiosity eating away at him.
Zexion waved him away again, and listened to what the doctor was trying to say.
Anyways, just wanted to let you know that everything is fine, the surgery went very well, and we didn't have any problems…
"Hold it!" Zexion interrupted, his hands suddenly shaking. "Surgery? Did you just say he had, surgery?" he asked, fear in his throat.
Well, yes. When patients need a heart transplant, we usually put them under surgery. (Sheesh, the kind of people I work with…)
Zexion's eyes rolled back in his head. He stumbled, and caught himself on the Captain's Swivel Chair. He blinked a few times, put his tongue back in his mouth, took a deep breath, and spoke as calmly as he could. "H-Heart Transplant?" he breathed, feeling suddenly unsteady just saying it.
Umm…yes…
"He's not s-supposed to h-have a h-heart transplant," Zexion hissed. "NONE. OF. US. ARE!"
He hung up suddenly, threw the phone in a random direction, and ran over to the gummi-ship garbage chute, Axel following close behind.
"Xemnas!" Zexion screeched, slapping him across his face to make him wake up.
Xemnas moaned, stirred, put his hand to the three different bumps he had acquired on his head, his eyes fluttering.
Zexion leaned in close. "Xemnas!" he whispered in his ear. "If you were to choose between World Domination and Animal Cruelty Awareness, which would you rather support?"
Xemnas giggled a little, smiled, and whispered, "Animal Cruelty Awareness."
Zexion pulled his head back, reached his hands towards the sky, and screamed in horror.
"NOOOOOOOOO….!"
To be continued…
Yay! Xemnas gets a heart transplant! What will he do now…?
Plus, now that Organization XIII has Queen Minnie and Chip and Dale held hostage, what kind of wars and rebellions and angry mobs are they going to start next?
Also, I have decided to make the wedding into a two parter, so I'm sorry to all who had anticipated the whole ceremony and best-man revealing! But never fear! I have decided to post up the next chapter at the same time, so now you may skip my long author's note, and read that instead. Go! Go! Go! Go!
Again, really sorry for not updating in a while! I promise I will upload a lot faster now! PINKIE PROMISE!
…oh, and remember to R/R!
