Alllllllllllrighty then….

Author's note is short tonight. Welcome to all of my new readers – I hope you're enjoying the ride thus far. Thanks to all of my faithful readers and reviewers – the next three chapters are especially for you.

As always, thanks to my Twilighted beta vjgm and Stephenie Meyer who brought these characters to life.

Please review – I love to hear your feedback!

Enjoy!


BPOV

Warm lips brush against a surprisingly sensitive neck.

Needy fingers wrap around perfectly toned biceps.

Calloused hands hesitantly pull on my slender waist.

Eager fingers tangle in his glorious honey-bronze hair.

His strong back becomes flush against his bedroom door.

My small frame presses into his as it craves his heat.

Roaming hands grab onto my ass and squeeze with little restraint.

I raise myself on tiptoe to nip on his ear.

Inquisitive eyes seek the answer to an unspoken question -

'Do you want me to stop?'

The question was simply a formality, for it was obvious…

Chest to chest, pelvis to pelvis,

Our want had spiraled out of control…

And we were powerless to stop it.


The drive from Alice's place to my tiny apartment was uneventful. My iPod, which is usually blasting Nirvana or Stevie Nicks, remained silent during my entire drive. I needed the quiet time to clear my head, to figure things out for myself. I didn't need him telling me how I felt or what I should do about it. I am so sick of his condescending, 'know-it-all' bullshit. He lost that power over me many, many years ago.

Or so I thought….

He planted the fucking seed… that's how all of this shit started in the first place.

Edward Cullen was my past, a past I missed but was more than happy to forget. I knew him inside & out, and I thought he knew me. Of course I was mistaken; if he really 'knew' me, he wouldn't have hurt me like he did. I let my memories and my youthful infatuation with him fade away over time. Life was good without Edward Cullen to muck things up.

And then he came home….

When Alice first told me that Edward was moving in with her, I didn't know what to think. I spent his first year away trying to forget him; it was much easier once I moved to Seattle to start my undergrad degree in Art at UW. After spending my freshman year as an indie loner, I decided to break out of my shell a bit. I made a friend or two in my art classes, which was nice. I started dating – very casually, nothing serious. I thought about Edward occasionally – what he was up to, how Dartmouth was treating him, and whether he took at least one second out of his day to think about me.

He never called.

He never wrote.

He never visited.

So I let him go.

Over the past four years, I poured my heart and soul into my work, laying myself bare on every canvas I touched. That was how I dealt with loss before him… and that was how I dealt with his loss.

I'll admit it: I missed him. I missed him a lot, actually, but I couldn't rile up the courage to contact him. I still felt embarrassed about what happened between us and, if our friendship was truly over – if he really didn't want anything to do with me anymore - then I didn't want him to drive that final stake through my heart. I would probably crumble into a million pieces before the words could escape his lips.

I could have asked Alice about him; I only knew what Alice volunteered offhandedly during our Girls' Nights or her occasional visits to campus. Of course, she had no idea what had happened between us when we were kids and, to this day, I still don't feel comfortable sharing that with her. Instead, I concocted my own version of Edward's college life at Dartmouth. He was beautiful inside and out; he probably didn't have any trouble meeting and hooking up with whomever he chose. His grades were impeccable and he could have his choice of medical schools anywhere in the country. He had matured into a confident man, able to stand on his own two feet without the love and support of one of his closest childhood friends.

Over the years, I convinced myself that I was okay with that.

Here we were, five years after he left Forks – I have just started my first year in the Master of Arts program at UW, moved into my own place in Fremont, and my world has been turned on its ear. Edward Cullen was back and my assumptions about his Dartmouth years were pretty 'off the mark'.

From what Alice told me, Edward was trying to figure out his place in the world. He finished his degree but he doubted himself and his ability to be the doctor he thought he could be. Edward was still that lost, vulnerable boy that I knew back in Forks. I loved that Edward… and the prospect of his return frightened me.

But when I saw him again for the first time… I was literally and figuratively knocked on my ass.

He definitely grew into his rugged good looks. His jaw line was more prominent, his hair even more untamed than I remembered. And his nervousness around me reminded me of the Edward I used to know.

When he held his hand out to me, I knew that I had a choice. I could either remain the lovesick girl I was when he went off to Dartmouth… or grow a pair and move on, never letting him see me how much he hurt me. He was clearly uncomfortable around me and I decided to cut him a little slack. He seemed repentant enough…. Maybe he was ready to apologize and this 'new and improved Edward Cullen' was worth my friendship again. So I grabbed his hand, he helped me onto my feet, and we joked around as if that kiss never happened.

But it did happen… and, since he came back, I couldn't stop thinking about it.

I tried not to think about it. I tried to 'forgive and forget' for the sake of our friendship, but every time I saw him, every time he talked to me, I thought back to that night and the way his lips felt against mine… the gentle caress of his hand as he wove it into my hair and held my face to his… the confidence of his tongue as it explored my mouth… and I knew that any attempts we would make to salvage our friendship were doomed from the start.

I couldn't be his friend… not when I wanted to kiss him so badly.

But I couldn't give in to my desire. I had to stay in control. I would not let him hurt me again. I refused to let my hormones get the best of me.

From that moment on, I tried to steer as clear of Edward Cullen as I could. I kept our contacts cordial, suppressing my urges to engage him in conversation or take him up on his offer for dinner and a movie. He must have sensed my unease in his presence because he eventually got the hint and kept his distance when I came to visit his sister. At times, I felt guilty. I felt like I was deserting him the same way he deserted me all those years ago…. but I knew it was for the best.

Then, the unexpected happened….


It had been a couple of months since Edward moved into Alice's place in Queen Anne. Alice and I had one of our usual "Girls' Nights" at her place and, after having a few too many glasses of wine that night, I unceremoniously passed out on the living room couch. I woke up around 11:00 Saturday morning with a killer headache and a major kink in my neck from spending the night on Alice's uncomfortable couch.

I need caffeine….

I headed into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee and grab a couple Advil. Alice only buys the designer stuff; no Folgers for her. The coffee grounds and filters were right where I expected them, so I set up the percolator and anxiously awaited my morning fix.

As the sounds and aromas of brewing commenced, I heard Edward's heavy footfalls as he descended the stairs. He didn't say at word to me; he just walked to the kitchen and proceeded to grab some breakfast. Cabinets banged, drawers opened and closed, cereal was poured, and he greedily began his meal. I refused to look in his direction, trying to ignore the fact that he was less than ten feet away from me wearing a white wifebeater and a pair of flannel pajama pants, which accentuated the definition of his pecs and the lean musculature of his ass ….

I am fucking hopeless….

As if things couldn't get worse, I could feel the heat of his gaze from across the room. I turned to look in his direction and, sure enough, there he was – perched at the breakfast bar unashamedly staring right back at me. Once he caught my attention, he smirked at me and gave me a slight wave.

This is fucking insane….

Fuck the coffee; I had to get out of this room. I just couldn't take it anymore.

I pushed myself away from the kitchen counter and attempted to walk past him without incident -

"Bella, wait…."

Damn it…

"Can we talk for a minute?"

With a frustrated sigh, I stopped dead in my tracks. "About what, Edward?"

I could hear his footsteps as he slowly approached me from behind. "Bella…. Why are you avoiding me?"

I planted my hands on the cold stone countertop, bracing myself for what was to come. "I'm not avoiding you, Edward…"

"Oh, really? So you just happen to leave the room whenever I walk in? You barely acknowledge me when I say hello? You get obviously uncomfortable when I am in your personal space…. like right now…."

"I'm not uncomfortable," I countered.

"Then don't move." I could feel the heat emanating from his body as he trapped me between his hard form and the frigid countertop, his intoxicating scent weakening my resolve. He leaned forward, placing his arms on either side of my body and resting his hands atop mine as they clutched the counter. My eyes drifted closed at his touch.

"You're shaking," he observed, concerned surprise evident in his voice.

"Stop thinking so highly of yourself, Cullen," I retorted, my quivering voice betraying my words.

"But you are…" Edward's open hands began to caress my knuckles, attempting to relieve the tension of my grasp. His delicate fingers extended and rooted atop the counter, effectively trapping my hands within his tented palms. Then, he attempted to lace his fingers with mine. At first, I held firm, refusing to give in to his gentle request but, after a few seconds of his cautious touch, I relented, giving in to my desire to patch the rift between us. His ten large fingers fell into the gaps between my ten small ones and curved around the pads of my knuckles. In turn, I closed my fingers around his, tightening his grasp.

My head bowed in defeat.

I released the breath I didn't know I was holding, finally relaxing in his arms.

"You have no reason to fear me, Bella," he whispered.

I began to shake my head slightly. "That's not it…."

"Then what is it?"

I couldn't tell him how I felt. Honestly, I was having problems figuring it out for myself…

I opened my eyes and saw our interlocked fingers, resting comfortably atop the dark marble counter.

He held my hand that night, too… and then he left me…

He sensed my hesitation. "Bella, don't make me guess…."

What do I tell him? That he literally broke my heart when he left for college? That I have been fantasizing about his kiss for five fucking years? That I am still upset over his words right before he left? That I couldn't be his friend because…

"It's complicated, Edward."

He sighed in frustration and pushed himself away from the counter, wrenching his fingers from mine. I missed his heat instantly.

I heard Edward's footsteps as he left the room. I remained rooted in my spot at the counter, my hands reclaiming their hold on the counter's edge. My eyes became lost in the intricate marbling of the countertop. It was random… organic… the colors contrasting sharply with one another… but, all in all, they looked beautiful together.

Edward interrupted my reverie. He spoke softly, tiredly. "You… and me…. There's so much tension between us, Bella. This is ridiculous."

I tried to remain as calm as I could. "I know. I don't like it either."

He walked toward me, closing the gap between us. "What happened to us, Bella? It was never this difficult for us... to spend time with one another. To be in the same room with one another."

I finally gathered up enough courage to face him. "You know what happened, Edward," I countered in an accusatory tone. Edward never wavered in his approach.

He calmly responded to my retort. "But that was five years ago, Bella."

My frustration kicked up a notch. "You were way out of line –"

"But you wanted it just as much as I did."

By that point, we were almost nose-to-nose and equally annoyed. Bringing our staring match to a close, I shook my head disapprovingly and walked to the other side of the room. I brought one hand to my forehead and the other to my hip. Looking out the window, I prayed Edward would just leave the room and leave me be.

He is fucking killing me here…

Obviously, Edward wasn't going to let this go. "Look, regardless of what happened that night, there is obviously something going on between us now…"

Completely spent at this point, I let my arms fall exaggeratedly to my sides. I turned to him and raised my hands in a pleading gesture. "Edward, it's been a long time. We're just a little uncomfortable being around each other again. That's all."

My words obviously piqued his interest, his raised eyebrow denoting his skepticism. "Uncomfortable? Maybe… but there's definitely more going on than you care to admit."

Cocky motherfucker….

Hands on my hips and my stance solid, I challenged his assertion. "Oh really?"

Edward resumed his predatory stalk toward me. "Yes, really."

My chin jutted out in defiance, daring him to push his luck. "Prove it."

Edward smirked at me with a renewed determination in his step. Sensing his approach, I back away from him. Unfortunately, I was too close to the wall to make much progress. His smirk grew even wider when he noticed I had nowhere to go but toward him. His steps were slow and calculated. He had me in his sights and I knew I was screwed.

Oh God…

Once he was arms-length away, he placed his hands on either side of my face, practically trapping me between his outstretched arms. As he rested his weight on the palms of his hands, I could feel his eyes as they locked on my mouth; my eyes followed the path of his tongue as it darted out from between his lips and moistened them to his liking. When his eyes finally met mine, I knew exactly what he wanted.

"Kiss me."

His rich scent enveloped me and he gazed at me with such intensity that I was literally paralyzed. As his eyes zeroed in on his goal, Edward leaned in closer and I could feel his warm breath across my lips. My eyes drifted closed of their own volition and my tongue reflexively darted out to wet my parched lips. I felt Edward's nose rub mine in a gentle Eskimo kiss, just like he did the first time he kissed me, and common sense finally kicked in.

Fucking tease…. He doesn't mean it. Don't give in…

I quickly turned my head to escape his lips, resisting the urge to give in to his appealing request. I couldn't bear to see the disappointment I expected in his eyes, so I let my chin fall to my chest and attempted to calm my erratic breathing. He huffed in frustration and pushed himself away from the wall, his arms dropping to his sides. No longer trapped in the cage of his arms, I returned to my spot by the window. He didn't follow me this time.

"You're scared," he stated flatly. His voice was eerily calm, too calm given the intensity of our exchange. I was grateful for the reprieve but slightly fearful of what was simmering beneath that calm exterior.

I refused to turn toward him, afraid of what I would see if I did. "Edward, there's nothing for me to be afraid of."

A hint of anger tinged his response. "Well, you're obviously afraid of my kiss… afraid to face the fact that we are clearly attracted to one another."

"You got it all wrong," I replied, unsure if I was referring to his interpretation of what was going on or my own….

"Then help me understand, Bella," he pleaded. "Just a few moments ago, you wanted to kiss me. I saw it in your eyes."

"It was a natural biological reaction. We haven't seen each other in a long time and we miss the closeness we had as kids. We were so close and my body just reacted to our proximity."

Edward took one step closer to me, then another, as he chuckled skeptically. "Just a biological reaction, huh?"

"Yeah. Birds and bees and all that…"

"Humph. Maybe we should fuck like rabbits and get it out of our system…."

What the fuck?

I turned to face him, irritation clearly written all over my face. "Can we be serious for a fucking change?"

Edward raised his hands, palms up as if in surrender. "Bella, you said it yourself. It was purely a biological reaction. If we… you know…," he trailed off, raising his eyebrows and waving his hands between us suggestively.

"Have sex…," I added, doubtful and completely perplexed. I turned my back on him and walked over to the other side of the room. I couldn't believe the words actually came out of his mouth….

"Right. If we do it once, get it out of our system, maybe we can move past this… get back to the way things used to be."

I did what any sane woman would do when offered such a proposition – I shook my head and laughed.

"Ah…," I retorted as I turned to face him. "I see what this is all about. You just want to get in my pants. Old habits die hard, huh, Cullen?"

An unrecognizable expression crossed his features but it was gone almost as quickly as it appeared. "Bella, it's not like that…"

"Then, what is it like, Edward?"

He wiped his face with an open hand and walked over to the fireplace. When he returned, his outstretched hand held a familiar object.

My jaw dropped in amazement. "Wow…. You still have this?"

"Yeah. I found it at the house while I was packing."

I reached for the iridescent stone and plucked it from his hand. While Edward and I may have changed over time, our moonstone never lost its luster.

I couldn't take my eyes off of the stone that brought us together. I rubbed the stone between my fingers and thought back to our childhood days. Life was so much simpler then. A wistful smile crossed my face. "We were so close, Edward. I miss that."

"We used to talk about anything and everything. Nothing was off limits between the two of us," he replied with a smile. "But ever since I moved to Seattle, our talks have been superficial at best. We try to avoid each other when you're here. I don't even know what to say to you sometimes. I miss our closeness. I miss our talks. I miss you, Bella."

I looked up at him, sincerity evident in his features.

"Now that I'm home again," he paused as he reached for my free hand, "Bella, I don't want to miss you anymore. I want my friend back. I need my friend back."

Warning bells were going off in my head. This was very dangerous territory. Edward was trying to rationalize having sex for the sake of our friendship? Doesn't he see the potential danger in this? As tempting as his offer was, I had to be the sensible one this time.

"Edward, sex isn't going to solve anything between us. Yeah, I want my friend back, too, but don't you think this is a little…. extreme?"

"Bella, listen," he began. "This 'attraction' we have … we need to figure out if it's just 'biological', as you say, or something more. If we go through with this, we will know definitively where we stand. If this is all in my head, then I'll back off and we can go back to the way things were. If this is just our primal urges getting the best of us, we will… give in to these urges this one time and move on from there. No more awkwardness. No more tension."

My eyes dropped to our entwined hands as he began to rub the pad of his thumb along the back of my hand. I was so distracted by his touch that I almost missed his request.

"Bella," he whispered and my eyes suddenly locked with his. "Have sex with me."

I could not mistake the seductive tenor in his voice or the serious set to his features. His trademark smirk and playful eyes were replaced with a tensely set jaw and a piercing stare. I hadn't seen this side of Edward in a very long time – the passion in his voice, the sincerity in his touch, the determination in his eyes. It was at that moment that I realized -

"You're serious…."

Edward spoke again in a hushed tone, his eyes never leaving mine. "We need to tackle this head on. We can't keep running away from this," he said as he lightly tugged on my hand. I took a clumsy step toward him, completely entranced by his words. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him raise his left hand tentatively toward my right cheek. My eyes drifted closed once again as I anticipated and eventually relished his gentle touch.

"Bella, I –"

An ear-piercing shrill interrupted our potentially dangerous moment. And, no, it wasn't Alice.

My eyes flew open and we both jumped at the unexpected sound. It took me a second to recognize it but I knew that sound from anywhere. Edward's hand fell from my cheek as I reached into my pocket and pulled out the offending object. I quickly glanced at the display to see who was calling and returned my attention to the man standing in front of me, hoping he would understand.

Even though he knew our talk had to come to an end, I could tell by the fire in his eyes that our conversation was far from over…

He nodded in understanding and made his way toward the door reluctantly, disappointment written all over his face. But, before he disappeared behind the door frame, he turned to me and whispered three little words that shook me to the core:

"Think about it."


Think about it? I couldn't stop thinking about it.

The nymphomaniac in me reared her ugly head and I couldn't seem to keep her at bay.

I thought Edward was attractive back in high school, but now… he was downright addictive.

Maybe it was the way his biceps flexed as he moved furniture out of his childhood home…

…. or the look of awe on his face when I told him that I wanted to see him in Seattle.

Maybe it was the tenor of his voice whenever he called my name….

…. or the confidence in his swagger whenever he approached me with that heart-stopping smirk of his.

Maybe it was the passion with which his body undulated as the music in his heart was set free by his graceful fingers as they danced across the keys of his baby grand….

…. or the reverence with which he graced the keys when he thought no one was looking.

I wanted Edward Cullen. It had nothing to do with love and everything to do with pure, animalistic want.

I wanted him to shower that much attention on me – to look at me with the same amount of passion, to hear my name cross his lips like a prayer, to touch me without abandon and worship my body as if it was his and his alone.

I wanted Edward Cullen… and I wanted him to crave me as much as I craved him.

I tried my damnedest to resist him but my defenses were already weak. As determined as I was to deny him, to deny myself, what we both wanted, my body fought even harder to fulfill its need.

As far as my body was concerned, it wasn't a question of if we would have sex but when

It took eight years for Edward to kiss me…

Five years to find each other again…

Four weeks to build my resolve against this forbidden attraction…

And seven days for Edward to break it.


I wish Edward would break me but that is neither here nor there…. LOL

In the meantime, let me know what you think! Please review!