Chapter Eight: Love Lost

Leaning back against her father's legs behind her, AJ held his hand tightly as she looked around at the drawn faces of her father's family. Everyone was dressed in very dark clothing, stood around the large mound of dirt and hole in the ground, where Aunt Kayla was going to be buried. Their faces were down, hands firmly clasped together, the slightest sniffles and whimpers occasionally escaped their lips, and fresh tissues were being handed round to those few that couldn't hold back their tears.

Nick's mother Lillian, Uncle Billy, Aunt Ronnie, Aunt Vicki and Auntie Gwen, were all stood in the first row the other side of Aunt Kayla's grave, grieving their little sister's death. Grandma and Grandpa Stokes were stood just behind them, barely able to hold back their own tears, as they listened to the Minister's speech of their little girl.

AJ didn't know why, but her fathers Nick and Greg were stood the other side of the grave, on the friends of Kayla side. The red haired lady stood beside Greg, seemed more upset than anybody else in the whole friends section. Besides Nick of course, but he was containing himself a little better than her.

AJ didn't know who this strange woman was, but whenever the Minister mentioned Aunt Kayla's name, the woman brushed her thumb across the sparkly ring on her finger, as if she was trying to clean it.

AJ clutched Greg's hand tighter as the dark wooden box that Aunt Kayla was in, slowly began to descend into the large hole. The family on the other side of the grave gradually started to leave, making their way back towards their cars that covered the road, running through the middle of the graveyard.

The friends of the family offered their condolences, before they left themselves, heading to the Stokes' ranch, to pig out on all the food the Stokes women had prepared for Kayla's wake.

Lifting AJ into his arms, Nick sniffled back the tears in his eyes as he held her against his side, watching his partner zipping up their son's jacket as a gentle breeze swept through the graveyard, causing a slight chill in the air.

While Greg was talking to Nick, AJ continued to watch the young red headed woman beside them. She retrieved another tissue from her purse, drying the tears running down her cheeks, before she removed a flower clip from her hair and made her way over to Aunt Kayla's grave.

AJ watched over her father's shoulder as the woman said something to the box in the ground, pressed a kiss to the flower clip then dropped it into the grave on top of Aunt Kayla's coffin.

"Did you wonna drive over there, Nicky?" Greg spoke softly, leading the way towards the car that they were renting, while they were in Texas. He wasn't quite sure if Nick had heard him, so he stopped him from walking, shielding his eyes from the sun as he looked into his eyes. "Hey baby, did you wonna drive over there or head back to the hotel?" Nick responded by shaking his head, making Greg even more confused. "Your Mom... I mean, Jillian, she said you were welcome to go over there. She was your sister too, Nick."

Nick shook his head again. "I don't wonna cause any problems, Greg. Me bein' there will only upset people. That's the last thing I wonna do."

"Okay, that's fine. We'll go back to the hotel then." Greg pulled the back door open for Cooper to climb inside, then turned to lift AJ from Nick's arms, deciding he was going to have to drive them, since Nick's eyes were fogged over with tears.

The drive back to the hotel was just as silent as the long flight over to Texas. From the moment Nick found out that his sister was involved in a car collusion, he had been very quiet, causing his family to worry about him, as he had never been this quiet before.

As soon as they arrived back at the hotel, Nick's sister Gwen was stood outside waiting for them. She knew her brother wouldn't go to the wake if their father was there, so she decided to wait for him outside his hotel, to make sure he was alright.

"Nicky, we all want you there." Gwen immediately tried to argue her case, even though her husband was the lawyer in the family. "Kayla was your sister too. You were closer to her than any of us."

"Its fine Gwen, I just don't wonna cause any problems." He assured her. "Besides, it's no place for kids. They'll be better off here." Nick pulled open the back door, helping Cooper with his seatbelt. "Really Gwen, Kayla always hated those things anyway. She said they were too stiff, and stuffin' yah face with food doesn't show your respect for the dead."

"She did say that." Gwen nodded in agreement, directing a smile towards Greg, as he climbed out the car. "Hi Greg, I love the new hair."

"It's natural."

"I know, it looks cute." She winked in his direction, before she turned back to Nick. "You are comin' by tomorrow to help with the house though, right? Mama wants to sell the house off quick, so we've gotta pack up all her stuff and take it off to the ranch."

"Where's Millie gonna live?" Nick immediately asked her, concerned about his only niece from Kayla, as he hadn't seen her at the funeral. Unlike the rest of her sisters, Kayla had never married a respectable man. Something their father really didn't like about her, having always looked down on single mothers who tried to do it alone.

"Oh, she's with our parents on the ranch right now. Obviously Kayla had no idea who her father was, so she can't go and live with him. So... I dunno." Gwen shrugged; watching as AJ slipped her hand into her father's, clutching it tightly as she looked up at her auntie in front of her. "Hello, sweetheart. It's very good of you to come all this way with your, Daddy. You can bring the kids by the house tomorrow, Nicky. I'm sure the girls won't mind. Greg's welcome too. It's only Dad that's a bit sceptical when it comes to... different lifestyles. We want you there though."

"Okay." Nick reluctantly agreed, saying anything to get rid of her.

"Hey, Cooper." Gwen playfully bumped her knuckles into the little boy's, watching a cheeky grin spreading across his lips. "It's nice to see you again, Greg. Have you thought anymore about that house? We'd love to have you in the neighbourhood."

"Not really, sis." Nick shook his head.

"Alright then. Well, you should get these kids off upstairs. I'll see you guy's later, okay." Gwen quickly hugged the little brother she grew up with, before she moved round the car to hug Greg. "Take care of him, okay?" She whispered against the younger man's ear.

"I will." Greg assured her, waving her off.

Nick waved after her as she left, then reached out for Cooper's hand, leading his children off into the hotel, so they could get them settled in the room they had booked for the week. Nick crashed straight onto the couch once they got inside, leaving Greg to lock the front door and get the children set up in one of the rooms with a movie on the television.

Returning to the front room once the kids were settled, Greg watched Nick a moment from across the room, wishing there was something he could do for him. He slowly made his way over to him, dropping onto the coffee table in front of him.

When Nick didn't lift his gaze to look at him, Greg gently placed his hands on the man's knees, asking, "Can I get you anything to eat, baby?" The older man absently shook his head, loosening the tie from around his neck, feeling as though he couldn't breathe in this attire. "Hey, Nick."

"Yeah?"

"Just checking you were still in there." The younger man smiled softly, kneeling down in front of Nick on the floor. "Do you wonna go to sleep? I can help you get ready."

"No, I'm okay." He shook his head, placing his hands over the top of Greg's. "I'm not some victim, Greg."

"I know . . . I'm just . . . trying to help. I know what it's like to lose someone you love. When I lost my Nana Olaf, I couldn't feel anything. I didn't want to eat, sleep or do anything. I felt so lonely and empty . . . just like you are now."

"I don't feel so lonely." He brushed his thumbs across the backs of Greg's hands, looking the younger man in the eye. "I don't feel tired or hungry either."

"Hey Nicky, who's Millie?" He curiously asked him, remembering he had used the name outside.

"Oh... she's Kayla's daughter. She's about... thirteen now. No one ever talks about her, because accordin' to my fa... I mean, accordin' to the judge . . . bastard children aren't real grandchildren. Their abominations or somethin'." He explained, regretting almost saying 'father' again.

The younger man leant forwards, pressing his lips to Nick's chin. "I wish for once we could have a nice trip back to where you grew up. We always have great vacations back in California."

"We've never exactly come here on a vacation." Slipping his hands beneath Greg's arms, Nick pulled him onto the sofa with him, wrapping his arms around his waist. "Not a proper one anyway. You've never seen the beauty of Texas. It's not so bad, as long as we avoid anyone with the last name Stokes."

"Your sisters aren't so bad." He brushed his fingers through his boyfriend's soft hair, resting his leg over Nick's. "I like Jillian too, she's nice. I can't believe she chose being a lawyer over being a teacher. She seems to love kids more than the law."

"I think my... I mean, the judge encouraged her to change careers. A successful judge married to a fourth grade teacher doesn't have the same ring as a judge married to lawyer." Nick pointed out to him, weaving his fingers together with Greg's. "Thanks for comin' with me Greg; I know you didn't want to..."

"It wasn't that, Nicky. I was just worried about you. I'd go with you anywhere, you know I will. And you don't have to be the big tough guy with me, baby." He whispered, tracing the man's jaw line with his fingertip. "You should know by now that it's better to show your emotions, rather than keeping them bottled up."

"I can cry in front of you, but not the kids." Nick pointed out to him, resting his head against the back of the sofa. "You know they can't sit still for a whole movie. If I start now, I won't be able to stop." Looking towards the door as it suddenly opened, Nick gave out a smirk, pointing Greg's attention towards them. "Speak of the devil. Whatsup bud?"

Cooper tugged on the tie around his neck, making his way over to the sofa. "It's too tight."

"Too tight?" Nick lifted Cooper onto his lap, struggling to undo the knot he had pulled it into. Greg giggled softly, helping him out to loosen the knot. Unlike Nick, he managed to loosen it within a few seconds, so he could remove it from his son's neck. "How do you always do that?" The older man asked, turning to look at him.

"I've got longer fingers." Greg wiggled his fingers to show him. "You can take the suit off now Coop, just don't crease it." He warned him.

"That's my line." Nick chuckled, playfully poking his partner in the side. "You know it's nearly bed time anyway, bud."

"I'm not tired." Cooper immediately complained, pouting his lip out to the both of them.

"I meant... you can put your pyjamas on now, it'll save you the trouble of havin' to change twice. You don't have to go to bed now though," Checking his watch, Nick reported, "It's only half six. We still have to have dinner before you go to sleep."

"What about bath time?" The child asked.

"We'll save that for the mornin', then you get to try out the Jacuzzi bubbles." Nick promised him, watching a wide smile spreading across the little boy's lips, as he was getting out of a bath before bed, and he got to try out the cool new bath tub in the morning. "You want help foldin' those clothes?" Nick asked, lifting Cooper off his lap.

"No. But can you tell AJ to come out?" Nick and Greg both raised their eyebrows to him, giving him a curious look. "She's a girl." The boy whined.

"As if she wants to look at your nasty little ass." Greg teased him, climbing off the sofa to help him out. He playfully ruffled his hand through the boy's hair, leading him back to the bedroom, where AJ was still sat. "Hey Munchkin, do you wonna get your PJ's on too?" He suggested to her, dropping beside the suitcase of their clothes, retrieving Cooper's pyjamas for him.

With Bugsy under her arm and her thumb in her mouth, AJ slipped off the bed, waiting for Greg to find her pyjamas in the suitcase for her. "Daddy, can you take my hair out the braid now?" She itched at her scalp, where the braid was pulling at her skin. "It hurts."

"If you trust yah Daddy with your hair, you can ask him." Greg handed her the hairbrush from her bag, before he handed her the neatly folded pyjamas from her suitcase. "Here's yah PJ's too. I'll get your brother dressed in here."

After tucking her pyjamas under her arm, AJ hurried through to the front room, where her father was sat, wiping the tears from his eyes. She stayed in the shadows where he couldn't see her, having never seen him cry before. She used to see her mother cry all the time. There wasn't a day that went by that she didn't see her mother cry, but she thought her father was invincible.

"Daddy?" She spoke softly, taking a few steps closer towards him.

Nick quickly wiped his hands across his eyes, not wanting his daughter to see him like that. He sniffled back everything he had left, before he turned to look at her beside him. "Hey, baby. You want me to do your hair?" He noticed the hairbrush in her hands. He helped her up to sit beside him, taking the brush off her hands.

"Daddy . . . are you sad because Auntie Kayla's gone?" She queried, looking up into his puffy eyes.

Nick gave her a slight nod, trying to keep his lower lip from quivering. He carefully lifted his daughter onto his lap, so he could gently loosen the bands in her hair, before he brushed it out.

"Gentle." She warned him.

"I will." He promised, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "You don't need to worry about me, sweetie. I'm okay." He assured her, knowing how much she always worried, just like Greg.

"Daddy, what's embalmed?" She innocently asked him.

"Um... where did you hear that?" He didn't want to have to explain its meaning to her, as he still thought that she was too young to deal with any of this.

"At the church, Aunt Vicki said they did a great job embalming Aunt Kayla. What does it mean?"

"Um... well, after somebody... dies... its kinda like makeup I guess... but it goes... inside your body after you die." He struggled to explain, trying not to freak her out. "It kinda... preserves the body... so people can say goodbye."

AJ leant back into her father's embrace, watching as he carefully brushed out her hair for her. "Why do they have to go?" She asked him next, tilting her head back to look at him. "If they can preserve the body, why can't they still live?"

Realising he had explained it wrong, Nick set down the brush, looking the little girl in the eye. "Remember when you did that project on those Egyptian Pharaoh's that Greg helped you with." He reminded her. "Well, the Egyptian used to wrap their dead in bandages, before they buried them. Nowadays, they use embalmin' fluid, which basically does the same thing, only they're not as scary lookin' as the Egyptian mummies."

"Can't they fix her?"

"No baby, they can't. Sometimes they can... fix people, but sometimes they're just... too damaged, and they have to go." Nick looked at her big brown eyes, knowing she didn't mean anything by her constant questioning, she was just trying to understand, the same as him.

"Does it hurt?"

"No sweetie, after you... after people die, they can't feel anythin'." He assured her. "The embalmin' fluid... it just kinda runs through their veins, where the blood used to go. It doesn't hurt them, because they can't feel anythin' anymore." He explained, reaching for her brush again.

"Did they embalmed my Mommy too?" She suddenly queried, making Nick stop brushing her hair. "Did they Daddy?"

"I don't know, baby." He shrugged to her. "After people die, they can't feel anythin' though, so it really doesn't hurt. It's nothin' to worry about, honey." He assured her, slowly starting to brush her hair again.

After a few more brush strokes of her hair, AJ whispered, "Daddy, I don't want you to die."

Nick stopped brushing her hair again, looking down into her puppy dog eyes. "I'm not gonna die, baby. Not for a long, long, long... long, long... very long time. I'm still gonna be here to look after you and yah brother for a very long, long time too." He whispered to her, sniffling back the tears in his eyes, before he wrapped his arms around her, clutching her tightly in his warm embrace. "I love you, honey."

"I love you more." She copied Greg's usual response.

"You recon, huh?" Her father smiled down at her, then pressed multiple kisses to her forehead, making her giggle and squirm in his arms. "C'mon then, let's do yah hair then getcha PJ's on." Once he finished brushing her hair, he flipped off her shoes, helping her with her tights that she hated. AJ lifted her arms up so he could lift her dress over her head, helping her into her new pyjamas that Nana Jean had bought her.

"Daddy, can you come and watch the film with us?"

"Yeah, okay." He removed his suit jacket, leaving it on the back of the sofa. He carried her through to the bedroom, where Greg was sat on the bed, trying to untangle the knots from Cooper's laces. "I told yah we shoulda got him Velcro." Nick smirked, setting AJ on the bed beside him. "Where's Cooper?"

"Bathroom." Greg pointed through to it. "He wanted to brush his teeth, even though he's not going to bed yet." He dropped the shoes on the floor, giving up on the impossible knots. "Your hairs all crinkly." Greg noticed AJ's hair, pulling her into his arms. "Looks pretty, like a Princess. I wish I could do that with my hair."

"Your hair isn't long enough." AJ giggled, crawling towards the pillows on the bed. "Daddy, sit here." She propped up the pillow beside her against the headboard, getting comfortable herself beneath the sheets.

"Yes, ma'am." Nick kicked his shoes off, pecking a kiss to Greg's cheek, before he did as AJ instructed.

"Cooper, you alright in there?" Greg called out to him, watching the boy hurrying into the room a few seconds later. He helped him onto the bed with them, before he turned to sit the other side of them, joining them for the rest of the movie.

As the movie continued, Nick sent Greg off to the kitchen in search of food, starting to get hungry from the lack of food. He returned a few minutes later with popcorn and snack foods, making Nick roll his eyes.

"What? It's all we have."

"I'm starvin', G." He complained, trying not to wake his sleeping children.

"That's why they have this little thing called 'Room Service'." The younger man giggled, retrieving the menu off the bedside table.

"Lemme have a look." Being careful of the two sleeping rugrats between them, Nick reached for the menu from Greg's hands, taking a look for himself. "I've never stayed in this hotel before; I have no idea what their courses are like."

"You don't know if they're big enough to fill yah big ole Texas belly?" Greg teased him. "C'mon Nicky, we are in Texas after all. I'm sure the portions are big enough for yah."

"If there weren't two sleepin' angels between us, I'd kick you right now, G." The older man warned him with a smirk, then turned his eyes back to the menu. "Are you hungry?"

"Nope." Greg shook his head, adjusting the pillows behind his head. "I don't feel that hungry. I'm kinda sleepy though."

"Go to sleep then baby." Nick stated the obvious answer, while he tried to decide what his stomach was craving more. "Do you wonna come with me to Kayla's house tomorrow? You don't have to, we're just gonna box up all of her things and move it over to the ranch, so the girls can sell the house off."

"I'll go." Greg nodded, snuggling against the pillow beside Cooper. "Just don't leave me alone with Ronnie, because she hates me... and definitely not with Gwen, because she talks way too much."

"Okay." Nick promised him. "We'll just help with the main stuff, like liftin' the furniture and things. We'll still be able to go home the day after tomorrow."

"Do you miss her?" Greg changed the subject, propping himself up on his elbow.

"Yeah... I do." Setting the menu down on his chest, Nick whispered, "I still can't believe she's gone though. I thought the funeral would make it feel more . . . real . . . but it doesn't. Even seein' her didn't help."

"That's how I felt after my Papa Olaf died. Even after the funeral, I kept thinking I was going to see him around the house. Like in his special chair in front of the TV. Or at the bottom of the stairs in the morning, cracking some joke of me always being the last one of bed. I kept hoping that I'd see him in his study, looking at his coin collection. But the room was always empty." He looked into Nick's eyes, admitting, "I cried more in the months after his death, as I realised I was never going to see him again."

Giving Greg a soft smile, Nick rolled onto his side, looking at his partner across their peacefully sleeping children. "I'm glad you're here with me, G. I don't think I could do this without you. Oh and, just so we're clear, I don't wonna be buried in a box."

"I know." Greg nodded, remembering, "You wonna be cremated... but do you wonna sit in a big vault somewhere forever or be scattered somewhere?"

"I dunno... I don't really have any place special." Nick reached across for Greg's hand, weaving their fingers together. "You three are the most important things in my life. Maybe you should decide."

"This feels weird to talk about. All I can think about for my death, is that I don't wonna be laying on the slab while Doc Robbins pulls my insides out. Poking at my intestines and cracking my ribs open, while making jokes about the moles on my thigh that could make a heart if you join them all together."

"I told you that." Nick reminded him, as he had found them on his first exploration of his lover's body. "And no one will ever see it, because it's very close to your..." He pointed towards the younger man's hips, before he gave him a reassuring smile. "Despite what you might think, Doc Robbins likes you, and he wouldn't let just anyone see your... very special mark."

"I still don't want him pulling my insides out." Greg involuntary shivered at the thought of it. "Especially after that dream you told me about that you had in the coffin. It just gives me the creeps, but after everything we've seen... death doesn't scare me as much as it used to."

"Why?" He curiously asked him.

"Because once you're dead, the pain is over. I'm scared about the way I'll die. I'm just not as scared of death as I used to be. I'm more afraid to lose everything I love, just like I'm constantly scared about the way you'll die, after everything you've put me through. I don't want you to die. I couldn't bear it if you left me."

"You'll never lose me, baby." He assured him. "We got a lot of years left together, and when we get back to Vegas, I'm quittin' the lab indefinitely."

"You don't have to do that for me."

"I'm doin' it for all of us. After the coffin, I no longer saw it as my dream job. Then after Warrick, it just started to go even more downhill. In the past few months, I've been shot, blown up, had a mental breakdown... and I'm sick of it. I'm puttin' you guys through hell with the state my brain is in. I want us to be a real family, with happy kids that don't have to worry about their Daddy dyin' every time he leaves the house. After today, AJ's terrified of bein' embalmed. She kept askin' me more and more questions about death and embalmin', and I was just thinkin', how do I explain that to a seven year old?"

"I thought that being a CSI is your dream?"

"It was." He nodded, looking at the three most important people in his life. "But I'm goin' with a different dream," Smiling as his son gave out a soft wheeze, Nick whispered, "With the man I've always loved, and the family I've always wanted."

He wiped the tears from his eyes, taking a moment to look into his partner's eyes. He stared into the younger man's eyes for the longest moment, feeling relieved to still have his partner in his life. Even if his sister was gone, he knew he would always have Greg to fall back on.

"What?" Greg finally asked him. "You look like you wonna tell me something, but you're holding back again."

Looking down at his hands, Nick sighed softly as he explained, "Because I need you... but I still find it hard to open up to you."

Greg watched his partner's lower lip starting to quiver, making his heart break for him, "That's it... we have to move beds."

"Why?" Nick looked over at him confused, until he saw the familiar warm smile spreading across the younger man's lips. "Greg, I don't really think I'm... I know we haven't done it in a while..."

"Don't jump to conclusions." Greg interrupted him. "We have to move beds, because it's very hard to have a heart to heart, when there's two sleeping beauties lying between us." He pointed out to him, reaching out for the man's hand. "And because we both know what always opens you up more than anything in the world, and you don't wonna wake the kids up."

"Oh... okay." He spoke softly, taking Greg's hand into his own. He followed him through to the other room, complaining, "But I need somethin' to eat before we go to bed."

"Don't worry, you will." Greg smiled against his lips, gently pushing him back onto the bed behind him. The younger man collapsed onto the bed beside him, then pulled his boyfriend tightly into his arms, beginning the comforting embrace to his partner's warm body. "Do you have any idea how much I love you, Tex?" He pressed his finger to Nick's lips to keep him quiet, showing him how much he adored him by the look in his eyes. "You can trust me with anything, Nicky. You know that nothing you ever say or do will make me feel different about you. I love every inch of you."

"I do trust you."

"Not always." Greg moved his head to rest against Nick's soft head of hair, feeling his partner's heart beat pounding against his own. "You don't always trust me with your feelings."

"I try. I've never let anyone in as far as you. It's hard." Nick closed his eyes against his partner's warm neck, taking a moment to inhale his strong masculine scent. "You always know exactly what to say and how to comfort me, which makes it easier."

"Because you're a big softie, who just needs a hug every once in a while," Greg giggled, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. "I wanted to hug you earlier, but I thought that the judge would burn a whole in my head, just by looking at me. He really knows how to inflict the look of doom, doesn't he?" Nick nodded against his neck, listening to the calm pounding of his partner's heart. "So, you're gonna make me do all the talking I guess?" He presumed.

"You are better at it." Nick smirked.

"Course, what was I thinking." The younger smiled against his head, before he gently started to smooth his palms up and down his partner's back. "Just close your eyes, and pretend we're the only two people in the world. No one outside of this room is gonna know that you cried." He whispered, watching his lover closing his eyes against him.

"You know, when we were kids, I used to borrow Kayla's magazines, so I could look at all the cute boys in them. They were loads better than the ones my brother gave me." He suddenly spoke up.

"Good ass shots, huh?" The younger man giggled, knowing Nick's type.

"Yeah, loads." He nodded. "Kayla caught me tryin' to put one back once. She never said anythin'. She just had this smile on her face." Nick lifted his head from Greg's neck, resting on his elbow to look into the younger man's eyes. "I keep thinkin'... out of all of my sisters, why her? She was the kindest and sweetest of them all. She never did anythin' to anybody. She wouldn't rock the boat for anythin'. She wouldn't even defend herself against anyone, she'd just take their crap and shrug it off."

"We both know bad stuff always happens to good people."

"Yeah, I know." Dropping his head to his boyfriend's shoulder again, Nick whispered, "She was only twenty eight when she became a mother. She always wanted to explore the world, but... the judge, he wouldn't let her. He told her to focus on her career, to build a strong stable environment for marriage and kids. She never did get married, and she became a mother to a fatherless child. He hated her for that. She was cast out well before me. She did everythin' else that was expected of her though."

"That man's gonna end up old and alone. Then he'll be wishing he didn't cast everyone who ever loved him out." Greg whispered back to him.

"I don't think I ever loved him. I was always tryin' to earn his love, but I don't think I ever felt like I loved him... or that he loved me, for that matter. I'm actually glad he's not my real father. I guess my real one isn't much better though."

"He's not your real father. Grissom is more of a father to you than that man." The younger man pointed out to him. "If you really need a father in your life, you can have mine."

"I didn't know he was out for hire." Nick smirked, lifting his gaze to meet Greg's.

"Baby, as far as my parents are concerned, you're already part of the family. They'd adopt you in a heartbeat. Not literally though, because that would be kinda weird; I'd be having an intimate relationship with my brother." He cringed at the thought of having an intimate relationship with his older brother, Mark.

"I got what you meant, G." He gave him a smile, circling his fingertips across the younger man's chest, directly over his heart. "You're the only person in my life that I don't feel I have to earn love from."

"Your mother loves you unconditionally."

"She has her conditions, and she's not my mother."

"Not your real birth mother, but she is your mother." Greg corrected him. "She raised you as her own child and she loves you as her own child, Nicky. You're just like my sister, Connie, when it comes to this birth parent thing. Connie hates my mother now. She thinks it's all her fault that her birth parents didn't want her, when really she should be looking at it the other way. My Mom and Dad wanted her. They loved her enough to take her in and give her parents and brothers and a sister, rather than let her grow up with no one." He explained, tightening his arms around Nick's body. "And you're just the same, Nicky. You've been blaming Jillian about all of this from the moment the judge decided to tell you who your real parents were."

"Makin' me feel bad on the day my sister was buried? Nice tactics, G." The older man remarked.

"No, I'm just saying... you keep saying she's not your mother, when she's the one who changed your diapers, fed you, stayed up with you all night when you were sick, gave you hugs when you were hurting and she accepted you and AJ when you flew over there, or here even to see her and tell her about all of us." Greg reminded him, gently smoothing his palms up and down Nick's back. "Now look at your birth mother, what has she done for you?"

"Nothin'... lately." Nick lifted his head to look into his boyfriend's eyes. "Considerin' the circumstances in which I was made, I don't blame her. And you're supposed to be on my side, Greg."

"I am on your side. I'm always on your side. I'd fight your corner until every bone in my body was broken." The younger man pointed out to him, before he gave him a playful tickle. "I just think you're being a little bit of spoilt brat about this whole mother situation. Your birth mother, Lily found out you knew the truth and she stopped talking to you completely, whereas the mother who raised you comes by for regular visits. She even buys presents for her grandchildren and your boyfriend."

"That's not Lillian's fault." Nick continued to protect her. "How would you feel if you had to look into the eyes of the man who raped you when you were just a kid?"

Greg gently cupped his cheeks in his hands, looking into the man's beautiful chocolate brown eyes. "You don't have his eyes, Nicky."

"You've never met him, how would you know?"

Greg gave him a gentle smile, as he looked deeper into his partner's soulful eyes. "Because I've seen your mother's eyes and I can see her eyes in yours. Even AJ has your eyes." He whispered, gently brushing his thumb across Nick's chin. "I don't look at you or AJ any different, because I don't see a monster in them. The only thing I see when I look into your eyes, is your big heart and I see your love for everyone around you."

"Hey I'm supposed to be the one cryin' today, not you." Nick gently wiped away his partner's tears, feeling his heart aching for him. "I told you that you always know just what to say."

"Yeah, but I'm supposed to make you open up, not me." Greg giggled softly, sniffling back his tears. "I love you more than anything in the world, Nicky. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. And I know Lily will come around, she just... she feels as though she's let you down or something."

"How would you know that?" He asked, resting on his elbow beside Greg's head, giving him an accusing look. "You talked to her, didn't you?" Greg gave him a guilty nod. "She talked to you, but she won't return my phone calls?"

"I called her when you were shot." The younger man confessed. "Luckily her husband answered, and he made her talk to me. After I told her about you, I asked her why she wouldn't talk to you, and that's what she told me. She said it's not like you can pick up on a normal mother – son relationship, because you're nearly in your forties and you don't exactly need a mother at that stage in your life. She said that she's always felt as though she abandoned you, and when I told her that she was your mother, no matter how old you were or what happened between you two . . . she said that she didn't deserve that right."

Nick gave his boyfriend a gentle smile, as he delicately brushed his fingertips through his hair. "Why do you always have to fix things in my life, Greg?"

"Because I hate seeing you suffer." Leaning up on his elbows, Greg snatched a kiss from his lips, smiling against his open mouth. "I got the judge to give up on his pursuit of taking custody of AJ, didn't I?"

"You, Jean and Jillian," Nick corrected him. "Which I'm eternally grateful for, but I don't need you to always fight my battles, G. I'm perfectly capable to do it by myself."

"Yeah, I know that... but you don't have to. You are allowed to lean on me, that's why I'm here." Wrapping his arms around Nick's shoulders, Greg pulled him back against his chest, cradling his head against him. "Just like I'm here for you because your sister died. You don't have to be by yourself anymore, Nicky."

"Kayla was."

"She had her daughter. Her family all lived close by. I'm sure she opened up to somebody. She was always so happy." Greg pressed a delicate kiss to the man's forehead, while gently feathering his fingertips down his cheek. "You know, I think you cried more last week when we were still in Vegas. I must be losing my touch."

"Maybe I just don't feel like it." Nick pressed a tender kiss to his jaw line, sliding one of his hands towards the younger man's hip. "I love you. Just by holdin' me in your arms, you make everythin' better." Closing his eyes against the man he considered his life source, Nick whispered, "I really miss her though. After dealin' with death everyday on the job, I thought it would be easier to accept that somebody was dead, but I keep feelin' as though I should be doin' somethin'..."

"Like working her crime scene?" Greg asked him, before reminding him, "Technically, you already did that through the newspaper articles and police reports you read. Your sister and the other driver are both dead, so there's no suspect. They didn't know each other, so there's no connection between them..."

"Except that they caused each other's death." Lifting his head, Nick folded his hands beneath his chin, resting against Greg's chest, so he could look into the younger man's eyes. "I'm worried about, Millie. I know my... Mama will look after her, because she doesn't care that she doesn't have a father to speak of, but the judge isn't exactly goin' to be gentle about it. She lost her mother, she needs support right now, not... him. He ruins everythin' he touches."

"Your mother wouldn't let anything happen to her, Nicky." Greg assured him, gently brushing his thumb across the glossy tear streak down Nick's cheek. "She stood up for you in front of him. She even stood up for me."

"I know." Nick responded with a slight smile. "But I'm still worried. Kayla was always so carin'. She always put other people before herself. No one could ever replace her."

"I have a pretty good idea of someone who could." The younger man gave him a smile, brushing his fingers through his boyfriend's soft strands of hair. "It's okay to cry for your sister, Nicky." He assured him.

Nick nodded slightly, circling his fingertips over Greg's heart again. "Cryin' never helped anyone."

"It helps you." He pointed out to him. "And that's always important."

Nick closed his eyes, allowing a few more tears to roll down his cheeks. "It's just like Warrick all over again, only I knew my sister longer. She was my best friend growin' up. I never had a friend like her through any of my schools or college," After a heavy sniffle, Nick opened his eyes to look at Greg once again. "You're the only one who's even come close... to," The Texan paused to clench his teeth into his trembling lip a moment, enjoying the soothing circles of his boyfriend's hands rubbing across his back. "I just... I..." Nick burst into tears, struggling to control his breathing as the tears freely rolled down his cheeks.

"It's okay, baby." Greg clenched his teeth into his own quivering lip, clutching his lover tighter as he finally let go of everything he was holding onto, and cried against him. "It's okay, baby." Greg whispered, letting his tears roll down his cheeks into Nick's hair as the older man cried into his neck. "You have no idea how beautiful you are, cowboy." The younger man whispered a few minutes later, touching his lips to the soft creases in the corner of Nick's tearful eye. "I love you, Nicky."

"I know you do." Nick inhaled a deep breath, tightening his arms around Greg's warm body. "I love you too." For the very first time, Greg felt his boyfriend surrender himself to him in a way he never had before. He felt as though Nick was not only sharing his soul with him, but the pain inside of him too.


Nick pulled the rental car up to the curb of his sister Kayla's house, taking a moment to look at his family in the driveway, before he turned off the ignition. From the looks of it, Gwen and her husband Damian, Ronnie and her husband Jason, along with Vicki and her husband Lucas, were the only three of his siblings to attend.

"We can turn around if you want." Greg suggested, clutching his partner's hand tightly across the middle of the car.

"No, it's okay. We're here now. We might as well get it over with." Nick gave his hand a gentle squeeze then climbed out the car, heading straight round to the back door to get the kids out. "Remember, best behaviour while we're here." He warned the two of them, as they climbed out the car.

AJ and Cooper both gave him innocent smiles, standing beside one another on the pavement.

"I'm serious." He shook his finger at them. "If you can't behave, you'll sit in the car all day." Nick used the same threat he always did, but never had to initiate, as they were always on their best behaviour.

Nick made sure they both understood, before he ushered them off towards the house, getting ready for the dirty looks from his sisters' husbands, and the angry looks from his sister Ronnie, who still believed he was going to hell for living like this.

Ronnie gave out a groan of annoyance directed towards her little brother, angry at him for bringing his boyfriend with him.

"Nicky, this is... I mean... this was Kayla's roommate, Mallory." Gwen introduced him to the red haired woman outside of Kayla's house. "Mallory, this is our little brother, Nicky. And this is his partner Greg, and their kids Cooper and AJ."

Mallory looked at Gwen surprised a moment from the news, before she slowly reached her hand out to greet them. "Hi Nick... and Greg." She smiled politely, then looked at their children at their feet. "Kayla told me that you had a daughter Nick, she never said you had a son though."

"We adopted him eight months ago." Greg explained to her.

"Let's get started on this house then." Vicki insisted from the doorway, ignoring her twin sister's groans. "Mallory, do you have the key?"

"Yeah." Mallory nervously answered, rummaging through the purse in her hands for the key. The red head slowly approached the front door, fiddling with the keys in her hands, so she could let her roommate's family into the house. "I can get you all some coffee if you want... or tea?"

"No, that's alright. I know the way to the kitchen." Vicki smiled at her, then made her way off through the house, towards the kitchen. Vicki's teenage son, Charlie stepped through the door next, with a grumpy expression on his face, as he really didn't want to be here.

Mallory turned to look at Nick once they were inside, watching his children giving one another playful shoves. "Um... there's a garden out back... for the children if you want. Kayla kept Millie's old tree house and swing set out there." She pointed towards it out the window.

AJ immediately looked up at her, recognising her as the woman who dropped the flower clip into her Aunt Kayla's grave.

"Thanks." Nick smiled at her, ushering the children into the house. "I wasn't gonna bring them all the way out here, but we couldn't find a last minute sitter." And he didn't want to leave them with a sitter either.

"That's right; you're from Vegas, aren't you. I've always wanted to go there." Mallory led the way into the front room, taking a moment to look around the room, before she looked towards Kayla's sisters to check on what they were doing. "Kayla told me that you and Greg work in law enforcement or something."

"CSI's." He nodded to her, taking Cooper's jacket for him. "You're a second grade teacher, aren't you?"

"I'm in the second grade." AJ suddenly announced, standing still as Greg unzipped her hooded sweatshirt for her.

"Yes I am." Mallory smiled, taking their jackets for them to hang up. "I used to teach the sixth grade, but I found that the younger they are, the easier and more fun they are to teach."

"Nicky, do you wonna help Damian, Jason and Lucas upstairs with the packin'?" Vicki interrupted, carrying the coffees into the room. "I wasn't leavin' you out. You can help if you want, Greg. I just feel funny askin' you, because you're a guest." She smirked, as she saw the look on his face. "Make sure Charlie at least tries to help while he's up there. This is his punishment for bein' caught smokin'."

"Charlie smokes?" Nick looked at her surprised, as his nephew had always been a straight A student, unlike his other nephews/cousins.

"Apparently." Vicki nodded, handing a coffee over to Mallory. "You know, you really didn't have to come out here to help today, Mallory."

"I live here." Mallory reminded her.

"I know... it's just... more of a family matter." Vicki politely told her, then turned towards the stairs. "Well we better get started; when we did this for Aunt Caroline, it took us two weeks just to move everythin' out, so we could sell the place." She smirked, before she rushed up the stairs.

"I can watch them if you want." Mallory suggested, looking towards the two children with wandering eyes. "Since this is a family matter, I should get out of the way." She almost sounded a little annoyed with the situation, but Nick let it slide, knowing that Mallory had known his sister for a long time.

Nick watched her ushering the children out into the garden, then turned his head towards Greg beside him, whispering, "Does she seem a little...?"

"Lost?" Greg suggested. "She seems to like you though. Just don't get any ideas Tex; I know how much you like red heads."

"As if." Nick frowned at him, then led the way towards the stairs. "Lucas is Vicki's husband by the way, and Jason is Ronnie's. You've never met em, 'cause they don't like... you know..."

"Yeah, I figured that out for myself." Greg chuckled, "Just don't leave me alone with the big strapping Texas boys who want to kill me."

"I wouldn't." Nick assured him, giving the younger man a wink. "If they take a swing at you, it'll hit em first."


Mallory led the children out into the garden, showing them where the swings and tree house were. She took a seat on the old bench, taking a moment to look around the garden that she had spent a lot of time with her own family in, that was now lost. "Mrs Mallory, can you push me on the swing?"

Mallory smiled as she looked round at the sweet little boy beside her. "It's just Mallory, sweetheart." Climbing to her feet, Mallory led him off towards the swing beside his sister.

"Do you miss, Auntie Kayla?" AJ queried, as the woman looked as unhappy as her Daddy.

Mallory gave the young child a slight nod, gently starting to push Cooper on the swing. "Yes I do, sweetheart."

AJ tilted her head to the side, watching as the red haired lady brushed her thumb across the ring on her finger again. "Were you married?" She curiously asked her, getting a wide eyed response. "My Mommy had a diamond like that." The child pointed to her sparkly ring. "She said I used to chew it when I was a baby, and showed me the teeth marks. My auntie kept it when she died though. She said I was too little to keep it. It belonged to my grandma."

Mallory felt her heart break, as she realised that the child had lost her mother too. She started thinking about Millie again, wondering how she would get on without her mother, as she didn't exactly have a father to fall back on, and Kayla never exactly planned a will or anything like that in the event of her death.

"Mallory!" Vicki suddenly called into the garden for her. "Sugar, do you know where Kayla kept her paperwork... like for the house and things?"

"Um... sure." Mallory left the children swinging back and forth on the swings, hurrying into the house to show Vicki where they were kept, while Nick and Gwen's husband, Damian loaded up the first U-Haul truck with Millie's things, so they could take them off to the ranch first.

"Auntie Kayla was a girl." Cooper pointed out to his sister. "Girls can't get married."

"Yes they can. Daddies can get married." AJ stuck her tongue out at her younger brother, then jumped off the swing, eager to explore the house.

"AJ, wait up!" Cooper tumbled to the grass as he attempted to jump off the swing like AJ. "Ow... AJ, wait!" He brushed the grass from his sore knees, then scrambled to his feet, hurrying into the house after his sister.


"Well... it looks like Kayla owned this house... or sorta, the mortgage is pretty steep... there's no way we can afford this." Vicki groaned, looking through all the bills and things in front of her.

"I helped pay half of the mortgage every month." Mallory set down a coffee in front of Vicki on one of the coasters, then took a seat opposite her, feeling as though these strangers in her home were taking over her life.

"Did you pay the utilities and everythin' too?" Vicki queried, watching the nervous woman giving her a nod. "When we sell the place, we can give you a percentage then, I guess that's fair. How much time do you think you'll need to pack up your things from this place?"

Mallory looked up at her surprised. "You're... you're just going to sell the house?"

"Yeah sugar, there's no way we can afford this, along with the mortgages on our own houses and our own kids. Millie's gonna live with our parents, until we find Kayla's will, I think she woulda wanted her daughter to live with our Mama though, and there's really no point in keeping an empty house open." Vicki explained to her, riffling through the rest of the paperwork.

Noticing the expression on the distraught woman's face, Gwen asked, "Did you wonna stay on here, love? I'm sure we can pitch in for a while, until you find a place of your own." She gave her another option, as she set a tray of biscuits onto the table beside her.

Greg looked between the three of them curiously, thinking there was something Mallory wasn't telling them, but it wasn't his place to say. While he was preoccupied watching the women talking, AJ and Cooper tiptoed through the hall behind him, making their way up the second set of stairs to explore.

"Well... that was what Kayla... she said that this place was both of ours, not just hers." Mallory tried to explain, clasping her hands together in her lap, as she looked round at her best friend's sisters. "I mean... she never put it in writin' or anythin' like that..."

"Well, maybe we can work out some kinda rental plan?" Gwen suggested, taking her seat. Vicki frowned at her little sister, wondering why she was being so nice to her. She thought it would just be easier to kick the squatter out and sell the place, rather than walking on eggshells around her. "What? We can't just kick her out, Vicki. If you wonna stay on here for a while, at least until you find a place of your own... I mean it is kinda a big house for one person."

"Oh... I understand." Mallory spoke softly, then abruptly climbed to her feet. "I'll be right back."

"I'm sorry Mallory; I don't mean to be rude. But this is our sister's house. We can't just give it to you because you lived here a couple of months and paid off a few bills." Vicki tried to explain to her.

"But . . . I've lived with Kayla since we left college." Mallory reminded her, trying to keep her voice from breaking. "I'll be right back." She excused herself again, making her way off towards the stairs, just as her tears started to flow.

Vicki watched her go up, then turned towards her sister beside her, scolding her, "What the hell are you doin'? We can't afford to keep her. She's a forty year old spinster, who knows what kinda crap she's gonna do in this house. Do you want her havin' wild parties and all sorts of men with god knows what, walkin' all over the memory of our sister? She doesn't even have a decent job. She's never gonna pay us back."

"She said she paid half the utilities and everythin'." Gwen pointed out to her. "This house is half hers. Don't you think that we should give her the benefit..."

"No!" Her sister cut her off. "You can't let people like that take advantage of you. You don't even live here anyway, so I'll be the one to pay it, because Daddy certainly isn't gonna chip in, and Ronnie doesn't give a toss about anyone but herself. I practically had to drag her out of bed to get her to Kayla's funeral."

"That's just because she's an attention seeker. She's always doin' things like that." Gwen rolled her eyes. "She just wants people to feel sorry for her, and notice her. But anyway, Millie seems to like this Mallory. Besides, Kayla has been friends with her since college." Gwen pointed out to her, spotting Greg stood in the corner. "Sorry Greg, I didn't know you were there. Did you want a coffee or anythin'?"

"No, I'm fine. I was... waiting for Nick and Damian to get back with the truck." He explained to her, then turned his head towards the drive as he saw the truck pulling back in, feeling relieved to see him. "Here they are."


"AJ." Cooper wandered down the hall after his sister, watching her stopping as she reached another room to explore. "AJ, Daddy will be looking for us." He whispered, stepping up behind her, as she looked around the room with wide eyes of wonder. "AJ, what are you doing?"

AJ silenced her brother with a hiss, taking a look at the jewellery laid out on the dresser, then lifted the hair brush, looking at the long light brown hairs on it that were a perfect match to Aunt Kayla's.

Cooper watched her exploring the room, anxiously biting his lower lip in case they got caught. "Daddy will get mad."

His sister shook her head. "Daddy don't get mad."

"AJ, we should go."

"Go then." AJ ushered him away with her hand, finding a photo of Mallory and Kayla, sat on the bedside table. Cooper watched her a moment, then made his way into the hall, searching for the staircase to find one his fathers. While he was trying to find a way downstairs, AJ explored the office beside the bedroom, taking a whirl on the swivel chair at Kayla's desk, before she jumped down to explore the rest of the house.

Slowly making her way down the hall that smelt of her Aunt Kayla, AJ looked around at the photos on the walls of her Aunt and her cousin Millie, wondering why there weren't any pictures of Mallory anywhere. "What are you doing, Munchkin?" Greg caught her, kneeling down beside her.

"Daddy, why's there no pictures of Mallory?" She curiously asked him.

Greg gave her a shrug, looking at the pictures of Millie and her mother. "Maybe she took the pictures, or maybe her pictures are somewhere else in the house." He suggested.

"We have pictures of all of us everywhere."

"That's because Nana Jean made us." He smirked, curiously looking around at the photos again. "C'mon then," Climbing to his feet, Greg reached out for AJ's hand at his side, leading her towards the stairs, when he suddenly heard crying coming from one of the rooms. He put his finger to his lips as he looked down at AJ then crept off towards the room, spotting Mallory sat on the floor beside the bed, with her head in her hands. "Mallory?" He spoke softly.

"Oh... Greg," Quickly wiping away the evidence of her tears, Mallory smiled in his direction. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"No, no... sweetie, why doncha go and find your brother?" Greg spoke softly to AJ beside him.

AJ looked between the two of them curiously, then made her way off towards the stairs to go and find her brother.

Greg slowly made his way into the room, looking at the pictures of Kayla laid out in front of Mallory. "What's wrong?" He asked her, spotting a few photos of Kayla and Mallory together, that looked more intimate then just friends.

"Don't tell anyone." Mallory quickly gathered up the photos, hiding them in a box under her bed. He gave her a nod, then grabbed for the box of Kleenex tissues off the desk, handing them over to Mallory. "Thanks, Greg." She smiled up at him.

Greg gave her a slight smile in return, carefully sitting himself beside her on the floor. "Mallory, are you okay? I didn't want to say anything in front of the others... but there's obviously something bothering you."

"It really doesn't matter, Greg." She shook her head, drying her eyes.

"It does. I may not know you that well, but I can't leave you now I've seen you crying." Greg gave her a warm smile, as she looked up at him. "You haven't just lost a best friend or a roommate have you?"

Shaking her head, Mallory dabbed her eyes with the tissue in her hands. "No, she wasn't just my... friend. She didn't want to tell any of her family. Not even Nicky after she found out about him. I really envy you, Greg." She turned to look at him.

"You envy me?"

"Yeah, you don't have to hide your relationship with Nick. You have these two beautiful children, and you're not bein' kicked out of the house you've been livin' in with your family for twenty years."

"Why don't you say something?" Greg asked, feeling his heart aching for her.

Mallory sobbed into her hand. "Because I promised, Kayla. She made me promise that I'd never tell anyone in her family. She didn't want them to see her like that. She had always been ashamed of us, but I still loved her. I still love her now, even though she's left me with nothin'. I don't care about the house... or any of this, I just want her back."

Without a second thought, Greg reached his arms out to her and pulled the woman he barely knew into a hug to comfort her, as she started to cry again. He couldn't imagine his life without Nick and he knew he would feel just as lonely as her if their situations were reversed.


Thanks for reading, please review!

Have a Great Weekend.

~ Holly