A/N: Sorry for the late update guys. I promise, for the next three chapters at least, you'll get (fairly)regular updates. Heehee. I hope you like this chapter(: As always, constructive criticism greatly appreciated.


Facebook Status . Chapter Eight - Tuesday {in the nile}


Tuesday dawned bright and sunny, with Innes waking up in a terrible mood. It had less to do with the heavy drinking the night before and more to do with her sister, who was currently setting their kitchen on fire.

"How many times have I told you not to fucking cook?" The saucepan contained blackened eggs and bacon, amid leaping red flames, and what looked like charcoal popped out of the toaster amid plumes of smoke. Innes scowled as she watched Alice struggling to douse the fire. "Your 'coffee' is like carbon mixed with water and yet you work in a fucking restaurant…" and so began the daily tirade against Alice's culinary skill (or lack thereof) and poor vocation choices.

Alice, having given up justifying her case that she was Buono Tomato's accountant after the fifth attempt, was silently doing her best to dry the sopping kitchen. Well. It had been foolish of her to hope that maybe today the eggs would decide not to stick to the pan and that the toast would magically listen to her and pop up nicely golden.

She wondered why she even bothered, when breakfast for Innes comprised chugging down vitamin concentrate, honey water and perhaps a shot of Scotch.


In Buono Tomato's kitchen, the staff were busy preparing for opening. The air was filled with the smell of freshly baked goods, and the sound of pounding came from Gupta, preparing falafel balls and dips. Kitchen hands tottered about, pulling out trays and buttering rolls, and the floor staff heaved sacks of locally sourced figs, almonds and whatnot to the storage room. The ricotta was to be cut just so, bread pulled apart for panzanella, the salt cod soaked for tonight's baccalà…

Lovino was busy making pasta dough, too engrossed in his work to take note of the other chefs bustling around him. So it was that he didn't notice Francis greeting him cheerfully over his pot of spicy radish sauce. He noticed neither the sudden change from disappointment to malicious glint in the Frenchman's eyes when he realized Lovino wasn't aware of his presence, nor when Francis sidled up behind him. But he did notice, however, when Francis enveloped him from behind, putting French hands in places where they were not wanted.

"MOTHERFUCKIN'!"

"Mon ami, it was your fa – put the dough down! We can talk!"

"No talk. Just you –"

"Mmm, who's bed –"

"–Dead."

It was then that peace loving Gupta ran to get Alice. Or Feliciano. Or perhaps even Leon, with his pyromania that would stop a raging bull in its tracks.


Alfred stood outside the restaurant, jiggering nervously about, occasionally leaning to the side to peer through the glass front and stare mournfully at the CLOSED sign. It was during one of his peering moments that Alice unfortunately opened the door, slamming it into his face.

"Oh, it's you," Alice said flatly after getting over her shock and guilt to recognize the telecommunications man.

"I'm alright! The hero would never be brought down by such an attack!"Alfred immediately declared – even though his nose hurt so very terribly.

She nodded her head indifferently. "We're not interested, in whatever you're trying to sell."

Alfred opened his mouth to say something more, but a blonde swooped down on him, slinging an arm around his neck and effectively cut of his speech.

Francis beamed at the man, "Alfredo! You seem to need a bit more butter!" and so saying, dragged the nonplussed man back into the restaurant.

Freaks, Alice thought to herself. She had graduated from college with high hopes of finally leaving the perverse Frenchman (and his equally low friends) behind, only to find that he was attending the same university as her – and now working in the same place! Someone up there must hate her.


Anita F.C.: Hello Lovi!
48 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: how wase your day today?
48 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: remebrer the new farm hand we got ?
47 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: he's getinng beetter at taking care of the tomatoes
47 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: so i might have mroe htime to talk to you at night :DDD
47 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: his brown hair is aall messed uo now but he still stares at me with those unripe tomatoey eyes ):
43 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Lovino Fucking Vargas: hello
26 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Lovino wanted nothing more than to lie down and sleep. Today had been Feli's turn to take the night shift and in usual Lovino-style, he had lazed around his apartment and complained of a splitting headache to empty air. He was not interested in men with brown hair and green eyes.

Anita F.C.: LOVI (:
25 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: are oyu okay? You sound tired
25 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Lovino Fucking Vargas: good job, Einstein
21 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: LOVI.
20 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: DID YOU FORGET MY NAME?1
20 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Oh god.

Lovino Fucking Vargas: no.
16 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Lovino Fucking Vargas: ever heard of sarcasm?
16 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: phew.
15 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: yes. But Francis says its lost on me ):
15 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: and I haven't found it yet.
15 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Lovino Fucking Vargas: I can tell .
14 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Wait…'Francis'? Lovino felt very awake now.

Lovino Fucking Vargas: is this francis of yours a perverted Frenchman who molests any thing with two legs?
14 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: Franny is a fenchman but I;m not sure about the other part.
12 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.:. But Gilly says that too ! so I guess it must be so
11 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: you know Gilly right (:
11 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: shes the one who talks in caps
11 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: we trhee are the bestest best firneds in the whole wide world ! :D
10 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: but you are still better because you're lovi . (:
10 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Lovino Fucking Vargas: …Francis Bonnefoy Is Your Friend ?
7 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: I just said that didn't I ?
7 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Lovino sighed. So much for birds of a feather flocking together.

Lovino Fucking Vargas: fine then.
6 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Lovino Fucking Vargas: tell the damned frenchie to stop molesting me.
6 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: What? Franny does what?
1 minute ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Oh fuck it. Lovino's ears were burning. He was not going to repeat that.

Lovino Fucking Vargas: y'know! you can just scroll u pand read it yourself!
1 minute ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

He got up crossly and fetched a tomato. Anita hadn't replied. He finished his tomato and went to get another one. She still hadn't replied.

Annoyed, but not knowing why, Lovino went to her Facebook profile, and very nearly spat out his tomato.

Under 'Recent Activity', Anita apparently had left a string of Posts on Francis' Wall, very recently so. Lovino scowled. Lucky that he wasn't the Frenchman's friend else his eyes would have died.

What is that woman doing, talking to the perverted Frenchman instead of – wait, what? Lovino nearly choked on his half-eaten tomato. What was that, brain?

He would have set about on another argument with his thoughts if he hadn't caught sight of yet another shocking thing: next to a little gray heart were the words "In a relationship". Taunting him, almost, because he had never found use for the Relationship Status option on his profile. Not that he'd broadcast the condition of his relationships to the world; it needed no reminding that Lovino Vargas was charming ladies at a drop of a hat.

Still, his mind ran through a series of phrases: 'So, you're in a relationship?' – too direct. 'Who's your boyfriend' – too obvious. 'You have a boyfriend?' – obviously, unless she was knocking up another woman. 'I bet you're dating the fucking wino-freak' – now he sounded like a jealous fuck.

Lovino Fucking Vargas: hey Anita I'm going to bed now.
27 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: ah ah ah weait lovi !
24 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: Francis says he'll never bother you again (:
24 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Lovino Fucking Vargas: yeah right.
22 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: I'm seriosu! I asked him nicely and he promised me (:
20 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Lovino felt his stomach clench. A stronger, more believable thought about bad tomatoes quickly brushed aside a quiet one of Anita finally reining her boyfriend in.

Lovino Fucking Vargas: Okay okay. Good night.
15 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: Good night love (:
15 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Anita F.C.: AH I meant 'lovi"!
15 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall

Lovino could feel his headache coming back.


A/N: I hope it wasn't too bad. It seems so clichéd now T.T Now the count is USUK: 6 FrUK: 2 FrSey: 2 FrJoan: 1
So. You have until chapter 10 to put in your two cents' worth. If you want to, that is(;

To XD: I effin' love you. It's a pity that I have only your pale gray countenance to look at ):