Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the other characters that are in the Harry Potter books

Author's Note: Thanks so much to LilyandJamesLover, pippapear, carrymeaway, Mrs.Hermione J. Weasley, marauderette92, Blue-Eyed Chica, lilylurvesjamsie, xSecretEvansx, WhtChoc, BlAcKdAuGhTeR, Expectance, redglasses, monse evans, me, snaplappl21, opungo, tasha27, Romancing Hogwarts x3, Grace Potter Evans, emnic, lqharbaugh101, SingStarling, and koolkatkt123 for reviewing!

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Lily bolted through the portrait hole, flew past the common room, and ran straight up the stairs to her dormitory. Both Libby and Camilla had yelled in her direction from the common room, but Lily didn't care. She didn't want them to see her now; she didn't want anyone to see her. All she wanted was peace and quiet. She needed time to think things through. Lily began to nervously pace the room, sweating forming at her brow.

She had just been kissing James Potter. What the fuck? This was James Potter here! She had done the thing that she had sworn to herself (and to him) that would never happen in a million years. And so she repeated, aloud this time, "What the fuck?"

Why did he have to kiss her? Why was he such a bloody git! Better yet, why hadn't she seen this coming? Of course that's why he befriended her; it was his goal all along. She could see him now, plotting it with Sirius, Remus, and Peter. The four of them probably huddled up and decided that if James started to be friends with her, he could easily gain her trust and then without any prior warning, he would launch and kiss her. God she was such a fool!

Then she froze. With her mind going at warp speed, she had almost overlooked the fact that James, the bloody bastard that he was, was most definitely going to blab about what just happened to his friends. And once that happened, the entire school was sure to know! She would be humiliated. She had a reputation to uphold and didn't want one stupid kiss from James to ruin it all.

Not knowing what else to do, Lily grabbed a piece of parchment and scribbled a note to James, which read, "James, please don't tell anyone what happened tonight. We need to talk about it first. Lily." As if on cue, her owl flew to window and tapped on the glass. Lily tied the note to the owl's leg and sent it off; she could only hope that it reached James in time. Otherwise, life as she knew it would be over.

Just as Lily closed the window, Camilla and Libby burst into the dormitory. "Lily, what's going on?" Libby asked.

"Yeah, you just like ran for it," Camilla added.

"I, I think I'm coming down with something," Lily quickly lied. "And well, I thought that, you know, I had to throw up and didn't want the entire common room to see."

Camilla made a look of disgust and said, "I see, well thanks then."

"Are you okay?" Libby asked.

"Um, yeah, I think I'll be fine," Lily replied.

"It's probably from hanging out with Potter," Camilla bitterly stated. She always was able to relate anything bad back to James, anything at all. Once, during their fifth year, Camilla even managed to relate the fact that it was cold and windy outside to James Potter being an asshole.

"Yeah, probably," Lily squealed. For once in Camilla's life, she was right about James Potter being the cause. However, Lily would never admit it.

"Never mind Potter," Libby said. "Should we be writing to Alexander, telling him that his new girlfriend isn't feeling well and he should come over and cheer you up?"

Oh crap. Lily had completely forgotten that Camilla and Libby still didn't know that she had rejected Alexander's offer. It seemed like ages ago too, not just hours. She really didn't want to deal with this now, not with James Potter still flooding her mind.

"It didn't work out," she quickly said.

"What? Why?" both girls exclaimed at once.

Lily jumped before replying, "I said no."

"Okay, you must be sick," Camilla stated. "You've liked him for ages, what happened?"

"I don't know," Lily admitted. "I just don't see myself with him."

"But why not? He's perfect!" Libby said.

Wanting to put an end to all of this, Lily said, "Guys, can we talk about this tomorrow? I really don't feel well and just want to go to bed." However, that was far from the truth. She knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep a wink that night.

"I'm sure if you talk to Alexander and just tell him you weren't feeling well, he'll understand and then you can date him," Camilla replied, ignoring Lily's request for peace and silence.

"No!" Lily exclaimed. "I'm not dating him, I don't want to date him. It's not this stupid sickness either! I don't like him anymore!"

Her outburst shut her friends up at once. Lily hardly ever yelled, at least not at them. In fact, the only time that they had ever seen her this frustrated was when she lost Severus Snape as a friend, whom, although they didn't see each other often during school, had been one of Lily's closest friends during the summer holidays.

Lily lied down on her bed and stared at the ceiling. She didn't say another word to her friends and was quite relieved when she heard them exit and the door shut tightly behind them. She knew that she had been unreasonable with them and if their roles were reversed, she probably would have behaved exactly the same as them. However, she was still angry that they kept on badgering her about Alexander, who she also felt bad for.

This was not a good thing, not at all. James had kissed her, Alexander probably hated her, and she had just been very rude to her best friends. Could it get any worse?

This was all James's fault, she concluded. He was the one that started to talk during rounds. He made the first move to be friends, not her. Then he made her wait in a stupid broom closet to overhear the Slytherins talking. Therefore, he initiated that moment between, not her. Next, he kissed her! It was all his fault.

The worst of it though is that it was also the cause of the problems between her and Alexander too. If she hadn't had that stupid, seemingly insignificant moment with James, she would have never hesitated with Alexander. Once again, the blame was with James, not her.

Of course, he also caused the problems with her and her best friends. He was the one that ruined things with Alexander, which caused Lily to snap at Libby and Camilla. James was also the one that dated Camilla just to get closer to Lily, making Camilla hate him. If he hadn't done that, Lily would be able to confide this information with them, but no. James had to ruin it all and now Lily couldn't talk to anyone about her problems. He was such an idiot, she couldn't stand him.

Why did he have to kiss her?

Lily closed her eyes and let her mind drift back to that kiss. She could still taste his salty lips against hers and smell his hot breath against her skin. She could perfectly imagine his arms draped around her, his light touch against her robes. This kiss was soft, not what she had expected at all. From his outward appearance, she would have guessed that he would be a rough, need to be in control kisser. However, it was gentle, caring even. It was a good kiss.

It was such a good kiss that it brought tingles up and down her body. She was convinced that it was the kiss, not the boy. She was sure of it. James was just a good kisser. There was nothing more than that. It was one stupid, simple kiss. It wasn't the end of the world.

Still, why did he have to kiss her?

She let out a groan of frustration, clenched her fists into tight balls and slammed them down against the bed. Why did he have to kiss her? Why? Why did James Potter have to make everything complicated?

Trying to relax herself, Lily began to take deep breaths in and out. She needed her nerves to calm down. She couldn't be this much of a mess when the rest of her roommate came back. She didn't want anyone to see her lose control, especially over something that she couldn't even talk about.

After ten minutes of taking deep breaths and staring at the ceiling, Lily finally felt calm enough to try and at least pretend to sleep. She hopped out of bed, put on her nightgown, brushed her teeth and then snuggled beneath her covers. She closed her eyes, but knew that she wasn't anywhere close to sleep. It didn't matter though, as long as her eyes were shut, her roommates wouldn't question anything. All that mattered was looking calm.

An instant later, Lily's eyes flashed open and she sat up straight in bed. She let out a sharp gasp and could feel her nervousness returning. This couldn't be right, it just couldn't. She couldn't have been the one to initiate the kiss, could she?

Oh no, oh no. The more and more Lily thought about it, the more she began to question who had started the kiss. She pictured it once more in her mind; she was leaning against the wall and James was leaning against the wall with his forearm, not far from her face. Then she told him that she couldn't relax with him so close, he replied that she shouldn't be scared, and she said she wasn't. Then the kiss happened and this is where it became fuzzy.

Lily tightly shut her eyes, trying her best to block out anything else. She could see his eyes, peering down at her. They looked so soft and sincere… they wanted her to kiss him.

Oh no, oh no! It was true. The worst had happened. She had been the one to initiate the kiss! She remembered it perfectly. He had a look in his eye and his lips looked so desirable. Then, she had straightened up, stood on her toes, and brought her lips to his.

Lily was awake for hours after her four roommates went to sleep. She couldn't stop thinking about James and why she had kissed him. In each explanation that her mind could generate, Lily found herself more and more doubtful. It was no use. There was no good reason for kissing James Potter. In fact, the most believable explanation was that Lily was feeling desperate after rejecting Alexander, however, Lily didn't buy it.

By two o'clock, Lily still hadn't fallen asleep. She was bored and tired of thinking about James so she quietly grabbed a magazine and tiptoed down the stairs to the common room. This way, she could read by the fireplace without disturbing anyone.

Unfortunately, Lily hadn't completely thought out her plan. Once she reached the bottom step, a loud creaking noise sounded and alerted the only other student awake in Gryffindor, James Potter. He looked up from his spot on the couch near the fireplace and smiled at her.

Now Lily had two choices: she could go over and talk to him or she could make a dash up the stairs and pretend that she never saw him. She was leaning toward the latter, but unfortunately James said "hello" to her before she follow through.

"James," she said, "Hi."

"I didn't say anything," he suddenly burst out, as if he had been waiting for weeks to tell her.

A wave of relief washed over her and she thanked him.

"So, um, you wanted to talk about, er, um, it," James managed to spit out, eyeing her as he spoke.

"You know, I'm so tired, now's not a great time," she lied.

"Then why did you come downstairs?" he skeptically questioned.

"I, I," Lily stuttered. "I don't know, I must have been sleepwalking."

"Sleepwalking?" James doubtfully asked.

"Yes," she insisted. "People do sleepwalk, you know."

"I know, but you're very much awake," he stated.

"Since when have you been an expert on sleepwalking," she snapped. She really didn't want to deal with this right now. She needed an escape. She really should have made a run for it when she could have.

"Fine, fine," he said, putting his hands up in self-defense.

They were both silent for a moment. James sat on the couch and nervously bit the side of his lip. Lily, who was still standing, shifted her weight from side to side. They didn't look at each other, except for the occasional glance to see if the other was looking.

Finally, Lily broke the ice by saying, "Let's just pretend it never happened."

"What?"

"Yeah, you know, just pretend. No one else has to know. It was nothing anyway, right? I mean, it meant nothing to me and it meant nothing to you. So let's just pretend it never happened," she explained.

"Um, right," he said.

"Okay, so we have a deal then," Lily reiterated. "It never happened, nothing has ever happened."

"Never happened," he agreed.

"Good," she said. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Night."

"It never happened," she said from the stairs.

"Never," he called after her.

The only problem was that they both knew it happened and neither of them was willing to forget just yet.

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Author's Note 2: Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it; a little more inside Lily's thought process than the other chapters have been. Let me know what you think! And as always, more reviews have a tendency to lead to faster updates!