Chapter 8

The next few days were awkward at best. Regulus and I avoided each other like the plague and I was starting to miss him. He's just so easy to talk to. He's so funny and cheerful. Well he was. Why did he have to ask me out? Things were going wonderfully before that. I still feel really guilty about hurting him. I've been trying to tell myself that he didn't like me that much and that him being upset was just a pride thing but it really doesn't seem that way.

Oh, what am I doing?! I can't waist my time thinking about boys! I have to find a loop hole in the curse. When Hogwarts is put right I can worry about boys as much as I like but right now I have to come up with a solution.

But isn't that what got me into this mess in the first place? I was so focused on Hogwarts that I'm not even sure what I'm feeling anymore. Well this time Hogwarts can wait. Sure maybe that's a bit selfish but I think it's about time I sorted myself out. No one at Hogwarts is in any immediate danger at the moment and I just can't continue on like this.

You know I never did cry about Fred being married. I've just been trying to put everything to do with Fred out of my mind. I suppose it's not very healthy. I need to face facts though, Fred and I had been due to break up for months before I was sent back to the future. We never saw each other and he was always to busy to talk or send letters. I think being in a relationship like that caused me more pain than I'm in now that it's over.

It's time I moved on and to do that I need to face the problem and follow the four steps of getting over heart break as they are metaphorically printed into every girl's mind.

Step 1: A girls' night, ice cream and lots of crying.

Step 2: Turning into a sad blob for an undetermined period of time when I mope around.

Step 3: Finally finding out I'm better than moping around after friends give pep talk.

Step 4: Realizing that Fred isn't worth it, getting over him and moving on.

Yes, that is what I will do. Victorie will be pleased with this development, she loves girls' nights.

...

Regulus' POV

What the girls said the other day did give me some hope but I still thought it would be best if I avoided Joanne for a bit. To be honest, I miss her already. She's so great to talk to. I really, really, like her. But what can I do? She rejected me. The girls did say she liked me but maybe she doesn't. Maybe I should just give up on her.

No, Joanne is worth fighting for! I just have to get her to realize her feelings for me. But how? I think it's time to pull out the big guns. But should I? Am I truly that desperate? Yes, I think I am. It's time to ask my dad. Sirius Black was the major ladies man of Hogwarts. If he can't help me then no one can.

I quickly penned and sent a very embarrassing letter to my dad that explained my girl troubles to him. It's a good thing Joanne was worth it.

...

I received a reply the next morning at breakfast. I was expecting a letter so it was a bit of a surprise when my barn owl dropped a rectangular package in front of me, squishing my scrambled eggs on toast in the process. There was a letter tied to the front so I opened and read it, while my friends gave me curios looks and Teddy read over my shoulder. It said:

Dear Reg,

I was sorry to hear about your girl troubles however they reminded me of something James, Remus and I wrote while we were still in school. I had to rummage through countless old boxes to find it but once I did I made a few copies (one for Harry, one for Remus and one for me) before sending it to you. I wouldn't recommend opening it at the breakfast table and I hope you find it helpful or at least amusing.

Love dad.

P.S. Don't judge us, we were teenagers and both James and I had egos that could cover China. Also, I was kind of a prick and I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed if you know what I mean.

P.P.S. If you let your mother get a hold of the package I will ground you for a month after she murders me.

I folded the letter back up and glanced curiously at the package. It looked to be the size of a small book. Since it had scattered my breakfast all over the table, I decided I was done eating and I would go up to my dormitory and start reading it now.

I got up from the table and Teddy and Tomas followed me back to Gryffindor tower.

...

Once we were back in the boys dormitory we all sat on the floor and I unwrapped the package. It was a small book. The cover was brown leather and on the front it said in gold letters: 'The Marauders Guide to Girls'. I opened it and started reading aloud.

Introduction

SB: Well obviously I, Sirius Back, know a lot about girls so I decided to help out every other boy at Hogwarts by writing this book.

JP: Ehhemmm.

SB: With the help of my trusty side kicks Moony and Prongs.

RL: Hey!, JP: Oi!

SB: We are the marauders and this is the 'marauders guide to girls', as written by a dictation quill.

RL: Hey why isn't Peter here?

JP: Please Reemy, Pete doesn't know the first thing about women.

RL: And you do?

JP: Of course. Have you not seen how Evans fawns over me.

RL: James, Lily hates your guts.

JP: She does not!

RL: Yes she does.

SB: Now, now fellas. No fighting.

JP: ...

SB: James, stop scowling at Moony.

JP: Hummmph

SB: Anyway, we are going to let you in on some of our vast knowledge of girls and help you-

RL: Wait a minute, why am I here?

JP: Yes, why is he here? He clearly knows nothing about women.

RL: Hey! just because Lily can't stand you, it doesn't mean you have to take it out on me.

JP: You're WRONG! Evans loves me!

SB: No she doesn't Prongs. Moony, you're here because you're sensitive and girls like that kind of crap.

JP: ...

RL: James, stop scowling at Padfoot.

JP: Hummmph

SB: Now in this book we are going to record everything we know about girls, good and bad experiences with girls, and advice for getting the girl you want. We are about to share with you all the secrets of-

PP: Hey guys! What are you doing?

SB: Nothing Peter!, JP: What? We're not doing anything!, RL: Absolutely nothing of interest or value.

SB: Wait, what do you mean by that moony?!

RL: Nothing, nothing at all.

PP: I'm just gonna go...

SB: Okay back to what I was saying,-

RL, JP: Uurgghhhh!

SB: Oi!

It went on like this for some time. Dad was right; it was very amusing. After the introduction was the heading 'The four main species of girl'.

SB: While all girls are different, I have found that you can separate most of them into four main species of girl.

RL: Isn't that a bit sexist and condescending?

SB: Well I do like sex.

RL: That is not what sexist means.

JP: Just let it go Moony. The elusive Sirius Black is an illiterate and simpleminded species.

SB: I don't know what that means but it sounded like you were mocking me.

JP: Oh not at all, Padfoot.

SB: As I was saying there are four species of girl. First we have the smart but stubborn girls with sharp tempers like Lilly Evans. Once these girls form opinions of you it is very hard to break. They rely mostly on first impressions when judging character so it is vital you make a good one.

RL: Unfortunately for Prongs here, he made a very bad first impression so Lily hates him.

JP: Stop saying she hates me!

SB: I don't understand how he could still be in denial about this.

RL: Exactly! You'd think he would have noticed that she would rather kiss the giant squid. It fact I'm certain she's told him that a few times.

JP: Stop talking about me like I'm not here!

SB: It's like he can't hear or something. She tells him she hates him twice a day.

RL: I know.

JP: ...

RL, SB: James, stop scowling at us.

JP: Hummmph

SB: The second species of girl is the shallow and obnoxious kind. These girls tend to be the hottest but they're not the kind for long term relationships. They're just great for quick snoggs.

RL: You really shouldn't talk about girls like their objects. If you weren't so 'hot' no girl would touch you with a ten foot pole because you're such a prick and even now you only attract the second species.

SB: Ha! You admit girls are species!

RL: Is that the only thing you picked up from what I just said?!

JP: Don't even try Moony, it's not worth it. Sirius will never understand what it means to truly be in love like Lilly and I.

RL: James, Lily ha- Oh I give up.

SB: The key to the second species of girl is to insult them. If you lower their self esteem and act like they're lucky you're interested, they will eventually fall into the palm of your hand.

RL: That's awful Sirius!

JP: Yeah, even I know that's bad.

SB: The third species of girl is the tough, intuitive kind who you know could very well hex your balls off. This kind of girl has usually been hurt before so you need to be supportive and friendly-

RL: That's actually quite unoffensive. Well done.

SB:-Then it's much easier to get into their pants.

RL: Urgghhh!

SB: Remus, why did you just hit your forehead with the palm of your hand?

RL: It doesn't matter, Sirius.

SB: Once your a friend you need to make your interest very obvious but you need to do it gradually otherwise they might freak out and reject you. Remus is currently friends with several girls he could get in the pants of but he thinks being a w- being slightly different means he can't have a girlfriend.

RL: You are so annoying, Black.

SB: The fourth species of girl is the bubbly, sweet and girly kind. They're relatively easy to impress with flowers and candies.

RL: I'm really regretting doing this book with you sirius.

"Wow. My dad was a dick when he was a teenager." I muttered. The others nodded in agreement.

"Some of the advise that isn't incredibly pig headed is actually quite good though." Tomas pointed out. And so we kept reading, hoping to find something that would help me.

...

Sorry if this chapter is kind of unexciting and offensive but I was aiming for funny. Just remember that nothing young Sirius says is very serious.

The Teddy/Victorie one-shot has been up for a week if you want to check it out.

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