To spare you from searching the entire chapter for new content, I'll inform you that the 'only' changes in this chapter is the ending.
And to response to some of your fears that major changes will be made, they will not. The next chapter will also be the same, but will have much more in terms of additional material and changes.
Intertwined bodies. Ceaseless motions. Endless bliss. Images flashed before him, some spanning for several seconds as though it here a video, though it was always through his eyes. He held a quarian by the waists, by the hips, by her legs, he held her in many ways. What made him loathe the scenes was that the quarian was not the one he recognized as his own.
He heard her, her breath breathing against him, her pants audible against his ear as he surged on into her forcibly, her cries as she reached orgasmic peaks of which he'd observed few times from his quarian. His mind hated her. His body lusted for her. He wasn't himself. He was conscious, but he wasn't conscious. He could feel, sense, smell and move, yet he had no control. It was the worst kind of control.
The images flashed on forever until they abruptly stopped. Along with the ceasing of the images came a light, fast approaching. He didn't know what to make of it, but he wanted to leave this place or euphoric senses. He ran, not physically, but mentally. As soon as he reached it, felt his heart jolt.
He bolted up, giving a brief cry and panting heavily. His body was covered in sweat, but he took little notice of it as his eyes searched the room. It wasn't right, the area. Where he used to be was more metallic. This place was more… home-ish. His heart slowly, but quickly became steady, a result of his many years in the service and having to be calm, no matter the situation. A further observation of the area proved the incredibly minor suspicion.
He was in his bed, on the Normandy.
What he thought would make him sigh in relief, only brought mass confusion. Furrowing his brows, Shepards mind was already hard at work trying to figure out what happened and how he got there. As he expected long before he began the mental search, he didn't remember a thing. Blinking profoundly, Shepard shook himself of the disturbed feeling he gained from the shadowed events and only now took notice of the sweat. He spent a further few minutes sitting up and thinking to himself. Eventually, he moved from the bed.
He was glad he was wearing at least 'something'. Seeing how his undergarments attached to his skin, he knew he'd been sweating a lot. Taking the liberty to open one of his personalized segments of the armor locker, he readied a new pair of clothing for himself and already moved on into the bathroom to shower.
The shower itself, though cold at first, was welcome. He spent the entire time mostly standing and thinking, scrubbing himself down only a few times instead of thoroughly. He was far too caught up in trying to remember. It couldn't have been a dream, could it? His actions and the feel made him 'know' it was real, but if it was, he wanted more than to forget it. A feeling couldn't stop nagging at him. Guilt. If it did happen or not, he felt it. Dream or no, drug or no, he lay with another quarian. Simply remembering her made his mind bring up an unwelcome image. He shook it off.
The shower turned off as soon as he moved away from it. Planning ahead and trying to reduce the amount of sexual activities he had, for the moment at least, Shepard reached and applied the separate pieces of clothing that he place on the far side of the bathroom, by the counter. He left the shirt to the side as he looked into the mirror, eying himself confusedly. He'd done so many times before. It helped him reach decisions and think things through with a strange sense of calm. Revelations came to him, but those that he didn't feel right.
He faced himself with yes, no, questions. The results weren't pleasing. Did he sleep with another. As much as he wanted to dismiss it as a dream, a rather unwanted dream, he knew it was far too real to be one. The answer was Yes. Did he betray Tali. It was a more known question. Due to the use of the drug, he didn't have a choice in the matter. To truly betray her, he would have had to have done it willingly. The answer was No. Did he enjoy it. The answer was ashamedly obvious. He felt it through him. He felt it through her too. There was no denying it. The answer was Yes. He saw himself through the mirror as he shook his head. What was he getting himself into…?
A knock brought his attention away. "Shepard? Are you in there?" came a familiar voice.
It made him forget his guilt, if slightly. Still, it didn't stop him from replying with the smile he always greeted her with. "Yeah. Don't worry about entering or not, I'm already 'mostly' dressed."
At the end of the statement, the door's red seal vanished and it slid open, allowing a foot to step inside, and a body following quickly. Tali looked at him as soon as she saw him. Before she could speak, mist began invading her screen, causing her to stall her possible question before rubbing the moisture away.
"What happened last night?" she asked, ignoring the fact that the moisture began collecting once more.
He would have replied, but he was at a loss of words. What did she mean? Had he been gone for a very long period of time, or was she talking about how he entered the Normandy, reached his floor, managed to take off his armor and lay on the bed too sleep? All of which he had no idea himself. He recovered his stall with an unsure shrug.
"I… honestly don't remember. I must be suffering from something, I'll go check up with Chakwas on it. But if you really want to know, would you mind telling me what I did when I came aboard? Telling me might help me remember more clearly."
Tali became visibly worried. Shepard was sure it was the lie, or half-lie if you saw it that way. Still, she replied.
"You walked into the ship and headed to your cabin, almost robotically. You didn't move stiffly or anything, but you seemed… firm. I cant exactly explain it, Joker told me how you came in and went to your cabin."
"'Our' cabin."
"Oh, right. Sorry."
"Don't apologize so much, Tali. It was a simple mistake. Anyways, you were saying?"
"Right. Anyways, from what I saw in the recordings, as well as Joker's own statements, you seemed rather focused on simply getting to 'our' cabin and resting, which is strange since the only times you seemed focused on getting you our cabin, you were always tired. This time, you seemed rather 'normal' with energy. I didn't know what to make of it, but I found you here already asleep. Last night, I just slid in beside you and joined you. You seemed in a deep sleep though as you didn't wake up when you usually did. If I had to guess, I'd say your suspicions might be correct. Maybe you caught something on that missions on the planet? Some unknown species of insect may have bitten you, maybe?"
Shepard's reaction gave little hint off anything aside from him being deep in thought. Eventually, he looked troubled. Tali figured it may have been her suggestions of him catching something.
"Maybe." Shepard replied, dropping his gave and nodding thoughtfully. "I certainly did feel like I caught 'something' earlier yesterday. I… I'll go check up with Chakwas on this."
Tali nodded. "Could I tag along? The engines are pretty well-set for the moment, so I've got time. Besides, I wouldn't want for you to wander off anywhere else if it turns out you did catch something."
Shepard shook his head. Thankfully, it didn't bring suspicion to Tali. "I'll go there myself. Maybe later though. Theres something I'll have to take care of onboard Xen's science vessel."
"Oh. Well, I'd go with you anyways, but those statistics are bound to reset and need recalibrations sometime. You know where to find me." With the end of that, she walked to him and gave him a light hug. "You forgot to give me one last night." She muttered. She enjoyed it more as he returned the hug. Unbeknownst to her, Shepard was once again deep in thought. He let go as soon as he realized how much his grip was tightening on her. It didn't seem to bother her much, though.
"I'll be going off, then." Tali concluded. As easily as she stepped in, the quarian stepped out. Shepard was once again lost in thought. He moved around and reached his ship? And he didn't remember or feel a thing? Something was off, wrong, bad, whatever. Overall, something was amiss. He knew where to find answers, but he didn't feel entirely alright with knowing who he'd have to go back to. Still, it had to be done.
Grabbing his shirt, Shepard applied it on as he headed for his armor locker.
…
Apparently, Shepard had missed much. He'd never seen the admiral so… lively. So lively, in fact, that he would have guessed her for a malfunctioning clone of the admiral, if not a very very very opposite twin sister, if quarians ever had twins, or allowed them to remain with a single family given the quarians strict population laws. Xen was in a relatively good mood as she debriefed him, for the second time, as she told him, about how successful the operation had gone. The unique geth's data had been fully extracted and her science team was already under way in deciphering the many files that were uncovered. Shepard was sure that if it wasn't for her sense to remain visually calm, she'd be moving around and shaking excitedly like Tali had when she first ate something solid for once. The memory made him zone out for a while, but he was quick to put his attention on the admiral.
Once the rather long debrief was over, he asked for Iya. Xen replied that she hadn't heard from the second in command for a while now, at least not since last night. Normally, she would have given the missing quarian strict consequences when she finally appeared for duty, but with the recent success, she felt a little forgiving. Well, a 'little'. Still, even with this light mood, Shepard was sure no one would oppose or freely ask questions to Xen unless it is of dire news, or a report on the ship. Xen's image would not be smeared by simply having a good mood amongst her unending coldness.
Xen told Shepard what she thought was a good idea, which almost always was.
"If you want to look for her so badly, go to her quarters." The Admiral suggested. "If she is not around the ship, or reporting to me, she must be at her quarters. She almost, always is." By now, she had once again adopted her crossed-arms pose. Shepard considered it instinct for her.
Shepard nodded to her. "Thank you, admiral." And he left, though disturbed. Was he going to have to face his demons again? Facing Iya was simple enough, but being in the place where his will was broken was worse. Still, he manned up and continued his walk. Xen had given him the coordinates and he took it, though he knew how to get there already. With how much he wanted to remember what happened, the steps that reached Iya's quarters almost always played in his mind. After a brief walk, he faced the door.
Shepard walked inside after eying the door for several seconds. Once inside, everything was surprisingly tidy. The fact that it was like this surprised the commander greatly. If the memories serve him right, everything would have been a mess and there would have been the few pieces of… 'evidence', left behind here and there. Against his beliefs, everything was clean. If the quarian had been trying to hide from him, she failed as a sneeze, which came as a rather light squeak, came from her room. The fact that he was now forced to go there, 'ground zero', made Shepard shake his head in disbelief. Why was everything going against the way he wanted things to go? Still, he moved to it. The door slid open.
Iya looked up from her bed to Shepard. From what Shepard saw, she was slouched over and grasping her visor-covered face. He expected her to gloat at her feat, making Shepard hers for god knows how long, but she didn't do as expected at all. Instead, she continued to stay slouched and give the eventual coughs and sneezes, both which where light and came briefly.
She spoke with a light voice, not looking up. "Shepard…"
"I want to know whats happening to me." Shepard replied sternly, crossing his arms. Whether she was faking being sick, or if she actually 'was' sick, he wanted an answer.
Iya looked over to him briefly before dropping her gaze. Even in her visibly weakened state, she answered. "It was a special type of drug I administered after we… after 'I' made you have sex with me."
Shepard kept his gaze and Iya caught onto his meaning. He wanted to know everything. "The 'special drug; I administered made you submit to my will. Only simple commands, nothing too complex. Don't worry yourself, I didn't take advantage of you. I only made you return to your ship and to your bed."
"Why?" Shepard asked. She coughed a few more times. Shepard's initial anger became worry. He didn't know if he could keep on being angry at her in this weakened state. He hated himself for worrying for her, though.
"I… I was sorry for what I did, Shepard." she replied. His brows furrowed thoughtfully. She explained. "I am not like this. Not normally. I am usually docile, but like Xen, cold and uncaring of others. It ended when I heard of you. I, like Xen, heard about your feats and accomplishments. I grew interested in you, as Xen did. But eventually, my interest became… an obsession."
"An obsession?" Shepard repeated. Iya nodded weakly.
"I had, many times, reviewed your accomplishments. It made me wish we had marines like you, engineers like you, scientists like you. If not your ability to kill and survive, then your ability to search for answers to problems without an end. For every problem you faced, you found solutions. I deviled in your records and eventually, I began listening to rumors."
"Like what? That I was impossible to kill? That I had the power of a god in everything I did? That I came back from the dead?"
"All that… and more." She began explaining. "I eventually 'accidentally' came across information on you… erotic, wise." She looked at his expression, and saw none. She didn't feel like talking, but she did so anyways. "I brushed it aside. Then I came across another. Then another. They were small, and talked of only amongst close friends of mine." She chuckled lightly. "Entirely female. You have quite the number of women of every species wanting something from you, commander."
His nodding made her appreciate the sign of a response. She continued. "I began… thinking of you. At first, it was simple ideas. Petty romances that I brushed aside completely. I hated myself for even thinking of that. Then came the dreams…" Shepard watched as her eyes searched her bed. Eventually, they looked over to him. "After that, I tried greatly to turn them away. But they grew. I don't understand how or why, but they grew. My friends like you, Shepard. No, they 'love' you, but I, the one who was against it from the beginning, became 'obsessed' with you. I began doing research. Blinded by a need I was unsure I could sate, my mind and body began committing itself to making something, a new drug. The one I used on you, that night."
Shepard felt his neck on here she had placed her palm. Feeling it for a second, he removed the hand and watched as she continued. "I was blinded, obsessed, needy for you. It was not serious at first. I had some form of control physically and mentally, but the obsession was mental always. Most nights I slept with my nerve stimulator set on, if only to try and rid myself of this sexual energy I felt for. Even while obsessed, I tried looking for something to take my mind off of you. It nearly worked… but then, you came along physically and I caved."
She was confessing profoundly and Shepard felt his mind become more and more enlightened. She wanted him and went to extremes to get him. Once the strange lust that consumed her was sated, she was herself once more. He found it strange though, her lust. How could it have been on him entirely? Given her figure, she must have had more than her fair share of bonding requests. Apparently, that was not the case.
"I only heard of you being around." Iya continued. "Simply hearing that you were around, walking on the ship, so close to me, it made my mind cave also. What I thought I could contain was let loose. I was myself all along, but desire pushed away reasoning. I am, 'was' a slave to my desire. Then I had you. Then I gave you the drug. Then, we had sex until I lost my desire… and consciousness."
Well, he didn't remember that.
"I awoke with enough time to come to terms with what I had done, face that fact that I gave in to desire, and have enough time to secure you onto your ship while coming up with a good excuse for your absence, as well as why I was sneezing profoundly. From there… we're here, discussing how, why, and what."
That was the end of it, or so Shepard figured. She remained quiet, looking at him. Eventually, she took his gaze from him and let out a staggered sigh. "I'm not surprised if you hate me for it. I hate myself for it, if that's what your thinking."
Again, a still silence was left in place of the conversation. Iya continued to keep her gaze from him and Shepard thought to himself in disbelief, playing things out in his mind. Again, she coughed. Shepard opened his mouth, but couldn't voice a response to her. As she coughed again, he took steps to her and eyed her carefully.
"Iya… are you feeling well?" Shepard asked. It gave him something to say while he thought things through.
"No. I've taken to punishing myself for what I've done. Ever since I started coughing, I haven't taken any antibiotics."
"What?" Shepard asked. Now his mind was entirely on her. "Guilt or no guilt, forcing me to have sex with you is no reason to nearly get yourself killed over. You call it punishment, but it's a death sentence, Iya. You may not have had much or many suit ruptures throughout your life, but thinking a few bits of bacteria will go away by themselves over time is foolish." He saw her move her head slightly and saw she either didn't have the energy to look up, or she refused to do so. Sighing, he moved to the side. "Come on, I'm taking you to the ships infirmary."
"What?" Iya asked, managing to look at him as she moved her head to the side. "No, Shepard. Despite what you may think, bacteria 'does' leave over time. The consequences of leaving them there will hurt me, but not kill me."
"I don't care. We're going to the infirmary and that's all you need to know." He placed a hand on her back and watched as her eyes found his. He patted her knee once. "Raise your legs." It took a second for her to respond. How weak she was made Shepard feel bad. He thought he was the guilty one. All the time, she was and she made herself pay for it. It made him unsure of how to think things out, but he had to get Iya to the infirmary at the moment. First things first though. Where was it?
"Iya, wheres the-"
"Through a series of halls. Go through them in this order. B, V, D and Q." She replied instinctually.
Shepard followed her instructions. Exiting the room, and then her quarters entirely, Shepard moved through the designated halls. Strange enough, he saw no sign of any other quarian along the halls, almost as though it were a ghost ship. They must have strict curfew laws, he figured. Midday at some point, he felt the quarian shudder. Eying her, he knew what she was doing. He had felt the same shudder once before. She was crying. She held them back, as he knew someone like Xen would, but she couldn't stop her voice from making it clear.
"I'm sorry." She whispered. As Shepard guessed, she probably reveled in her guilt far longer than he had. With all of it built up, she released it now. Shepard's slight jog turned into a walk. Again, his brows furrowed.
"Iya?"
"I'm sorry, Shepard. I made you betray Tali, I forced you against what you wanted, I made you mine… all for the sake of sating my damned lust." Her head sank low and her shoulders shuddered lightly. Shepard paused where he stood, looking at her as she wept quietly. Of course, she forced herself to weep that way. If anyone found her like that, she'd probably lose her sense of dignity.
Her head still down, she began muttering. "I loved you, and I let it turn to lust. All the denial made it that way. Now look at where its gotten me…"
Shepard remained quiet, his eyes giving the only response to her silent weeping, deep sympathy. He inwardly battled with himself, a response to her broken down form becoming louder. His mouth came open but shut almost immediately as he forced an unclear response to never be voiced. He wanted to do something, to help her regain her composure and to be as strong-willed as she was before, as cold as it was.
He sighed to himself and only held her with a slightly more firm grip. She could only respond by moving against him, bringing herself to a near-fetal position in his arms.
"I'll think of something" he spoke in a barely audible, gentle whisper. He hardly noticed himself saying it. Iya caught it though, and a form of assurance came to her, its meaning having many possibilities, but one in particular that she immediately found herself hoping for.
She didn't ask what he meant by it and he didn't respond in any other way after that. Shepard, with uncertain determination, moved once more, keeping his firm hold of the quarian whom slowly ceased her shuddering and kept herself close to him.
A 'neutral' ending will benefit the next chapter. Its meaning… well, you'll just have to stick around and find out…
