I knew I had to go home but staying here with Alex meant avoiding Larry, avoiding the situation I had put myself in as I knew I had to make decisions that I wasn't prepared to deal with. Her arms were still wound around me as we aimlessly watched daytime TV, what surprised me was that she wasn't on her phone. When we were together she would always at last look at a text every twenty minutes whether it be from a mule or a command. I chose not to bring it up. I knew neither of us was focusing on the programme but rather enjoying being this close as I didn't know what I was going to decide. If I chose to not tell Larry, then I would go back to normal and live with my loving boyfriend in a nice apartment attempting to run a soap business with my best friend and I wouldn't see Alex again. It was the easiest option for me to choose as my life wouldn't change, it wouldn't come with unexpected problems like life with Alex did. If I told Larry the truth, I wouldn't know what he would do. If I begged for forgiveness and asked for another chance, then I'm sure he would forgive me, and we would go back to being us with added trust issues. My life was never easy to just impact my life I needed to consider my parents as they had an opinion on everything I did as well my family's friends and of course Polly. It must be nice getting to live your own life for yourself and no one else but I wouldn't know.

"Thinking pretty hard there, kid"

She tried to keep her voice still and neutral, yet I could hear the wavering of anxiety control her words. I was transparent when it came to being together, she knew what I was thinking about and she was worried I wasn't going to give her the answer she wanted. I didn't blame her as right now I couldn't concentrate on one thought and where it would lead. I wanted to give her the correct answer, so I could watch her face light up with her thousand-watt smile and be rewarded with a kiss to start our relationship. We both knew if I told her right now that I was going to tell Larry the truth then I would go home and cave under the pressure. I didn't want to lie to her. I don't want to break her heart either.

"Do you want to go out and get some food?"

With that reply I had successfully avoided her statement but also gave my mind something else to concentrate on. She nodded her agreement, reluctantly her arms were removed from me as she moved to the bedroom to get changed from her loungewear that she had been wearing all morning. All I had to do was put my shoes on and await her. With my free time I allowed my eyes to roam around the apartment she called home and began to walk around. The place wasn't immaculately clean, but it just felt like Alex. I don't know how or what told me that she hadn't been lonely these last few years, but I could tell she didn't struggle for company. I began to wonder if she too had a partner and had cheated on them with me, maybe she had some big decisions to make too. That thought should cause guilt or anger or something other than the calm it brought me. Thinking that Alex too had cheated made me feel better about my own situation which I knew was twisted. She emerged from the bedroom when I was standing in the kitchen staring too intently at a couple of dirty plates in the sink. Her arms wrapped around my waist and her head on my shoulder as I slowly took my eyes from the sink.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah"


She didn't ask me what I wanted to eat or where I wanted to go, she lead the way in silence while she held my head in a comforting embrace. With me and Larry I always chose where we were eating, Polly liked to say it was because I was controlling yet here I was letting Alex be in charge. My mind was too busy trying to grasp onto wondering thoughts that raced through me head to take notice of our surroundings or to try and guess where we were going. We arrived at a small café after a short walk, she held the door open to allow me to enter first. The food was ordered, the table was selected, and we were sitting down in silence once again, yet this time Alex stared at me with a smirk causing me to become self-conscious which moved to annoyance.

"What?"

"Nothing"

"Well its clearly something Alex. Just tell me."

She continued to just stare at me without giving me an answer paired with an even bigger smile that was really beginning to get on my nerves. Just as I was about to snap at her, the waitress brought out our food and over to our table. By the smug look on Alex's face I knew that she knew I was going to yell at her for her antics, her reaction only angered me more. Why couldn't she just say whatever she wanted to say to me? With our food on the table and the waitress retreating I continued to stare at Alex hoping for an explanation as she began to dig in to her food. On her second bite she spoke with her mouth full.

"You should probably starting eat that Pipes, before it goes cold"

I hated how smug and cocky she was being, I slowly took an exaggerated bite out of my food to mock her demand yet her smile only grew wider. We continued to eat in silence looking like an odd pair with her wearing a large smile and me no doubt turning red in the face. When I was finished she reached for my hand that was resting on the table, but I quickly yanked it away. I was feeling happy that the action had caused her smile to retreat. The silent treatment was my next plan of action yet my curiosity out-weighed my stubbornness.

"Just tell me what it is?"

"I prefer you angry to sad"

"What?"

"This whole time we have been here instead of being sad like you have been all morning by stressing out, feeling guilty and confused you have been angry at me. I would rather you be angry at me and know that I could fix that feeling rather than have you sit there depressed and for me to have no way to help you"

Not knowing what to say I sat there speechless unsure of how to respond, she did something that was so thoughtful. My mind had completely forgotten the inner turmoil that had been plaguing me, anger at Alex took over my mind. It was a nice change that I was actually calm and left behind the bubbling guilt.

"Thanks"

Her shy smile was rewarding enough for me to know that she had enjoyed my mind wondering too and that she was too proud of herself that she had thought of it. The issue now was that my mind was clear for the guilt and doubt to come flooding back like a bad dream. When I looked at her it felt like my decision was made, she always knew what to do in the worst moments and how to make me feel better. Alex was the best thing that happened to me all those years ago and she was making this difficult. Why did she have to be so nice? Her smug face let me know that she knew what I was thinking, she had me hook line and sinker. My phone broke me out the trance that was known as Alex Vause, the screen read 'Larry'. I knew I should reject his call, but my mind lived to see me struggle and made me feel guilty about ignoring Larry considering what I had done. Both the Answer and reject buttons flashed aggressively begging me to make a choice. Luckily the phone stopped it's ringing to lay silent in my hand and when I looked up I realised that Alex once again knew exactly what had happened. It was hard, I knew who I loved but I knew the other option was stability and safety and simple.

"It's complicated"

"Sure, it is Kid"

I needed to go home, I needed to see him so that my mind could think clearly.


I know this chapter is short and the update took a while but sadly my summer is coming to an end which means I had to get some things in order these past couple of weeks. Hopefully I will be able to update soon and in longer chapters. Hope you are enjoying this story. This chapter was basically some filler fluff.

I would quickly like to thank B (a guest reviewer) for leaving a really sweet and inspiring review, it meant a lot and really helped me plan out the rest of this fic.