"I don't get it! Nothing makes sense! And..."
"calm down Tori, just breathe, you often forget to do so, and if you can't breathe, you can't think" I nod, letting my purse go on the edge of the patterned chair next to mine, taking a sip off the bottle of water I bought on my way here, straight from the Robbie's party.
"OK, I'm breathing, but I'm still lost"
"How was Robbie's and Cat's debut?" Morgan always does this, asks something that has to do with my issue indirectly, so I can calm down and explain what happened from the beginning. It annoys me sometimes, because I just want to blur it all out to him and cry...a lot, but then he wouldn't be able to help me, and I would be paying all this money for nothing. I guess I could say he's a really good therapist, because no matter what happened I always leave better than the way I came in.
"We're talking about Robbie and Cat here" He grins at my comment, I once spent almost an entire session talking about the weird memories I got from the both of them, mostly Cat's brother, funny isn't it? I get memories of Cat, Jade and I burning this woman's house down and a crazy clown trying to attack us on a gas station, but nothing about how and why I decided to shove my tongue down Beck's throat after that Moose guy left. "He had life size cardboards of them all over the house"
"That's kind of..."
"creepy" I complete, resting my head on my palm "that's what I said, right before...right before I remembered something" I take a deep breath, because what was clear before now is a blur, and I think there's more to this story than I had thought "Beck tried to kiss me, the day I sang at the Platinum Music Awards"
"Were he and Jade still together back then?"
"No...and I didn't kiss him back, and then he said something about a Moose! And we were on the Janitor's closet, and I decided to kiss him after all and Jade went to New York and-"
"A Moose?"
"Right, talking too fast" I take another sip of water and tell him all about the memory "Beck didn't know, he always knows"
"If the issue here is about him, you probably didn't talk to him about it" That's true, old Tori and new Tori wouldn't talk to him about it, that's just weird, I wasn't an opened book right?
"I guess I could talk to Andre" He probably won't know anything about it, since I never came out clean about the affair with him, how would he know why I kissed Beck? "Still, things are weird between Beck and I...they have been, since Christmas"
"Because of the memory" I nod, and rest my back on the couch.
"I can't be real with him, he's always saying he loves me paying for everything and...he's so patient you know? Because old Tori had sex and I...I don't and... I need a break"
"Tori I need someone to perform in the Luau tonight, are you good?" Lane asks, and I jump with excitement, I've been dying to perform again! It's been so long, and all the memories I get back, from the Prome and my 'audition' to Hollywood arts, even the three seconds from some presentation in a jail seem really fun! And I think if Christmas hadn't been such a mess I'd only have good memories from it too.
"Of course I am!" I give him a hug, and he tells me to go to the stage to do light and sound check, what I am going to sing?! I don't remember any of my songs... I'll just do a cover, and things will be good!
"Ok Tori just stand on the middle of the stage" the guy that's handling the lights tell me, it's usually Sinjin the one who does that but he's at the hospital from an infection he got from putting his head inside a Butterfly cage. I wonder, where he got the cage.
"What are you going to sing?" Andre hands me the microphone, and he and the band start to set up on the corner. Let's see...
"Oh I got it!" I tell him the song, and we do sound check, then light check again, and rehearse a couple more times, I didn't remember having to do all of this, to me I just had to get to the stage and...sing. They take everything really seriously here, it's like this Luau it's a practice for the big jobs, like the Platinum Music Awards, funny how I remember most of that day, except for the actual performance. Stupid brain.
The decoration committee comes and starts to prep the things with all sorts of Hawaiian stuff, I've heard they did a Luau last year called the CowWow Luau, and it had also some country things on it and I sang at that one too, apparently it was right after Beck and Jade got together. Yikes.
"Tonight
We are young
So let's set the world on fire
We can burn brighter
Than the sun
So if by the time the bar closes
And you feel like falling down
I'll carry you home tonight"
People clap, and I get down the stage to have my break when Andre takes the lead. "You were amazing"
Beck pulls me by my waist, and gives a kiss, and I quickly pull away to get some punch "thanks" I give him a brief smile, and fill up my cup, taking a sip... "Oh god this has alcohol on it" I put it down and Beck takes another sip of his.
"Here" he says, and out of nowhere hands a bottle of water "I knew you wouldn't want to drink"
"of course you knew" I take it, and sit down in front of a fake bonfire, where people are roasting seafood and eating sushi.
"Is something wrong Tor?" I look up at him, and he reaches for my hand and I run from it almost as a reflex "talk to me"
"everything's fine" I tell him, and Andre makes the sign for me to go back up "I have to go perform" I walk out and try to make my way through the crowd and inside the backstage.
"C'mon Tori wait" he holds my arm and I turn around, telling Andre to do another song before I go "I know you well enough to know something's up"
"I know you know me! You know me better than I know me!" I sit down at the bottom of the stairs and sight, I don't want to cause a scene.
"I don't get it..."
"I'm confused Beck, it's that simple" he frowns, and I can tell his concerned. In normal contexts I'd be glad, and I'd think he's cute but I can't take it anymore, he's always worried and he always knows more about the situation than I do and it's exhausting. "I'm sixteen, and I don't know anything about singing or dancing and I look at your and you're my hot boyfriend but one second later I'm eighteen and suddenlyI'm super talented and... you cheated on Jade with me"
"what are you trying to say?"
"I'm trying to say that..." I can't believe I'm doing this "I'm confused, and I need time to sort everything out and understand what was going through my mind on the last two years"
"so we're breaking up" I bite my bottom lip to keep me from crying, and Andre finishes the song...fuck I have to go "Beck, just give me time alright?"
"Yeah, ok...time" I give him one last glance before going up the stage again, and track him with my eyes going through the crowd, and making his way out of the Luau.
A/N: The song is We Are Young by Fun.
