Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.

Rated M for several reasons.

Chpt 8 An Irritating Truth

BPOV

Life goes on.

Mike's in the running as a candidate for a sexual harassment suit, what is his problem? And there's no hiding it from Edward, no one in town can see him but that doesn't mean he isn't there and reading their minds. He won't tell me what's in Mike's but judging by his current level of contained rage its nothing I want to know about.

Sue and I are busy sorting out the house for Charlie's return. We've had contractors in to remodel, thanks to the town. The den, which Charlie used for random storage, is now a bedroom and they've knocked through into the laundry room to make a wet room. There's a ramp onto the porch and a proper hard standing for a car that's decanting a wheelchair. He'll have a shit fit when he sees it and Sue and I have made a pact not to tell him in advance, we can't be doing with the sulking. Model patient he's not. In fact patient is something he's not in general. It must be hard for him but seriously, Sue and I didn't fucking shoot him, as much as we might currently be tempted.

I still haven't laid eyes on Leah and Seth but I suspect that's a good thing and I keep assuring Sue that it's not a problem. Jesus but nothing's simple right now.

And I don't even know where to start with Edward. Sullen Cullen. I should be trying harder to snap him out of it but I'm just so tired all the time and probably not much more communicative myself. Trouble is I can only see it getting worse, not better, when Charlie comes home.

...

I need to make an effort and when I decide how I get a 'be careful' from Alice.

Okay then, a little bit scary, but when are Edward and I anything other than careful?

He's hunting so I bathe and beautify as if my life depends on it, then I rummage in the depths of my underwear draw for the stuff I haven't touched in months.

Blue. Perfect.

I'm excited in a way I haven't been for a while. Yes it's difficult right now but we're still Edward and Bella, we're together for a reason, we just need to remember that.

I turn the lights off, I'm still me, and recline on the bed.

Arms behind my head? Check, done that before, he loves the way it pushes my breasts out. Legs open? No, too much, for both of us. Bent loosely to one side. Check.

The window slides up and I know he's here though I can't see him.

"Love?" His voice is soft velvet.

"I need you."

"Bella."

"Please, Edward, it's been so long."

He groans but stays by the window.

"Touch me Edward. Love me . . . ."

His lips are cool and hard on mine, more passionate than they've been for a while, his hands everywhere at once, bringing out the gooseflesh on my skin.

"Yes." I moan as his lip covered teeth suck on my neck.

"Bella, Bella, Bella . . . ." He chants over and over as he kisses and nibbles his way up and down my body. And I know I should keep still but it's important right now that he knows how much I want him, need him, trust him . . . . My body arches toward his lips everywhere they touch my skin . . . . and shudders every time his tongue flicks out to lick it. Against the backdrop of his low growl I hiss and gasp and moan with complete abandon . . . . and when he buries his head between my thighs tears squeeze out of my eyes at the pleasure of it . . . . formless words fall out of my mouth . . . . sweat breaks out on my overheated skin . . . . my back arches as high as it can . . . . and when the unexpected happens my muscles clamp down around his long finger, desperate to draw it deeper inside me . . . . desperate.

It moves gently inside me, stroking me in my secret places and it isn't long before I'm crying out and cuming harder than I ever have before, wave after wave of pleasure and pulsing muscles. I barely register when his mouth closes over mine though I kiss him back automatically.

And though I should keep still when he rocks himself against me my legs have other ideas as they wrap around his waist and attempt to hold him to me.

There's no warning and no admonishment as his tip breaches me . . . . I groan ahead of his withdrawal but it doesn't happen . . . . instead he rocks into me a little deeper . . . . . and Alice's warning is drowned in a fog of lust . . . . my legs tighten round him . . . . he growls into my mouth . . . . and thrusts into me abruptly . . . . I gasp . . . . in pain this time . . . . and hold onto him as he quivers above me, his breathing ragged . . . . I don't know . . . . I want . . . . oh how I want . . . . but I'm scared . . . . his lips are still clamped to mine as he eases out of me . . . . and then he thrusts home again . . . . this time all traces of pleasure are gone . . . .

"Edward. Please. Stop."

Of course he does, I've always trusted him for a reason, even when he hasn't trusted himself, but I've no idea how to deal with the beautiful man now curled into a hard ball on my bedroom floor.

So I stoke his back for hours until he unbends enough to take me in his arms.

Unfortunately neither of us knows what to say and we're still there, clinging to each other, as the sun comes up and reveals the blood on my thighs.

"I'm sorry."

"Please, don't be."

He shakes his head and buries his face in my hair again and I'm not sure if we've made a breakthrough or broken everything.

...

Silent and withdrawn Edward eventually chases me into the shower so I'm ready when Sue comes to pick me up, her sedan is easier for Charlie to get into than my truck.

"Edward, I . . . ."

"Go, Bella, bring Charlie home."

"I can't just . . . ."

"I love you. Remember that."

"Edward . . . ." I pause. "Don't . . . ."

"I'll be here Bella, I promise, I promised."

I turn away and make my way carefully down the porch steps, I'm sore and I can't hide it from him as much as I'd like to.

...

"Wow." Sue breathes. "That's quite a list."

I nod, peering over her shoulder.

"That's all his meds?"

"Apparently."

"Jesus, he'll be taking them all day."

"Here, take a look at his physio list, it's even scarier."

...

I've gone with Charlie to his physio sessions on several occasions but watching him struggle from the wheelchair into the car is still really shocking. Sue and I clasp hands for the duration and then exchange a meaningful glance, it's our responsibility to look after him now.

He didn't say anything about the hard standing, or the ramp, but he did freak out when he realised he'd be sleeping downstairs.

Sue and I just let him go at it until Jake brought Billy over for a celebration dinner.

More awkwardness since Billy's obviously insisted he stays.

Sue drags the scowling Jake into the kitchen and I watch Billy give Charlie shit on his attitude as only a best friend of decades can.

"Seriously Charlie? You wanna go there?" He laughs when Dad threatens to kick his butt. "I can wheel myself out of here, your weak ass is relying on Bella to push you after me."

"Fuck you, sorry Bells."

"Don't mind me, I haven't been this amused for months."

"Smart ass child, smart ass friend." Charlie huffs.

"Smart ass cop." Sue growls from the kitchen archway. "Get in here and get fed or I'm takin' yours back for the dogs."

"Is it fish?" Charlie asks, brightening perceptibly.

"Maybe. Ask your daughter nicely to wheel you in and you'll find out."

"Ball breaker." Charlie grumbles with the hint of a laugh.

"Not yet." She giggles. "But I'm first up for physio in the morning."

"Bells." Charlie sighs to Billy's amusement. "Please?"

Fortunately Charlie's not well enough to notice that Jake and I haven't spoken to each other all night and Sue and Billy are adept at covering the tension up, so he's actually in relatively high spirits as she and I help him into bed.

Billy and Jake have left and Sue looks at me speculatively as she's on her way out.

"Are you okay, Jake was particularly worried about you."

Oh jesus.

"I'm fine Sue, I promise, it's just not easy at the moment."

"I can't imagine it's ever easy for you." She says, gently stroking my face with the back of her hand as she leaves.

...

I lock up and then hurry upstairs, afraid that Edward won't be there, but he is, sitting in the rocking chair.

"I love you." I blurt out, anxious that he know that.

"I know." A sigh. "I love you too, more than life itself."

Silence. Heavy with unspoken words.

"I could have killed you last night."

"But you didn't."

He pinches the bridge of his nose briefly.

"No. I didn't. But there are other ways I can accomplish it."

I know he's not talking about draining me or accidentally crushing me when he tries to hug me, we're way past that.

"I need to explain myself. And I need you to listen."

I nod, settling myself cross legged on the bed.

"There's been a distance growing between us for a while."

I nod.

"Your job, your friends, your life taking you onto things I can't share with you. It's frustrated the hell out of me, no matter how much I've always wanted that for you. And now we're back to something we were forced to leave behind years ago."

"Life happens."

"I know, the good and the bad. But we can't deal with it like a normal couple can we?"

We both know the answer to that so he doesn't press me for one.

"I told you I was a selfish being. And I told myself over and over that I was staying because it was what you wanted . . . ."

"It is what I want!"

"Please, listen."

I nod, beginning to feel sick.

"It was always what I wanted too. That day in the forest out the back here, I was lying to you, but in my head I was pleading with you to know it. To see through it. I can't tell you how relieved I was when you did.

I know you probably won't believe me but I've spent most of our time together trying to summon the courage or deny the urge to make you mine or make you mine forever.

I've failed you in so many ways. I should have left or changed you, not kept you in limbo."

"Edward, it is what I wanted too. You, like this, is better than no you. I love you."

He closes his eyes for a moment and shakes his head.

"For weeks now I've been afraid and boiling over with frustration. Mike with his presumptuous and filthy ideas. Your trip back to Boston. Where you do have the happy human life I always wanted for you. When I came to you last night and you offered yourself to me, with love, the way you always do, I needed, so badly, to give you what we've both wanted for so long. It was the right thing to do, to bring us back, to remind us why we're together. But I hurt you instead."

"Not deliberately."

"I would never hurt you deliberately, I couldn't, not now. But I can and I did hurt you accidentally. There's an irony there that doesn't escape me. When I'm human for you Bella, that's when I put you in the most danger. I barely have to restrain the vampire for you anymore but when I don't restrain the man, when I'm filled with love and desire, jealousy, desperation. Then, I could, and did, hurt you."

"Edward, everyone bleeds their first time."

"No, they don't Love. And you're still bleeding a little now, don't deny it."

I want to, but I can't. And I can't believe I'm saying this . . . .

"We can go back . . . ." I trail off, watching his face as he sighs, pinching his nose again.

"Yes Love, we can go back. And that's what the man wants because he doesn't want to lose you. But Bella, can't you see that that's just hurting you too? I can't be a proper partner to you, not like this. I can't give you all the things you need and I can't always be there when I should be. Bella, I can't even help you lift Charlie out of his chair, do you know what it's like to hear your muscles strain when you do that?"

I shake my head, feels like burning but I've no reference for what that sounds like.

"Your leading two lives Bella. Your real one and a secret, incomplete, one with me. The man will live with that because he's selfish, but that's how he's going to hurt you again."

"You can't leave me."

"No. I can't. Not on my own. But I can if you tell me to."

"That's not happening. I can't live without you Edward."

"Love." He says heavily. "We both know that's not true."