A Selfless Kind of Love
Part 8
His fist hadn't connected with anything solid; something had prevented it from reaching its target, a forearm crashing against his own having deflected the blow. In the same instance, a voice had cut through his rage with a bold determination, "No!" That same calm strength then taking on a physical form, his arms were being forced to his sides and he propelled backwards, coming to a shuddering mind clearing halt as he impacted with the side of the car he'd been working on. There was barely an inch separating him and Craig now, and he could only look up into the green eyes staring so intently into his. The warmth he'd seen that first night was still there, and the understanding, even now after what he'd just tried to do
"Aaron, that's not the answer."
The gentleness in the older man's voice caused another emotion to surface, and he'd had to fight to stifle it, not liking how it had made him feel inside.
"What's going on? Aaron?" Ryan had seen what looked to be a scuffle and had run over to stop it going any further than that, and it had certainly looked like he was going to have to intervene.
Craig had released his hold on him and taken a step back, was now well out of his face.
He didn't know if he was relieved at Ryan's intervention or not, it had shattered a moment that no matter how unsettling, he'd wanted to hold on to just a little longer, but at the same time he'd been scared by the spell he seemed to have been under. It didn't make sense, but then nothing did anymore.
"Nothin'," He reassured his friend, "He's just going." He turned his back on Craig then, his attention apparently now on the engine he'd been fixing. But he was all too aware of the man standing behind him, much too aware. He wasn't moving, he wasn't going anywhere, it seemed he wasn't going to be dismissed so easily this time. He forced himself to turn round, to meet his steady gaze.
"Phone me, please."
The quietly spoken plea had him nod his head slightly in response; he hoped it would be enough of one, that Craig wouldn't feel the need to press him for verbal confirmation. Ryan was still hovering nearby and he didn't want him hearing anything else that might pass between them, certainly not the tremor he knew would be in his voice or the concern in Craig's
Craig had flashed him a small smile, the reassuring kind, before heading back to his car; he'd stood and watched him go, suddenly unable to take his eyes off him.
"Who's that?" Ryan demanded, he'd been convinced things were going to turn ugly between Aaron and the stranger, but now he couldn't quite make out what was going on between them, but something definitely was.
"A friend." Paddy was right, there was no reason he and Craig couldn't be friends, but that's all they ever would be.
He'd gone for his lunch then, hoping Ryan would have lost interest in his visitor by the time he got back, and that he wouldn't mention what he'd witnessed to Cain. He really didn't need a grilling from his uncle, and he certainly didn't want him thinking he'd had some sort of set-to with a customer; he really would be in trouble then.
He made for the cafe, hoping it would be quiet, it was, it was almost empty in fact. After paying for his sandwich he'd sat in the corner, his back turned to the few customers that were present. He didn't want to give them any opportunity to meet his eye, to feel they could start a conversation he didn't want to have. Even people he knew only slightly would ask how he was, and he hated it, well he wasn't sick, he wasn't hurt in anyway but the way they looked at him you'd swear he was, their eyes full of pity. He didn't want or need it. So far he'd managed to keep a civil tongue in his head but it was getting harder and harder to keep from snapping back at them.
Paddy was right! What had just happened with Craig proved that, he was going to end up hurting someone; he wouldn't be able to stop himself. His temper always got the better of him.
He had his phone in his hand, Craig's number on the screen, he had no intentions of phoning him now, later maybe, right now he just wanted the reassurance that he could.
But when he did, if he did. What would he say? I'm scared! Because he was. He was suddenly scared of what he might do next.
Hazel had always been a presence you couldn't miss and she'd just bustled into the cafe shattering the calm that had been around him.
"There you are! Ryan said you wouldn't be far."
Unfortunately for him he wasn't nearly far enough, this was all he needed. He leant back in his chair, arms crossed, already on the defensive, annoyed at Hazel just for sitting opposite him, for trespassing on his space. He needed time to think. He didn't want her wittering on at him and that's exactly what she'd do. She'd start off talking about something and nothing but it would always lead to Jackson, then she'd get tearful, even if there was a smile on her face the tears would still be in her eyes, ready to fall. It was like some contagious disease, because he'd want to cry then, acknowledge what she was feeling. He knew he should be strong for her, wrap his arms around her, comfort her the best he could, but instead he would always walk away, he had no doubts he'd do the same today. How weak and pathetic he was.
If she'd noticed his irritation with her she wasn't letting on, she just went right on talking, she was rambling on about the postman now! How he'd knocked on her door and handed her a small package and how delighted she'd been when she'd opened it. Like he cared!
She reached in her bag and was now pressing what she had in her hands into his.
"I left these at my sisters, she found them and sent them over, I thought you'd like to see them."
He gazed down at what he now realised was a photograph, at the face smiling up at him. The brown eyes seemed to be looking directly into his. If those eyes had been real, if they could see...if by some miracle it had been Jackson in the flesh...he would hate the man looking back at him...but not nearly as much as he hated himself.
He made some excuse, told Hazel he'd look at the pictures when he had more time, then he'd left her sitting there, on her own. He could feel her eyes on him, knew he'd hurt her, knew he could put that right if he just turned around and shared with her those very precious, frozen moments in time. But he couldn't, not today but maybe tomorrow.
TBC
