Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and other related characters. They belong to JK Rowling. I do own the plot and the American OCs. Besides if I did I would quit working for the state government. The characters may/may not be OOC, so deal. The title came from a line from the Sara McLachlan song "Possession" that sounded appropriate...

Thanks go to Jessalynvix for helping with this story as well as the others I have written. At least His Lil' Half-Blood Princess and NougatEvolution sent a review or two my way. NougatEvolution, I hope that this will be up to your expectations. I hope that I get more reviews soon! Sorry for the long wait but the stupid oil spill in the Gulf has kept me busy!

CHALLENGE! The first one who can figure out where I found the phrases that will be in bold italics; I will write the one-shot based on whatever song you want using your choice of HP characters! Good Luck!

Warning: This chapter contains possible mentionings of mild violence and cursing/foul language, sexual innuendos, and alcohol consumption. If you disapprove then just don't read.

"After I Wipe Away The Tears"

Chapter 8: Starting to Freefall into the Haze

After Severus finished eating, he and Bill were still upstairs talking about music. Bill figured that Severus would let him know later when he wanted to try to sort things out. After a few hours, he went to take the tray downstairs and let Severus have some time to himself.

"Hey Sev…Let me know when you want to try to sort this out…I'll see you later…" said Bill as he smiled then took the tray and was leaving. Severus got up as well and walked out behind him. Bill turned around and asked, "Don't you want some time to think? I mean…I figured that you wanted some time alone to think…"

Severus shook his head and responded, "Not now…maybe later…yes later is better…I've got work to do…I can't afford having Braeden pissed off at me again…or worse…have Moody pissed off…He already hates me as it is…No need in giving him another reason…I'll let you know when I'm ready to sort things out…By the way, have you heard from Charlie…I'm really starting to worry…"

Bill nodded and stated, "He just sent some letters…I think that Sirius may still have yours and Braeden's letters…In the one that he wrote to the Order, he said that he's having a hard time but thinks that they will eventually get some cooperation… He hopes to be home in a week or two…"

Severus smiled and mentioned, "Good…then things can go back to the way that they used to be…the way that they should be…I'll get my letter from Sirius later…"

Bill laughed and replied, "C'mon Sev, you make it sound like she's a handful…" Severus laughed at the comment as well while they walked downstairs

Braeden and Remus were still in her office sorting out an encoded letter that her parents had sent as well as a report that Charlie had sent on the status of earning the trust and aid of the wizarding communities in Eastern Europe. Moody and Sirius had joined them along with Ron, Harry, and Hermione to plan the next move with the given information. Braeden was working to clearing her mind and it didn't help that Sirius had handed her a letter from Charlie as soon as he walked in. Remus was worried about her and that worry spread into Sirius. She had cleared up her face and took her medication but still seemed like she was coming down from a bad night of bingeing like she did nearly every weekend in college. She would space off a bit and when one of the others would touch her arm or snap their fingers to get her attention, she would almost have a panic attack.

Remus pulled her aside while the others were still talking and asked, "Lily-blossom, are you going to be okay…Do we need to finish up later?"

She shook her head and answered, "I'm fine…Just let me have a minute…and more coffee…Definitely more coffee…"

Remus stated, "No more coffee… you're drinking it like you're doing shots of tequila in a muggle bar…The caffeine is making you jittery…You're worse than Padfoot on caffeine…"

"Okay, Moony…I'll lay off the caffeine…Good thing too, because I was about to start smoking…" she commented as she fiddled with her rosary beads that her parents had given her that she always wore.

Remus sighed and commented, "Those things will slowly kill you…but if it will help…just no chain smoking…Deal?"

She laughed and nodded saying, "Deal…besides I can't die…Remember…I was born pretty much dead to begin with…My life has literally always been in Limbo…That's why I was able to easily save Sirius from the Veil…I'm the one who has to guide Harry to the other side and to where he decides to go after he fights Voldy…So not only is Harry's life dependent on a win, so is mine…He dies, Voldy lives…I die…If they both die, I die…Even if Harry is successful but chooses to die, I die…But only the Americans, Dumbledore, and my parents knew about it besides myself…even Charlie and Severus don't know…Now you do…Please don't say anything to anyone…I don't want Harry to find out…" Remus was shocked but agreed not to say anything to anyone. She sighed as she pulled out a cigarette and lit it up as she and Remus walked back to the desk to join the others. Sirius glared at Braeden because of the sight of her smoking and started to fuss but Remus shot him a look that said, "Back off, she's stressed…Dial back the parental instinct…" Remus and Sirius went back to listening to Moody as he explained the new plan of attack. They were wrapping up the meeting when Ron's stomach started to growl. He blushed as everyone laughed at the noise.

Hermione laughed and commented, "I guess it's time for lunch…Let's go eat…"

Braeden said as the others were leaving, "I'm going to go over the notes again…Y'all go ahead…"

Remus responded with, "C'mon, you need to eat…you can't live on caffeine and cigarettes…"

She shot back with, "Moony, I don't live off of just coffee and cigarettes…There is alcohol, nutrient potions and drugs…" When the adults in the room shot her a very stern parental glare and the teens gasped in shock, Braeden exclaimed, "What? It's true! FINE! For Saint Peter's fucking sake! I'll go! I hope that when I die that Saint Peter, Krishna, Jesus, Merlin, or whoever the fuck runs heaven gives me a motherfucking medal for putting up with this shit!" The others started to leave and were slightly relieved that she agreed to go. She sighed as they all walked out of the office and muttered, "Eloi, Eloi lema sabachthani? What did I do to deserve this?"

Severus and the Weasley twins had worked on the kits most of the morning. They were almost finished stocking the kits when Sirius came downstairs and announced that lunch was ready. Severus dismissed the twins and kept working. When he noticed that Sirius was still there, he said, "Hey Sirius, I'm fine…I'll finish up here…I'm not really hungry…" When Sirius didn't budge from where he was standing, Severus sighed and said, "Black, I'm not hungry…You can go…"

Sirius shook his head and said, "Hell no, Snape…I've already had to deal with Braeden and her language…I'll not hesitate to use a body binding spell and drag your arse up there to eat lunch…"

Severus sighed, rolled his eyes and replied, "Fine…I'll go…Was she that bad?"

Sirius nodded and stated, "She could make a sailor or an auror…or for that matter a fellow Marine….blush with shame…"

"Good grief, Padfoot…Well at least I hope she spoke in English this time…" responded Severus as he put stasis spells on several cauldrons.

"For the most part…She said something else but I'm not sure what language it's in…" answered Sirius

"What did she say?" asked Severus who was genuinely curious.

"I think it was 'Eloi, Eloi lema sabachthani'…What does that mean?" asked Sirius.

"My God, My God why hast thou forsaken me? It's in Aramaic, I think…What provoked that?" responded Severus.

"Moony fussed at her for supposedly living on coffee and cigarettes and she said that not to forget the alcohol, nutrient potions, and drugs…then she said something about deserving a medal when she died for putting up with 'this shit'…" explained Sirius, "Moony meant well…we all did, but she blew up…"

"Pads, remember that some topics are very touchy…especially eating and any bad habits that she has…" noted Severus.

"I know, Sev…but she looks like death warmed over…she barely eats, barely sleeps, smokes like a chimney, drinks more than a fish, and won't let anyone help her… She's a good auror…hell she's now director of ABM until this is over…but she's burning the candle at both ends…It's like she's wanting to land herself in Saint Mungo's… or worse…"

"She'll be okay once Charlie's home…until then we keep her physically alive…" sighed Severus as they started up the stairs.

Sirius stopped then turned around and asked, "Why can't you just tell her…"

"How did you…No…I can't…I won't…She's Charlie's girlfriend…" answered Severus slightly stunned.

"Seriously, It's been totally obvious how you feel…You don't hide it very well…She's the only one oblivious to it…" Sirius chuckled slightly.

Severus sighed, "No…I'm not going to do that to Charlie…I'm sorry Padfoot…"

Sirius shook his head and said, "Okay, Sev…It's your life and your choice…"

Braeden was sitting at the coffee table drinking a glass of sweet tea that Gunny had made that morning and handed to her while reading the Charlie wrote to her.

Braeden,

Hello love! How are you? I miss you so much…I wish this was over, I can't take it anymore. I hate being away from you but I know the wizarding communities here better than anyone else in the Order. I know that we fight for what is right, but I'm tired of fighting. I hope that you aren't giving the others in the Order too much hell. Save that for the Death Eaters. Just remember that I love you and think of you every night. I'll be home soon.

With all my love, Charlie

After she read the letter, she carefully folded it and placed it in her pocket. She looked towards the table at the others who were eating lunch. She was glad that she got to pick her team before leaving for Britain. Gunny, Carter, Lorelei, John Michael, and Jacob were her best people that she had. She picked those closest to her because of the fact that she could trust them with her life and that they would never betray the cause. She had worked with all of them for most of her career. Braeden was still lost in thought when Remus came up to her. She slightly jumped when she noticed he was there.

"Sorry about earlier…I worry about you…we all do…Gunny said that you were like this in America…Don't shut us out…" apologized Remus.

"I'm sorry to…I hate to look weak in front of the others. It's just that I end up lashing out at my friends…"she started as Remus noticed her arms. She sighed when she noticed that he saw the scars. "I try so hard not hard to take it out on anyone but me …but it's not an excuse…" she finished.

"I know…but you shouldn't do this to yourself…" Remus said softly.

After the table was cleared, everyone went back to what they were doing before or had planned to do after lunch. Ron, Hermione, and Harry were researching information on the remaining horcruxes with Dumbledore, who just popped by from Hogwarts to help. The twins went back down to the lab with Lorelei and Severus. Bill and Septima were working on encoding and decoding letters with John Michael in the study. Molly and Carter finished cleaning up the table and were going to the kitchen to wash dishes. Gunny and Moody went into the office to discuss the latest intel that they had just decoded with Sirius. Remus followed them into the room. Braeden went to do the same but was stopped by Remus. She looked at him saying, "Let me through, Moony…" and tried to push past him but was stopped by Gunny.

"Pa Kounye-a, Director…Ou konprann?" stated the former Marine as he placed his hands on her shoulders.

She glared at him and responded, "Non…" as she tried to push his hands away.

"Wi…Ou pa two byen…" stated Gunny, "Rete! Souple!"

"Okay…Okay…" sighed Braeden as she walked back towards the chair she was sitting in and sat on the floor with her back against the coffee table.

Remus looked at Gunny confused and asked, "What did you say to her? It worked…What language was that?"

"I told her 'Not Now, Director…You understand?' when she replied 'No', I said 'Yes…You are not too well…Stop! Please!'…It's Creole…My wife's family is of Creole descent…So is Grux and his family…Lorelei, John Michael, and Jacob know enough to get by…The director, I mean Braeden, is fairly fluent…but she's proficient in most languages dead or current…We only use it when we are on a mission for coding messages or conversations…or to get a point across with little embarrassment …" explained Gunny as the two men walked in before closing and locking the door, "She needs to slow down or she'll burn out…"

Severus had gone downstairs with the twins and Lorelei to check and see if everything was okay as well as to see if there was anything else to put in the kits and if those kits were ready for use. After checking, double checking, adding more potions that had stasis spells on them and were finished, and rechecking, Lorelei and the twins had told him that everything was accounted for, he decided to walk back upstairs to go and grab his notes for some new improvements for a few potions. He found his notes on the coffee table near Braeden. He noticed that she had been crying and knew that somehow it had to be his fault. " She's so beautiful…I really need to be honest with her…I hate being the reason she cries…or at least one of the many reasons…But I can't tell her how I feel…I'll tell her everything but that…" he thought silently. He went to ask her if she was okay when she noticed that he was there and turned to look at him. He could tell that what happened the night before was upsetting her and knew that it definitely had to be his fault. "Braeden…I'm sorry for everything that I've done to hurt you…I hate making you cry…Please forgive me…"he said softly as he sat down on the floor in front of the coffee table beside her.

With tears in her eyes, Braeden asked in a shaky voice, "Why did you leave? Please tell me…That's all I want to know…I don't care about the rest…Just that…"

Severus realized that was the reason that she was so upset and even if he did have sex with her, she was more upset about being abandoned the next morning. "I couldn't remember what happened last night…I still don't remember what happened…I was afraid of hurting you…Plus I needed to think and try to remember what happened…I'm sorry that I ended up hurting you anyway…" he responded as he gently started to wipe away the tears from her eyes. He contemplated on giving her a kiss but was afraid of what that small gesture could lead to so he decided against it. "I really need to talk to Bill and get him to help me…I need to find out what happened…It may have been the only chance I will ever have to show her that I'm in love with her…I want to remember that since I can never be with her ever again…not like that at least…" Severus thought quietly to himself as she continued to cry. He wrapped his arms around her as she slipped her arms around him then hid her face and continued to cry. He wished that at that moment that Charlie would walk through the door and that this was over, but his wish didn't come true.

She was still hurt even though he explained to her what happened and apologized to her for his actions. She had hoped that he would say that she was hallucinating and that they talked then he left and nothing more happened. She desperately wanted to not be in love with him because it hurt too much. It was bad enough that she was in love with Charlie and even that was painful. The dragon handler was so kind and loving, she thought that he deserved better than her but she decided to take a chance and start a relationship with him. She and Charlie knew how they felt about each other, her insecurities and her past, and their mutual feeling for a certain potions professor. They had been close since childhood and Charlie had always tried to protect her to the best of his ability. Severus was their professor first, their friend second, and hoped that he would thirdly become more. They knew quite well that they could trust the older man and knew that he trusted them just as much. She didn't want to lose that trust or Charlie's by hiding her pain but she didn't want to be a burden to anyone, especially with Severus or Charlie being the cause of her pain. Severus pulled her out of her thoughts by whispering, "Are you going to be alright? Are we going to be alright?" she pulled away long enough to nod her head before she pushed away from him and went to get up. He stared at her as she slowly got up on her feet. As soon as she steadied herself, the world around her started to spin and fade into white. The last thing that she heard was Severus shouting, "Help! Bill! Get Lorelei! Hurry!" as everything around her went black and she felt weightless.

Thanks for those of you who have read this story. I'm starting writing a sequel to "Pretty Rave Girl" titled "Remember Two Things" and it'll deal with Braeden, Severus and Charlie's relationship. Please review! I like reviews! I crave reviews! Thanks goes to Jessalynvix for all of her help! Yet again I'm so sorry that I haven't updated.