Chapter eight: Ghosts

Kodlak was watching from usual chair when Ellayna stormed into his chambers and forcefully slammed the door behind her. At the doorway, she stood for a long moment then turned to him, smiling. "I want to leave," she stated, keeping her voice pleasant. "I want you to tell Ulfric that I am not suited to the Companions."

Kodlak leant back in his chair. He studied Ellayna with his silver eyes that were surrounded by webs of wrinkles, deciding what to do with her. "I am the Harbinger. Advice is what I give, not commands. I cannot make you stay."

"But Ulfric can."

"Aye, he can. I will give you my advice: you should stay here, with us Companions. You are suited to it, even if you do not think you are."

"How am I suited to it, old man?" She snapped venomously, stepping forward to stand over him. "I am not honorable. There hasn't been an honorable or innocent bone in my body since I was thirteen years old. I lie to you all and yet you say I should stay?"

None of this seemed to surprise him. Kodlak simply smiled at her. "If there was no honor in you, would you have come to me before leaving?"

She was getting nowhere yelling. Instead she melted to her knees, tears coming to her eyes. "Vilkas tried to strangle me; Athis has threatened me," her hands gripped his frail knee. "Please, allow me to leave this place, Kodlak."

He sighed. "You are an excellent actress. Perhaps you should have used this talent to gain money instead of selling yourself," he took her hand in his, his lips still forming a kind smile. "Athis told me all, Ellayna. All. I am very sorry you had to sell your own body."

She yanked away from him and surged to her feet. Dizzy with the quickness of her actions and what he had said, she merely stood there for a moment. Dumbstruck, she then stepped away. In that moment, she hated Athis. Never had she hated anyone before; not truly. General Tullius she detested, but in a bitter, seething way. Not this hot, raging loathing she was suddenly swept up in.

"You can be good again, Ellayna," Kodlak promise. He sounded like one of those temping spirits children are told to be mindful of. "There is a way. And that is putting it all behind you. Moving on. Regain your honor by fighting alongside your shield-siblings and keeping your promise to this guild," he rose to her feet, shaking slightly. "Redemption is in your grasp, my girl. Reach for it!"

Ellayna could think of nothing to say. Redemption was something that never crossed her mind. To her, her sins and her wrongdoings and her demons would follow her forever. She turned away from Kodlak, leaving the old Companion standing there. Staggering out into the passageway, for a minute that dragged out forever she did not know what to do. She wanted a distraction. She wanted to think about something that was not herself.

Kodlak closing his chamber's door brought her back to herself. Then she heard voices. She followed the sound, straining to listen. Soon she was at Vilkas' closed door, listening intently. She never claimed to be a good person and this certainly came under the many things she had done that she should not have.

"I don't care," Vilkas hissed low. "The bitch hurt you!"

"Don't call her that, Vil," Farkas whined. It made Ellayna's chest ache that he defended her. "It was an accident. And that doesn't mean you should hurt her back."

There was a pause. Ellayna breathlessly waited and then Vilkas spoke, "Can you not see what's happening? She's driving us apart because you're sniffing after her."

"We're brothers." Another pause. "You are my brother. You'll still be my brother even if–"

"Don't, Farkas." There was a muffled sound and another excruciating pause. "It's you and me against the world. It always has been and no matter what happens, it always will be."

Another pause then suddenly a yelp, "Don't do that. It's wrong, Vil." Another pause. "Vilkas!" Farkas was horrified. Vilkas acknowledged it with a grunt.

Ellayna pulled away from the door. She had a faint idea what was going on but would not draw conclusions until she knew more. Abruptly she wanted to laugh at all of this, at all of the strange things she managed to get herself caught up. She did not laugh as she moved away from the door: a second later she felt unbelievably weary. Her uncomfortable, hard bed pallet was the next place she went to and she tumbled into sleep instantly.


She dreamt she was a ghost. Nothing but a transparent shell of herself, climbing up snowy steps. Those steps were numbering in the seven thousands. Something was pulling on her, forcing her up the steps against her will. They chanted "Dovahkiin" over and over in her head. They chanted and they pulled and she walked. Her entire dream was this. Nothing but Dovahkiin, Dovahkiin, Dovahkiin, Dovahkiin. She kept walking and walking. She passed a frost troll that did not even glance at her. When she came to the monastery of High Hrothgar, the chanting only increased. Then the beats of wings came, blasting her ghostly form into nothingness.

That was not the first time she had that dream. The first time had been the night after she killed the dragon and the Greybeards called to her. The second had been the night before she arrived at Windhelm to speak with Ulfric. The third was that afternoon. She woke with gritty eyes and with her skin covered in sweat. Luckily she was alone in the whelps' barracks and was thankful for it. Rising from her pallet, she stripped and pulled on her older clothes –her blouse and her layered skirts. Feeling mildly better, she left the barracks in search of food.

No one but Tilma was in the mead hall. She bade Ellayna to sit and served her a decent portion of the stew that was simmering over the fireplace. "Made it from the rabbits you shot this morning," Tilma smiled reassuringly. Ellayna ate in silence, watching Tilma dawdle around cleaning and organizing. The old woman was oddly strong and confident with her movements.

Most of the afternoon was spent like that. Ellayna saw nothing of anyone but Tilma until late afternoon when Ria burst into Jorrvaskr. She saw Ellayna and for a sickening moment the Dragonborn thought she would cringe or turn away in disgust. Instead Ria began to grin widely. Suddenly she ran toward Ellayna and stopped right in front of her. "So," Ria smirked, a glint of mischief in her brown eyes. "Farkas."

Ellayna had to laugh, despite everything that had happened today. "The man I shot with an arrow?"

"The man who has completely forgiven you, yes. Do you know what's happening tonight?"

"Enlighten me, Ria."

"Well, when there's a clear night and auroras are undoubtedly about to give us a glorious show, we have a tradition. If all of the Companions are in Jorrvaskr at the time, we go and watch them together."

"Touching."

Ria grinned, "We sit out there and drink as well," she grabbed Ellayna's arm excitedly. "Come on! You can sit with Farkas…"

Ellayna new how to conceal a blush. "As long as there is mead involved." Ria basically pulled her to her feet and hauled her outside. True to Ria's word, the Companions were all sitting on the steps leading from the balcony down to the training yard. While Athis, Vilkas and the drunk Torvar had their usual sulking look on, the rest seemed amused. Aela and Skjor were sitting companionably close and mumbled something to each other before looking back at Ellayna. Njada reached over with her foot and cheekily kicked Farkas. The big nord was blushing again, his cheeks red even in the fading light. Ellayna joined him, now free of Ria's iron grasp. She could not bring herself to look directly at Kodlak, who sat outside also. With a moment of dismay she knew she had not pleaded with him to keep her secret safe; but she knew he would. Out of everyone she had ever met, he was one of the most honorable.

Ellayna sighed as she sat beside Farkas, shooting a quick glare at everyone who snickered. "Is there some sort of joke I'm not privy to?"

He slowly put his arm around her shoulders. "No joke, puppy."

"I'm so sorry about this morning," she murmured, for once not lying at all. She wanted him to understand how guilty she felt. The only reply she received was him kissing the side of her head.

And so the afternoon progressed into an evening of ale and auroras. The lights were stunning as they always were in Skyrim; pale blues and faint pinks lit up the skies, dotted with glowing stars and shrouded in moonlight. It was not until late evening when their peace was disturbed. First came the horrendous and bone-chilling roar. It was one Ellayna recognized too sharply. Then a silhouette appeared against the lights. Immense wings carried it through the air with eerie ease, its huge form clear and too close for comfort. Another roar came and what the beast was hit everyone like cold water. Dragon.


So I couldn't resist putting out another chapter sooner than I normally would. It's a little shorter than I would have liked but important stuff is happening so I didn't mind publishing it like it is. I'm very used to writing more serious stuff than humorous stuff, so I initially intended for this fan fiction to be funny to get practice writing something different. It's more or less swung back to my normal writing but I promise I'll try and add amusing bits in whenever I can. I hope you guys are enjoying reading this!