Note: Used a few lyrics from the Smokey and the Bandit theme song. I don't know who wrote the lyrics, but Jerry Reed sang it back in the day. Rest his soul.

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The queasy pair of warriors was dragged into the back alley by their respective judges. Barely making it out of the teashop, Zell was the first to lose lunch, breakfast, and, he was convinced, most of last nights dinner. Irvine patted his bodyguard on the back, doing his best to offer him some comfort. "You had him by two muffins, but you puked first. I don't know if that disqualifies you or not."

"HeeehEEEEE!!! Doesn't-matter-how-many-muffins-if-you-hurl-first-you're-sunk-so-let's-go-I'm-ready-to-go-do-something-find-a-monster-get-in-a-fight-go-mountain-climbing-oh-look-it's-a-squirrel-here-squirrelly-squirelly-you-can't-hide-from-me-you-furry-little-bastard-hey-Irvy-let's-go-go-gogogogogogogogo"

Irvine slapped his forehead as Selphie entered her weird nether-realm of Kablooey. "Selphie. Dearest. Why don't we go sit down somewhere and talk? Hmm? Doesn't that sound like fun?"

Selphie pointed a vibrating finger at her tall boyfriend. "Now-see-here-you-want-fun-mister-I'll-give-you-fun-remember-that-time-we-found-that-slushee-machine-and-then-we-snuck-it-back-into-our-room-and-invited-that-contortionist-vacuum-salesman-over-and-we-found-out-what-the-hokey-pokey-is-all-about-and-then-we-had-to-go-out-and-buy-a-new-bed-cause-ours-fell-apart-well-I-want-to-do-that-again-so-lets-get-our-asses-to-a-convenience-store-and-borrow-their-mfffff!"

Irvine remembered that particular night very well. Putting his hand over her mouth, he dragged the chattering Selphie back across the street to the car. This car was built for speed, huh? Well, little lady, like that song you love so much, we're 'eastbound and down' now. 'We're gonna do what they say can't be done.' Hot damn, are we ever! Yelling back at his nauseated partner, Irvine tried to make peace before he left. "Zell, I sure am sorry, but you'll have to catch a ride with Rin and Quistis. I, uh, have to take care of a very pressing matter. Selphie has a problem with her slushee machine and I'm the only one who knows how to operate that thing. Later!" Poor Zell, vomiting behind a dumpster, ignored his departing pal and prayed to Hyne for mercy.

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Quistis followed her crew out of the Emporium's side door, walking slowly so she could avoid the explosion that was sure to happen once Selphie found something combustible. Leaning against the cool brick of the teashop, she waited for Rinoa to arrive. Zell was on his knees, alternately praying and spewing blueberry goo on the walls, while Zone was hovering at that point himself. I don't know if I'll ever be able to look at a muffin the same way again. We certainly can't get them into a vehicle like this. I guess we're waiting until they've purged their systems. Regarding the heavy camera Rinoa had pushed into her hands, Quistis pressed a button and watched the digital screen materialize. Flipping through photos, she waited for the sounds of retching to cease. Hmm. These are actually very good. He does seem to be extremely talented. Quite an eye for detail. Pity he only wants to work with naked women. With such enormous potential, he could make quite a name for himself.

"He's good, isn't he?" Rinoa leaned over Quistis' shoulder to take a peek at Zone's work. "Let me see. Oh look! This must be from the train. It's not even blurry. You can even see Garden over that hill. And this is really cool! Look at this twisty shell! I used to pick those up off the beach when I was a kid. He must have remembered that I always kept one on my dresser back in Timber." She smiled, recalling how upset he was when he dropped it one day, coiled mother-of-pearl bursting in a pink and silver cloud as it smashed onto the hard wood of her floorboards. He had begged forgiveness for months. "Ooh, these are of us! Sneaky devil. He got us when you wouldn't smile!" Quistis jerked the camera back from Rinoa, curious in spite of herself. "What? I didn't know he was even looking at us, much less taking pictures."

"Are you kidding? He's stared at you all day! He can't help himself." Rinoa laughed as the pink returned to Quistis' face. "But see how good we look! My hat looks great, don't you think? You know, you really look very pretty when you get mad. More than normal, I mean." Pointing to one particular photo, Rinoa continued, "See? He even got that little crinkle you get in your nose when you get all flustered. And look at your hair! It looks like it's glowing with the sun behind it like that! These will go great on the wall. Forget the scrapbook. I want these framed!"

A plaintive voice sounded from behind the dumpster. "Hey Rinoa. Could you get me some water or something? I think I've finished."

"Hold on Zell!" Running back into the Emporium, Rinoa returned with some damp towels and two cups of soda water. "Here. Check on Zone. I've got a big baby named Zell that needs me."

Gingerly stepping around puddles of muffin and tea, Quistis met Zone at the only clean end left in the alley. He was leaning against the wall, hands on his knees, trying to regain his breath. "Are you okay? You seem rather shaky." Zone nodded, afraid to open his mouth again. "Are you sure? You are extraordinarily pale. Were you ill before you gorged yourself? Did you get too much sun this morning?" Placing a cool hand on his forehead, she tried to determine if Zone might have a fever. He looked much worse than Zell. She didn't realize that humiliation was the chief cause of his haggard appearance.

"No, really. I'm fine. I just ate way too much, way too fast. I can't believe I let her talk me into that. Next time she wants to win a bet, she'll be the one to eat thirty muffins, not me." Zone was having a considerable amount of trouble focusing on the conversation. Having her stand so very close, with that lovely hand on his face, was sorely testing his fortitude.

Laughing quietly, she wiped his face with one of the damp towels. "Yes, well. If it makes you feel any better at all, Zell was sick first, and so the ancient laws of bakery combat dictate that you are the victor, good sir." Zone gave her one of his shy smiles. "Yeah. I guess I'm the King of whatever the hell he was talking about earlier. This is definitely not going home to Ma when I write. Puking in an alley isn't what I want on my list of accomplishments."

"Speaking of accomplishments, why don't you attempt something besides pornographic photography? We were looking at some of your photos while we waited for you to finish. They really are quite remarkable. You would certainly make your mother proud if she saw your work on the cover of Galbadia Geographic or Art in Esthar, not some rag like Girl Next Door. And as for those movies, if you don't enjoy making them, then let Kinneas handle that department himself." Zone watched her mouth move as she praised his work. He had to make sure that her lips were really forming the words that his ears were hearing. He couldn't believe that she was actually complimenting his efforts.

Quistis handed his camera back to him, looking at his face to see if he had heard her proposals. She found his dark blue gaze slightly too intense for comfort. Hmm. I don't believe it. He genuinely seems to be considering what I've said. I can't recall the last time someone actually listened to me.

"Hey guys! What are you talking about?" Rinoa drifted towards the startled pair, with Zell dragging a few paces behind. She gave Quistis a sly wink and took her arm. Come on. I'll drive. We need to get these boys back to Garden."

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"Did you see that little brunette? Man, oh man. I like these petite girls. I think I may build a summer home somewhere around here. Might even find me a short lil' brown haired girl and get hitched." Mick took a long drag on his cigarette, dropping the butt on the sidewalk before climbing in the rusty van.

"You can keep your little stubby short chicks. Did you see the legs on that blonde? They went on for miles. And what the hell do you mean, a 'summer home'? You gonna put blocks under this ugly damn van, or something?" Benny snorted at another of his terrible jokes. He thought he was remarkably clever, especially when compared to his dim-witted partner. "Let's just follow this asshole so we can get paid, alright, Mick?"

"Fine. But I'm gonna have that summer home one of these days, ya hear me?"