***You thought it was done? Nope. You knew that something was up, right? Read…***
I shot up in bed soaked in sweat, tears rushing down my face. I was gasping for air around my gut wrenching sobs as I frantically tried to figure out where I was.
"It was a dream? No…it was so real. I was…someone else. Someone…" I took some deep breaths trying to calm myself to think. "It was just a dream."
My brain flashed images through my head of my dream. Ranger in love with another woman and me marrying Joe. That would never happen. It can't.
Morelli had proposed a week ago, and I had told him that I didn't think that it was a good idea. He had gotten a new assignment and was moving to Boston, wanting me to go with him. Ranger had left the next day to Miami, after rumor spread about the proposal and a mysterious meeting with Morelli. Joe had asked me to think about it as he went house hunting, but I was so confused. I wanted to be in a relationship. A real relationship, but there were so many aspects of Joe's and my relationship that were just not me. That and I was in love with another man.
Ranger hadn't returned phone calls or texts since leaving for Miami. I knew he was pissed, but he hadn't ever just completely cut me off. Plus, the meeting with Joe was freaking me out.
"It's just my brain fucking with me." I took another ragged breath, wincing as another flashback from my dream hit me. "Stop." I sobbed to my brain, grasping my head with both hands. "I can't….He doesn't."
Then another image flashed into my head. The last search I had done at Rangeman's last night had been drafted by an S. Collier.
"No." I whimpered. There are a few things in life that I believe in, even if they aren't supported by rhyme or reason. My Grandmother Mazur always told me that dreams are the spirits of the world telling you what to watch out for. That you were about to do something, or not do something that would ruin your chances at what you really wanted. This wasn't some bad Chinese food dream. This was something more.
"Not gonna happen!?" I sobbed. The images from the dream kept replaying over and over in my head.
"Fuck!" I yelped, untangling myself from the sheets and falling to the floor in heap. I must be going nuts. I shot to my feet and slipped on a pair of Ranger's boxers and pushing my bare feet into CAT boots. I checked my phone as I grabbed my purse and bag. It was 5am. "Tank."
I rammed my Jeep into gear and squealed out of the parking lot, making it to Haywood in record time. I clicked the fob, sliding under the door before it had opened all the way and slammed the car into park the minute I was near the doors.
"Tank!" I yelled. Wood, who was behind the desk, jumped and looked at me. I repeated myself louder. "Woody…Tank!"
"Gym." He stuttered and pointed up. I turned, noticing the elevator wasn't open and bolted for the stairs. I needed him to show me. I needed to see if this was a sign or if I was losing my mind. I burst into the gym on the 2nd floor gasping for breath.
"TANK!" I gasped between breaths. Lester stopped curling weights and looked at me. I looked around the room, and saw Tank, ear buds in place, running on the treadmill. I ran to him as Binkie, who was running next to him tapped him.
"Steph?" He asked, stopping the machine and stepping off as I reached him.
"Tank..I need.." I was gasping. He put his hands on either shoulder.
"You okay?" He motioned for Lester. "Did something happen?"
"Tank..I need you.." gasping again. He strained his eyes and waited for a second for me to catch my breath. "New employee…show me."
"What?" He shook his head as if he wasn't sure if he heard me right.
"Show me Collier!" I yelled, grabbing his arm and dragging him towards the stairs. I took off up them, taking them two at a time, Tank tight on my heels. I burst through the com room and didn't stop until I reached Tank's office.
"Steph, what's going on?" Tank had slid into his chair, the sweat running down his shoulders and back pooling in the leather chair.
"Pull up Collier. Miami." I pointed, my hands shaking. He shook his head and tapped away. A profile pulled up and my heart stopped. Savannah G. Collier. "Picture." I squeaked out.
"Steph..you gotta tell me what's.." But he stopped. The screen filled with her picture. "Holy shit."
Black dots swarmed in front of my eyes and I began tipping. Tank quickly wrapped his arms around me and ushered me to a chair, pushing my head between my knees. She was the woman from my dream, minus the red hair. She was my twin. I wasn't crazy…this was more than a dream.
"Breath, Staph." He stroked my hair as he spoke. After a minute I had calmed and I lifted my head. "Talk."
"I need to go to Miami." I whispered, staring off into space. I went to stand, but Tank grabbed my arm. "Tank, I can't lose him." My voice cracked and I covered my face with my hands.
"Shit." He cursed under his breath, tilting his head back to think. "Fuck me."
"Tank, I need to go. I need to tell him."
"Alright." He slapped his hands on his knees and stood, reaching a hand out to me. "Let's go."
"Wait..you don't have to.."
"Little Girl, I am just as much a part of you and Ranger's twisted relationship as anyone else." He grabbed my hand. "You aren't even dressed. "A chuckle rumbled from him, and he tapped my nose.
"I…I.." I looked down realizing how silly I probably looked.
"Ram!" Tank yelled out into the com room. "Tell Heratio to ready the jet, we are taking off in thirty minutes."
"Yes sir." Ram's voice echoed back.
"Binky!"
"Yes, sir?" Binky leaned back out of his cubicle.
"Go up to seven and pull something for Bomber to wear." Tank turned to me. "We can change on the jet."
"Are you going to call him?" I asked, my voice meek. I hated feeling weak so I took a deep breath and steadied my shoulders.
"Nope." He smiled. "I think that this requires more of a surprise attack. Ranger tends to stick to his guns more if he's prepared. This needs to be a total ambush, with no time for him to prepare some asinine excuse."
Five minutes later, Binkie returned with a bag. Tank, who had grabbed a black duffel bag from a cabinet behind his desk, grabbed it and then my hand. We took the elevator, reaching the garage quickly before getting into an SUV and racing to the air strip.
The Jet was fueled and ready for take-off when Tank pulled up alongside.
"Everything okay, Sir?" A tall dark haired man said from the open door of the jet.
"Yes."
We loaded and took off. I sat in my seat wringing my hands as Tank looked at me. We had to wait until we reached altitude before we could move around and change.
"Talk to me." He said, putting a hand over mine. "What happened?"
"You are going to think I am crazy." I shook my head and laughed.
"Try me."
"You know that Morelli proposed?" I asked, but I already knew the answer. He nodded, his lips tightening. "I told him no, but he said to think about it. He was so convinced that I was going to say yes that he went around telling everyone. I know he talked to Ranger."
"He did." Tank said, shaking his head.
"Joe left to house hunt and told me to decide. I knew the answer already, but I don't want to be alone forever." I sighed. "Ranger hasn't spoken to me since he left."
"He's not good with emotions." Tank spoke matter of factly. "In fact, generally speaking, Ranger sucks at communicating at any personal level."
"Yeah. He does." I chuckled.
"What happened last night?"
"I had a dream." I mumbled out. His eyebrows quirked. "I know it sounds stupid, but it was so real. He had moved on with Collier…and she looked just like me. I needed to make sure that it was just a dream, but when I saw her picture…I….Tank, it can't just be a dream."
"The resemblance is pretty crazy." Running his hands over his head. "What's your plan?"
"This thing…that's between us. It's coming to light. I'm going to make him decide now. I want him to be with me, not anyone else." I continued to wring my hands. "I know I fucked up. I never should have gone back to Joe. I never should've let him push that bullshit he told me about his life not lending itself to relationships."
"He's an idiot." Tank shook his head, and stood as the unbuckle light pinged. "Let's get changed. We will be there in an hour."
We dressed and sat in silence for the rest of the flight. My brain was screaming at me telling me that I was being irrational, and that Ranger wasn't going to like being confronted like this. But then it showed me more images from my dream, and I told it to shut the fuck up. I wasn't letting Ranger get away from me. I wasn't going to let Joe turn me into some Stepford wife.
We landed and quickly piled into a Rangeman SUV that had been waiting at the airport.
"You sure you are ready for this?" Tank asked, taking my hand in his. I nodded. "Good. It's about damn time."
I let out a shaky breath. It gave me some confidence that Tank, his best friend, was supporting me. The words that were rolling around in my head didn't seem to fit exactly what I wanted to say, but I knew that when the moment came I should just take a deep breath and spill everything. The ride to Rangeman Miami was short, only ten minutes, and soon I was sitting in the parking garage trying to gather myself.
"Come on, Little Girl." Tank got out and came around to open my door. He took my hand and we walked towards the elevators. "It'll be okay. Trust me."
"I hope so." I smiled weakly up at him. When the doors opened again, we were in the Miami office's version of the 5th floor. I had to shake my head, when I realized that it was identical to my dream.
"Ranger?" Tank asked a tall red haired man sitting in a cubical near the elevator.
"Office. Collier is running morning reports." He tilted his head towards a large door near the back of the room.
"Breathe." Tank leaned down and whispered in my ear. I had stiffened at her name.
We strode slowly towards the office. The door was cracked slightly, and I could hear voices. I froze and my breath stopped, when I heard a flirtatious girlish giggle followed by Ranger's husky laugh. Tank rubbed my back and knocked.
"Enter." Ranger called out, the light laughter still in his voice. Tank pushed me in and I watched Ranger's face go from happy to angry to confused to concerned. The woman turned, her eyes widening when he got a look at me. "Babe?"
He rushed from behind his desk and put his hands on my arms. "Babe, what's going on? What happened? Why are you here?" I couldn't speak so Ranger turned to Tank. "Tank, what the fuck?"
"Ranger, I think this needs to be done privately." He pointed at the woman who was still sitting dumbfounded staring at me. He chuckled and shook his head. "You can't seriously tell me you didn't notice."
Ranger looked at Collier then at me, tipping his head down and shaking it. "Collier, that will be all."
She stood on wobbly legs and gathered her paperwork, clutching it tightly to her chest. She stopped in front of me and stared.
"Collier." Ranger's voice startled her and she jumped slightly before scurrying out of the room; closing the door behind her. "Talk."
"You need to sit down, man." Tank said, taking my hand and leading me towards a sofa in a small sitting area to the left of Ranger's desk. Ranger took a deep breath and sat, taking a chair kitty-corner from us. He looked at Tank as if to say 'do you mind', but Tank just laughed. "I'm not going anywhere, Batman."
"Babe." Ranger finally turned back to me. I was chewing on my lip. "Why are you here?"
"She looks like me." I stuttered, clearing my throat and trying again. "She looks exactly like me, Ranger."
"I guess." He looked uncomfortable.
"You left without saying goodbye." I leaned forward. "You had a chat with Morelli and then high tailed your ass here."
"I have work to do, Stephanie." Ranger's blank face slammed into place.
"Don't you fucking dare!" I jumped to my feet. "I am not leaving until you and I have this conversation."
"What conversation?" He ground out defensively. "You're marrying the cop!"
"I'm not!" I let out a sound somewhere between a scream and a growl. "Ricardo Carlos Manoso... stop telling me what you think you know about my life and listen."
"Fine." Ranger crossed his arms. "Talk."
"Morelli proposed." I began. Ranger harrumphed. "BUT…I told him no. He is moving to Boston. He told me to take the week to decide and I have been sitting and thinking for two days and I keep coming back to the same answer. I am about to just say yes, get married and take the easy way out."
"The easy way?" He shook his head.
"The easy way. The way that everyone seems to want me to go. I just didn't think…no I hoped that you didn't want me to do it either."
"I never said I did." He sighed, shoulders slumping.
"I could marry Joe. I could settle down, quit my job and have kids. I could spend the rest of my life content with Joe and the life we could have."
"Then why are you here."
"Because I don't want to just be content!" I could feel the tears welling up. "I don't want to settle for safe and comfortable. You ruined that for me, just like you promised."
Ranger opened his mouth, but I stopped him.
"You showed me for the first time in my life that someone could support me no matter what I wanted to do. No matter how stupid and reckless I was, you always stood by me. You bled for me…not just money and cars. You have saved my life, and risked your own all without ever asking for anything in return."
"Never a price." His voice was distant as if he didn't mean for it to be said out loud.
"You told me you were proud of me, even if I fucked things up…because I always got my man. I am stubborn and jealous and irrational and irresponsible…but I always got my man." I wiped my eyes. "So, that's what I am doing right now."
"Babe?"
"I'm getting my man, Ranger." I smiled weakly. "You have said that you love me in your own way. That your life doesn't lend itself to relationships. I am your woman…the street knows it, Rangman knows it, the Burg knows it, everyone knows it…I KNOW IT. Isn't it time you figured it out?"
"She's got you there, boss." Tank spoke and we both looked at him. I had almost forgotten he was still there.
"I'm not the kind of man you need." He shook his head and tightened his arms around himself.
"What kind of man would you rather I have, Ranger?" I slid my hand down my face in frustration. "Would you want me to have a man that forces me to be someone I'm not? Would you want me to be with a man that can't make me forget about you? Do you want me to be with a man…every night with a man when you know damned well that I would wish every second of the rest of my life that it was you?"
"Morelli doesn't deserve you." His voice was rising. "No man deserves you. But you..you don't deserve to be with a man like me. It's not fair to you. You're a light and my darkness would kill you, Babe."
The phrase slammed into my brain, loosening the moment in my dream. It made sense now.
"I'm your light." I whispered. He put his head in his hands. "You think you're some sort of monster. That you…that one day you'll hurt me. Not just break my heart, but really hurt me."
"Yes, Babe."
"You're not that monster." I spoke firmly. "You think that because you are good at it…that you may even enjoy it that you aren't worthy of being loved."
"You don't understand." He growled, looking up at me. "You don't know me like you seem to think that you do. You can't imagine the shit I have done…the lives I have taken and how. You have seen a smidgen of what my life is and look what happened! You have been almost killed so many times that….I can't let them get you!"
"I have my own enemies, Ranger!" I yelled back. "You are not the only reason for danger in my life! You are right though…I don't know you like I wish I did. You won't let me. You push me away, but keep enough of a grasp on me for me to always want more. I'm not worried about your enemies. I'm not worried about mine. You have always saved me. I.."
"I won't always be there!" He stood and yelled. His blank face was gone and this was full anger and frustration. "I have gotten lucky that's all. You distract me..I can't think and I know that one day it's not going to end up like your perfect little fantasy endings!"
"I don't want a fantasy ending!" I fisted my hands tightly against my side. "I just want you!"
"You don't know what you want." He shook his head and chuckled darkly. "You want the superhero you think I am. You want fucking Batman! I am not Batman!"
"No you aren't." My vision was blurry again, so I wiped my face with my hand. "You aren't Batman. You aren't Ranger..You aren't this super badass who has no emotion. You are a man and you need to start acting like it."
"That's a laugh."
"A real man wouldn't hide behind their fears. A real man would fight for what they know is theirs." I seethed.
"You are crossing the line!" He roared. It was a tone that would normally have made me wet myself, but today he wasn't going to use it to push me away.
"Tell me that you don't care about me." My voice quiet. "Tell me that you wished that you had never gone into that café. Tell me that I am not good enough for you and that you wished that maybe one of those crazies had actually succeeded."
This stopped him. His breathing was erratic, but his eyes were flittering back and forth trying to figure out exactly what I was saying.
"Tell me that you are tired of seeing me. That you hated finding me in your apartment all those years ago. That you hate that when we kiss your heart rate skyrockets and your eyes dilate. Tell me that when we made that deal that all you wanted was another notch for your bedpost. Tell me that all those nights you sat and watched me sleep wasn't real. Tell me that when you see me that you don't have to touch me."
"Steph…I can't." He spoke carefully.
"Tell me."
"I can't!" He reached out to me now, hands grasping my arms. "I can't because you know it's not true! I do care about you..I love you! I love you so much that it scares the shit out of me." He shook his head. "I can't imagine living if you were would have…" He took in a shuddered breath. "It's because I love you, because of all those things that I can't do this to you."
"Don't be a coward, Carlos." My voice was barely audible through the sob that ripped through me. "Tell me that you want me gone forever. That YOU would be happier in your life if I never show my sorry ass around you ever again."
"You know I can't." He touched my cheek softly, wiping away more tears.
"Then tell me what I am to you."
"I'm the man that will get you killed, Babe. I'm the man that will ruin your chance of ever being happy and safe."
"Liar." I pushed him back. "Tell me what you think of me when you see me."
"I see my light!" He went to touch me but pulled away. "You are the only thing in my life that isn't shit. You trust me…you trust me for some stupid reason. I can't not touch you. When I do, it's like..it's like you give me some of your light. You make me want to be a better man. You make me feel for one second that maybe I'm not a monster. And I can't let myself forget that….I can't forget because I don't deserve to forget."
"You deserve to be happy." I reached out and grabbed his hand. He tried to pull back but I held firm. "Forget about paying a price to anyone or anything…forget about what you think you owe. Put aside that and tell me what I am to you, what you want me to be."
He looked at my face, our hands together and back into my eyes. "You are….I want…." He closed his eyes and tucked his head towards his chest. I lifted his chin with a finger and waited for him to open his eyes. "You are mine." He said softly.
"I'm your woman." I sighed a smile tugging at my lips.. "And you are mine. I'm here for what's mine."
"Babe." His hands reached out to my face, cupping my cheeks and rubbing his thumbs over the tear tracks.
"Ranger….Carlos…Ric…" I laughed. "Whoever the hell you want me to call you….you are mine. Now, step up and make me yours…from your own mouth. Your own heart…tell me."
"Steph." He finally smiled, his eyes melting into pools of dark chocolate. "I am yours, Babe. I have always been. I want you to be mine..forever."
"It's about damn time." I smiled again before I pressed my mouth to his.
"I love you, Steph." Ranger finally spoke as we broke our kiss. "I'm terrified and angry and pissed off." He took a deep breath. "I'm whole. You…you make me whole."
"I love you, Carlos." I whispered, tucking into his chest and into his arms.
**I stand behind what I said…this isn't' really a Cupcake. It's not a TART and it's not a Babe. It's Carlos and Stephanie really together. Ranger and Babe have checked out. I'm glad you read this..and hope that you review. Sorry for the roller coaster.**
