CHAPTER EIGHT
Alex had retained all of her cop instincts. Without thinking, she quickly shut the door and backed up in the room. She pulled her cell phone from her pants pocket and dialed it. As she waited for Agent Stahl to answer, Alex locked the door and moved to the bathroom Bobby shared with the neighboring room. She locked its door as well so that no one could enter Bobby's room by that route. She could just hear Jahnke and Rosario's angry voices as she passed again by the door. Her call went to Stahl's voice mail, and Alex left a terse, tense message.
"Alex?" Bobby's weary voice asked. "What's going on?"
She considered a lie or half truth, but knew that even in his drugged and tired state he'd probably see through it.
"Those two detectives are at the nurse's station," she said as calmly as she could.
Bobby grew pale and sat up slowly. "What do they want?"
"Us, I guess." Alex's eyes moved from Bobby to the door. "I called Stahl, but it went to her voice mail. I hope the nurses can keep them out of here."
"We don't have to say anything to them unless they have a warrant," Bobby said. He was remarkably calm.
"I doubt those two care much about any rules," Alex said. "I'd go look for another FBI agent, but I'm not sure who's on duty or where to find them. Silly us. We didn't think they'd invade the hospital to find you. Is there anyone in the room next door?"
Bobby shook his head. "I don't think so."
"We could always barricade ourselves in the bathroom until help arrives," Alex said.
Bobby shifted painfully on the bed. "If I could get there. Maybe I should just talk to them."
Alex moved closer to the bed. "No," she said firmly. "I'm not entirely sure what those guys want, but I know you're in no shape to deal with it."
The sound of the detectives' angry voices came from behind the door. Alex just made out Jahnke shouting, "We represent the Chief of Detectives…"
"I don't care if you're working for Mayor Bloomberg," the nurse at the desk shouted back. "You're not going anywhere."
Alex's cell phone vibrated in her pocket. She grabbed it and saw Stahl's number. "Agent Stahl…"
"I know," Stahl said. "I've contacted Clusky. He'll be at Mr. Goren's room very soon. I'm on my way back to the hospital. Where are you? Are you ok?"
"I'm in Bobby's room. We're both ok now. I think I hear Clusky outside dealing with the detectives."
"I should've waited for Clusky to get back before I left," Stahl said. "I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Thank you." Alex shut her phone.
"What's going on?" Bobby's voice was thick, and he slightly slurred the words. Alex thought that even if Jahnke and Rosario got to speak to him, they wouldn't get much out of him.
"Stahl's on the way," Alex said. She focused on the door as if she could will it to protect Bobby from the detectives. "I think the FBI agent is arguing with Jahnke and Rosario."
"It's nice to be so popular," Bobby said. "But I think I liked it better when they ignored me. I wonder how they found me."
"Us," Alex said. "We're in this together."
"Someone in the FBI musta told them," Bobby slurred.
Alex shivered. Bobby was right. Her family knew Bobby was in a hospital, but not which one. Alex was basically living at the hospital. She might have been followed at some point, and that possibility was much preferable to thinking that someone in the FBI had betrayed Bobby and her.
The angry voices outside the door stopped, and Alex held her breath. After a few moments, there was a knock at the door. "Mr. Goren?" the nurse called. "Are you all right?"
Alex carefully and slowly opened the door.
"It's safe," the nurse said. "They left. They were very unhappy, but they left."
Alex looked into the hall. Agent Clusky, his face grim and jaw set, stood in front of the nurses' station.
"How is Mr. Goren?" the nurse asked as she brushed past Alex.
"Sleepy and a little confused," Bobby said goofily. The drugs had finally caught up to him. "And sorry that he's so much trouble."
The nurse smiled. "You're not any trouble at all, even when you're acting silly."
"Go to sleep, Bobby," Alex said gently. "I think everything is ok now. Right?" She turned to the nurse.
"Right," the nurse said.
Bobby fell asleep before the nurse finished checking him. She carefully pulled the sheet and blanket over him. "He's fine," she whispered to Alex.
"Thank you," Alex whispered. "What did they want?"
"They said they were NYPD detectives. That's what their badges and IDs said," the nurse answered. "They said they had to know where Mr. Goren was. That they had to talk to him. They were certain that he was in this hospital and on this floor. I'm not a good liar, Ms. Eames," she said. "I'm afraid I may have tipped them off that their suspicions were correct."
"Don't worry," Alex said. "I'm sure you didn't tell them something they didn't already know."
"I told them Mr. Goren was in no condition to speak to anyone," the nurse said. "And that they didn't have the right to speak with him. They didn't have a warrant or anything like that. They got very hostile at that."
"I bet they did," Alex said wryly. "Thank you. You did the right thing."
There was a soft knock at the door. The nurse warily opened it a few inches. "It's Agent Stahl," she said to Alex. "Should I let her in?"
"I'll go out," Alex said.
"Is he all right?" Stahl asked as Alex stepped from the room.
"Yea. He's asleep. I'm not sure how much he'll remember of this when he wakes up."
"Good," Stahl said with obvious relief. "I'll try to find out how those detectives found out where he was."
"If I were trying to find him," Alex said. "I would've followed me. I know you've done all you could, but I suspect Bobby and I could've found him." Alex paused and shook her head. "That confused even me."
Stahl smiled wanly. "C'mon. I'll buy you a cup of coffee. I don't think they'll be back right away, and even if they do, reinforcements are here."
"The good news," Stahl said as she sat across from Alex in the cafeteria. "Is that it appears all the suspects in the drug and gun running cases are going to cut a deal. But if the NYPD has some investigation going on…"
"I don't think those guys are part of an official investigation," Alex said. "I think it's a response by Chief of Detectives Moran to try to save his own rear end." She smiled. "Bobby would find it funny. All those times we butted heads with the Bureau, and now we're depending on you to protect him."
"I'm not sure how good of a job we're doing at that," Stahl said. "We're going to at least have to move him from his room. And keep a closer watch over you."
Alex was never completely alone after that. She found herself occasionally taking showers she didn't need to get some privacy. The FBI regularly swept her house for bugs. It was annoying for her family. Most of them had some idea of what was going on and were as protective of her as the FBI. Her family didn't know of the seismic change in her relationship with Bobby. And as she sat one day with Bobby, Alex realized she wasn't sure exactly what that relationship was. She loved him. She knew that. While her one night with Bobby was one of the best moments of her life and Alex desperately hoped for more memories like those, Alex didn't know what she and Bobby were to each other. They possessed a strange, intense bond. When he was undercover, she sensed he was in trouble and also knew he was alive. There were times when he was the funny, charming, sweet man she'd always known. But there were times when he was even more of the lost, lonely man she'd seen too much of in the last three years. He no longer said that he was too damaged or unworthy to be saved, but Alex knew he was thinking those words.
It didn't help that Bobby had to relive his torture when he spoke to the FBI. The agents were polite, even kind, but their interest was in putting their cases together. After the interviews, Bobby was exhausted and depressed. His sleep was filled with nightmares, and it could take several days and sessions with psychiatrists before he'd recover. One of his doctors spoke with Alex.
"You mean a great deal to him," he told her.
"He means a lot to me," she responded.
"You know that in the past few years Mr. Goren has lost a great many things that meant a great deal to him. Even defined him," the doctor said.
"I've gone through most of those losses with him," Alex said.
"Right now, Ms. Eames," the doctor said. "You define him. He doesn't have the work that's been his life for so long. He thinks he only has you, and he's afraid—terrified, really—that not only is he not good enough for you, but that he's bad for you."
"He's too hard on himself," Alex said. "He's always been too hard on himself. Mainly because the people he should've been able to trust were hard on him, if they paid any attention to him at all."
The doctor nodded. "That explains a lot. The torture he went through. It's as if he, he expected…"
"He thinks he deserved it?" Alex asked.
"Yes. And he certainly can't think of himself as a hero. The praise just seems to increase his guilt."
After much discussion, the FBI decided not to move Bobby to another hospital, but only to another room. There were no further invasions by the NYPD, and Alex started to hope her and Bobby's troubles might lessen. The memory of their night together before Bobby left on his mission sustained her. She spent many nights in the hospital, especially when Bobby was having a bad time. The nurses stopped trying to shoo her away. Alex wouldn't leave, for one thing, and she immediately and effectively calmed Bobby when he woke from a nightmare. The nurses persuaded Alex to sleep in an actual bed occasionally. One morning, Alex, yawning and running her fingers through her still wet hair, walked towards Bobby's room. As she neared the nurses' station, she saw Agent Stahl, holding two cups of coffee, waiting for her.
"Thanks," Alex said as she accepted one of the cups. "What's wrong?"
Stahl smiled wearily. "You and Goren musta been one helluva team."
"We were. Still are." Alex sipped her coffee. "We may be spending too much time together. You got my coffee right."
"Could we go to the waiting room?" Stahl asked.
"I'm not going to like this, am I?" Alex asked as she followed Stahl.
"I don't like it much," Stahl answered. "So I'm sure you won't." She sat across from Alex. "You've been following the reports on the NYPD scandal."
"Yea. And I have sources inside the department."
"I can tell you that Chief Kenny Moran will be indicted soon on several charges," Stahl said quietly. "And if the case goes to trial, you and Mr. Goren may be called by the prosecution. You probably figured out that those two detectives were sent to see what Mr. Goren might know and try to intimidate him. And you." Stahl smiled. "As if anyone could intimidate you."
Alex stared into her cup. "I don't know what we know. All I know is that Bobby isn't in any shape to deal with this."
"The one bit of good news I have for you is that the most he'll have to do in the drug and gun running case is testify before a grand jury. The perps have confessed, largely because of his work. They're some very bad people. He salvaged the case. He redeemed Ross' work."
"I'd like to tell one person about that," Alex said. She thought of Zach Nichols, who was still angry and confused about releasing the man ultimately responsible for Ross' death. Alex hadn't seen or spoken with Nichols since Bobby's return. She guessed that the news of Hassan's death hadn't upset the detective and that the news of Ross' vindication would please him.
"More than one person will learn about it," Stahl said carefully. "Much more than one."
Alex looked at Stahl.
"With this corruption case hanging over it," Stahl said. "The NYPD needs good news. The Bureau needs to be seen to be working with the department. Mr. Goren could be a help with both."
"You…You want to publicize what Bobby did," Alex said slowly. "You want Bobby to play hero." She shook her head. "No…No. He'd be a target. Not just to the friends of the guys his testimony will put away. But to the bad cops who already hate him. And he can't—won't—see himself as a hero. His head is too messed up right now. You can't do it to him."
Stahl had the grace to look ashamed. "My hope," she said as if she was trying to convince herself of her words. "Is that Mr. Goren will get the respect and support he deserves."
Alex snorted. "Excuse me, but you don't have a great record with that. And half of the NYPD is against him."
"Mr. Goren knew that," Stahl said. "When he approached us about helping with this investigation, I told him that working with us would turn his own against him. It didn't surprise or upset him. I know why now. I'm not ducking responsibility here, but I want to remind you that he went into this with his eyes open. He knew the costs. He knew the odds."
"You didn't expect him to come back, did you! You didn't want him to come back!"
The few people in the cafeteria turned to look at Alex and Stahl. Alex didn't care. At the moment she was tempted to climb to the top of the Empire State Building and scream out how the FBI and the NYPD had betrayed Bobby.
"Expect?" Stahl said quietly. "I don't know. I knew the odds and costs as well as anyone. But I certainly hoped and wanted that he'd come back."
"Just so it was easier to make your case." Alex was still bitter, but her voice was lower.
"His return did make the case easier," Stahl admitted. "But I've come to respect and like Mr. Goren. He's smart. He's tenacious. He's brave. He's loyal. And he's ethical. I'm not saying I'm a saint. He made me look very good. But I was one of the people who pushed—and pushed very hard—for the mission that rescued him."
"I'm sorry," Alex said softly after a moment. "He's been used so many times."
"Are you sure that you're doing the right thing for him?" Stahl asked carefully.
Alex stared at her. "What do you mean?"
"What do his doctors say? Would this be bad for him?"
"How dare you…" Alex choked.
Stahl leaned forward. "I'm sorry, Alex. I like you. I like your loyalty to Mr. Goren. But is it possible you're too close to him to make a good call here?"
"And you're not too close?" Alex shot back.
"Yes, I am," Stahl said. "Which is why I'm glad you're here to balance me. But neither of us have really talked or heard from Mr. Goren. Do you know what he wants? Or what's best for him?"
Alex stared again into her coffee, but found no answers there. "I don't know what he wants," she admitted. "But I know what he'll do, especially if you put it in terms of helping the case or saving Ross' reputation or protecting other people. He'll do what you ask him to. And he won't think about what it'll cost him."
"I don't pretend to know Mr. Goren," Stahl said. "But I think he deserves the chance to make his own decision about this."
Alex's coffee still failed to provide any answers. "All right," she finally conceded. "You can talk to him about this. But only after his doctors—all of his doctors—agree that he's ok, and after I talk to him."
"Fair enough," Stahl said with obvious relief.
As Alex walked to Bobby's room, she felt as if she'd just lost a battle. By the time she was in the room and looking down at his exhausted and worn face, Alex felt like a traitor. Bobby slept fitfully. Alex knew that his physical and mental therapy session were often very difficult, and yesterday's had obviously been very hard on him. She suddenly wanted to wrap her arms around him and protect him from any and every thing threatening him.
"But he's not one of my nieces and nephews," Alex thought. "And I can't protect him from everything any more than I can them." She shivered. "And Stahl's right. Bobby should make this decision. It's just that I know what that decision will be. And I'll have to watch him go through all of that." Her hand rested gently on his head. He responded by sighing softly and leaning into her touch.
"I'll do this," Alex said. "I love him, and I can do this."
END CHAPTER EIGHT
