Sherlock Holmes tends to kidnapp me those days :(
And also, I posted a one shot ;)
A baby at Camelot
#08 – We call it Denial.
They soon decided not to say anything to Arthur, not about Merlin's magic nor about the fact that he was the missing prince of this very castle where they lived. Because even if Arthur was not a baby anymore, he still was a kid, which was sort of worse. Kids his age talked a lot about everything and wouldn't mind trading a secret for a candy or treat. So really it was better to tell Arthur nothing. He could have gone and told someone, maybe the King himself, and the thought of this was enough to make Merlin shiver. What an unpleasant way it would be to die, betrayed by Arthur without the prince even knowing what he was doing. The most stupid way ever to get caught, after all the times he did manage to keep his magic secret.
So they wouldn't tell anything to Arthur, and make him believe his name was William (yeah, because Merlin had never been very creative with names. He had thought of it because he had considered giving his future child his best friend's name, if he ever had a child.)
This way, if Arthur remembered these last few days of his childhood once Merlin had sort the mess out, Arthur wouldn't bother himself with the magic part to know if he would spare Merlin or not. No.
No, he would just kill him without a second thought for having let him do what he was doing now.
"Okay William, that was very funny but that's enough! Now stop it and come here!" he tried again.
"You can't stop meeee" Arthur exclaimed, grinning and running across the room, almost fully naked for God's sake!
His shyness really hadn't last long. At first, Merlin thought that Arthur would be the the kind who was polite and well bred, as noble people were supposed to be. But no, ho ho, NO. Obviously he was more the "Hiiiiiiii, look at meeeeeee, I'm running everywhere only wearing sooooooocks!!!"-kind.
Merlin had asked Arthur to give him back the shirt he was wearing so he could give him another one smaller. At first Arthur obeyed, but then seemed to be more interested by his navel sticking out of his his belly than by dressing in anything else. He poked it a few times before asking Merlin to show him his, and then escaped the moment Merlin tried to dress him. And now it was the "catch me if you can" game.
Very amusing indeed.
Merlin certainly wasn't going to let a little child screw up his mood, he already had a lot to think about, so he would appreciate if Arthur would be nice enough to stay calm. He trapped Arthur in a corner and seized him, making the child burst into laughter. Merlin stuck him under his arm and carried him into his room. Arthur squirmed and giggled, but allowed Merlin to dress him. Merlin gave him the smallest shirt he had. He will have to find a solution about the clothes problem, again.
"You have funny ears," Arthur giggled.
"And you have funny teeth," Merlin answered without thinking.
Arthur hid his mouth behind his hand and laughed a bit more. Merlin smiled as well.
oOoOo
Merlin left Arthur with Gaius to give himself time to prepare things for Elsie's return. He really wasn't sure about the role the druid played and if he had been fooled or not, but since he made an oath to her, he had to help her anyway. The soldiers were still looking around the castle and in the surrounding villages, but Merlin felt more secure now. He would just hide the women in the Dragon's cave since that was the most efficient way to protect them and the Dragon had said nothing against it when Merlin asked him for permission.
He thought about just leaving them there to handle the situation alone, not knowing if they were friends or foes, but his concern for the pregnant woman all because of his stupid heart finally won.
Merlin went inside the huge cave and walked down to the river, trying to find a place where he could do something to welcome them. The place was huge, maybe bigger than the whole castle itself, but what was important was to find somewhere impossible to see from the entrance. It took him a while before he discovered such a place, and only then did he start to sculpt a house in the stone.
Well, something like a house anyway.
There were little refuges built by large rocks in the forest around Ealdor, which were made for travellers or lost people, and that was vaguely what Merlin had in his mind. Merlin and Will slept in one of them once and he remembered the mattress made by a plate rock. It wasn't comfortable, but those refuges were made to save you from the rain or from animals at night. The two women won't have to fear any of it, of course (well, except for the Dragon, but Merlin hardly thought that a roof would help if the beast decided to attack them) but hopefully it would feel more cozy for them if he found a way to bring back some blankets.
"When will you finally learn not to get involved in others' lives, young warlock, for that, I'm desperate to know," the Dragon sighed, looking bored.
Merlin quickly glanced at him. "I hardly had a choice," he pointed out, trying to adjust the roof.
"You perfectly had a choice. I advised you against it."
"Did you?" Merlin replied, raising his eyebrows. "Because that's really hard to know when you're giving advice. You're very clear when it's about telling me how I'm an idiot, but when it's about helping me, you're not very specific, I've to say."
"And that is because you're not wise enough to understand my words, Merlin."
"No actually I would say it's because you really enjoy making a mess out of my mind with your riddles."
The Dragon didn't answer and Merlin tried to concentrate on what he was doing. He had finished putting a roof on the top of the house he created, which now had two places to sleep, a table and two chairs sculpted out of rock. What was he forgetting?
"The oath I talked to you about, do you think it would really work? I mean... I can't lose my magic just like that, can I?"
"Do you intend to take back your word?"
"No! No, I swear I'm not saying I was lying! I wouldn't!"
"Then you shouldn't let that idea worry you. You have other matters to think about which are more important."
Merlin frowned, he couldn't see what on earth could be more important than that. He was suspicious about the dragon who kept looking at him curiously since he had told him what happened. Merlin was sure the creature desperately wanted to say or to ask something. He went on nevertheless.
"It's just, I... what good will I be if I don't have my magic anymore? I can't even imagine that! I'm helping them, truly I am, and I would even without that oath. But what if I fail and my magic is taken away from me? I just can't stand the idea, I can't! I would be useless for Arthur and-"
"Trusting people and doing stupid things are both your weakness and your strength, young warlock. Which explains a lot, I should say."
"What's wrong with you today? I'm telling you that there are chances of me losing my magic, chances I won't be able to protect Arthur anymore, and you don't even look like you care! Isn't the Albion destiny an obsession for you? Because may I remind you, Arthur is still five years old right now! I'm quite sure I told you about it!"
"Yes, yes you told me, but he turned into an adult before, yes?" Was the Dragon's tail actually wriggling or was Merlin imagining it?
"Yes..." he answered carefully, "But the druid potion didn't work very long..."
"Yes, I was right and you were wrong, we know that," the Dragon sighed before looking down at Merlin with intrigue, "But go back to that part when Arthur is naked and with you in your bed and you're feeling so weird and aroused. What happened next? Please tell me you didn't just fall asleep."
Merlin's mouth fell open, but he failed to make a single noise. The Dragon's huge eyes stayed fixed on him, and yes, his tail was wriggling. There was no way that he heard what he just heard. Impossible. He stammered uselessly for a few seconds, feeling his ears slowly but surely burning, and the Dragon kept staring at him!
"I- I didn't! When on EARTH did I say I was-? Because I wasn't-! I don't know when I gave you the idea that I was because- No! No no no! I mean NO!"
"Come on you know you were," the Dragon insisted.
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! I'M TELLING YOU I WASN'T!"
Merlin was sure his face was as red as his neckerchief, and the fact that he, for some unknown reason, felt nearly overwhelmed with panic and anger didn't help at all.
"Right, you weren't," the Dragon sighed and rolled his eyes "If you prefer it that way-"
"It's not I prefer it that way, it's just that I wasn't!" Merlin spluttered.
"So maybe you would be kind enough to tell me a bit more detail about what happened? Hm?"
"I hardly see how this is any of your business!" Merlin shouted in a voice that was very intimidating. He hoped the Dragon would just stop talking about it and leave him alone.
But, as Merlin was starting to learn, you can't always have everything you want in life.
"You're a young man in perfect health and the future King is quite good-looking, isn't he?" the Dragon went on carefully. "You shouldn't think that's an evil thing to talk about. I already know a lot of your secrets, it doesn't bother me if we're having a chat about it. I'm sure you want to share what's in your heart with someone. It must be very heavy to bear, all that unrequited..."
"... Did you just say that? Don't end that sentence. Seriously don't."
"You know I'm telling the truth."
"No, I know you turned insane just a few minutes ago. Did something happen when I wasn't looking? Did I miss a sorcerer coming in, put a spell on you and then go away? I think I missed that part."
"You don't need to be all defensive."
"I'm not all defensive! For Heaven's sake, I'm not- I'm not gay, I'm not into men, okay? And I'm certainly not into Arthur!"
"So you didn't react at all when he was on you, all naked?"
But wouldn't the Dragon just stop about it? Merlin opened his mouth a few times, helplessly, before hissing.
"You... You realize you have a problem, don't you?"
"Well my problem has always been that I know too much, and yours is that you don't know enough. Food for thought, young warlock."
oOoOo
Gwen was worried. She often was, so that was nothing very new of course, because people around her seemed to like getting themselves into trouble. Arthur was often risking his life in big fights, Morgana was having nightmares almost every night and Merlin was a bit too eager to put himself in danger in the name of Arthur.
Gwen's life was quite simple, she rarely had any trouble herself, but that was not the case of the people she cared for. And so Gwen was always worrying.
Most of the time, when all seemed to be fine, her worry was nearly undetectable. She was smiling and talking as everyone was, and there was no reason to share a look or a word of concern with anyone. So it was a bit odd that she felt worried anyway, but she did. It was a slight burden on her lungs, a little knot into her stomach, a strange impression felt in her throat when it was a bit tighter than it should be. Because she knew her friends, she knew their lives, and she knew that sooner or later something will happen, something bad, because it never seemed to stop.
Gwen did not panic and wasn't easily surprised. She often felt lost, though, and didn't know what to do to help when one of her friends was in danger. It was not as if she could do anything, of course, but she wished she could.
Now Arthur had disappeared, she knew Merlin wouldn't agree to stay alone and do nothing. She was awfully worried for Arthur (she didn't dare imagine what happened to him and if he was still alive or not, or tortured) and for Merlin as well. It was consuming her, truly it was, and even if she didn't cry, she always had the urge to. The only thing which was comforting her was that Morgana hadn't any bad dreams about Arthur in prison or dead, neither had she of Merlin, killed by the hand of the same sorcerer who might have kidnapped the Prince.
She hoped Merlin would follow Morgana's advice; she didn't want to lose him after having already lost her father and Arthur.
Pressing her lips together tightly, Gwen shook her head, trying not to think about it. She needed to keep a clear mind, for panicking and worrying never helped before, and it wouldn't this time. She took a deep breath and turned into the corridor, going toward the kitchen to bring back Morgana's lunch. Her mistress had hardly eaten this time again, which was not helping Gwen's mood.
Merlin appearing out of nowhere, though, helped.
"Merlin!" she called out to him.
He was at the opposite side of the corridor, coming from the door which gave entrance to the kitchen and the dungeons. He lifted his head when he heard her and smiled awkwardly. He didn't look well. She quickened her pace and stopped in front of him.
"Merlin," she repeated, "Are you okay?"
"Yes, yes. Great day indeed. You?"
Gwen frowned. "I'm... fine, I guess. Something happened?"
"Nothing. Just... an argument with someone. It was stupid." He remained silent for a moment before asking: "Does that ever happen to you too, people talking to you as if they know you better than you do yourself, or is it just me? I mean, I know myself right?"
"...Right," she answered, not sure what he was talking about.
"And it's not because you're talking about a few things to someone that all of a sudden he knows all about you! He doesn't know me! I mean, what I'm doing with my life really isn't other people's business, right? I'm fine the way I am, I don't need others to judge me!"
"Yeah, sure," Gwen agreed, confused.
"Do you think there's something weird about me?" Merlin asked.
"I'm not sure I understand what you mean..."
He looked upset and Gwen was not used to seeing him in such a state. Though his mood had nothing to do with the one she thought he would be in, the 'let's save Arthur even if it costs my life' mood, which was both comforting and troubling.
Merlin sighed and looked away, pressing his lips together before shrugging with a false nonchalance.
"Well, I don't know anything. The way I'm acting with people..."
"You're very kind with everyone," Gwen smiled, "that's not weird. I wish there were more people like you."
"No, I mean... With guys... women. Do you think I'm... That people might think that I'm... well, you know."
"Oh!" Gwen exclaimed, finally understanding. "Gay? Well, not that I dare to tell anyone, but Morgana and I knew already, yes. I think Arthur too," She touched Merlin's arm gently. "But you shouldn't let anyone talk to you badly about it. There's nothing to be ashamed of, Merlin. It's the way you are, and we love you that way. You're an adorable man, and if people can't stand it, they are not worth your attention. Okay?"
Merlin opened his mouth, a little pale. When he failed to answer, Gwen gave his arm a comforting squeeze. "Alright?" she repeated.
"Alright," he croaked.
She smiled gently and kissed him on the cheek. It was good that he was talking about it now.
Gwen gave Merlin a look and hesitated before she dared to add. "Though... I think you should... Well... maybe it would be better not to insist too much about... you know."
"Arthur?"
"Yes," she nodded, "Understand me well, I'm not thinking you're not worth him, you really are. But... people might not understand, and even if I know that Arthur cares a great deal about you, I'm not sure he... Well. He's the prince. He has duties. You're his best friend, Merlin, whatever he would say, and certainly if he hadn't been a prince things would have been easier, but..."
Merlin buried his face in his hands and she almost winced at the sight.
"Merlin?"
"I'm okay. I just... I need to go. To see Gaius."
"Oh. Yeah, sure. See you later then."
He nodded and passed along her, heading back to Gaius' chambers.
