A/N: I'm so sorry for just falling off the radar. I've had a lot going on, and I couldn't give the story the focus it deserves. But now I'm back, and I assure you on the name of my mother & father, that this WILL be updated once a week. If I can't make it sometime, I will let you all know. I've made a few changes as well, and this story now takes place 13 years ago, as opposed to 18.

And I've got a scene with all the liars + Ali, and it was such a fun scene to write. Also, I've brought a twist to Ali, but whether she's the same old Ali or she has truly changed, only time will tell. She's also based on a character I saw in another show.

Easy recap: In present day, Toby & his son are having dinner, when the son asks him to tell him the story of how he and his mother fell in love. Then the story steps back to thirteen years ago, when a very shy Toby is paired up with the enigmatic Spencer Hastings on the first of English class. Before they meet, Toby gets in to the wrong books of Spencer's boyfriend Andrew. Spencer & Aria are best friends, and they had split up from the Alison gang a year or two ago. Spencer & Toby get along quite well, and become quick friends. They bond over mutual familial misery, tutoring and Harry Potter movies. Andrew & Spencer have been dating for four months now before which the Wren incident in the show happened in the story.

Spencer deals with her difficult, overachieving family, while Toby deals with an alcoholic father who is downright cruel to him. In the previous chapter, Wren had called up Mrs. H and told her that Spencer had come to visit him, causing issues in her house. Spencer finds solace with Toby in the library, when he tells her that he's visiting California to meet his best friend Caleb. Toby finds the perfect gift to give Spencer (not revealed), and Spencer meets Emily in the gym, who invites her and the old gang for a birthday sleepover, because 'it would be like old times'. the chapter ended with Toby in a very dark mindpsace, shortly after his trip and this chapter picks up the next day.

Enjoyyy. (sorry for the delay again)


"Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty, this hatred, how did it find us? Did it steal into our lives, or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happened to us?"

Chapter 7: Does this Darkness have a Name?

It was awfully chilly for an October morning, especially going by Rosewood standards. Ignoring the cold wind that was stinging his exposed face, Toby walked across the street, his heart heavy. Every step he took was a difficult one, and he had a dull ache in his chest. Clutched tightly in his arms was the gift that he had spent so long to perfect.

The weekend trip away had been a temporary distraction, but now, having to face the daunting memory of the worst day of his life, Toby felt more defeated than ever. He had tried so hard to overcome the overwhelming pain, but had failed. Why couldn't he be stronger?

He knew she would want him to be strong for her. But when she had decided to leave him permanently, what choice did he have? Growing up, she had been his constant companion. Having that snatched away...it was perhaps the hardest thing he had to deal with.

He entered the mausoleum, trying his best to hold himself together. Doing this alone was extremely painful for him, and he wished his father was there with him. He knew he too had cared for her, which was why he had become the person he was.

Mindlessly he walked, a million thoughts racing around in his head. How was he to get through the rest of the day? Each step, each breath...it was all more harrowing than the one before. The walls had begun to close in on him, and he didn't think he could make it. He wasn't strong enough. He found her headstone finally, and he knelt before it, his heart in his mouth.

"Mom," he whispered, carefully caressing her name on it. Marion Cavanaugh. Age 43. Beloved mother and wife.

As if that was all she was. Tears stung his eyes, and he swallowed it.

"Hey," he said, trying again. "Mom. It's me, Toby. Well of course you know that, don't you?"

His voice was hoarse with emotion. "How have you been?"

He knew it was impractical, be he wished she would respond. Sirius Black said that the ones who love us never really leave us, but Toby doubted that. Why would she leave him willingly if she loved him? He had tried so hard to be the perfect son, to help her out and be there for her...but it hadn't been enough.

"I miss you," he said, choking on a sob. This was getting too difficult. "I really do. You don't know how alone I feel. I try so hard to not feel that way, to work through everything, but I can't."

He wanted to give up. He wanted to do away with everything. Run away and pretend like he was someone else. But his past always caught up with him, taunting and tantalizing him in the worst cruel way.

"I wish you hadn't left," he cried. "I wish you had given me the opportunity to be better to you. I don't know how I can live with this guilt, mom. If I had been a better son, you would still be here. I know that. I am sorry."

He paused, trying to recollect himself. She wouldn't want him to cry. She would want him to be strong and brave, living a whole life with the people he loved. He tried to do that, he really did, but it hurt a little too much.

"I wish you'd come back. I wish you had said goodbye. I'm...I'm sorry. This isn't about me. I got something for you."

He smiled, hoping she was watching. He wasn't much of a believer, but it gave him slight comfort thinking that his mother was watching over him. Placing the object on her tomb stone, he pulled open the gift wrapper, hoping she would like it.

It was a beautiful jewelry box, covered with a fine, velvet material. He had carved it and designed it on his own, and his heart swelled with pride at his own handiwork. Opening it to show the entire design to her, he put a folded piece of paper inside. Hopefully, she would find a way to read the words she had written. If she had been here with him, she would have loved it as well, he knew it.

"Happy Birthday," he said, trying to sound cheerful. "How do you like it? It's just a random idea that I came up with, but I think it's your type."

He imagined her beautiful, kind smile, and his heart warmed. She had always appreciated the little things he did, encouraging him and being very supportive. She would most probably give him a tight hug for such a gift.

"Anyway...I don't think I can go to school today. I won't be able to make it through the day without losing my mind. You're not mad, are you?"

The tears fell from his eyes, and really thought he would give up. What was the point anyway? Without her, it was just pointless. She was his mother, she was supposed to watch him grow up, not take her life so early.

"I...I want to say more, but...but I can't. Please read that letter. Please. I love you, mom. If you can – if there's a way – please come back. Please."

He got up hastily, turning away before it became impossible. Digging his palms inside the pockets of his coat, he stumbled out, not bothering to brush away the tears. Birthdays were supposed to be a positive day – something that was celebrated and meant happy things. They weren't supposed to be likes this.

Being back in there had only made matters worse for him. His mind was playing all sorts of games with him, showing him the twisted images of the night of her death. He rubbed his chest, trying to calm down his pounding heart. His hands were shaking, and he was finding it increasingly difficult to make sense of anything. Taking deep breaths, he tried to calm down, only to feel the panic rise up in his chest.

Luckily for him, he was either walking fast, or the roads had gotten shorter. The distance between that awful place and his home was bridged quickly when he found himself on his white porch within minutes. Slightly relieved that his father wasn't at home, he stumbled into his bedroom and collapsed onto the bed. He clutched his eyes shut and covered his ears with his hands, trying to block away the images scavenging around in his brain. The walls closed in on him, and he gave out an almost animalistic cry, blanking out.

XXX

Spencer watched with worry as he disappeared down the corner of the street. She had been out on her morning jog when she had noticed a very distressed Toby making his way to the town's mausoleum. She had waited outside until she came back, and felt her heart sink when she saw that his condition had only worsened as he made his way back home – or so she thought.

Initially she had considered the option of following him and confronting him, but had decided to give him his space. It made her feel extremely concerned that he seemed so out of control and depressed. Hoping to catch him in school and talk to him, she started jogging back home.

Seeing that he didn't make it to English period, her worry only increased as the day went by. The anxiety was eating her out, and she desperately hoped that he was okay. Maybe she should have followed him and talked to him – he really looked like he could use a friend. But then again, she felt that she would be interuppting a very private moment, and didn't want to come across as invasive.

"Everything okay, Spence?" Aria asked after she had walked straight into the wall while thinking of Toby.

Spencer straightened up, not bothering if anyone had just seen her mishap. "Yeah. I am just worried about Toby."

"Toby? Why?" Spencer had never really told her best friend about her buddy friendship with him, and wasn't surprised at her reaction.

"He seemed quite upset when I saw him this morning. I just hope he's okay."

"I didn't know you two were so close," Aria said, not hiding the accusatory tone in her voice.

"We've been hanging out," Spencer said vaguely, not feeling the need to explain anything further. Knowing that her friend would demand for details, she steered away from the topic. "You'll be there at Emily's tonight, right?"

"I am coming, but don't you think it's weird? All of us hardly talk, and now she wants us to go to her place for a sleepover."

"She seemed quite keen on patching up things," Spencer said stepping into the cafeteria line. "We should give her a chance."

"Wow, someone's become extremely generous," Aria teased.

"I just think we should give her a chance, god Aria!" Spencer snapped.

Aria looked hurt, but she recovered quickly, a look of understanding dancing on her face. "Spence. I know you and Ali are like the US and Russia, but you've got to calm down. It isn't going to help you or her if you get so stressed out at the idea of meeting her."

The thought hadn't even crossed her mind, but she decided to roll with it. "You know how Ali is. It's like being in a reality show – you don't know what is real and what is fabricated."

"She can't get to you anymore," Aria reminded.

Spencer knew what she meant. Alison had the cruel habit of taking their secrets and using it agains them. Lies, manipulation...those were her oxygen. She could tell a lie while appearing so sincere and genuine, that the girls had always believed her. It had taken a lot of effort for her to be able to break free of that toxicity. Ali no longer knew secrets of hers that she could use against her.

But then again, that wasn't her main concern at the moment. She nodded absentmindedly, wanting to get hold of Toby.

She pulled out her phone and typed out a text: Didn't see you in school today. Are you okay?

He always replied promptly, so it increased her concern on seeing no reply from him. What was going on? The dejected look as he walked out of the mausoleum kept playing in her mind. He had looked so low, so upset, that it had broken her heart. She wondered who he had gone to visit there, when a conversation she had had with Emily years ago struck her.

"What's going in there?" Spencer asked, pointing to the Cavanaugh house.

The two friends had been sitting on Emily's pouch talking, when they saw young Toby Cavanaugh and his father walk out of the house wearing formal suits. The young boy looked like he had been crying.

"His mother died," Emily said sadly. "I don't know any details, but it's pretty tragic."

"Yeah," Spencer muttered, her heart going out for the dejected looking boy across the street.

Of course! It had to be his mother he was visiting. Grabbing Aria's wrist, she stepped out of the cafeteria line. "I have got to...got to go check up on a friend. I will see you at Emily's, okay?"

"What? Which friend?"

"Toby," she said quickly before hurrying off.

XXX

Standing outside the Cavanaugh residence, she rang the bell persistently, hoping someone would answer it. She had been here for more than twenty minutes, and still hadn't received a response from her friend. "Toby? I know you're in there. Could you please open up so we can talk?"

Despite her pleas, no one opened the door. What if she had been wrong? What if he wasn't here at all and had actually gone somewhere else. The look on his face as he left the mausoleum was still plastered on her mind and it wouldn't suprise her if hadn't been able to stay in one place.

She contemplated waiting outside for him to come home, but didn't think it was the best idea. If he was in the condition she thought he was, it would do no good to confront him when he was just returning home.

Unable to focus on anything but the different worries plaguing her mind, Spencer drove back home, realizing that it would do her no good to back to school.

XXX

Despite the constant ringing of the doorbell, Toby couldn't drag himself out of his bed to go and see who it was. His father had a spare key, so it couldn't be him. Whoever it was, it didn't matter at the moment.

Bleary eyed with his chest hurting from all the crying, he sat up on the bed, staring into nothing. The darkness in his mind was all consuming and he was drowning in it. He missed his mother so much...why did she have to leave him? Life hadn't been the rosiest when she was around, but he had still been happy, and his house could easily be called a home.

Everyday after school he used to tell her what had happened in school, and on Sundays, they used to cook pancakes together and have a happy breakfast. Caleb had been awfully close to her as well, so much had changed after her death. All sorts of routine just disappeared, and his life became a combination of various levels of chaos.

His father had never been awfully close to him, but after his mom's death, he had become a living nightmare. Having resorted to alcoholism to drown away his sorrow, the mere sight of him sent chills down Toby's back. Angry slurs, hateful words and cruel taunts had become something he had to face everyday at home.

Would it ever end?

Would he look forward to life without worrying about entering the dark spiral of misery?

Would everything b again?

He hoped it would.

But he didn't think so.

XXX

"I am so glad you made it," Emily greeted with a big smile on her face. She stepped aside, letting Spencer in. The house hadn't changed much over the years, and she was glad for that familiarity.

"Happy Birthday!" Spencer said cheerfully, leaning forward to give her a hug. She gave Emily a small wrapped gif box, which she took gratefully.

Emily lead her upstairs to her bedroom, and memories of the time they had been close friends played in her mind. Sleepovers were a common thing back then, and with the Fields hospitality and generosity, they used to spend most of their nights here.

"It seems like nothing has changed," Spencer mused, entering Emily's bedroom. "It all looks the same."

Emily nodded. "It is the same. The others are on their way."

Spencer felt like Emily was trying a bit too hard to let things go back to normal, but she didn't say anything. She did want to patch up things with Hanna and her, but then, the prospect of the five of them going back to being the "cool gang" didn't seem all that appealing.

Aria and Hanna were there soon. She was glad to have her best friend by her side – that was going to make the whole night a lot more bearable. Hanna wasn't as friendly as Emily. She seemed a little frigid, not really mingling with them. She was constantly checking her phone, not even trying to make proper conversation.

Over the years, she is the one who had undergone the most transformation. From being a socially awkard, chubby, insecure girl, she had gone on to become a confident, well dressed fashionista. She had sort of faded into the background after their group split up, but she and Mona Vanderwaal had gotten a little following of their own. Of course, it was nowhere as big as Alison's.

"I heard Justin Bieber is going to be sent back to his country," Aria said carefully. Spencer raised up her eyebrows in confusion, because there was no way her vintage, classy best friend was actually bothered about Bieber. The last time he had won an award, her tiny friend had stormed away from the television, indignantly stating that what the popular teen did could not be called 'music'.

But apparently, Hanna thought so otherwise. For the first time since she had gotten here she looked up from her phone, highly interested. Aria had a small smug smile on her face, and Spencer understood what was going on.

"They cannot export the Biebs!" Hanna cried. "He is a gift to the world. American music is nothing without him."

"Don't you mean deport?" Spencer asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Same thing!" Hanna snapped.

"Actually – no. Export is the process of selling goods to a foreign country, while deport is sending a person back to their home country – when they are staying in a foreign land, of course."

Hanna rolled her eyes at her, and continued. "That's not the point! Music is going to die without him. He is such a saintly, amazing, wonderful being –"

"Did anyone say saintly?"

The four of them spun around to see their former ring leader and best friend stand in front of them wearing a dazzling smile. Time had done complete justice to her. Being as busy as she had been, Spencer had not seen since junior had gotten over. Dressed in a black jeans and a very simple white shirt, she looked way different from her former, fashionable self.

"Ali!" Emily gushed, as she got up to greet her with a hug.

"Careful there Em, you don't want to hold on too tight."

Emily blushed, backing away. Spencer could sense that there was something weird going on there, but she made no comment. She nodded politely at her, not really in the mood for a very warm welcome. Both Hanna and Aria greeted her cheerfully, and the blonde haired beauty sat down next to her.

"Wow, Ali. That's quite the transformation," Aria pointed out. The other girls nodded in agreement, and Spencer stared at her, trying to figure out what would have prompted such a drastic change in their former friend.

"I realized that simplicity is the best policy," Alison said with a smile. The same smile that she used to adorn while she toyed with them...

Unable to contain herself, Spencer said, "Since when? Simple has never existed in your dictionary."

"I have drinks for everyone!" Emily was back in the room – to be honest she hadn't even noticed her leaving – with a tray filled with glasses of orange juiced. Spencer took one and thanked her politely.

"Since last summer. I had gone to Georgia to spend time with my dying grandma. I found Jesus while I was there."

"You found what?" Spencer asked, spitting the juice out. She couldn't believe her ears. Had Alison just said what she thought she had?

"I found Jesus," Alison said with a dazzling smile. "I realized that it doesn't hurt to invite some spirituality into my life. You should all try it too."

She sounded genuine, but Spencer had a hard time believing her. "Yeah right," she scoffed. "I am sure this is just another one of your games."

"This is far from a game!" Alison said with disbelief. She looked quite offended, but she maintained her calm. "Finding him was the best thing that ever happened to me. I have decided to spend the rest of my life being devoted to him."

"And give up boys and sex? You wouldn't be able to do that." Hanna teased. "We know you Ali, you are all about the booze, the boys and the bras. I am sure even...umm, Jesus, could change that."

"You will see for yourself," Ali said with a wink. "I have something for all of you. Here you go."

They were tickets to a summer Church camp in Georgia. Spencer almost choked on her juice. "Are you really serious about this?"

"We have all sinned in our life. We must take it upon ourselves to cleanse our souls of all the impurity and embrace the Lord for what he is."

Spencer rolled her eyes. This was not really happening. She had thought spending a night with Alison would be awkward and weird, but it was turning out to be something else all together.

"I think it's a great idea," said Emily. "It would give us all a chance to be together. Like old times, remember?"

Spencer was still convinced that it was one of Ali's big old pranks. There was no way she had gone on a vacation and had such a spiritual discovery. There was just no way.

"What about you three?" Alison asked. "We can all embrace him together, and start new lives and live as better people."

"I don't know...I mean...doesn't it sound quite far fetched?" Aria asked. "We are all humans...we all sin at some point of time or the other."

"We should strive to be better people," Alison insisted. "The Lord will help us out with that."

"Say what you want, Ali, but I am not giving up my booze and sex for any Lord," Hanna said.

Hanna, the voice of reason. Who would have thought it would ever come to that?

Ali looked disappointed. She turned to Spencer, a mysterious smile playing on her lips. "What about you?"

Before she could answer, loud, angry yells interrupted them. It seemed to be coming from outside, and all five of them fell silent. Spencer was the first one to recover. "What was that?"

"I guess it's just the Cavanaughs," Emily said sadly. "It's not uncommon a thing with them."

Jumping up immediately, Spencer went up to the window and looked outside. Sure enough, Toby and his father were outside their house, engaged in a shouting match. Actually it seemed more like Toby trying to calm down his angry father, who seemed to be yelling out slurs at him.

"YOU ARE ALWAYS UPTO NO GOOD! IF I COULD EARN A DOLLAR WITH HOW MUCH YOU PROVE YOUR USELESSNESS WITH EACH PASSING DAY, I WOULD HAVE BECOME A MILLIONAIRE BY NOW!"

Toby's words weren't audible, but he was trying to pacify his father, bring some sense into him.

"LET GO OF ME, YOU USELESS CREATURE! I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOU IN MY SIGHT!"

"This happens frequently?" Spencer asked, unable to take her eyes off her friend. "Why hasn't anyone complained?"

"Nobody wants to get involved," Emily said quietly.

"Somebody needs to!" Spencer exclaimed fiercely. "Nobody deserves to be treated like that."

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME, YOU FILTHY KID!" Before Toby could respond, he was shoved hard to the ground, falling face first. His father stormed away from there, not even bothering to look back at him.

Spencer was shocked out of her mind. All her life she had thought that her family life was tough, but this was an all new ballgame. Turning around, she quickly gathered her bag and faced Emily. "I have to go to him, I am so sorry Em, but I really need to."

Emily nodded in understanding, but someone gripped her hand. Ali. "You musn't interfere in the matters of others, or deal with sinners. It will make you one too."

"What is wrong with you?" Spencer fumed. "He just got shoved face down onto the road. He is my friend. I have to go. Let go, Ali."

She pulled her hand away by force, and Ali flinched. "Dealing with the wrong people always has it's consequences, Spencer. You don't want to be in the wrong."

"Are you threatening me?" Spencer asked. "And as far as I know, doesn't Jesus preach everyone to help people in need? Looks like you weren't paying attention to your classes."

Without waiting for a response she ran down the stairs and stormed out of the house, her heart heavy after what she had just seen.


Hope you all liked it. If none of you guessed it, Ali's twist in this was inspired by Georgina's character in Gossip Girl, when she comes back in s2, all transformed, after a Church camp. The next chapter (which is already penned down, is a major development chapter for Spoby, and one of the best things I've written - or so I feel)

Please, please, please review. x

N.