Hey, guess what. I've just finished watching the latest HTF vid, A Bit of a Pickle (Starring Lammy & Mr. Pickles, of course) and, well… I dunno, it wasn't really that great. Although Flaky and Cuddle's deaths made me smile in a grim heartless way, the overall feel of the vid was just a 5/10. But on the plus side, this give many a perverted authors the chance to write about the true relationship between Lammy and her Pickle. In a truly adult way, of course. Like, lonely on a Saturday night adult way. You know, because the pickle looks a bit like a-

*cough*

Nevermind. Why are you all staring at me like that? I warn you, I have a pickle! I mean a shotgun! Damnit!


The boat drifted idly into the dock of Broadshore Island, and slowly came to a halt. Down came the gangplank, and the first of the guests exited the boat. Rager, Ruffy, Oscar, and to an extent, Crack, were waiting to greet the guests/suspects. Actually, Ruffy and Oscar were doing the greetings. Rager was eyeing all the suspects up and Crack was listening to more heavy metal and scratching his nether regions.

Chances are he was probably regretting his little fling with the waitress.

Chances are even higher that the above statement is false.

As the guests exited the boat onto the peir, most were slow to exit, wary of this new place. And when I say 'most were slow to exit', I mean everyone except the Aquaphobic cat.

"YES! THANK FUCK FOR LAND! FUCK YOU, OCEAN! FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE ON!" DJ shouted happily, and collapsed onto the wooden pier. "Oh, thank you whoever the fuck discovered land. Oh, …" Everyone else kindly stepped over or around DJ as he attempted to hug the ground.

"Let's see…" Rager started counting the suspects off as they exited the boat. "21… 22… 23… 24… 25. Twenty five. Twenty five possible suspects. Twenty five-"

"You're doing that thing again." Ruffy called out, ripping Rager away from his deducing.

"What thing?" He yelled back.

"You keep talking to yourself people are gonna think you're crazy." Oscar said.

"Really…"

"I wasn't talking to you!"

Rager decided not to pursue the matter any further, and he approached the group from the freighter.

"Is this all of you? The manifest said there was at least 30."

"Yeah, well… Apparently, murderers like murdering. Who would've thought?" Fluffee exclaimed.

"I see… Well then, which one of you is Scott?"

"… Why do you want him? There something going on between you two?" Niki said, imagining a Rager/Scott pairing and bouncing.

"What? No. He's the one who called you guys in, so he must have a few suspects. Now, where is he?"

"In a bodybag." Fritz said bluntly.

"But if it makes you feel better, we have a suspect of our own." Flippy quickly interrupted, eager to get this over with.

"Good news and bad news, then. Lead the way."

Rager, Flippy, Len and Sparky all headed to the holding cells, again stepping over DJ.

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"You still don't have concrete evidence!"

"We know, Sparky. But he's the only suspect we have, and Rager here will probably want to ask him a few questions."

"But he's innocent!"

"Oh for the love of god- Sparky, shut the hell up!" Len practically screamed. Sparky huffed and crossed her arms.

"They always like this?" Rager whispered to Flippy. For his part, Flippy shrugged. Then he stopped.

"We're here." Flippy pushed the door open… And recoiled at the sight of Sniffle's body.

"SNIFFLES!"" Sparky screamed, and ran towards Sniffle's corpse. No-one attempted to stop her.

"No… No!" She cried, holding Sniffle's blood soaked body.

"His, er, ass appears to be leaking." Len awkwardly pointed out.

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"So what's there to do in a place like this?" Pike asked Crack, Oscar and Ruffy.

"Well… There's a couple of Bars…" Ruffy started. Drifty's ears perked up.

"A strip club or two…" Crack continued. Half the group took notes.

"A walk-in aquarium…" Oscar drawled, enclincting a "FUCKNG GODAMNIT!" from DJ.

"There's actually a great deal you can do here. Once you fi- Hey, Rager's back!"

Indeed, Rager was back. He wasted little breath saying 'hi' to anyone, and immediately went to his fellow officers.

"Everyone here is a suspect. Let them explore the island for a bit, we've got work to do." He then turned to the freighter guests. "Alright, me and these three are going to go take some safety precautions. I suggest you all go explore the island."

"TO THE STRIP CLUB!" Sikks shouted gleefully. This was followed by raucous cheering and a stampede of horny HTFs marching… In the wrong direction.

"Where's Sparky?" Spades asked.

"I think she's still on the boat." Pike replied. The two looked back at the boat, where if you listened closely you could hear the sobs of anguish.

"Who cares? I need a beer." Drifty said, roughly pushing past them. All that was left at the pier was DJ (still hugging the ground) and CrayZee (who was sleeping standing up.)

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"Rager to Crack: Do you hear me out there man?" Rager asked into the walkie talkie. There was a short pause, then a response.

"Crack back to Rager: I hear you loud and clear, man."

"OH YEAH MAN!" Ruffy and Oscar shouted like a choir. Rager ignored them.

"You're signal's weak on my radar screen. How far out are you man?"

"I'm pretty far out."

"THAT'S PRETTY FAR OUT, MAN!"

"Stop shouting Flight of the Conchords songs. Crack, how's the camera set up coming along?"

"Should be just about done, check your screen now."

Ruffy looked at the screen filled with static. Almost immediately, the static fizzled out into a view of Crack with his thumbs up.

"It's working, man!" Rufy shouted to Rager.

"Nice work, Crack. Come back any time now." Rager said through the walkie talkie.

"Hey, uh guys? What's that?" Oscar said squinting at the monitor. He was pointing to a dark shape approaching Crack, who was still looking into the camera. This dark shape was holding a long scythe.

"Oh shit- CRACK, BEHIND YOU!" Rager shouted through the radio. Crack's face became a mixture of surprise and confusion, and he promptly turned around just as the dark figure sung the scythe at his face. Crack reactively ducked, and the scythe struck the camera, sending the screen into static.


Well. Good reflexes, I must admit. Clearly not good enough, as evidenced by his one remaining ear.

Crack –odd name, but names aren't important in the end – clutched a hand to the side of his head, where his ear once was. I took this opportunity to swing the scythe down at him again, but the rabbit bastard moved. He rolled out of the way and grabbed his baton. He made a wild swing at me, but I'm better than that.

I easily avoided the blow and punched him in the throat. Crack went down like a sack of potatoes. He gasped for air, and reached for the baton. I swung the scythe and chopped off his hand.

Crack let out an ungodly yell. That must've been his jacking off hand.

One quick slash across the throat and the yelling stopped. Crack's head slowly rolled away, and his body collapsed where it was. Blood slowly leaked out of his exposed neck, and I picked up the head and studied it. It was forever frozen in an expression of pain and terror. Lovely.

I stuck the head on my scythe and walked away. That was fun.

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Sorry if it seemed rushed. I'm going away for a bit and I won't be able to update. Review if you want to.