dis·a·buse
ˌdisəˈbyo͞oz/
verb
persuade (someone) that an idea or belief is mistaken.
A few weeks later
It had gotten to the point in which Meredith could not be in the same room as April. Seeing the usually chipper red head made Meredith think more about her accusation. Could Jackson really be in love with her? Whenever it crossed her mind, Meredith was quick to dismiss it. He had come out to Boston because she had a medical emergency. It was complete coincidence that he ran into April at the airport. And everytime she would break down and turn to him for comfort was simply because he was there. He was her person and he was supposed to comfort her. Meredith was confident in the fact that she had nothing to do with their divorce, even though April took every opportunity to try and blame Meredith for it. It was not a healthy work relationship as it had caused multiple fights over patient care that could be seen as putting lives at risk. Eventually Meredith stopped working in the E.R. and avoided the situation whenever possible.
And then there was Alex and Amelia. Alex was still angry with her and vehemently so. He had resorted back to his obstinate and brooding persona that Meredith had first gotten to know as an intern. He was disrespecting his co-workers and having outbursts towards certain patients parents. Even Jo was being ignored; it showed in her big yet sad eyes and her general helpless dramatic attitude. Meredith could tell that Alex was walking a very thin line with Bailey too. She was as frustrated with him as Alex was with Meredith. Amelia on the other hand seemed perfectly fine. She went on about her work like nothing had happened. Every surgery was flawless with no complications, and she was well on her way to having a perfect month. All the residents and interns wanted to be on her service. However, she never talked to Meredith and avoided being in the same general vicinity as her. If Meredith was already on the elevator, Amelia would take the stairs. If Meredith walked into the same bathroom, Amelia would turn on heel and walk out without a glance or a word.
It needed to stop. And soon.
Bailey had announced a huge surgery was coming up that needed teamwork from every department. An eight year old boy had a very large tumor that surrounded his spinal cord but had grown out the intertwine with major abdominal arteries as well as the pancreas and had begun to branch into the intestines. It was risky to try and remove it but the chances of him surviving without the surgery were next to nothing and every other treatment had failed. The cancer was growing too fast for anything to work. Surgery was last and only option they had left, even if it was incredibly risky.
Bailey needed Alex, April, Amelia and Meredith to be in the O.R. together to help operate on the tumor and had point blank told Meredith that if she unable to work it out with her coworkers then she would be off the case. And Meredith desperately needed a big, long and complicated surgery to help clear her mind. She had been stuck doing routine surgeries since she had returned and was bored out of her mind.
She set off to find Alex first. Meredith had Jo watching him and gave her instructions to get him to go downstairs to where they always ate as interns. As Meredith sat on the gurney, she remembered all the days and nights she spent right there with the old gang. Every rant, study session and unexpected nap. Her phone brought her out of her reverie. Looking down at the text from Jo, which informed her that an angry Alex was on his way to her, Meredith anxiously awaited his arrival. She still had no idea what to say to make things right and she hoped that whatever came to her would work. "Oh great it's you," Alex huffed as he turned the corner. "What do you want?"
"To talk," Meredith offered.
"It's too late for that, Mer," Alex growled as he turned away from her. In frustration Meredith stood up.
"Alex Karev. Get your ass over here and sit and listen to me," she ordered, her voice harsher than she expected. It worked much to her enjoyment. Alex glared at her and reluctantly moved to the gurney where he sat with his arms crossed. "For God's sake, Alex. You have been acting like a toddler lately, throwing an angry tantrum because life didn't go your way. Well newsflash, life isn't going my way either. Do you understand that Alex? My husband, the love of my life died. I had to end his life support. I had to make that decision. So yeah, I ran. I had to get out of this town because everywhere I look, I see him. I needed to go someplace where he wasn't. And I'm sorry I left you. I know everyone has left us. George died. Izzie just ran away. Cristina moved to a different country."
"You ran away too," Alex countered.
"But I came back. I returned even though it was, it is incredibly difficult to be in a place so saturated with Derek," Meredith's eyes began to water, her anger starting to subside. "I had to get a grip."
"Everyone leaves me," Alex looked up at her, sadness and vulnerability etched across his face. "Even you."
"You know who won't leave you? Hmm?" Meredith asked but Alex simply shrugged his shoulders. "Jo. Jo will not leave you because she loves you more than anything in this world. You two are meant for each other so grow up and apologize to her. Take her in your arms and never let her go." Alex smiled and stood, pulling Meredith into a hug. They stood like that for a long time, forgiveness and understanding flowing over them. "If it makes you feel better," Meredith said after a while. "You can be Ellis's godparent." Alex laughed.
"Of course I will, Mer," Alex replied.
Meredith immediately felt better after fixing things with Alex. Even the hospital's atmosphere felt lighter. Next up though was April. And Meredith imagined that this conversation might not go as easy as Alex's did. Meredith made her way to the E.R. where she asked the nurses to page April to trauma room one where Meredith was waiting.
April threw open the door, in full trauma surgeon mode. She was ready to triage and treat the patient. She was completely shocked when she saw just Meredith in the room. "Where is the trauma?" April asked.
"I am the trauma," Meredith replied. "Just like the patients we see, my life went from normal to chaos in seconds, everything flipped upside down, my life as I knew it was shattered. Just like the patients we see, the outlook didn't always seem good, it looked like a dead end of nothingness and pain. It was excruciatingly painful."
"What is your point, Grey?" April crossed her arms.
"My point is that I needed help. Every patient who comes in here needs someone to help them, to be by their side and get them on their feet even when it all feels hopeless," Meredith continued. "After Derek died, I was that patient. And Jackson was the one who ended up helping me up.
Now I don't think that is what ended your marriage. I think you both knew it was coming to an end and this was a perfect situation to blame it on. April, please understand that I don't feel anything for Jackson. He is my best friend and that's all. And I could tell you weren't happy." April merely nodded in agreement and looked visibly relaxed at Meredith's statement. "Whe things were rough with Derek, I knew that I could live without him. But I never ever wanted to. And now I am and I hate every minute of it. Can you live without Jackson? Does a part of you want to live without him?" April took a minute to consider this before replying.
"I have lived without him. And it was okay. I was okay. And...and it gave me a sense of freedom," April admitted.
"Then let him go. You have turned into a serious badass, April. Don't let this take you back to who you were before because you are so much stronger now," Meredith smiled. "Are we good now?"
"Yes," April smiled as well. "Thank you for talking some sense into me."
Meredith was surprised at how well April took the conversation. She was expecting maybe more tears, more pettiness but the true April showed through with maturity and grace. It was refreshing. Now Meredith was convinced that her conversation with Amelia would be the hardest of them all. Her and Amelia had not always gotten along and they were never the closest of friends, let alone sisters. They had always had Derek as a sort of buffer between them, a commonality that they could always resort back to. And Meredith had the idea to recreate that buffer now that Derek was gone.
That night Meredith sat in attendings lounge with her children. They had yet to see anyone else since they returned. Meredith wanted to carefully reintroduce the hospital lifestyle back into their lives. She had hired a nanny to care for the kids while she was working instead of relying on the hospital daycare. Now Meredith was waiting for Amelia to arrive. She knew it would be a lot to spring on her but it was the easiest way to bring the peace.
Not too long after Meredith had arrived in the lounge did Owen and Amelia enter. There was genuine surprise across both of their faces as Zola and Bailey ran over to them for hugs. A smile was etched into Amelia's face as she knelt to embrace them. "Aunt Amelia!" Bailey cried.
"Owen, do you mind taking them to go get some jello?" Meredith suggested after a few minutes. "I need to talk with Amelia." Owen nodded his head before offering his hands to the kids and led them down to the cafeteria.
"It's good to see them again," Amelia said solemnly, her smile fading. "Why did you wait so long to let me see them?"
"I wanted to slowly bring them back into this life," Meredith explained. "And you could have came to see us anytime you liked. Instead you have been avoiding me like the plague and refusing to speak with me."
"You took away my brother," Amelia accused, defending her actions. "It isn't that easy to just talk to you like nothing happened."
"Maybe this will make it easier," Meredith offered, turning to get Ellis out of her carseat. "You are the very first to meet my miracle, Ellis." Meredith stepped toward the awe struck Amelia and held Ellis out to her. With tears in her eyes, Amelia warmly accepted her sleeping niece and cuddled her close. "I named her Ellis after my mother, one of the strongest women I know. I was completely devastated after Derek and knowing about Ellis gave my the strength I needed when I was at my weakest. She helped me get up each morning and get through each day.
"And her middle name? It's Amelia. After the other strongest woman in my life. I never want Ellis Amelia to feel like she can't do something, or be who she wants because of the challenges life throws at her. I want her to always get up and keep going, like you. Like my mother."
"Oh Meredith," Amelia said softly, her voice overcome with emotions. "I'm sorry."
"And I'm sorry," Meredith offered, taking Amelia into her arms.
All was as right as it could be in Meredith's world again. She had set out to make peace and she had succeeded. Now she sat at home, her children sleeping and her heart untroubled. She was glad that Amelia had taken so well to Ellis. It was challenging to get Ellis out of Amelia's arms when it was finally time to leave.
Just as Meredith began to doze off, a knock sounded through the house. Meredith immediately got up and went to the door, surprised to see Jackson when she opened it. "Jackson, what are you doing here?" she asked, ushering him inside. "Is everything okay?"
"No," he fumed, storming in to the living room.
"What's wrong?"
"My mother is here. She wants to stop my divorce. And she is trying everything to stop it," Jackson explained. "She has set up so many appointments for us for counseling and with lawyers and just trying to save something that can't be saved."
"Mothers are a pain in the ass," Meredith agreed, remembering her own mother and the interference she tried to run on Meredith's life. "You're not going to give in though. And neither is April. I talked to her today and she is set on this."
"I know that, you know that but my mother refuses to know that," Jackson sat down in defeat. "She's staying at my place and I can't be around her right now."
"Yes," Meredith already knew where this was heading. "You can stay with me."
"Thank you so much, Mer. I don't know what to do with her," Jackson sighed.
Meredith and Jackson had already gone to bed when another knock sounded through the house, waking Meredith. In confusion, Meredith got up to answer the door only to be more confused at the sight of a very distraught Amelia standing at her door at two in the morning. "Do you have any idea what time it is?" Meredith asked quietly, hoping to avoid waking up her kids.
"I needed a place to go where I wasn't alone," Amelia admitted. "I've made a big mistake." Without further judgement or questions, Meredith gathered blankets and pillows and set them on the couch for Amelia.
"We can talk about this in the morning," Meredith stated as she made her way back upstairs. "Goodnight."
"Thank you," Amelia's voice was still quiet.
Zola and Bailey were pleasantly surprised to have guests at their house in the morning. They were excited to see Jackson again after so long and it became impossible for Bailey to leave his side. Amelia sat quietly with Ellis and watched the hustle and bustle of the morning. She was surprised to see how well Jackson and Meredith worked together, especially with the kids. Earlier in the morning she had heard Zola plead with Meredith to have waffles for breakfast, only to have Meredith say no since they were already running behind schedule. Then she watched Zola run to Jackson and again beg for waffles, only again to have him say no. His reasoning was almost word for word what Meredith had said. It made Amelia suspicious of their relationship. They were a well oiled machine as they moved around the kitchen getting cereal and making lunches, never once bumping into each other or doing a wrong move. That sort of closeness, in Amelia's mind, only came with a strong relationship. Thinking more of it, Amelia knew that Jackson had been there for Meredith when she found out about Derek's death, and when she decided to leave. And Jackson had dropped pretty much everything to be with her when Ellis was born. Not too long after he returned from that trip did he and April begin the divorce process.
Once Jackson had ushered the kids out of the kitchen and up to the bathroom to brush their teeth, Amelia pounced on Meredith. "You guys are sleeping together, aren't you?" she accused. Meredith whipped around in shock.
"What?" Meredith asked, confused as to why Amelia would even suggest such a thing.
"I see the way you two work and act around each other. It makes sense that you would sleep with him. He's handsome, smart and kind. Willing to give up his marriage for you."
"Amelia, I have no idea what you are talking about," Meredith interrupted her. "Jackson and I are friends. Nothing else. Why would you even think that? Derek is still the man I love." And with that Meredith left the room. As she stormed upstairs, Jackson caught her by the arm.
"What's wrong?" he asked pointedly. "And don't tell me it's nothing."
"Fine. Amelia is accusing us of sleeping together," Meredith explained, an edge to her voice. "Can you believe she has the audacity to think that?" Before Jackson could even attempt to voice his thoughts, Meredith pulled away from him and slammed the door shut to her room.
While it did sound slightly crazy, Jackson was surprised to find himself not entirely opposed to the thought. He cared genuinely for Meredith and could always turn to her with anything. It was natural to be attracted to her. She was the closest person in his life, his best friend. Jackson tried for the rest of the day to reassure himself that it was only platonic attraction that he felt towards Meredith. Nothing else.
Meredith on the other hand was angry for most of the day. She yelled more often at residents and interns, ignored those around her, avoided Amelia at all costs and for the most part, sealed herself away in her research lab. As she began to reset her lab up and begin her research again, thoughts of Jackson infiltrated her mind. Meredith was quick to dismiss those thoughts and repeated to herself over and over that Derek was the love of her life. She could not even imagine being with someone other than Derek, she would never betray him like that.
By the end of the day, Meredith's anger diffused into sadness. She missed Derek terribly. He was always there to make things right, to make her feel better and help her through everything, especially fights with Amelia. "Tough day?" Jackson asked as he quietly entered the research lab.
"You have no idea," Meredith gave him a small smile, defeated by the mental war she had raging. Without thinking much more, Meredith stood and moved to embrace Jackson. She rested her head against his chest and relaxed as he put his arms around her.
"I think I do have an idea," Jackson murmured, referring to his own long day of inner conflict. They stood like this for a long while, each of their thoughts swirling around their brains trying to make sense of these feelings. "It's only platonic" Jackson tried to repeat over and over in his mind, stomping out the idea of something more. "I only love Derek," Meredith reassured herself, attempting to deny the new feelings she was having of Jackson. It did not help that they were in each others arms, in the belly of the beast of denial.
A/N:
The pace is going to finally start to pick up in this story. I feel like the necessary set up to their romance has been put in place and now it is time for the fun to really begin! Don't worry though, there will still be plenty of emotional rollercoasters and I have an idea for some crazy drama!
Thank you again for reading and for the reviews! I hope you enjoy :)
