Chapter 8: Confessing?

Suze

I had been in the hospital many times before. I knew what it felt like when you first woke up. It hurt. A lot. There was always the same blinding white light when you open your eyes…so much so that you have to close them again…

But this time…it was beyond painful. I was in agony before I even opened my eyes. And once I did, it only served to increase the pain.

I wanted - no, needed - some painkillers, morphine, anything, and fast. Unintentionally, I cried out in pain. It was unbearable. And the place that hurt the most was my stomach…

…oh, God…was I having a baby? Or, God forbid, I had already had it and the doctors had to perform a cesarean section to get the baby out of me?

Okay, shut up. That happened to be one of my first thoughts upon waking up and discovering that my stomach was in immense pain. And I didn't even bother to think that I hadn't even been pregnant.

After my cry of pain, I saw someone in the corner of the room stir. They were sleeping, slumped in the chair, in one of the most uncomfortable positions I had ever seen. But they were not sleeping for long. It was only a few seconds later that I realized who the slumped figure in the chair was. And right then, I really did not feel up to talking to them. I mean, I had just woken up.

"Susannah?" Jesse asked groggily. It looked like he was not sure if I was really awake or not. I guess what he saw answered his unasked question, since he got up out of the chair and began walking over to me. "Oh, thank Dios," he breathed when he saw that I was awake.

If I was able to smile, I would have then. Seeing him like that, all worried for me, it made me want to smile. However, due to the amount of painkillers and morphine that must have been pumping through my blood - not that it was working that greatly, though, if the pain I was feeling was any indication - I could not move a muscle in my face. And, I feared, if I tried to talk, he would not be able to understand me, since my mouth felt like the Sahara Desert.

He seemed to understand this, though, since he leaned down and kissed me. It was short and sweet, but it was enough to let me know that I was forgiven for what I had done to him. And I was happy, because that was what I was worried about most - whether or not he could ever forgive me for doing that.

Jesse pulled away and rested his forehead against mine. "I'm so glad you're okay," he whispered. "I don't know what I would have done if you…" he trailed off and pecked me on the lips. "I'm so sorry."

He was sorry? For WHAT?

I wanted to tell him it was all okay. That he didn't have to be sorry for everything. That I was the one who was sorry.

But, alas, I could not, for my mouth was as dry as sand on the hottest day of the year.

"Susannah?" Jesse said questioningly, realizing that I was not saying anything. Then, guessing what was wrong, he said, "oh," and poured me a glass of water from the pitcher beside the hospital bed.

I gulped the water down greedily and took a huge breath. "Thanks," I croaked out. Okay, that was better, but I sounded like a frog. Ah, whatever. Its not as if it really matters anymore. He's already seen me in a hospital bed, looking like shit, so what does it matter if my voice sounds like I just swallowed a frog?

He smiled in response. "How are you feeling?" he asked tentatively.

"Well," I said, "besides the fact that it feels like someone cut a huge hole in my stomach and left it there, and the fact that my head feels like its going to split open, just peachy. How about you?"

"Do you want me to get a doctor?" he asked worriedly.

My eyes widened. "No. No, that's fine. I don't…no." Although…they would bring more painkillers…

"No, I'm going to get a doctor. They should know you're awake, too. You have been out for a fairly long time, Susannah."

"Jesse - " I started, but it was too late. He was already out the door to the room. For the minute and a half he was gone, the room felt like it was a void, like it was completely empty. I sighed and slumped back in the bed. Great. Doctors. Just what I needed.

Moments later there were doctors everywhere. Prodding and poking. They did what they had to do, asked some questions, and then left. I was more relieved than ever when they did.

Jesse came over to me after the doctors left and smiled. "Feeling any better?" he asked sexily.

I smiled lazily. "Actually, I can't feel much now, so I'm not really sure."

He chuckled a little as he raised his hand to my face and stroked my cheek. "Can you feel this?" he asked, his voice getting really deep.

I smiled. "Yes," I practically whispered.

A smile tugged at his lips, and then he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. A moment later his tongue swept in, claiming mine in a fierce battle. And then he pulled away and leaned his forehead against mine, saying, "There's something I need to tell you."

I blinked. The drugs were seriously starting to take effect, so I could not comprehend much. "Okay."

He pulled his head away from mine and pulled up a chair. "But before I do," he went on, "I want to know something."

"Okay," I said again.

"Why did you do that?" he asked, his voice wavering.

I blinked again. "Do what?"

"Jump on that guy with the gun. Save me."

I looked at him curiously. Even on the drugs, I knew that wasn't normally what you would ask someone who had saved you from being killed.

"You would have done the same for me…wouldn't you have?"

He smiled reassuringly. "Well, yes, but - "

"Everyone needs to be saved, Jesse. No matter who they are."

I was actually surprised that those words came out of my mouth, considering the drugged stupor I was in. But Jesse seemed to accept those words. He kissed my forehead and whispered a 'thank you'.

"Now what did you need to tell me?" I asked, my eyes beginning to grow heavy.

He hesitated. "What I need to tell you…well, its…Susannah, please, do not think of me any differently…"

But if he said any more after that, I didn't hear it, since I drifted off to dream land.

- § -

When I woke up next I was completely alone. The sunlight was filtering through the sheer white drapes on the windows, making the room seem even brighter than before. It reflected off the Salvador Dali painting on the wall, creating a mild glare on the picture.

I sighed, ready to fall back asleep. Surprisingly, I wasn't feeling much pain, like when I woke up earlier. I was very content. And I realized that I wasn't tired, so sleeping was not really an option. Instead, I noticed there was a remote on the bedside and I picked it up. I turned back around and pointed it at the television, turning it on. The news was on.

Hmm…well, I didn't really know the channels here. And considering it was a different country, there would probably not be any Spongebob or Comedy Central to watch, so I just stuck with the news.

They were reporting on some overturned truck, and then it switched to a picture of a little girl, who apparently was just found, after being missing for three months. Well, at least she was alive. Saves me from having to mediate her.

Speaking of mediation…ugh, I still have to contact the king! I still have no idea how I'm going to do that. How do you do that? I guess I'm gonna have to talk to José again and ask him. Though considering the last time I talked to him he went all cryptic on my ass…

Ugh. This mediation thing? Yeah, not a cup of tea. Especially when you can't get in contact with the relatives of the dead person. And especially when that relative happens to be a king. There is no way that I'm going to be able to talk to the guy. I mean, really.

The news switched to a story about, coincidentally, the king. I paid close attention. Maybe there would be some information that I could use to my advantage.

"…Maybe our dear king has found love after all…After the startling death of his mother and then the assassination of his father, we thought the poor guy would never get back on his feet. But he has…and with a beautiful American citizen. That's right folks, the leader of our country is involved with an AMERICAN! Well, maybe this will help our ties with America…"

An American? Huh, small world, I guess.

The newscaster kept talking about their relationship and then the screen changed to some pictures. And when I saw them…

The remote clattered to the floor.

And who should walk through the door right as the pictures appeared on the screen? Well, I guess it would be His Highness.

Because guess what was on the screen? Pictures of JESSE. And me. On the beach together that one day, and then in the restaurant that one night with Gina and Jake. And…oh, my God.

"Susannah? Oh, you're up. I came in to see if you wanted something to eat…" He trailed off when he noticed my face. Then he looked at the TV screen and his face went pale. He then muttered to himself in Spanish.

I turned to him and shook my head. "How…how could you? Why didn't you tell me? What, was I supposed to be some kind of secret you kept? Your little secret American girlfriend? Well, it doesn't look like it's a secret anymore, Jesse!"

Jesse just looked at me with solemn eyes. "Susannah, please. No, that's not…" He groaned. "You…I wanted to tell you plenty of times. I was going to tell you last night, but you fell asleep…" He sighed. "Its hard, okay? You have to see that. I…I didn't think you would want to be with me if you knew I was the king."

I shook my head in irritation. How could he? "But you played me a fool, Jesse! All this time…I just thought you were an ordinary guy, but all this time you were royalty." Realization dawned on me. "Oh, God…"

José. That…that must be Jesse's father, then. But José called him Hector, not Jesse…

Maybe Hector was a nickname…but who the hell would have that as a nickname? Okay, so maybe Jesse was the nickname, but Jesse just wanted me to call him by that, not Hector. And with good reason, too.

It had to be true. Everything pointed to it. José said his son was the king, and Jesse was the kind now (which I only just found out). And Jesse had said his mother died and then his father was assassinated, or killed, and that's the same thing they said on the news -

"Susannah, querida, I'm sorry - "

I went ballistic. Maybe it was the drugs, I don't know. "Don't call me that!" I shrieked. "I don't know what it means, but I'm not your querida anymore. I…I can't believe that you would deceive me like that! I thought I had finally…fuck!"

Jesse seemed taken aback by my outburst. "Susannah - "

"No! Just…just go away!"

I didn't know what to think, what to do. How could he lie about something like that? Blatantly lie to me the whole time we were together about who he was. There were so many times he could have told me, but he didn't. And even after I told him about Paul…

Well, okay. So I lied too. But at least I confessed to it! I told him and he got mad at me. He had the nerve to get pissed at me because I had lied to him. What a hypocrite!

"Susannah, please. Just listen to me. I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you since the first day I met you. I just…I didn't want you to think any differently of me. I knew that this is what would happen if I told you, that you wouldn't want to be with me because of who I am, and that's why I prolonged it so much."

I shook my head. "No," I said. "I'm not mad about the fact that you're a king. I'm mad about the fact that you lied to me like that. Yes, I lied to you, too, but I told you. I didn't leave it for you to find out for yourself. It just makes me wonder what else you've been lying to me about…" I trailed off and looked at him.

"I…" He looked at a loss for words. "There is nothing else I have been lying to you about. I promise you. I…I love you. I just…I thought I had found the one woman that would treat me like I was normal, not royalty and I wanted to hold on to that." He stopped and then sighed, before continuing. I let him speak, having no heart to stop him. "I know that you are mad. I can understand that. I have forgiven you…is there any way that you can forgive me? I know my wrongdoings and I regret them so much, but I cannot go back and change them. I must live with it now. Please," he begged. "Please, just forgive me."

I looked at him, tears filling up my eyes. "I…I can't. Not yet. Please, just leave for now. Let me think in peace."

And suddenly, his face was completely devoid of emotion. It amazed me that he could do that. He nodded and then left the room. After his presence was gone, the room felt empty again.

And so did I.

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