A/N: As usual, thank you for your reviews, views, favourites etc. It's all very nice and satisfying. I discovered yesterday to my annoyance that Karren Brady's name is (strangely) spelled Karren, not Karen. I'm not going to change it in the past 2 tasks because I'm too lazy, but I will from now on use the correct spelling! A quick warning about this task. Lord Sugar is going to start swapping the teams around. I hope it doesn't confuse you too much!
Task 3
Narrator: Last week on the Apprentice,
We see last week's boardroom
Lord Sugar: Harry, I admired you putting yourself forward for the job of project manager, it was a brave thing to do. Unfortunately for you, it showed me that you just don't have enough basic business sense to work for me, and so it is for that reason that Harry, you're fired!
Narrator: Harry bit the dust as Lord Sugar showed he meant business. Now only 14 candidates remain with a chance to become Lord Sugar's wizarding apprentice.
At the Apprentice house in the morning, the phone rings. Arabella Figg answers it.
Arabella: Hello?
Phone: Lord Sugar is waiting for you in front of the office of The Guardian newspaper. He would like you all to be there as soon as possible.
Arabella: Ok
She puts the phone down and starts shouting.
Arabella: We need to get to the office of The Guardian newspaper as soon as possible!
Hermione and Ginny are seen waking up.
Ginny: The Guardian newspaper? What's that?
Hermione: A muggle newspaper. Why does he want us to go there?
Ginny: Dunno.
Hermione (solitary interview): Harry's exit was very hard for us to take last week, but we have to get over it. It just shows that none of us are safe, and we have to fight for our right to be here. I've been driven by it, if anything.
Voldemort and Bellatrix are talking just before apparating
Bellatrix: A muggle newspaper? I don't want to go anywhere near that filth!
Voldemort: We went to a muggle train station last time. He's just distracting us.
Bellatrix: This "Lord Sugar" guy is really winding me up. Who does he think he is anyway, calling himself 'Lord'? That's your title.
Voldemort: Just what I'd expect from such a dirty muggle.
They apparate. Now we're outside a big office building. Lord Sugar, Karren and Nick are waiting in a car park. The candidates start appearing in front of them and split into their two teams.
Lord Sugar: So, you must be wondering why I have brought you here, to a muggle newspaper office. Well newspapers are a tradition in more than just the muggle world. The wizarding newspaper market is dominated by The Daily Prophet. Yet as I'm sure a lot of you know, there is some dissatisfaction with the Prophet. This means that there is a gap in the market. A gap that you can exploit.
Your task is to write your own first issue of a daily newspaper. You will need to brand it and write it today. Tomorrow, you will go to wizarding businesses, pitch to them, and convince them to advertise in the pilot issue of your newspaper.
There is a lot of smiling and satisfaction at this task.
Lord Sugar: The team that brings in the most advertising revenue will win, the other will lose and from that team, someone will be fired. Now, I think it's time to switch the teams around a bit. So Umbridge and Minerva, I'd like you to move to Victory.
Umbridge and McGonagall scowl at each other before walking to the other team.
Lord Sugar: Ron and Severus, I'd like you to move to Wisdom.
Ron and Snape also scowl at each other as they move.
Lord Sugar: Now before you go, there are a few people here who seem to think they can hide in the shadows and get away with it. It won't wash with me, so Arabella, you're project manager of Wisdom. Dobby, you're going to be project manager of Victory. There is nowhere to hide in this process.
Lucius looks shocked at the thought of Dobby as project manager.
Lord Sugar: Now then, off you go.
Narrator: The teams have been given a selection of news investigations from Lord Sugar's sources. It is up to the teams to decide which of these is appropriate for their newspapers, and to write their own articles on them. But first, they have to sort out their target market.
Victory are sitting around a table.
Dobby: So…Dobby doesn't know what to do. Dobby has never read a newspaper in his life. Master didn't let Dobby read.
Lucius: Like a worthless creature like you could understand the news anyway.
Umbridge: Yes, shut up house elf. Let the adults get on with it. I say we should target a Ministry demographic.
Bill: That's what the Prophet does already. Definitely not.
Lucius: The Prophet has lost a lot of respect in the Ministry. I agree with Dolores here.
Bill: The Prophet has no respect outside of the Ministry. I would know.
Umbridge: Shut up. You're part of Dumbledore's group aren't you. A fringe rebellion society. It would be foolish to target a newspaper towards you.
Bill: That's not what I want!
McGonagall: Weasley's right. The Daily Prophet has little respect with the Hogwarts staff certainly, even the ones not in the Order.
Umbridge: They're all Dumbledore's cronies as well though aren't they! I would know!
Bill: A lot of goblins I've spoken to have said they'd buy a newspaper if it was less anti-goblin, even if it was written by wizards.
Lucius: Goblins are worthless scum, forget about them.
Voldemort: Yes, goblins, house-elves *smiles at Dobby*, they're all in the same worthless boat.
Neville: Grandma doesn't read the Prophet either.
Umbridge: Look, we're going for a Ministry-oriented newspaper and that's final.
Voldemort: Yes. Isn't it Dobby?
Dobby: Umm…Dobby. Dobby does not know sir!
Voldemort: Then yes it is!
McGonagall: You can't do that.
Voldemort: Yes I can.
Umbridge: We can't sit around here wasting time all day can we Minerva. So let's go with a Ministry theme.
McGonagall: No, I simply cannot allow this. Dobby, you're the project manager, so it's your decision.
Lucius: Yes Dobby. Your decision. Just remember who your master was.
Dobby: I…um…I…Dobby has to agree with Master Lucius.
McGonagall: No you don't! Lucius is not your master anymore.
Dobby: Dobby still finds it too difficult to disobey a direct order from Master Lucius. Dobby is most sorry.
Voldemort: Well that settles that then! Now let's look for some stories that cover up the damage I am doing to the wizarding world…
Karen (solitary interview): It's easy to see that there are two factions to this team. One seems to have business interests in mind. The other is more focused on personal matters. It's frustrating for me to watch.
Narrator: Meanwhile, at Team Wisdom.
Wisdom are sitting around a table
Arabella: Well it's clear what Lord Sugar wants! He wants something that appeals to those who don't like the Prophet!
Luna: People like the Prophet? Daddy says their high sales figures are the paper's journalists buying lots of copies to make themselves look better.
Hermione: No. It's just there's no other choices, and so people are forced to buy it.
Snape: Congratulations Granger. If there were an award for stating the obvious such that you sound intelligent, you'd win it.
Arabella: Uh, yes, well, anyway. I'd like to make something that…that credits Dumbledore more.
There are nods of agreement from around the table, but one person doesn't seem too happy.
Bellatrix: Dumbledore! Something that credits Dumbledore! Oh squibby, you must be having a laugh! What is there to credit about Dumbledore!
Hermione: Far more than there is to credit you for –
Bellatrix: You dare speak to me mudblood.
Snape: Now, now Bellatrix. It's not about what's right, it's about what sells. Something positive about Dumbledore would most surely sell.
Ginny: Because it's right!
Bellatrix: Listen little girl. Dumbledore is nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not when compared to my beloved…my wonderful…
Ron: Oh shut up. Dumbledore's ten times the wizard of You-know-who, and a million times the person.
Bellatrix: You dare insult my master...filthy blood traitor.
Snape: Come on Bellatrix, let's get back to business.
Bellatrix: Since when did I take orders from you, eh Snape? Never. I never took orders from you, and I still don't. I don't trust you.
Arabella: Well I'm the project manager and I say that we're going with a pro-Dumbledore theme.
Hermione: Pro-Dumbledore's morals and ideologies as well.
Arabella: Yes. That too.
Bellatrix: Well don't expect me to help write it squibby!
Arabella: I don't, because you and Severus are going to be in charge of creating the brand identity while the rest of us write it.
Bellatrix and Snape look at each other apprehensively.
Nick (solitary interview): Wisdom always seem to have a wedge in their team. I thought with Dolores leaving that might be gone but Bellatrix has simply filled her shoes. She's trying to run the show but in fairness to Arabella, and indeed everyone else, they're standing up to her. I'm not sure that "pro Dumbledore" is necessarily a theme they can base their entire newspaper on however.
Narrator: In Victory, Minerva and Bill have agreed to do the branding for the newspaper.
McGonagall and Bill are sitting with quills and a large piece of parchment in front of them.
Bill: I hate to say it, but Dobby is useless. He doesn't know what he's doing.
McGonagall: House-elves have got a long way to go before they can get into business. I daresay wizards have restricted their intelligence capacity unfortunately.
Bill: Hmm. If only the same could be said for goblins. Some of those blighters are too intelligent for their own good.
McGonagall: Sadly that doesn't help us brand this paper. We need a name.
Bill: A name for a Ministry-supportive paper? I have two suggestions. The Daily Trash.
McGonagall: I don't think so.
Bill: Or the Daily Prophet.
McGonagall: … This won't get us anywhere. How about The…The… -
An owl lands on the table with a little pink note attached.
McGonagall: What's this rubbish?
McGonagall grabs the note and scowls at it.
McGonagall: I should've known. "Send name back ASAP so we can critique it and suggest improvements. Yours, Dolores". Yes, whatever Dolores. So the one job we feel we can do is essentially being taken away from us.
Bill: Hey, I'm all for a bit of critique.
McGonagall: But you realise that critique actually means that they'll just decide the name themselves and what we say means nothing.
Bill: Oh. Right.
McGonagall: *sighs* We'll have to soldier on regardless.
At Victory's main HQ, the rest of Victory are sitting at numerous desks writing.
Umbridge: Some of these reports that Lord Sugar gave us are great. Cornelius Fudge voted most popular Minister of all time.
Lucius: You do realise that that survey was skewed. The only people they surveyed were people high up at the Ministry.
Umbridge: Don't worry about the details.
Lucius: I wasn't. I was one of the people who voted for Cornelius on that survey.
Umbridge: *gives a girlish giggle* The thing is that writing a newspaper is all about telling people what they want to read.
Neville scoffs.
Umbridge: I'm sorry dear boy? Was that a noise I heard?
Neville: Newspapers should be about reporting the truth.
Umbridge: You don't understand what it is to be a journalist clearly.
Neville: Maybe I don't want to.
Umbridge: Yes, ignorance is sometimes the best way Longbottom.
Voldemort is seen shuffling through the papers of reports Lord Sugar provided for them. He suddenly lets out a high pitched cackle.
Voldemort: I've found our front page story! I have here an eyewitness account who saw Lord Voldemort's dead body.
Umbridge and Lucius laugh.
Voldemort: Apparently they were unable to prove it to the authorities because they chucked it into the ocean just in case. We'll omit that, and just say that the Ministry of Magic Is investigating the claims.
Umbridge: That is the perfect front page story. Morale boosting, just what the ministry needs!
Neville: Now that's just lying!
Voldemort: But you agree with me it's funny right Longbottom?
Neville remains silent. Dobby enters the room holding 4 cups.
Dobby: Here are those cups of tea you ordered Master Lucius.
Dobby gives a cup to each person in the room. Karren is in the background shaking her head. She decides to step in and speak. She looks outraged.
Karren: This is complete undermining of the leader.
Lucius: Our project manager isn't project managing, if you hadn't noticed.
Karren: Well on your head be it then.
Karren takes a step back and resumes watching while Lucius gives her a fleeting glare.
Narrator: Meanwhile, Wisdom are also having issues in the writing room.
Wisdom are sitting at tables writing similar to Victory. Ron is looking over Ginny's shoulder.
Ron: Let me have a look at what you're writing?
Ginny: *puts her arms over the story* Oh get lost! Write your own story!
Ron: Fine, be that way. Just wanted to see the headline.
Hermione: Hey Ron, this is a very good piece.
Hermione is standing up behind Ron's desk.
Hermione: Your own personal thoughts about Dumbledore? How nice.
Ron: What are you looking at that for? It's not finished!
Hermione: There's just a few issues. Brilliant is spelled with two l's. And you say here that Dumbledore killed Grindelwald. He actually didn't, merely –
Ron: I am not finished!
Ginny laughs
Ginny: See how it feels now?
Ron: Oh shut up!
Luna: We should all stop fighting. It won't get us anywhere.
Hermione's eyes widen with fear.
Hermione: *muttering to herself* Luna…I forgot.
Hermione pauses tentatively and then says to Luna.
Hermione: Luna, what are you writing about?
Luna: Oh, it's a surprise. I've already written 3 articles.
Hermione: You don't seem to have any of the reports Lord Sugar gave to us with you.
Luna: Well those are just guides aren't they. Ron's writing an article without one.
Hermione: Yes, but Luna, remember that we're trying to write about real news here. We're aiming for a rather different market to the Quibbler.
Luna: No we're not. We're exactly like the Quibbler, just daily.
Ginny: Luna, why don't you just tell us the headline of what you're writing?
Luna: Of course Ginny. "Harry Potter's other supporters". It's talking about those who are with Harry, but people don't realise. You know, like us.
Hermione: …Fine…sounds ok…
Nick (solitary interview): It's important for this team that Luna is kept an eye on. So why may I ask, is it Hermione and Ginny who are ensuring this, and not the team leader, Arabella? She doesn't seem to have a grasp on her team like they do.
Narrator: While all the other teams seem to be talk-heavy, one subteam is seeming pretty quiet right now.
Bellatrix and Severus are glaring at each other icily. Their whole conversation is whispered.
Bellatrix: I don't trust you Snape. The Dark Lord may, but I do not.
Snape: Now is not the time Bellatrix. We can settle your concerns later.
Bellatrix: But I know that you're going to weasel your way out of everything, like the slithering snake that you are. You have no allegiance to anybody. You are only an allegiance unto yourself.
Snape: That is unimportant right now. We have a task to do. We have to come up with a name and logo for our Dumbledore-supporting newspaper.
Bellatrix: You'd like that wouldn't you Snape. To glorify Dumbledore. You like to boast how you have Dumbledore on your side. Think you're so big, to have both Dumbledore and the Dark Lord with you. But the Dark Lord will defeat you Snape, as he will to anyone who is disloyal to him.
Snape: I will explain things to you later. Now we need to come up with a name.
Both Bellatrix and Snape revert back to glaring at each other whilst saying nothing.
Snape (solitary interview): Bellatrix is foolish. She can't see past her own idiotic feelings and realise we need to get working.
Narrator: As we move towards the end of the day, neither team has a name yet.
Hermione (solitary interview): I was hoping we might be writing under a name by now, and have a journalist force two stronger. It's so frustrating to watch this task flounder as the other two have, and Arabella doesn't seem to care at all.
Back in the room with Team Victory's main team. An owl flies in. Umbridge takes a note off its leg.
Umbridge: At last. Let's have a look at what we have here then. Hmm. Well it looks like Minerva has failed as usual.
Voldemort: Let's see that.
Voldemort snatches the note off her.
Voldemort: The Daily Institution? The Daily Organisation? This is the rubbish I'd expect from a member of the Order of the Phoenix.
Umbridge: Speaking of the Order, I was think that maybe we should call it "The Daily Order".
Voldemort: How dare you. We will not associate with that traitorous group.
Umbridge: But then we hit the Order's supporters with our propaganda.
Voldemort is deep in thought. Lucius laughs.
Lucius: Yes. Let's do it for irony's sake if nothing else. And make the logo a phoenix!
Voldemort: Yes Lucius! That will put Dumbledore in place.
Lucius, Voldemort and Umbridge all laugh wildly.
Neville: But this isn't up to you is it?
Voldemort: Oh? And what are you going to do about it Longbottom?
Neville: Well, Dobby, what do you think?
Dobby looks scared.
Dobby: Well Dobby thinks…Dobby thinks…Daily Order…Phoenix logo.
Voldemort: You see Longbottom. Even the elf is no longer deluded. You'd do well to learn from him.
Neville puts his head in his hands.
Narrator: Evening in the journalist's office of Wisdom, and time to shut up shop, but still they have had no word on a name from Bellatrix and Severus.
In Wisdom's office they're packing up and preparing to leave.
Hermione: I can't believe they haven't come up with a name yet. If they don't do it time then we don't have a paper. Arabella, I'm sorry but you should've nagged them by now!
Ginny: Oh brighten up Hermione. Hasn't it been great to just work a day without Umbridge and Bellatrix.
Hermione: Yes but I want to win!
Luna: I think we all want to win Hermione, but we've done all we can. There's no point arguing right now, both of you.
Ginny (solitary interview): I have enjoyed today so much more than any other day in the process. It's been nice to be in a team that hasn't felt divided. But Hermione has just been a downer on it, like she's been a downer on the whole process so far. She just proves that there is such a thing as wanting to win too much.
Hermione: You're right. We'll start arguing when we get home. What the hell have they been doing? And what sort of terrible name are we going to have to chuck out now? And a logo as well!
Ron: Hermione, just calm down for a moment. We'll speak to the other two when we see them. They might have a great idea.
Hermione: Oh shut up Ron. I don't mean to offend you, but this isn't something that you understand.
Ron: Fine, only trying to help.
Nick: (solitary interview): Hermione has completely lost her temper. It's lucky that I'm here, because if I hadn't been, I think Hermione or Ginny would have bitten the other one's head off. We have four motivated young people in this room, determined to win. Why has Arabella not instilled her maturity on the situation?
Narrator: The candidates all arrive back at the house. They have 30 minutes to submit their name, logo and stories for publication.
Umbridge and McGonagall are having a heated argument. Karren watches on with frustration showing on her face.
McGonagall: You've submitted it all already! But Bill and I wrote stories to go in it. We didn't sit around all day just figuring out names you know?
Umbridge: You didn't tell us that though did you Minerva.
McGonagall: I rather thought you'd have the common sense to not submit before we got back.
Umbridge: We wanted to get it done early.
McGonagall: …I know your game Dolores. You wanted to eliminate me from the equation. Why can't you keep personal issues out of the matter.
Umbridge: I don't know what you're talking about Minerva. You are the one making it personal.
McGonagall: So…what name did you choose. Institution, or Organisation?
Umbridge gives a simpering laugh.
Umbridge: Why would we choose either of those Minerva? We went for "The Daily Order". And the Ministry logo we scrapped as well. A phoenix was considered by consensus to be more appropriate.
McGonagall: You…you what?
Narrator: Meanwhile, upstairs.
Wisdom are sitting in a bedroom trying to have a discussion but there's a great deal of shouting coming from downstairs.
Hermione: So you two have done absolutely nothing all day?
Snape: Bellatrix has been…ah…uncooperative. I could do nothing.
Hermione: You could have done something! Something rather than nothing!
Snape: Granger, shut up, you're not in charge of this show. Bellatrix and I managed to draw this.
Snape shows a logo of an owl with glasses peering at a newspaper.
Hermione: That's so stock it's unbe – WILL THEY SHUT UP DOWNSTAIRS? Who is that?
Luna: Sounds like Professor McGonagall and Umbridge to me.
Hermione: Well go downstairs and shut them up will you Luna.
Luna happily gets up and walks off. Ron and Ginny share a smile. We follow Luna downstairs when she opens the door to the lounge and sees the two women standing up, shouting.
McGonagall: You planned this! This was conspiracy! To completely remove my involvement from today!
Umbridge: Minerva, you are seeing this the way you want to see it! You are trying to twist something very innocent in your favour.
McGonagall: You? Innocent? You can spare me Dolores.
Luna: Excuse me.
McGonagall and Umbridge turn bewildered towards the door.
Umbridge: What are you doing here girl? Spying? Go away now!
Luna: You're being quite rude.
McGonagall: Yes you are Dolores. What is it Lovegood?
Luna: I meant both of you. You're both being quite rude.
McGonagall looks taken aback. Her lips thin.
McGonagall: How, how dare you?
Luna: Our team are trying to have a discussion upstairs and you two are drowning it out with shouting. Hermione is getting very agitated.
McGonagall: Granger would be…ok, Miss Lovegood, I'm sorry.
Umbridge: It's all Minerva's fault dear. She has had a bad day. I daresay this may be the last night she spends in the house.
McGonagall glares at Umbridge. Karren looks taken aback.
Luna: Thank you.
Luna walks back upstairs.
Karren (solitary interview): I'm amazed that the seemingly meek girl Luna has come in and humbled these two headstrong women. She obviously has the backbone for business, it's just questionable that she has the brains.
Back upstairs with Wisdom.
Ginny: We have to agree on a name quickly! We only have 5 minutes.
Arabella: Maybe…
The whole team turn to look at her. They've clearly forgotten she's there.
Arabella: How about The Owl Observer?
Hermione scrunches her nose in apparent distaste.
Arabella: Well it fits with the logo, implies delivery, and it's the best I can come up with at such short notice.
Hermione: But –
Ginny: Have you got anything better Hermione?
Hermione: I…no. I will be bringing up in the boardroom that the two people who spent a whole day on a name came up with nothing.
Ginny: *exasperated* You do that. Now shall we submit?
Arabella: Yes, let's do it.
Hermione: Wait!
Ginny: What now?
Hermione: Have we read through everyone's stories? Made sure they fit in with what we want?
Silence fills the room.
Arabella: Well…umm… we can't worry about that now. Let's go and submit this.
And Arabella leaves the room carrying lots of papers. Everyone is sitting silently, realising that none of the articles have been peer reviewed at all. Hermione in particular is staring hard at Luna, who seems ignorant to this and is gazing dreamily out of the window.
Narrator: Tomorrow, the two teams will see the final product with spaces for advertising left in. They must pitch to businesses to advertise in that space, and create as much advertising revenue as possible.
