The seasons were ever so slowly changing, and soon, summer would be over. And with some time, Kagome realized that she was changing, too.
She found herself clinging to the summer, though. She would miss it like she always did, the feeling that something was going to break all summer long, and the feeling of being strong anyway.
It had been a month since the incident with Inuyasha, and things had been running smoothly. Sango had eventually found out and berated her about the whole situation, but Sango was her best friend and she didn't care what she was doing, as long as it wasn't illegal. So she'd told her that if she really wanted to go along with it, she should do it.
Her and Inuyasha were still having sex, it wasn't like she could help having feelings for the guy. Their fights were short and over simple, stupid matters, but that was just their relationship. It was almost as if they'd forgot the fight they had, because he needed someone to use, he needed someone to take his stress out on. She needed to fuck him like she hated him in hopes of one day actually hating him, it had been about a month and she still felt nothing but love for him, which was a sign that she needed to move on. Get her shit together. Stop fucking with Inuyasha Takahashi. Stop breaking her own heart. It was nobody's fault but her own.
Of course having a half of someone she loved didn't make her absolutely positively happy, but it was better than nothing. The sex between them had became as natural as drinking water. They had it anywhere, anytime. Whenever things with a guy she was talking to didn't work out, she'd run to Inuyasha and use him. And whenever Kikyo frustrated him, he ran to her to use her. And this was the way it would always be. Sort of a win-win situation.
She didn't want to be here right now. Rin was so happy, her eyes wide and glowing as she tried on her Vera Wang dress and absolutely fell in love with it. Of course she loved to see Rin happy, but wasn't it hard to feel happy for someone when you were feeling so conflicted on the inside? When you wanted to be that happy but you couldn't?
Kagome knew she was still the self-destructive little girl she was back in high school, using her body to get whatever she wanted. Using her looks to get her way, to get off easier than most. Breaking hearts because she wanted everybody else to be just as broken as she was.
She had been talking to Hojo again. He was exactly all she wanted in a guy. He was sweet, considerate, friendly, had a great personality, and another plus was the fact that he didn't hate her despite what went down between them a couple of months ago. He had forgiven her, told her that he was ready whenever she was and that if he couldn't have her right now, he'd wait.
She should have felt like the luckiest girl in the world. There she was all broken over Inuyasha while their friendship didn't seem to mean anything to him, while it meant everything to her. And there Hojo was, some kind of knight in shining armor to save her from those conflicted and hurt feelings, there to remind her always that she was more than what was hurting her. Wasn't she stupid?
She'd built up her whole world around Inuyasha, and then he had disappeared. Into atoms, into air, out of her life. He had just diminished, but he was still in her heart when he left, in the tears she cried, in her morning coffee, in the water she'd bathed in. She'd built her whole world up around him and then he'd just left. And then there was Hojo, telling her he loved her. Swearing that he loved her. And Kagome knew that his love was sincere, and she knew that when love was that sincere and that he'd promised her he'd love her no matter what, she'd known then that he would always come back to haunt her. He would always have unfinished business with her, whether she liked it or not.
"My god, you're beautiful, Rin," Sango said, standing from her seat to pull her friend into a warm and welcoming hug. Kagome sensed the tears about to fall, and she suddenly found herself checking the time.
There Rin was in her near a million Vera Wang dress, her eyes all sparkling and her smile all bright. And Kagome felt envious all of a sudden and she damn near hated herself for it. Here she was, being selfish once again.
Rin had tears in her eyes, mascara unknowingly getting messy on her cheeks. They crowded her, they praised her and they all cried together. Except Kagome, of course. She was rather agitated. Rin was younger than her and getting married. And her? All she'd ever have was a fuck buddy who wouldn't even notice if she dropped off the edge of this earth...
And did you know that it takes more muscles to frown more than it does to smile? That's why she forced one. That was the kind of smile that was plastered, almost glued on to her face as she pulled Rin close.
Her best friend was getting married tomorrow and she couldn't even be completely happy about that. She was starting to feel quite like the pessimist.
"You really are beautiful. Just make sure Fluffy doesn't see you in this before the wedding. It's bad luck, and plus, he might just end up ripping it off of you and having his way with you in front of everybody." Kagome told her, her smile happy but her eyes quite sad. Rin noticed this, and she gave her an amused smile, hoping to lighten her best friend's mood. Unfortunately, Rin knew what Kagome was going through.
"Haha, very funny," Rin joked. "Wait till Yasha sees you in that dress. Lord knows the things he's gonna do to you tomorrow."
Rin instantly regretted it the moment it came out of her mouth. Kagome's face fell but she mustered a smile, anyway. Kagome felt Sango's hand on her shoulder.
"Rin-" Sango started, trying to warn the girl.
Kagome shrugged Sango's hand off of her shoulder. Who did she need? Nobody. "Hey, it's okay. I'm fine. I'm not worried about Inuyasha, I'm just worried about tomorrow. I hope everything goes well."
Rin gave her an apologetic smile. She wasn't trying to make Kagome feel any worse about the situation she was in. God, she knew it must have felt horrible. Inuyasha's return was quite unexpected, and Kagome had been fine up until that point. Rin could only imagine the pain she had to go through, knowing just how Yash is, and assuming that he would never love her back. But she couldn't stop sleeping with him because Rin guessed that she thought sleeping with him and letting him use her was better than nothing.
"No, Kagome, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. You know what? Go have a drink tonight. Not too many, but just enough to get him off of your mind, okay? I don't want you to have a hangover tomorrow, I need you there. But honestly, don't worry about my jerk of a brother-in-law." Rin told her with a smile.
Kagome sat down, pretty eyes staring at Rin's gorgeous dress. "I'm not worried about him. Why would I be? I have no feelings for him and he definitely doesn't feel shit for me."
"You may be right, he doesn't feel anything for you. But Kagome, seriously. You're not a good girl anymore, you're far from that. But you love him, and god knows you have to have a good heart to love him after all him and Kikyo have put you through," Sango intervened, her voice extremely serious. "I don't know. But I know he's not making you happy. I know that you love him, and I know that he doesn't even care."
Kagome groaned, massaging her temples. Great, this was just what she needed. "Listen, I'm fine. I don't care about what happens with Yash. Whatever happens, happens. And speaking of Kikyo, me and mom are supposed to be picking her up from the airport later on tonight, and then we're all supposed to have dinner. So I'll call both of you later."
"Kagome!" Rin squealed. "You can't keep running from us. Sooner or later, we all need to have a long talk about this."
"No, we don't." Kagome stood to her feet, pulling Rin close and giving her a kiss on the forehead, and pulling Sango into a tight hug. "If I don't hear from you all tonight, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye, bitches."
With that, Kagome left. Sango and Rin stood behind, shaking their heads.
"I think she's gonna be just fine once she gets over that dickhead." Rin announced with a determined smile on her face.
"Yeah. I hope so."
XXXXX
"She's a bitch, mom," Kagome continued to whine as she pressed her head against the car window, a pout on her lips. "Seriously, why are you even letting her stay here? She's rude and she hates me and she's an expensive little slut who doesn't even know the meaning of respect. Mama, I'm begging you."
Ms. Higurashi shook her head and reached out a hand to turn the music on the radio up, making Kagome even angrier. "Language, Kagome."
"I'm not fucking thirteen anymore, I can cuss whenever and wherever I want because I'm a grown woman now," Kagome stared before turning her head away angrily and folding her arms under her breasts.
"You won't use that language around me. If I was you, I'd start showing your mother some respect. Your cousin, too." Ms. Higurashi scolded, hands roughly gripping the steering wheel.
Yes, she knew she was being a bitch. She knew she was being a child right now, and not an adult. But she felt her mood getting even more sour as they neared the airport. "Mama, you don't understand! You have no clue about the things that girl does."
"She's a woman now, just like you, Kagome," Ms. Higurashi looked over at her daughter, giving her a disapproving shake of her head. And in a rush it all came to her and she couldn't help the sad little smile that crossed her lips. "This...this is about Inuyasha...am I right?"
Kagome didn't even want to reply. But this was her mother, so she had to. "They aren't even dating anymore, and no, it has nothing to do with him at all."
"You're lying," her Mama called to her, voice filled with compassion. Kagome groaned. She was making her feel like an insecure teenage girl again. "What happened to you and Inuyasha? You used to really love him, and when love is that real, it doesn't fade."
Kagome groaned once more, avoiding her mother's eyes. "Mama, I don't wanna talk about this. It's over, it's done with."
There was silence for a short moment.
"Why?" Mrs. Higurashi asked, confused.
Kagome looked at her mother incredulously.
Why? Why not was the question.
Once upon a time, a very beautiful woman was happily married to a very handsome man. They had no money, but they had heart, and they decided to get married and have a family. A baby girl came first. A few years later, without any planning whatsoever, the very beautiful woman ended up pregnant again. Neither her or the very handsome man were expecting it, they just believed that things happened sometimes and they often happened with reasons. But they were happy, you see? They had a perfectly fine, healthy little girl. And then they found out there was another bun in the oven. They couldn't have been happier.
You see, the little girl's daddy meant the world to her. He'd tuck her in tight at night after reading her her favorite stories, and the very beautiful woman would lay next to them in her big bed that made her feel like one of the princesses the very handsome man used to read about. The very beautiful woman's stomach protruded now, it was round as a watermelon and looked like it was about to burst. The little girl loved to feel her little brother kick inside her mother's belly. She would giggle with delight, and she didn't know it then, but she had everything she could ever want.
The very handsome man had to get a job. The very beautiful woman would make them breakfast every morning before he left and he'd kiss her forehead, and when he would come home, he'd always bring her something back, and he was the only man she had ever really loved because he was the only man who never let her down.
One day, the very beautiful woman had cooked dinner for the very handsome man like she did everyday and he didn't come home. She waited around pacing, rubbing her watermelon belly every once in a while. The little girl hugged her, asked when daddy was coming home. The little girl looked into the very beautiful woman's eyes, and it scared her. The very beautiful woman was worried, and the little girl didn't like that.
Mama got the call later. She fell to the floor crying and sobbing and gasping in disbelief and pain. Daddy had broke Mama's heart and Kagome had never forgotten that day, or how scared she had been, or how the policeman with the kind eyes had told her that Daddy was never coming back home. Never. Never was a long time, wasn't it? Never was kind of like forever, never hurt.
Kagome had never felt such fear, never felt so much pain, and no child should ever feel that. Kagome hated hospitals ever since that day. She had been in the waiting room, and a doctor, another person with kind eyes, had told her that her Daddy had been in an awful car wreck, and that he was going to be asleep for a long, long time. Now Kagome was only five, but she knew that a long time meant forever.
She asked if her Daddy would be dreaming of her. And then she freaked because Daddy would never get to see her baby brother, Daddy would never get to see his new baby. Then there came the sound of a lost mother screaming to god, cursing him, losing all faith in one fragile second. And in one fragile second, that mother was broken and a piece of strength had been taken from her, strength that was never to be found again.
Baby brother Souta came into the world a week later, but Mama was too sad to look him in the eyes. Mama almost looked so sad, poor Kagome wasn't sure that her mother wanted to have him in her arms. Mama said he looked too much like Daddy. Mama said her heart was breaking, and while they made her fade away, stuck needles in her back and in her arm and while they placed tiny blue and white and red pills on her tongue and made her gulp them down with sips of water, Mama told them she was dying. Mama told them that her heart was broken and asked if there was anything they could do. They just gave her more pills.
That little girl grew up right then and there. She grew up strong because she had to. She stopped believing in heroes, she stopped believing in monsters under her bed and started believing in the monsters that were inside of her. She stopped believing in Santa and Boogyman and Tooth Fairy and princes and princesses and Sandman. If Sandman was real, she wouldn't have dreamed of Mama's broken sobs every single night. She held baby Souta in her arms when Mama was too weak, vowing to love him forever, vowing to never let him see all she'd seen. She told him Santa was real, told him that if he believed in his heart he was real. She wanted her baby brother to stay young forever. She didn't want to tell him of the monsters inside of her or inside of Mama.
Why couldn't she believe the things she'd told her dear baby brother, though? While Souta was in middle school, Kagome was in high school. All grown up, no more baby Kagome. Inuyasha Takahashi was her best friend, he smoked with her, he cried with her, they got drunk together and told each other everything and she was still a good girl in his eyes, he just knew that she did what she did because sometimes you couldn't handle all that pain by yourself. And he did what he did because he couldn't handle who he was or how he was even though she told him that she'd never be ashamed of him.
Kikyo was the one who got her into cigarettes and marijuana and alcohol. Just her, Inuyasha, and Kikyo, her beautiful cousin that was all that she could never be. And then she stared seeing the way her cousin looked at her best friend. And then she started seeing the way her best friend looked at her cousin, and boom, she'd caught his lips on hers.
They hadn't seen her, of course. It was a warm summer night and she couldn't sleep, her brain fuzzy from marijuana and her body floating towards them. They were behind the shrine. They were fast and they were horny and they were teenagers. There were grunts and groans and they were moving against each other in a way she'd never seen before. They were naked. She was mesmerized as she watched the way his hips pounded against hers, and as her cousin bit into his shoulder to keep from screaming. Mama would hear.
She kept watching, she was so disgusting but she kept watching as that place between her thighs became damp because she realized how much her and Kikyo looked alike, how she could easily be in her spot right now. Inuyasha slamming his hips into hers, his delicious shoulder blade in her mouth, his hot tongue moving against hers, thrusting in and out of her mouth like his dick would be thrusting in and out of her. And that thought had gotten her so wet and she was so disgusted and she was so fucking angry and she felt so much envy and jealousy she could hardly contain it.
Kikyo had stole her Inuyasha away, the Inuyasha who had been there with her through everything.
Her head tossed back, his dick long and hard inside of her wetness, slender fingers moving up his chest to feel the muscles twitch, wrapping around his neck. Panting and moaning and groaning, because all they were was stupid teenagers who believed they were invincible, because they all really are. That night, in Kagome's head, she'd taken Kikyo's place.
She didn't speak of it, she never spoke of it. Inuyasha had never told her, Kikyo had never told her, and it had been the hardest thing in the world not to break down like Mama did that night, not to drown in tears because her cousin had had him. Everytime he touched her, everytime he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, everytime he kissed her forehead and everytime he pulled her body close to his, she thought of how she was the one who deserved that, she was the one who wanted that. All she got were high-fives, friendly hugs.
After two months, they announced that they were dating and Kagome really had felt like her mother then, absolutely heart broken. Or at least she thought she did. But she didn't go crazy. She didn't cry and scream and sob even though she had lost Yash to Kikyo. She became numb, she thought she had become strong but as she grew up even more, she realized that she wasn't strong. She was just so sad that she'd became numb to any other emotion.
But she had became who she needed to be to be strong because that was the only way she had known how to survive back then. Cigarettes between her slender fingers, nicotine and marijuana clogging up her senses so she couldn't feel shit, and she loved it.
For a while, they were close but he soon left, just like her dad, just like everyone else, just left her alone. She realized she was pretty at the sweet age of sixteen. Lots of skipped classes, and the boys, god, there were so many boys. The voicemails, the late night calls, the random hook-ups. Inuyasha pushing her against a wall as she lost all control, as he lost all control, telling her that she was a slut and that he didn't know who she was anymore. She'd admitted that she was, told him that she wasn't his slut, though, and she had admitted that she didn't know who she was anymore, either. Red eyes, a half-demon losing control as his best friend slipped away from him. But Kikyo had taken him away from her first. She loved it when he got protective, loved it when he could fucking smell the scent of a boy all over her. She loved it. And then, she lost him. Maybe it was her fault, too. But him and Kikyo had been a big part of the equation.
Mama had no memories of a teenager all alone in her bedroom, crying her guts out at three in the morning. Mama had no memories of a daughter losing all control. Mama didn't know that while she was in her room sleeping, her sweet little daughter was in her bedroom fucking the new guy of the night or taking a big hit off a joint so hard that she thought she might cough her lungs up, or throw up. Mama didn't know because Kagome didn't want her to be hurt, so she'd never know.
Almost so numb it hurt, so numb that it made it all better. No more broken hearts, no more good girl, just a bad girl found out. No more being let down. No bra, no panties. She was invincible. You liked it, you wanted it, you got it. Fuck me, touch me, smoke me, breathe me. Not a baby anymore Kags. She remembered numbness, and it may sound crazy, but she remembered forgetting.
"You wanna know why, Mama? You know why you don't wanna talk about Daddy?" Kagome asked, suddenly feeling as if she was about to lose her mind. She almost felt her Mama's weariness, almost felt her heart break again as she brought up something she had been avoiding forever.
"Kagome-" Mrs. Higurashi started, knowing that she was about to lose the argument before it even began.
"He broke your heart when he left, didn't he? So do me a favor, and spare the bullshit about how in love I used to be with Yash." Kagome told her mother these things gently. She hated to even bring her father up around her. "Inuyasha broke my heart, and I'll never allow myself to get hurt like that again, Mama. So please, next time just consider the fact that you know how it feels to be that lonely, to be that broken."
There was three minutes of silence.
"I didn't know." Mrs. Higurashi said simply. "You're over it now?"
"You didn't know because I didn't want you to know."
"Higurashi Kagome, are you over it now? Answer me." Mama insisted, turning the volume down. Kagome laughed snidely. Funny now how she wanted to hear what she had to say now, she certainly hadn't before.
"You never get over those kinds of things, Mama, you just kinda learn to deal with it," she told her. "I'm fine."
"You didn't tell me," her mother said sadly.
"You didn't need to know."
The closer and closer they got to the airport, the more sick Kagome felt.
"I'm your mother. I needed to know." Mrs. Higurashi looked at her beautiful daughter for a second and realized how sick and how hurt she looked. "You're turning green, Kagome."
"You didn't need to watch me fall to pieces, Mama." They were getting closer and closer. "Stop the car."
The airport came into view.
"Kagome-"
"Stop the fucking car, Mama, please." She wasn't getting angry and she wasn't being a smartass. But she was about to see a face she hadn't seen in years.
The car stopped, she opened the door, heaved her guts out, spit, wiped her mouth like it was nothing, slammed the car door shut.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Drive."
But she'd never felt more horrible.
They got out the car, Mama was on her tiptoes looking for a face that looked just like hers, only prettier, only all that she could never ever be.
When Kagome hugged her long-lost cousin, she smelled like a cheap whore. Foundation was caked to her face, eyeshadow and eyeliner heavily applied and her beautiful ebony hair in a heap of beautiful curls. Why did Kikyo even try? She had Inuyasha's heart even if she was wearing sweatpants and a hoodie instead of designer jeans and a classy designer shirt with the perfect pair of heels to match.
"Kagome, I've missed you. Auntie, I've missed you, too."
"Let's get you home. I know you must be tired, jetlag tends to do that. I've got dinner cooking now. You look beautiful, honey. You've matured so much, it seems just like yesterday you were a little girl. You're gorgeous."
Kikyo had the biggest and brightest smile. Straight teeth, a cute dimple in her right cheek, perfect lips.
Kagome was going to be sick.
"Yes, let's go." Kikyo agreed.
When they were in the car, Kagome felt herself slipping away.
"Kagome, my god, I hardly even recognize you. You're gorgeous. All the guys must be all over you. So, do you have a boyfriend?" Kikyo asked, sounding completely innocent.
"No."
"Kagome-" Mama started.
Kagome looked back at her cousin, faking a big smile. "And thanks, Kik. Same to you."
XXXXX
"So are you excited for the wedding tomorrow, Kagome? I can't believe Rin's getting married, especially to Sesshomaru. Who would have ever thought Sesshy had a thing for females?" Kikyo giggled lightly as she slipped into a pair of pajamas.
"Yeah, of course I am. Rin's my best friend, I'm happy for her. I always knew Sesshy had a thing for her. She's different. He's dull and she's bright, opposites attract." Kagome told her back.
She was currently in an awkward situation. Her and Kikyo were sharing a bed. Meaning she'd have to sleep next to the girl, well, woman now, who had taken Inuyasha away from her. Was it fair to hate Kikyo? Should she just hate Inuyasha? Or should she just grow up and deal with it? But she couldn't, it hurt. Pain so deep that it wasn't even pain, it was something so much worse.
She was only in her panties in a bra now, and then she heard Kikyo gasp, and then she felt a hand on her hip. Her first reaction was to jerk away, but she didn't.
"Kagome, look at those hips!" Kikyo exclaimed.
"What about them?" She didn't really want to go back in the past to where Kikyo used to tear her down all the time.
Her older cousin just laughed lightly. "I don't see how you don't have a boyfriend. Those are the Higurashi hips, guys go crazy over them. Your tits are even bigger than mine. You sure aged up pretty nicely," Kikyo laughed lightly and Kagome felt even more uncomfortable so she slipped a large t-shirt over her head, taking a seat on her bed.
"So tell me," Kikyo started, "aren't you at least talking to somebody, or, you know...fucking somebody?"
"I'm a virgin." Kagome lied, trying not to sound too sarcastic.
"You're not a virgin. Don't forget about those random hook-ups back in high school. Shit, no wonder any your ass is so fat, Kags. And I mean that in a good way, by the way, so don't take any offense to that."
"I don't wanna talk about those days. That was way back in high school, I'm over it now. No more random hook-ups, no more drugs." Kagome told her, getting rather agitated. She didn't know, there was just something about her beautiful, older cousin that made her uncomfortable.
But looking at her now, even with no makeup, Kikyo was still gorgeous as ever. She could hardly take all the envy she felt from just looking at her. She had Inuyasha's love. How did Yasha even get a chance with her? Everybody liked her...everybody.
"Yeah, you're right. Those days are over. We were wild back then. But I've settled down, and I'm trying to be a better person." Kikyo told her, suddenly serious.
"How are you and Inuyasha?" Kagome asked quietly. It came out of nowhere and as soon as those five words came out of her mouth, she felt like slapping herself. She already knew the answer, anyway.
"We're...we're kind of taking a break," Kikyo said rather sadly. Kagome died a little inside. Kikyo had really loved him, and maybe now she was regretting the fact that she always hounded him and wanted him to be somebody he wasn't. "No lie, I miss him. That's another reason I'm staying for a while. Things ended kinda badly between us. I was so caught up in work, and he was, too. You know if you don't have communication with your love, you don't really have anything. That's what we were missing."
"He really loves you. Trust me, I know. He says he hates when you call when he's in the office, but he's always in a better mood once you two talk. He's a really sweet guy, Kik. Talk it out with him." And with every word she said, her heart broke. But words were gold.
"I love him, I do. I don't think I'm ready for a relationship now, though. We've been together forever, it seems. And it's not like I'm tired or sick of him, but sometimes when you love somebody that much and you tell them, and nothing really changes, it kinda starts to feel like you're saying nothing at all. So I don't really know what to do. Things will work out eventually, I guess."
Kagome took a deep breath. "How long are you staying?"
"Just a few days. I need to get back home. I don't belong here anymore." Kikyo told her simply.
Another deep breath. "I don't think he wants you to leave."
Kikyo looked at her curiously. "Who do you love, Kagome-chan? Do tell."
"I don't love anybody."
"You're lying."
"I am not."
Kikyo laughed. "You're telling me that you've never been in love? You've never cared for someone out of this world? That's a lie, Kags. You've been in love. I can tell."
"I loved someone and they loved someone else. I got my heart broke, end of the story."
"You've slept around before. Kags, how could you just give your body to someone you have no love for, to someone you barely trust?" Kikyo asked suspiciously.
"Good girls go bad because jerks make them that way. I don't sleep around anymore. I don't need anyone but myself. I'm fine. I don't think you need love to make you happy. I think that if you're happy with yourself, and you love yourself, that's all you're really ever going to need."
Kikyo smiled. "We should get some rest. After all, we need it. We've got a long day ahead of us tomorrow."
"Goodnight."
But she didn't go to sleep. She didn't dream and when morning came, everything was new and washed white and she hadn't slept at all.
XXXXX
"How the fuck did I end up as best man last minute?" Inuyasha asked Miroku angrily as he hassled with his tie. Miroku sighed gently and made his way over to help his struggling best friend.
"You're freaking out because Kikyo is here. And for the first time ever, you're gonna have to face her and Kagome. You're gonna have to deal with the guilt of fucking her baby cousin. I must say, I've seen you at your worst, Inuyasha. But right now, you're a train wreck." Miroku said dully as he tightened his tie.
"Shut the fuck up." Inuyasha snarled.
"I'm right. You're not denying it. So which one tonight? The older one or the younger one?"
"Very fucking funny," Inuyasha remarked snidely. "How about neither?"
"Bullshit, Yash. You can't have them both."
"I want Kikyo."
"But somebody's getting a bit attached to Kagome, am I right? I bet the sex is amazing. She sure filled out nicely. In my opinion, she looks better than Kikyo. If I wasn't a happily married man, damn, Kagome would be-"
"Shut the fuck up, Miroku," Inuyasha growled. "I told you about that shit. I don't wanna hear it."
"Scared somebody else will take her? I mean, have you seen the hips, ass, and rack on that girl? Like I said, if I wasn't married, I'd make Kagome mine." Miroku smirked.
Inuyasha hit him upside the head. "Stop talking about her. Yes, I've seen everything."
"So how is it?" Miroku asked, pleased that he was irking his friend's nerves.
"How is what?" Inuyasha growled, quickly buttoning up his white shirt. Miroku had to admit, even though Inuyasha was a nervous wreck, he had still cleaned up pretty nicely.
"How's the sex? Duh. What else would I wanna know about?"
Inuyasha growled once more. "Now why the hell would I tell you something so personal?"
"I don't know. Kouga said she was amazing in bed," Miroku tried to suppress his snickers when he heard Inuyasha snarl. "I just wanted your opinion."
"It's none if your fucking business. And Kouga can forget about sleeping with her ever again. I'm pretty sure that since I've started fucking her, she'll never want it from anyone else again."
"She's dating someone." Miroku blurted out.
"Good for her," he tried to be nonchalant, but it came out as a growl, his teeth gritted together. Miroku was getting on his nerves as usual, that was all. "I don't give a fuck about who she dates."
"What if I told you she was fucking Kouga tonight?" Miroku asked, knowing that he was probably taking this way too far. Inuyasha was known for his horrible temper.
"That's not gonna happen," he snarled.
"It could."
"She knows her fucking place. No one will fuck what's mine." Inuyasha said cooly.
"Oh, she's yours?"
"Her body is. That's all."
Miroku shook his head, his best friend was absolutely hopeless. Would he ever realize Kagome's feelings for him? He was pretty sure they still existed, whether she showed it or not. "Did you used to have feelings for her, Inuyasha?"
There was a short moment of silence and he took a deep breath before he spoke. "We were just kids back then. I didn't know anything about feelings. So in that case, I've never had feelings for her."
"You really hurt her..." Shit. He didn't mean for that to come out.
"What did you say?" Inuyasha asked, stopping to look at his best friend. "I never hurt Kagome. She never had feelings for me. We were friends back then, nothing more."
"She took it the wrong way, man. I think she really, really liked you back then. She was crazy about you and you hurt her." Miroku told him uncomfortably, shifting from side to side.
Inuyasha looked at his best friend incredulously, and then his amber eyes hardened. "You're a lying fuck. If she had feelings for me, I'm pretty sure she would've told me back then. After all, she certainly wasn't afraid to tell Hojo or Kouga or any of the other guys she fucked around with. I didn't ever hurt Kagome. She hurt herself."
"I'm a lying fuck?" Miroku questioned haughtily. "You were a jealous little fuck back then, Yash. She was your best friend and you just fucking ditched her for someone who treated her like shit! And maybe she fucked them because she knew that they would at least return a bit of her feelings. You know what? You fucking lead her on. You nearly ruined her life. She did the things she used to do all because of you, you were the reason she was always getting faded and she wasn't even Kagome anymore, and she still isn't!"
"I'm not having this conversation with you anymore. What, you got feelings for her or something now?" Inuyasha snickered, trying to lighten the mood. He knew he'd hurt Kagome, he knew. And it was something that he always wanted to forget.
"Kagome's my best friend. Do you know how hard it was to see her hurt?" Miroku asked.
"She didn't need me. She had Kouga and she had Hojo and Bankotsu and all of the others. So why did she need me? And by the way, I was never a jealous little fuck." Inuyasha snarled.
"Yes you were and you still are," Miroku commented snidely. "You were out shoving your tongue down Kikyo's throat and whenever a guy was interested in Kagome, you could barely stand it. She couldn't even have a boyfriend because of you. She never had the chance to move on."
"That's not true!" Inuyasha debated fiercely, feeling himself heat up in anger and embarrassment, but he wouldn't ever admit it. "I was her best friend back then. They were all jerks, every single one of them. I didn't wanna see her hurt, Miroku. There was nothing romantic between us at all. I was like her older brother."
"You remember that time when you two were like...what...thirteen? And we were all trying to grow up way too fast and we were playing spin the bottle and it landed on Kagome? Do you remember that kiss? It had to be longer than fifteen seconds and by the time you two were done you were red as apples?" Miroku asked, a smile on his face.
Inuyasha groaned. "Don't bring up old shit, Roku. We were young and stupid and of course we were red in the face, that was her first kiss. And we were best friends, it was awkward."
"But that wasn't your first kiss." Miroku said in a sing-song voice.
"I was like her brother," Inuyasha said simply.
"So you've got an explanation for every single thing that's ever happened between you two?"
"I sure as hell do," Inuyasha responded, gritting his teeth together and his voice a snarl.
"Funny. So do you have an explanation for the way she looked at you back then or the way you looked at her?"
"God, Miroku. Just shut the fuck up. I don't wanna talk about Kagome. We're not even close anymore, we're nowhere near that. So just leave it alone and let the fucking past stay in the past." Inuyasha said seriously.
"Losing her and being away from her hurt you just as much as it hurt her."
"And what if it did? What if she did used to be my best friend and my everything and the one who stuck by my side no matter what? Miroku, it's over with. It's old shit and I don't wanna talk about this anymore. I love Kikyo. Kagome never felt anything for me, why can't you just get this through your head?"
"You know what? I hope she hooks up with Hojo or Kouga tonight."
"She can fuck them if she wants, as long as she saves a piece for me." Inuyasha gritted out.
"Anybody would love to have Kagome as theirs."
"Good, for why ever that is."
"She's really hurt, Inuyasha. I just thought that you should know."
"Well, guess what? She hurt me too. I'm not responsible for everything."
"You're responsible for her feelings." Miroku told him.
"Fuck this. Kikyo wants to see me and if we're late, Rin might just murder us. C'mon. We've gotta leave."
"Yeah, let's go." Miroku said with a big smile on his face, feeling as if he'd accomplished something.
XXXXX
"I'm about to puke." Rin said seriously as she observed everything with careful eyes. Every single thing was perfect but she had this feeling she couldn't shake. "I'm going to fucking puke my guts out."
"You're fine," Kagome assured her. "You're just nervous. Calm down."
"No, because I'm going to puke."
Sango sighed, aggravated. "Rin, seriously. Stop fucking shaking. Your eyes are getting foggy. You're gonna make me ruin my masterpiece."
"Rin, you're okay, alright?" Kagome told her reassuringly, resting a hand on her shoulder.
Rin's eyes swelled with tears. Kagome had to admit that she was rather annoyed. Rin was blessed. Here she was, all beautiful and dressed up in the most expensive gown she'd ever seen on her life, but she was about to cry and she was throwing temper tantrums.
"I promise you, everything's gonna be fine. It's your big day. Just stay calm, I know for sure everything's gonna be alright." Kagome promised her.
"No, you guys, you don't understand." Rin told them. "I'm pregnant. I'm literally gonna puke."
Kagome's draw dropped and Sango for sure nearly fell out of her seat. "What?" Sango roared, while Kagome stood there absolutely speechless. "Oh, so this is a gunshot wedding. Why didn't you tell us sooner? Rin, oh my god. How fucking long have you known?"
Rin smiled, eyes still watery. "Oh, it's just perfect, you guys! I'm seven weeks so far, and nobody will ever know, okay? I still haven't told Sesshy, I wanna surprise him."
Kagome shook her head, unable to believe what she was hearing. This was an absolute miracle. The cold hearted, unmerciful Sesshomaru was going to have a child? But...but he'd always hated kids. He'd hated her and Inuyasha's guts growing up. Said they were too loud, too boisterous, caused to much trouble. She just couldn't imagine him ever loving someone else unconditionally, besides Rin, that is.
Did miracles like these just happen everyday?
Kagome knew she shouldn't have never even felt it, but still, nothing could stop her from feeling what she did in that moment.
Jealousy.
XXXXX
Everything was perfect. He should have felt perfectly fine, and maybe if he wasn't stressed, he could have been almost happy for his prick of a half brother.
He seen the way she'd looked at him, she was obviously still pissed at him. And the fact that she was absolutely gorgeous today in her gown didn't help the fact at all.
She was smiling now, one of those genuine smiles he didn't get to see very often, but he decided it was a nice change-up from those little smirks that she always seemed to send his way. He fumbled handing over the rings, his fingers so clumsy all of a sudden and his body hot.
She sent him another look, hatred in her eyes and it gave him chills, and he never wanted to have her so badly. He just wanted this whole thing to be over with, he wanted to be home. He wanted to take a cold shower and crack open a few bottles of beer and just relax, find a way to take her body off his mind.
This wasn't supposed to be happening, and this definitely wasn't in his play book. He had decided that he was going to avoid Kagome, whether her body was perfection or not.
He had decided that going after Kikyo would be the best option. After all, Kikyo was just as gorgeous in her beautiful gown, and her almost porcelain face. Midnight black hair falling straight and neatly down her back, his love, his heartache, his headache, his everything...but no...
His eyes were glued to Kagome's body, and he began to realize the important of all her curves, the slope of her back, the thickness of her hips, how her lips looked like they desperately needed to be kissed. And he wished he could have had the pleasure of taking all of these things about her into account when she was naked in his grasp, clothes tossed to the floor, bedroom eyes watching his every move with intensity.
It was all over so quickly and he didn't even notice it, eyes still glued to Kagome, the brat. The bitch. The wench. The whore. He should have been wanting Kikyo more than anything. But he didn't.
He made small talk with Mrs. Higurashi, with Sango, Miroku, everybody he could think of while he watched her out of the corner of his eye. She was being a wallflower, leaning against a wall with a glass of wine in her slender hand, which he noticed that she hadn't taken a single drink of. Her mind seemed to be somewhere else...
"Dance with me?" A small voice asked and he whipped around to see Kikyo standing there, as gorgeous and happy looking as he'd ever seen her, and she had his heart again. She always won. Always.
He regained his composure and took a deep breath and pulled her close to him swiftly, his body starting to sway with hers.
They were dancing, cheering to happy and depressed. Her scent was a drug to him. Knowing she had a flight in the morning broke his heart, though he'd never admit it.
"I'm leaving soon," she told him quietly.
"I know." He said gently, running a hand through her hair and feeling rather uncomfortable. Things had always been like this, and Kikyo had never been the type to fill their awkward silences with kisses.
"I'm coming back soon, though. I don't know when. I miss it down here. The people are nicer, there's hardly any trouble, and things are just...easier. But you know me. I never take the easy way out." Kikyo said, and he noted the crack in her voice. He opened one eye, he'd had them closed, inhaling her scent as best as he could, but he still hadn't been relaxed.
Because he couldn't hold her like this. That was just always how she seemed, completely untouchable. Like a treasure. Like a gem, like a precious stone, like the moon. Or the sun. Everything you couldn't afford. Everything you didn't deserve, and everything that only deserved the best, and then, he thought of Kagome.
She brushed her fingers against his neck, tears fogging her eyes. "Just so you know, I'm not gonna let a single tear escape."
"Why're you crying?" He asked her. He had never been good at comforting Kikyo. When something went wrong with her, everything went wrong and the girl had a temper. She was calm and reserved, but when angry, her voice sounded like death and could stop you from saying shit to her in seconds.
"I miss us," she told him tenderly.
He hesitated, but he said it back anyway. He didn't miss the arguing, the no sex every night, the fighting, the headaches. But that didn't mean that he didn't miss her, right?
He should have been the happiest man on earth.
He spinned her around so they had switched sides, and it was then that he saw the look in her baby cousin's eyes that stopped his heart. She was actually crying, and nobody had stopped to notice.
He looked away quickly. That definitely wasn't any of his concern.
His eyes were back to Kikyo again, and she was cuddled into his chest. He never got this kind of affection from her, there was something special about this. She looked up at him longingly.
"Kiss me," she told him, her lips suddenly close to his. "Kiss me before I leave. I haven't felt you in forever, I need this."
You didn't want to feel me when you had me. You didn't want me. You didn't want my attention or my concern or my love, and now you want my lips against yours, he thought to himself.
But he kissed her anyway, and when it was over, his eyes were searching for Kagome, but she was already gone, just like Kikyo was. These facts were suddenly chilling.
XXXXX
He was insane, he was absolutely out of his mind.
He banged on the door of her apartment, knowing he was going to awaken her and knowing that she would be even more pissed if that was the case.
You see, Kagome had a nice little life. She didn't earn much, but he knew she earned enough to keep food on her table and pay her rent and buy nice things for herself, maybe a little extra now since she was his secretary. But her apartment was nice. Wasn't as big as his, but it was homey. And it felt more like a home than an apartment. It was always neat and in order and always warm and filled with her sweet scent, mixed with the aroma of candles burning, since she loved to burn candles. Said they kept her relaxed, once.
He heard her voice, loud and displeased from inside. He heard Kouga's name, and he heard Kouga's voice.
When he opened the door, Kouga was right there, face to face with him. His features expressed surprise for a mere second before morphing into jealousy, anger, and resentment. Inuyasha had been expecting more. He'd been expecting Kouga to walk out the door with a sappy look on his face, or that cocky ass smirk he hated, or with disheveled hair and clothing. But he was perfectly fine. Just angry. He could've smelled that anger from miles away.
"Kagome, your dog boy is here. Good-fucking-bye!" He yelled to her.
Kagome made a noise, and it reminded him of a child who wasn't getting their way.
"You know," Kouga started. "I really don't fucking get what's so special about you. You broke her heart, right? But still, you get to sleep with her. You get to fuck what has always been mine. It's not yours, never will be, dog shit. She knows her place. She always comes running back." Kouga snarled into his face.
Before he could remark on Kouga's stupidity and inability to see that the girl didn't want him tonight, Kagome was at the door. Red eyes, red nose, hair all over the place, absolutely no makeup and she was still gorgeous.
"Lord, what do you want, Inuyasha? It's almost one in the morning, and as you can see, I'm really not in the mood for this. So goodbye." She told him, attempting to close the door.
He put up a hand to stop her and stepped in. She was in a flimsy nightgown that stopped at her upper thighs, and he saw why Kouga had been trying so hard to get a lay from her tonight.
He wanted her, but if he was going to get her, he couldn't take on his regular aggressive approach. But he slipped up anyway.
"What was that bastard doing here?" He all but snarled, eyes intense in on hers. Honestly, he was trying his best right now to get another lay with her.
"It's not what you think," she turned around, giving him a nice view of her ass underneath that tight-fitting, mouth-watering night gown. "Trust me."
He nodded, taking a look around the place and taking her in body once more. Her raven hair was a curly mess on her head. And then he seen the bruise on her hand, and immediately questioned whether it was Kouga or not.
She took a seat and he watched her the whole way, his eyes intense. "Your hand, did Kouga do that?"
She snapped her head up and met his eyes. "Definitely not. That's never gonna happen. I guess you can say...he encouraged it, to be specific. I have this problem when I'm angry and can't do much about it. I wanted to hit Kouga, but Kouga's a man, and he could hit me back, so I hit the wall instead."
He didn't know what possessed him to take her hand comfortably and observe it, check it's condition. She glared at him as he easily picked her up, sat her on her kitchen counter. She jerked her hand away from him.
"I don't need your help," she hissed, wincing at the bruise that bestowed her hand. It looked pretty bad, but she was okay and she definitely didn't want to be weak in front of Inuyasha anymore, she had already let him see too many of her weaknesses. "What do you need?"
He needed her. He noticed the way her curly hair reached down almost to the middle of her back, he noticed the way her eyebrow furrowed in anger, he noticed the way her nightgown rose up just a bit to provide him with a nice view of her pink, cotton panties. Something simple. No thongs, no makeup, no act to be perfect. He noticed the way the strap of her nightgown slipped down a baby soft shoulder. He felt her heat radiating towards him. He wanted to feel how warm she was from the inside-out. He wanted to smash himself against her and hear her call out his name aggressively. He wanted to fuck her slow, then he wanted to fuck her fast. He wanted to feel her lips on his.
He took her hand back into her grasp, his hand on her warm thigh. But he kept it in his place so she wouldn't be expecting anything. He had to get her to forgive him somehow first if he wanted to get laid tonight. Hell, he needed a lay. He felt as if he was starting to go soft. He looked at it, twisting it around gently to get a better view. "You're just a big baby. Your wrist isn't even sprained. You're going to be okay, it's just swollen. Some ice should make the swelling go down." He told her gently, leaning in a bit closer, his breathing already getting heavier. He was absolutely intoxicated from her scent, and he knew that she wanted him too.
She nearly fell back on the counter trying to get away from him, hurting her hand even more in the process. He wanted to laugh, but he decided it was best not to once he seen the look on her face. She squealed, and held her wrist close to her.
"Oh my god, you made me break it you fucking jerk," she hissed again, and he was starting to think that her hissing sounded quite sexy. "You bastard! You made it worse. Just leave, please."
He heard her voice crack and he took into consideration what Miroku had told him about him hurting her. But that couldn't be true, could it?
She scrambled to get off the counter, in a mad rush to get away from him, but he held her there. Her hand was pounding and she nearly wanted to cry. She wanted to punch Inuyasha. Punch that pretty little face of his off. Then she wouldn't have to hear that mouth and see that damned perfect face.
Slowly, he ran his hand up her bare leg until he reached her inner thighs. He stroked one creamy thigh, and nearly laughed when he heard her sigh in pleasure and shiver slightly. He leaned in close to her, nipping playfully at her ear and his hot tongue tracing the outline.
Kagome snapped out of it, opined her eyes when she felt his fingers teasing with them hem of her underwear. Her breathing was heavy already. "I can't do this," she panted. "I don't want to do this."
"But you do," he muttered, his fingers brushing against her soft skin and making his way up to her night gown, trying to pull it off of her. "Your body's a liar, Kagome."
He heard her sniffle and he looked up. He hadn't realized she was crying, he was too caught up in the scent of her arousal. What was happening tonight? "Stop crying."
She shook her head, tried to push him away weakly. Weakly. He would've said that maybe she was just tired and didn't have the energy to do it, but that wasn't the case. She was in denial and he knew it. She didn't know whether she wanted this or not, but he wanted to give her something to think about.
He pressed his lips against hers softly, holding her arms to keep her from pushing him away. He was careful of her wrist. Soon enough, she started kissing him back. She bet that he could taste the tears on her lips and he did, and he kissed it away.
Kagome didn't mean to, but soon, the real her started coming out. So she kissed him with all that she was feeling, and she knew that she was more than what was hurting her tonight, but still, it hurt. She made him feel her envy, her love, her hate, her everything.
He pulled away, surprised, his breathing erratic, his eyes dark and his mind hazy, and he pressed his lips back against hers, harder. He wanted to feel that again. She wrapped her legs around his waist, and he didn't know what encouraged him to pick her up and carry her into her bedroom, because in any other case, he could have fucked her right there on the kitchen counter.
Maybe he just felt bad for her.
He laid her down on the bed, only to realize she was still crying and her eyes were closed.
This was not the Kagome he knew.
"What's wrong?" He asked as gently as possible.
"Don't look at me," she hissed. "I don't want this. I don't want anything tonight."
"But you do," he told her with a softly and she opened her eyes, wiping tears away. "But we don't have to do this anymore. I'll leave."
Yes, he was pissed off. It would be incredibly hard walking towards the door, as hard as his cock right now. He wanted her, god dammit, and he always got what he wanted. But tonight, he understood. Well, he didn't quite understand, but he was pretty sure that she felt like she was betraying her cousin. And he respected that, but he would have her again sooner or later.
Just as he stood, she grabbed his arm with her good hand and he turned to look at her, his features angry. "Wait, Inuyasha." She told him, sitting up.
She sighed. "I know I'm a bitch, I know I have major mood swings. Kouga, he just made everything worse tonight. He uses me. Everybody uses me. I'm all used up."
He didn't know what to say. It was incredibly awkward with the girl he hated spilling her guts to him over why she was upset. He wanted to pat her head, but she wasn't a dog. He wanted to pat her back and tell her that everything would be okay, but she wasn't a child and only children thought everything would be okay. Adults knew better. But most of all, he wanted to tell her that he wasn't Kouga and that he wasn't using her, but he felt as if he'd be lying to her. So he did the only thing he could think of.
He kissed her again, even though he didn't like kissing Higurashi. And there she was again, pouring everything into that damn kiss. Everything that he hated. But he kissed her back anyway, trying to make it rough, trying to tell her that kisses didn't meant anything, but everything was in her kiss. She made things innocent and hot and heavy all at the same time. She made things sweet, but she made them sultry. She was confusing, she was everything he couldn't understand. She was everything he hated and wanted at the same time.
"I'm not gonna use you," he pulled away, panting heavily. He gulped. Was it bad when you couldn't distinguish whether you were lying to yourself or being completely honest? This whole thing with Higurashi was a bad thing from the start anyway. Too many feelings boiling over, too much hatred that would make you mad if you let it. He lifted her gown over her head. "You want this, don't you? Because I'm not gonna use you tonight. It's not too late for me to leave, or for you to push me away."
She lifted her arms and let him, kissed him again.
He broke away, out of breath again. "You want this, right?"
She didn't smile or smirk. "Just shut up, Takahashi. You talk too much."
He nodded, kissing her again for some stupid reason and he knew it was going to be a horrible night. So she let him unclasp her bra, let him slide her panties off.
And then she let him do it, again and again and again.
A/N: Well, I wasn't that late, was was I? Thanks for the reviews, you guys, and I hope you're liking it so far. Things are going pretty shitty with All I Need, but I promise I'll try to put up a new chapter of it soon. Anyway, review. Tell me what you like, what you hate, or what you want to see happen next. Love you all, and I'll try to get back with you as soon as possible!
