When I wake up, I'm afraid, somebody else might tale my place.
When I wake up, I'm afraid, somebody else might tale my place.
When I wake up, I'm afraid, somebody else might tale my place.
When I wake up, I'm afraid, somebody else might end up being me.
The Neighbourhood, Afraid
Later, much later, after we'd all danced and drank the night away, Reno and I walk together along the beach—me because I'm not quite wanting to go home until Yuffie and Rude are... erm... well, finished whatever they are doing, and Reno because I'm pretty sure he misses having a woman as a friend.
Walking along the sand, heels hanging from my finger—we're quiet for some time, just listening to the soft splash of the waves against the surf.
Eventually, Reno takes off his jacket and spreads it out and we sit down on it together.
We lay back and look up at the stars. They're always gorgeous in Costa del Sol— not too many lights here to keep them from shining bright; their brilliance is always muted in the city.
Reno breaks the silence, "Cloud left then." It's not a question.
"Actually, I'd had enough of the leaving; this time, I left."
"Good for you, babe," he says, and though I can't see him, I know he's smiling.
"So..." he says, taking a moment before starting again. "How long did ole Vinny wait before swooping in and sweeping you off of your sexy feet?"
I elbow him in the ribs. "Reno, it was a mutual decision."
"Ah, yeah. Obviously, it's just that the guy's had bad for you for a while, or didn't you know?"
I don't really know what to say to that so I stay silent. Vincent was always my friend, but I didn't think that he'd thought of me any differently until Cloud was out of the picture and I kind of started making a move.
"Ohh! Fuck!" Reno curses, propping himself up so that he can look at me. "You didn't know! Shit, skirt! Even I could tell! Didn't you ever notice how he was with you when we were fighting?"
I took a moment to think back on it, but I'd never noticed anything in particular. "Really, Reno? I don't remember anything."
It was Reno's time to jab me in the ribs. "Babe, you remember that time I hit you in the side—right there?"
"Ugh," I grumble. "How could I forget?"
Reno and I had been dancing around each other—he with his damn nightstick and me with my plated fists and boots. Cloud and the others had been occupied with Elena and Rude, which had left me alone and on the outskirts with Reno.
I'd gotten a pretty good hit on him, right in the kidneys, and I'd thought he'd go down, but apparently I hadn't hit him hard enough. Reno had launched right back up and hit me hard enough on my unguarded side that it'd split my clothes, broken two ribs and left a nasty gash.
"I still have a scar from that, you know," I accuse, still not completely over it.
"Yeah, sorry about that babe..." he says sheepishly. I shake my head, hardly believing that we're able to have this conversation at all. We've sure come a long way.
At the time, however...
"Well, how's that feel, skirt? When you come out and play with the big boys, you're bound to get hurt."
I'd glared up at him, crumpled over on my knees and holding my side.
"Fuck you."
He'd bit the tip of his tongue and leered at me. "I wish. Tell me, Avalanche babe, how would you like it if I split the other side? Maybe give us Turks a little show? Some more bang for our buck?"
"I hope you fall into the fucking Lifestream," I'd spat, the pain making it hard to focus.
Reno stepped towards me and the electricity from his weapon still seemed like it was vibrating through me—not to mention my hurt ribs, but I tried in vain to scramble back and keep the distance.
"You gonna cry for help? I might like that a little too much," he said, his gaze cold and calculated.
"From a hired goon like you? Not bloody likely," I said through clenched teeth. I did want to scream. The pain was fucking intolerable, and I was pretty sure he was going to kill me—or take me captive, which would have been worse.
"Ahh, I always knew you'd fight till the end," he'd said. "I'd always dreamed..." But whatever perverted, taunting thing he'd been planning on saying had been cut off by the blast of a gun.
Barely able to avoid the bullet, Reno cursed, "Yo, vampiro! Why don't you just fuck off and let me finish my job, ya hear?"
I hadn't even known Vincent was out with us. We'd started without him because it was only supposed to have been a scouting mission, so some of the gang had hung back at the Highwind... Cloud must have used the PHS to call for backup.
A firm, metal hand clasped my shoulder, and I looked up with a great deal of effort. "Vincent," I mumbled. "I... don't think I can fight anymore."
He'd nodded in understanding and fished a maxed cure materia out of his belt and handed it to me. "This will help for now."
And then he'd turned on Reno.
It's funny, I didn't really think there was anything particularly out of character about it—just thought that Vincent was taking care of a comrade, but thinking back on it now... I'd heard that he'd fucking demolished Reno.
"Let's see if vampires can bleed," Reno had challenged.
I'd let out a little cry of pain, which had caused Vincent to turn in my direction—Stupid! I'm sorry. Ignore me! I'd wanted to say, but the pain was getting to the point where I was blacking out, the cure materia rolled uselessly from my hand...
One...
Two...
And I was done.
I came to a little later and Vincent was carrying me.
"What happened? Is everyone okay?"
"It's over now," he'd said softly, seeming to take great care that he didn't jostle me too much with his movement.
"Where are we going?"
"The Highwind."
"Oh..." I'd mumbled as I snuggled into him a bit—he was so warm! I think I even told him so.
He seemed to chuckle a little, but I think I was only able to hear it because my ear was against his chest. It sounded rusty, like it had been a while since he'd last had something to laugh at.
I was vaguely proud that I'd able to be the one to coax it out of him.
"Vincent... I'm sleepy."
"I cast sleep on you, Tifa."
"Whaa...? Why?"
He didn't look at me, but I'm pretty sure he was smiling as he said, "You ask too many questions."
And then I'd passed out again.
I'd heard later, much later, that they'd practically had to drag Vincent off of Reno, that when he'd transformed into Chaos, Cloud hadn't even been sure that he wouldn't attack them for trying to get in the way. They'd needed the Turks to take information back to Shinra about their whereabouts—to throw them off our tails, so the direction (once we'd been spotted) had been engage, but do not eliminate.
"The only reason he stopped was because Cloud had been able to get through to him by reminding Vincent of you."
"I didn't know that," I admit. "I thought he just couldn't control himself once he transformed."
"He couldn't control himself because he was in love with you."
"Love? Come on, Reno. We hardly knew each other!"
"His eyes used to follow you around the battlefield, Tifa; he always had your back. At first, I thought it was because... well," he stops with a cough.
"What?" I prompt.
"Well, you asked. You've got an amazing ass, Tifa."
"Reno!"
He laughs and rolls away from me when I try to punch him. "I'm sorry, you asked, and it's fucking true."
He laughs for a few more seconds before continuing, "Anyways, I thought it was because of that, except he wasn't just looking at you, he was making sure you were okay. Whenever you'd get in over your head—which wasn't often that I saw, babe—he'd make sure he was there to help."
I consider it a bit more. Reno was right, actually. Which in and of itself was a little surprising. Vincent had always been there just in the nick of time whenever I'd needed him.
"He visited me in the infirmary, every day for the entire week you put me in there for."
"Well, he put me in the hospital for nearly a month, so I think he made his point. I sure never went for you after that," Reno confesses.
"Karma."
"Yeah, total bitch. Sorry about that all, Tifa. You know you're my doll now."
"Yeah, that's only because I give you and Rude free drinks when you boys are in town," I say with a smirk.
"Not only," he admits with a laugh.
I talk through the whole incident and the days afterwards with Reno—maybe I had been a little blind? Vincent had been really sweet that entire week I'd been laid up, awkward, but really sweet.
I'd woken once to find him looking over me, not in a particularly creepy way, but like he was worried I was going to stop breathing, so he kept checking to make sure I was.
I wiggled a little as I tried to sit up and settled for rolling onto my uninjured side, catching him in the act. I'm pretty sure that, had most of his face not been covered, I would have been able to see him blush.
"Vincent, you're still here?" I'd groggily reached my arm out and patted his chest, not entirely sure that he was real, or a part of one of my medicated dreams.
Vincent cleared his throat and nodded. I poked him in the chest and asked, "Moogle got your tongue, Vincent?"
He took a minute before answering and I couldn't understand why he was being so... gentle? Careful? Overly cautious?
"I simply do not want to disturb the peace."
I laughed. "Vincent, I don't even know how long I've been laying here for; please! For the little time that I'll be awake between meds, keep me company."
He nodded, but didn't seem to know what to say.
I looked him over as he sat there—rod straight and uncomfortable. I wish he could relax... I thought. Why does he stay if I make him uncomfortable?
"So... tell me," I started. The medication proved at least socially useful for me whether Vincent was ready for it or not.
"What was it like to be a Turk?" I'd hated them for so long, I had a hard time understanding why anyone would get into that business.
He sighed softly, but eventually he answered, "It was... exciting, at first. As with most things related to Shinra, the corruption became overwhelming."
My gaze caught his. His eyes were always so mesmerizing to me, so vivid, almost as if they were more alive than the rest of him. "Did you want to get out?"
He shifted again, his hand coming up to brush some hair out of my eyes. "Yes."
I grabbed his hand before he had a chance to take it back and held it tight. "Why didn't you?"
"Lucrecia."
"Oh," I didn't have much to say to that.
My eyes slipped close as I asked, "Did you love her?"
It took him a long time before he answered, I half thought that I'd fallen back asleep and that he'd left. "I thought I did."
"And now?" I asked softly.
"I'm not sure. And you?"
He startled me with the question. "Me, what?"
"Do you love Cloud?" I guess it was a fair question, considering I was the one bringing up heartbreak and all.
"I don't even know anymore. I've been falling in and out of love with him since I was fourteen."
"Do children know how to love?" he mused, but now I wonder if there was something more he was saying with his words.
"Probably not, not fully. It breaks your heart, doesn't it?"
"Every time." I squeezed his hand tight, the emotion in those words, the pain in his eyes... Everyone seemed to think that Vincent was cold, emotionless, inhuman, but I think I realized then that he was more human than most, having come to understand, truly, what it means to be human—and what it means to have that humanity taken from you.
"Who else have you loved, Vincent?" For some reason, I really wanted to know. I didn't look at him while I asked, I didn't want to see the hurt, but I wanted to be there to shoulder some of the burden for him.
But he didn't answer, just leaned forward a bit, disentangled his hand and gently nudged me back onto the bed.
"Sleep, Tifa."
"Tell me someday, okay? I want to know. Friends should know about each other," I said with a yawn.
"Someday," he agreed, thought I only half believed him at the time.
Reno pokes me in the side again as I finish.
"He couldn't tell you," he says with a small smirk.
"Why?"
"Because he would have had to admit to himself, and you babe, that it was you he wanted to admit to loving."
"I feel guilty for not noticing—here I thought I was one for picking up subtleties."
"What's the quote, skirt? 'We are all fools in love'?"
I laugh a little and wiggle Reno's nose. "Closet classic romance reader?"
"Don't tell Rude, ya?" A sheepish look falls over his handsome face.
"Ya," I say with a laugh.
I look around the beach and the sun is showing just at the edge of the horizon.
"I should probably get back. They should be done by now, shouldn't they?"
Reno laughs as he sits up, brushes some sand from himself and says, "Gods, babe. We're Turks, not machines!"
"Hah! Here you've always tried to convince us otherwise."
"We're friendzoned, babe. Truth always comes out."
I snatch my shoes up and stand. "Walk me home?"
"Of course, babe. I have a reputation, ya know?"
As we leave the beach, I link my arm through Reno's and walk beside him. I can't help thinking how much my life has changed in a few short years and that it's nice to see that even onetime enemies can band together, save the world, and come out on the other end as friends.
As we round the corner and start up the stairs to the villa, I quickly realize it's not going to be a nice, hot shower and squishy comfy bedtime kind of night.
"Cloud! What the hell are you doing here?" I shout. Cloud is never in Costa del Sol.
"My villa, ain't it?" he replies, gesturing wildly at the house.
"Our villa. You never come here."
"I was in the area and I needed a place to stay," he says, smacking the wall for emphasis.
"So, you didn't know I was here and thought you'd come interrupt my vacation?"
"Shit, Tifa. Not everything is about you," he said with a scowl.
"Really, so why are you out here instead of inside, then?" I roll my eyes. Of course it isn't, I just can't help the feeling that the reason he's here might be about us.
"I forgot my key," he says, shuffling awkwardly.
"And you thought you'd wait for me to get back?"
"Your sandals are here, aren't they?" he says, pointing to the ground.
I sigh and look over at Reno.
"You can go, I'll be fine here. Yuffie and Rude are probably sleeping by now, anyways."
"You sure you want me to leave, babe?" Reno asks. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was looking for a reason to lay Cloud out... They never did manage to get along.
"Nah, thanks though, Reno," I say as I gather him in for a hug.
"You got my number, Tifa?" Reno says with a gesture towards Cloud, clearly indicating that if I needed him, he'd be there.
"You betcha," I say with a smile.
"Rude'n I'll be in town in two weeks, you be around?"
"You boys know where to find me. Make sure Rude calls Yuffie this time," I say as he starts to walk away.
He throws me a smile over his shoulder and a wink before walking back towards the town.
I turn to look at Cloud, hand on my hip, eyebrow raised, and a whole lot of pissed off.
"Well…" Cloud drawls. "Where is he?"
I guess he's heard. Good. I want him to know; it's never been my intention to keep it a secret from him.
"He's out on a mission."
"Ah, and I bet he has a happy little homemaker to come home to, then?" he tries to stand, but can't quite get himself to move.
He's drunk, which also doesn't surprise me. The only time Cloud and I ever seem to be able to have heart to hearts is when he's drunk.
Even now, I can't help wondering whose fault that is?
His?
Mine?
Aerith's?
"Stay here. I'll be back in a minute."
He snorts at that, mumbling, "As if I have anywhere else to go."
It's funny that all it took to get Cloud near me was for him to find out that I was potentially dating another person, but I guess that's pretty much the entire dynamic of what our relationship was—heightened emotions driven by jealousy and sadness.
I take a minute and get into my pajamas before I head back outside.
I sit beside him and ask, "Why are you really here?"
"Why are you here?"
I pause, suddenly realizing that we never came here alone together—not once. At least, not without a dirty mishmash of vigilantes with us.
"I needed a vacation, you?"
"I needed some answers."
"Could have called, you know."
"I wanted to hear you say it in person."
"Say what, Cloud?"
"That you left me for him."
Oh, no you don't! I think to myself. He is not going to be the victim in this. We are adults, we made decisions, we hurt each other, but neither one of us is a victim in this.
"I left you, Cloud, because you were never in love with me."
"Of course I…" he starts, but I cut him off.
"Cloud, we were fourteen—what does any fourteen year old really know about love? You were in love with an idea, with Nibelheim, with the life we used to have, with the girl I used to be…" I stop, needing to take a moment to collect myself.
"Even when you forgot all that… you still didn't love me. You were the leader, and I was the sidekick. I think we both went along with what everyone else expected of us—what Aerith even expected of us."
"I never wanted to hurt you," he admits, and it's worlds more than I'd ever expected from him.
"I know. I mean, I know that now," I answer truthfully.
I don't think we ever meant to hurt each other, but when a relationship is as broken as ours was, I don't think there's anything else that can happen. It's inevitable that someone, everyone, gets hurt.
"Come inside; you can sleep on the couch."
Cloud nods and stumbles up, I wrap an arm around him and we shuffle through the house.
"You need to stop doing this to yourself," I chide. I will always care about Cloud; we may have made horrible lovers, but I think we could be better friends—and he's going to kill himself if he keeps this up.
"I just..." he starts. I can tell he's trying not to let his emotions get the best of him.
"I just… I don't want it to end like this." Oh gods, please no. I can't break his heart today. Though part of me feels like he would deserve it, I just don't have it in me.
"Cloud," I say slowly, mulling the words over in my mind. "I will always be here for you."
"But you're in love with someone else now," he finishes, catching my gaze. I see the resignation in his mako blue eyes—last ditch effort to save a failed relationship, but we've been here too many times before.
"Yeah, actually. I am," I smile, and it's genuine.
"I wish I could say I'm happy for you," he says.
"I wish you could, too," I reply.
"I didn't know that Vincent had it in him. I always thought he was too into his sins to have any sort of future."
"We've been close for a long time; I guess I kind of just realized how much I've always really cared for him," I say.
He nods and stumbles for the couch and I go grab some extra blankets and a pillow.
"Night, Cloud."
"Night, Teef," he says as he clumsily tucks himself in.
I start to walk away, but before I can think better of it there's something I need to say to him, "Cloud?"
"Yeah?" he grumbles.
"We miss her, too; you're not alone."
I feel like it's important that I let him know that—for so long, I think Cloud felt like he was alone, abandoned, that everything worth having had been taken from him... and then me...well.
It's a long time before he answers, but he does, "I know, I'll come 'round more."
"Good. Marlene misses you... We all miss you."
"Thanks, Teef..." he says, his breathing evens out as sleep finally takes him.
He's gone before I wake up, which is what I expected, but I'm still disappointed. Though, as I'm cleaning up our mess from the night before, I notice something scribbled on a pad of paper—his new PHS number.
I smile. I am pretty sure that I'm the only one of his "friends" that has this. I'm glad he's at least willing to stay in touch with us now.
Maybe one day he'll be ready to come back and stay with Cid and Shera, like they've offered so many times before.
Maybe one day he'll forgive himself for all the sins that he's committed, and all the sins that he didn't but still blames himself for.
I sit on the porch and wait for Yuffie to wake up—it probably won't be for a while and it actually looks like Rude didn't sleep over, which kind of concerns me; then again maybe he's playing it straight and trying to be a gentleman. Could be a good sign.
Vincent had sent me a text this morning, sometime early. Which was really sweet considering it's not something he used to do, but I guess it was something he was getting used to doing.
Hope your day goes well.
See you soon,
Vincent
Okay, so it wasn't exactly epic poetry, but Vincent was more known for the few words he does say and I'm tickled pink that he was thinking about me enough to text.
Oh, new-old love!
So I texted back:
Day going well.
Can't wait to see you!
Okay, so I don't want to come off as too needy, but I do miss him. I guess that's new as well. I mean, I always miss my friends when I don't see them, but now I miss him...more, I guess.
I curl my legs up and rest my coffee mug on top of my knees.
I'll be sad when the vacation is over but...
Home means Vincent.
The days pass by quickly and Yuffie is able to spend some more time with Rude. Reno got called back for work, so my partner in crime was taken away.
Which was alright, just meant that I spent more time on the beach and less time in the clubs—fine by me! I love a good tan.
The last day, Yuffie drags herself around—obviously not wanting to go and pretty moody throughout the whole day.
So I wait for her to come to me. I've tried being the one to break the ice before, but she usually just gets angry that way. Better to wait for her to come to me.
On the way to the plane, I could tell something was really bothering Yuffie—which was fine, I knew it'd take about three seconds more before she'd blurt the whole thing out.
Three..
Two…
One—"What would you do if Rude and I started dating?" Ahh! So, that's it! She seems pretty concerned as if my opinion is going to make or break her decision.
"Well, as long as you're happy, I'd be happy for you," I say it and I mean it. Everyone's got shit from their past that they aren't proud of, that they can't change, but I really think Reno and Rude, despite their occupations, really have changed for the better.
Besides, who am I to judge? An ex-freedom fighter; you may as well just call it what it was: terrorist. There were innocent people who lost their lives because of the actions we took though it seemed like there wasn't any way of avoiding it at the time—either let Shinra destroy the planet or do something about it. But we might have judged our actions better—gone after the source and not just the quick fix of deactivating one of the reactors.
"What would Cid do?" she asks. This time there's more than just concern, and I can understand why. Cid is a little harder to convince where all things Shinra are concerned.
"Well, honey, you just have to do what's best for you. Has Rude asked you out officially?" As if a week's worth of attention wasn't declaration enough.
"No…but what if?" Yuffie asked while tapping her foot nervously.
"What's worse: having him in your life or not having him?" I ask.
"Not having, but it's scary, Teef! I never thought I'd go for someone like him; honestly, I've always thought I preferred blonds."
I laugh softly at that. "Welcome to the club; but, I've always thought Reno and Rude were sexy as hell."
"It's the suits," she agrees.
"That and the fact that they're buff, cocky and dangerous."
"Yeah, that might have something to do with it."
We laugh and she links her arm with mine. "You're like my best, big-sister."
"I'm not that much older than you," I grumble, but I'm not really angry. Yuffie is like the little sister I never had, though she's a little wild, I love her just the same.
"Do I get to be Maid of Honor at your wedding?" I joke.
"Shut the fuck up, Tifa! As if... yech!"
I laugh. "What's wrong with marriage?"
"Old people shit."
"You are getting up there... not some little teenager anymore..."
"Ask me when I'm on the wrong side of twenty-five and I'll have a better answer for you."
"Ohh! Touchy!"
But we laugh our way on to the plane, happy and stupid in love—the both of us.
We make it back in fairly good time and with a pretty smooth ride. Yuffie wasn't as airsick as she usually is, I mean, she still was, just not as bad.
Marcus has been practicing his flying techniques! I can't help sending a little silent shout out to our once mostly inept pilot.
We part ways—Yuffie's going to visit some friends in the city before heading back to Wutai, but I think it's an excuse to drag out her visit so she'll meet up with Rude in a week.
Which is fine. I tell her that she's welcome whenever she needs somewhere to crash, so I expect her in a few days, but she knows where my extra key is.
I head to the bar to get a jump-start on the paperwork that's no doubt stacked up in the week and a bit that I've been gone.
I arrive and make my rounds—saying hi to Cookie and Kara before diving into the office. Things look good—a little dead, but it's midweek, so that's kind of typical.
Everything's back to normal, plus a tan. Vincent's supposed to stop by tonight, which is great because I've missed him and want to show off my new, glowing skin.
I shiver at the thought.
Can't wait.
The day passes in a blur of paperwork and activity—a couple of hours before closing, we get a rush. So I'm out on the floor helping for the rest of the night.
It's finally, blessedly near closing and the phone rings. "Tifa, Seventh Heaven!" I answer.
"Yo, Teef," a grumbly voice answers back.
"Barret! How are you? Is everything okay? You're calling pretty late..."
Usually when Barret calls this late, it means there's something up with Marlene. She's starting to get to the age where there's some "girly shit" coming up that Barret has no idea how to deal with.
"Teef..." he starts.
Now I'm worried; Barret usually just barrels through whatever it is that needs to be said—not much for phone conversations at all.
"What is it, Barret?"
"We lost Vincent."
"Lost Vincent?" I parrot, uncomprehending.
"You know we sometimes hire him for... extermination..." he says the word softly, but I get the meaning. It's not something that Vincent and I talk about a lot. It's hard for him to talk about anything that's related to the creatures he has inside him, so I don't bring it up. But I did know, thanks to Shera, that Barret and Reeve sometimes use Vincent's "talents" to help clear out and rehabilitate areas.
"We were trackin' and keepin' in contact fine; then he got into a bit of a brawl..." his voice trailed off.
"How long ago?"
"Two days."
"Two days! And you're just calling me now?" I rage.
"Happened before, Teef. Thought we could handle it."
"What do you need?"
"Get yo' ass on a plane; We're near Nibelheim."
He doesn't have to tell me twice.
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Okay, I'm bad with promises, but I know how I want to end it now (and I didn't before! SHEESH. You'd think I'd figure that shit out before writing a story, or something). It should help. I had a major, mother fucker of writer's block with this sucker, so I'm sorry it took so long—really I am. I will finish this—that's one promise I will make and keep!
Also, quote about "fools in love" is from Pride and Prejudice—if you haven't read it.. GET ON IT! MR. DARCY. YES.
Any mistakes are my own and your understanding is appreciated; I've gone over this, but I really need to exorcize this sucker from my computer.
Thank you for everyone whose stuck with this and sent me messages and reviews—I really appreciate them, from the bottom of my heart.
2015: Edits. I think this is the chapter I'm the most proud of. Hope you enjoyed it! Cleaned up a bit and fixed a few mistakes! Enjoy! The end is nigh!
~~~~~~~~~~Please don't use this story in part or in whole without the expressed permission of the author; seriously, it took a long time to write~~~~~~~
