8: Let her go


There were times when Conan, no, Shinichi felt that it's better to let Ran go.

She didn't deserve this. This painful waiting, this pointless thinking about "one-sided love". He loved her, but she didn't know. So she waited for him, hoping that one day her feelings could be felt, but that day never came. It's not just painful for her, but it's painful for him too when all he could do was to watch Ran smiling sadly alone when they passed by a few happy couples along the busy streets.

He once told Haibara that he didn't want to see Ran crying anymore, even if he no longer had a place in her heart.

No.

There's just no way he's going to let any guy go for his place in Ran's heart so easily, not in a million year. Even if one day... if Ran really choose to stop waiting for him... he would never let anyone have the chance to replace him until then, not even that suspicious Eisuke Hondou who came to Tokyo a week ago.

"Eisuke-kun, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm f-fine. My luck have been pretty down these days."

Conan watched Ran as she helped Eisuke up. He patted his shorts and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly before they continued walking again, occasionally having Ran to remind him of a few dents or bump when they were walking down the streets. But for some unknown reason, Eisuke still accidentally tripped a few times and Ran would grab his arm within her reaction time before he falls flat on his face.

It irritated Conan to no end

"Eisuke-niichan, I think you should just sit on a wheel chair and just go from places to places instead." Conan said sarcastically, but added a fake-kid laughter at the back. Eisuke laughed along with him.

"I think if my luck isn't great that day, the wheel might just come off!"

Ran shook her head and gave a soft chuckle, "Eisuke-kun! It wouldn't be that bad right?"

They both laughed.

Conan stuffed his hand deeper into his pockets, huffing inwardly as he glanced away. It's been long since he heard Ran's pretty laughter, but it sucks when the one making her laugh wasn't him. And sometimes, depressingly, he wondered if it would really matter if Shinichi wereto appear right then and there when Eisuke was enough to cheer her up almost every single day since he came from America.

Maybe he should just let her go, that's the best way wasn't it? As long as she's happy... everything would be fine for him.

.

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"Then, could you ask him for me?" Eisuke closed his eyes, his blush turned brighter. "If it's okay to confess my love to Ran-san."

Conan widened his eyes, shocked at the fact that the clumsy boy telling something so absurd in his life. For a moment, he didn't know what to say. He's Conan, just a normal boy who should not be involved in any dead bodies, murder or anything romantic in his life at such an age. But he's not Conan either... he's...

Eisuke straightened his posture and clutched his fist in confidence. "Unlike Shinichi-san, I'll never keep Ran-san waiting." Eisuke beamed. "My plan is to bring her with me to America someday so we can both live happily together!"

"...You can't."

Eisuke looked back at the small boy. "No, I wasn't asking for your opinion... I wanted to ask you for Shinichi-san's permis-"

Conan looked up, almost glaring at Eisuke with a hardened and serious look plastered on his face. His spectacles glimmered and Eisuke almost thought he was seeing another person instead of the little boy he knew.

"And I'm saying you can't!"

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.o.

Sometimes, Shinichi felt he was a stupid liar, or maybe just a coward. He always wanted Ran to be happy, but he still couldn't afford to lose her even if that would ease her pain of waiting so long for him. Although Eisuke had been out the picture ever since he returned to America long ago, Ran and him still keep in contact sometimes, not like Conan cared or anything.

But another dream haunted him, literally.

Conan remembered his dream so well, that dream that could kill him emotionally if it were to happen. Ten years later from now on, he grew up and went to a normal high school, wearing his usual uniform with that same hairstyles he had everyday. No...that was actually the life he was supposed to have ten years ago in that dream...

After that... he learnt about the proposal from Sonoko.

Everything just came down crashing.

That moment was terrible, he could feel it like it was real.

Finally, he found her after searching high and low for the place that Shinichi and Ran shared their memories together. His own home, the place where she came in as and when she liked and he welcomed her like it was nothing. That place was the first thing she went when he's gone missing after getting a hard case from a friend or a stranger on the streets. In his library, sitting in his chair and having that serious moment by himself. She'll watch him from the door, smiling to herself before making some snacks for him while he was busy thinking. Their moments together were often silence, but their presences were enough for both of them.

Under the dim light, she was standing there, wiping her tears as Conan frowned and his heart ached. She turned, and Conan finally saw Ran for the first time. She's beautiful, she's still very beautiful and he couldn't help but wish that he could hug her there and then.

Ran was going to get married, wasn't that suppose to be something happy for her? But Conan just couldn't be happy. Despite running all over Tokyo, he still couldn't seem to calm himself down and think rationally. Wasn't this good? Ran was going to be happy now, but why wasn't he glad about this ending?

After a small talk with Ran, his trembling hands reached to his spectacles, the only thing he used to conceal his true identity... he finally removed it and spoke the truth.

The black Organization was still out there, ready to kill him if his existence was known. But for the first time, he didn't care anymore. He revealed his true self despite putting Ran in danger. But he had to, if not, the love of his life could have gone away... then what would be the point of him struggling to get his body back so desperately?

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"I've already made my decision. I've waited for ten years, so another ten would be fine..." Ran brought the spectacles and put it back on Conan's face as a sad smile spread across her cheeks. "I'll be turning down his proposal tomorrow..."

.

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.o.

The dream happened so long ago, but the aching feeling feels faint whenever Conan thought about it. Ten years... how selfish of him, but he just couldn't let her go. But no matter what, he swore that ten years later, his dream would not become a reality.

Ran... the beautiful girl that he fallen in love with... Wasn't there a saying, if you love that person, you'll let that person go? But Shinichi couldn't, even if he put up a brave front and said that he just want Ran to be happy even when he's no longer important to her. What a fool, how was that possible? He couldn't, and he wouldn't, no matter how selfless he tries to be.

But sometimes Conan, no, Shinichi wished that he could get a permanent antidote, eat it, grab onto Ran's arm and started telling those stupid guys that she's his girlfriend even when she wasn't. Just like now as he watched a few small boys similar to his current age, getting all cheeky when they got very close to Ran after she bent down to their height. Kids these days...

As he watched Ran silently chortling at a kid's joke, he sighed and gave a half smile to himself. Ran was often happy when she wasn't reminded of Shinichi's absence, but she's also happy when Shinichi appeared before her too...

The best way wasn't for Shinichi to let Ran go or to continue letting her to wait for an eternity... the best way should be where he managed to transform back to his real body and making her happy everyday without having the need to let her go or wait anymore.