Chapter 8
Gaius stood up and walked towards her. He stumbled a bit, and his eyes were glazed over. Sarah felt pity and disgust mixed together. It was easy to condemn him, but she felt for him as well. It must be suffocating to have that level of responsibility. She wondered if this was Caprica's memories that made her feel this, or if she really felt pity for the man.
"Caprica." He spoke the name softly, like a prayer.
Sarah blinked in confusion, but barely had time to process what he had called her before he took her by the arm and kissed her. She stiffened for a moment, but told herself to relax. It was surprisingly easy. After all, she loved him.
He tasted like wine and cigarettes. It reminded her of a warm night on Caprica; when he'd stumbled into the house late at night, back from one of his parties. He was drunk, exceedingly so. She had cleaned him up a bit, and then taken him up to the roof. They'd sat on there watching the stars for hours; him smoking a cigarette and her singing a song she remembered from her early years, when she was first created. Something about a watchtower. He'd kissed her when she finished singing, and he had tasted like wine and cigarettes. It was a good memory.
Now however, the Gaius that Caprica had known and loved was gone. This empty shell of a man was not Gaius. His self-confidence, his wit, his talent; it was all gone. All that was left was his narcissism and his guilt, the guilt that had transformed him into the man he was now. The man that Sarah saw.
She broke the kiss. "Stop, Gaius."
He looked up at her with a hurt expression, his hand still on her arm. For a moment he looked like a little boy rejected by his mother. The effect was almost comical.
She spoke to him gently. "Do you know who I am?"
He ran a hand through his hair while he spoke, slurring his words. "Well, that's the question, isn't it? Why don't you enlighten me, darling, who are you?" He paused for a moment, and then added, a bit maliciously, "Or more appropriately, what are you?"
Sarah looked at him. "I'm here to kill you," she said simply.
Gaius stared at her, eyes wide. Then he smiled, and his eyes lit up.
"I don't know what game you're playing, Caprica, but it's about time. I've been waiting for someone to come along and end my miserable existence for quite some time now."
He turned his back on her and walked towards his desk. There was a spring in his step. "I've come to believe that you are an angel," he said, while rummaging through his things. "Tell me, are you going to deliver me into the arms of your One True God? Make sure you tell him to frak off." He took another handful of pills. "Because, Caprica, I've had quite enough of your Cylon God."
"I'm not Caprica," Sarah said quietly. "My name is Sarah."
"Well, how lovely for you then," he said disinterestedly. "I don't care if you're the frakking Cylon God himself, it doesn't matter to me. As long as you have some way of releasing my soul from this prison."
Sarah watched as Gaius began muttering softly to himself. Then he reached out and stroked the air lovingly, as if a person was there. Sarah wondered if the stories about Gauis's mental state were true. Laura Roslin had spoke of him having some sort of "imaginary friend."
"Gaius," she said. He didn't respond. "GAIUS!" she yelled.
He blinked and looked at her with indignation. "No need to shout. Where were we? Ah, yes. Releasing my immortal soul. Do you have a weapon, dear? Or should I call Mr. Gaeta for a firearm?"
Gaius seemed practically giddy at the prospect of his own death. He muttered some more to himself, and then stared at the oil portrait on the wall beside his desk. He examined it for a moment, and then burst into laughter.
"What the frak was I thinking? Oh, gods you're right. It's a terrible self-portrait. How could I not have seen it before? Oh, I know, God does not smile upon relentless narcissism. You don't have to jabber on about it so, darling."
Sarah watched, perplexed, as he continued to have an entire conversation with himself. This went on for several minutes, until he turned and looked at Sarah, suddenly serious.
"It's sad, isn't it? In the history books they will write of the much-maligned Gaius Baltar, destroyer of the human race. I will be famous. And yet, all that will be left of me is this pathetic portrait."
"I'm not sure the humans will be alive long enough to write history books," Sarah responded.
Gaius cackled wildly. "Of course not! We'll all be dead!"
His laughter increased in volume, until it had become more of a succession of screams. Sarah was on the verge of bolting from the room when suddenly, he quieted.
He sat down at the desk heavily, his head in his hands. When he raised his head, Sarah saw that his face was streaked with tears.
"I don't want to die."
Sarah looked at him, and for the first time, truly saw the misery etched into his face.
"How many times have I thought about ending it?" he asked. Sarah wasn't entirely sure if he was talking to her, or to someone else.
"It would be so easy," he continued absentmindedly. "I could overdose on these pills. No one would suspect a thing. In fact, most people would probably rejoice at my death. I'd take the necessary combination, and then I'd just…go to sleep."
Sarah cleared her throat. "Why don't you?" she asked. The question came out more hostile than she had intended.
Gaius peered at her, as if seeing her for the first time. "Surely, you would not be one of those who would be happy to see me go? I have been very compliant with your people." He paused. "Pardon me, what did you say your name was?"
"Sarah," she said. She moved her hand to her gun.
"Hmmm…that's a lovely name." He leaned back and closed his eyes. "You are not my Caprica, then. Caprica…" Fresh tears rolled down his cheeks. "Do you think she will miss me? I loved her, I always have. I loved another copy of her, as well. Gina."
Sarah pulled the gun out and aimed it at his face. His eyes were still closed, oblivious.
"I should have the courage to do it myself." he said. "But I'm a coward. I suppose you could call it my defining characteristic. But that's what you're here for, Sarah. You are my angel."
He opened his eyes, and stared at her. "Do it," he whispered.
Sarah was frozen. Her hand was shaking, and her knees were weak. She couldn't shoot him. He hadn't put up a fight, had literally begged her to shoot him, and she still couldn't bring herself to pull the trigger.
Gaius was growing panicked. "Do it!" he yelled.
But Sarah no longer saw him. She was looking at her. Sarah saw another model of herself across the room, dressed in a low-cut red dress with a halter back. She was leaning over Gaius, whispering in his ear. But when she felt Sarah's eyes on her, the Six model looked up and smiled.
The Six walked across the room towards Sarah. Sarah backed away, petrified. Six ran her hand along the gun, all the way up to Sarah's fingertips.
"Don't do it," she whispered.
"No!" Gaius shouted. "Don't do this. I am not your plaything; you cannot possess me anymore. I will finally be free of you!"
Six ignored him. "Don't do this," she said to Sarah. "We are sisters, and I'm asking you to trust me. Don't kill him. He has not yet finished his journey."
"It's no use talking to her," Gaius said loudly. "She can't hear you."
Sarah looked at Six. "Why should I trust you?"
Gaius looked between them, his face white. "You can see her? Oh, gods, I'm not crazy, I knew it. I've changed my mind about wanting to die, now that I know I'm not completely insane. You can put the gun down now."
"Shut up, Gaius," said Six.
She turned to Sarah. "But he is correct. You can put the gun down."
Sarah allowed Six to take her hand, like a child, and remove the gun. She felt light-headed, empty. She just wanted to lie down on the floor and not get back up again. Unfortunately, she didn't have that luxury.
"Now," said Six, looking at Gaius and Sarah pleasantly. "Let's talk about the plan."
*********
The mood in the shelter was tense. Tigh paced the room, grumbling and randomly kicking objects that were unfortunate enough to be in his way. Tom stood off to the side, checking his watch. A few other Resistance members were scattered around, anxiously awaiting news. Laura sat in a corner, tapping her feet impatiently.
"Well, looks like she's dead," said Tigh. He didn't seem particularly saddened by the news, but looked less triumphant than Laura thought he would be.
Tom looked pained. "We don't know that yet."
Tigh snorted. "It's been four hours. It doesn't take that long to shoot someone in the head. She's either dead or captured."
Laura nodded. "I'm inclined to agree with the Colonel." She looked over at Tom, but he was staring off into the distance. She turned to the others. "There's no use keeping vigil. Let's all get back to work."
Most of the people stood up, but a tall, muscular man stayed where he was. He looked Laura in the eyes.
"I agree with Mr. Zarek," he said. "We have no way of knowing where she is. Maybe it would be useful to send out a search party." He glanced at the red-headed woman sitting next to him. "Jean and I could go."
Laura peered at him with interest. He looked vaguely familiar.
"I'm sorry," she said, "What did you say your name was?"
"Samuel T. Anders, sir," he said.
Ah, yes," she nodded. "Kara's husband."
At the mention of Kara's name, a hush fell over the group. Anders stared at the ground, and the woman named Jean reached out a hand to comfort him. Even Tigh looked chastened.
Tom spoke up. "Of course, Mr. Anders," he said sympathetically. "What happened to Kara was a terrible thing."
Anders looked up at him. "Is happening," he intoned. "I believe that Kara is still alive. Just as you think Sarah is still alive."
"I appreciate that, Mr. Anders," said Tom softly.
Anders glared at him. "I couldn't care less about your Cylon surrogate-daughter. But I do care about Kara. If I lead a team to find Sarah, I want a promise to allow me to use the full resources of the Resistance to find my wife."
Tom looked at Anders, and then looked at Tigh beseechingly. There was a moment of silence, and then Tigh shrugged.
"Fine," he mumbled. "But only tonight. I don't want any more time wasted on a dead Cylon."
Anders nodded, and then turned around to his crew. "All right," he said loudly. "This is volunteer-only. I know that you may have some misgivings about trying to help a Cylon. But it's not about the Cylon woman. It's about finding a way to get my wife back. So do it for Kara. Do it for me."
One of the men spoke up. "We're with you, Anders," he yelled. There were shouts of agreement across the room. All, Laura noticed, except Jean.
Laura watched as Anders walked over to her and began to speak to her quietly. All around them, people were mobilizing. She was shaking her head and looking upset, while Anders had a hand on her shoulder and was attempting to talk to her.
Laura was drawn away by the sight of Tom walking towards her carrying two pistols. He put one on his pocket, and offered the other one to her.
"No, thank you," she said hastily.
Tom looked confused. "You're coming, aren't you? It's night on the streets of New Caprica. It's like walking through the East Side of Caprica City, except worse."
Laura laughed, but shook her head. "I don't like guns," she said.
Tom shrugged. "Suit yourself."
*******
It was only another ten minutes before they were out the door. Anders' men were extremely efficient. They marched out the door, grim expressions of determination on their faces. Laura and Tom followed behind.
It was dark, and the rain poured down in heavy sheets. Laura blinked to clear her eyes, and reached for her glasses. Her feet grew heavy with mud.
They walked for a while, until Anders called a halt. There was a figure up ahead. Laura squinted, but she couldn't see in the darkness.
The figure grew closer, until Laura could make out features. The figure was tall and female, with pale blonde hair.
"Sarah!" Tom ran towards the front of the crowd.
Sarah stepped into the light, and Laura could verify that it was indeed her. Tom and Sarah stood facing each other, a bit awkwardly.
"I'm glad you're all right," Tom said. Sarah nodded.
"Me too," she responded.
Anders looked irritated. "I hate to break this up," he said, "But how do we know that this is Sarah? How do we know this isn't some random Six?"
Tom turned to look at him. "This is Sarah," he said simply.
Anders looked unconvinced, so Laura chimed in. "Yes, "she echoed. "I agree with Mr. Zarek. This is indeed the Six who saved us from the Cylons."
Anders shrugged. "Fine. I don't care who or what she is; all I want is to get my wife back." He turned and began to walk away. Most of the Resistance members followed him. Jean stayed behind.
Laura had never seen a person look at another person or machine with as much disgust as Jean Barolay looked at Sarah. She seemed to be fighting for control over her body, as if she might attack Sarah at any moment.
"Must be nice isn't it?" she spat out. Sarah looked up, confused by the hostile expression on Jean's face.
"What?" she asked.
Jean's face contorted with menace. "To completely destroy us this way. It's not enough that you destroyed our civilization. I can deal with that. It's the fact that we have taken you in, treated you like you're human. You're destroying our morale, Cylon. They don't realize what you're doing, but I know. I know."
She turned and followed the others into the darkness. Laura looked at Sarah, but she was staring off into the distance.
"Don't listen to her, Sarah," Tom said. "It will take them some time, but they'll adjust."
Sarah nodded absentmindedly.
Laura cleared her throat. "We should go now," she said. Sarah did not seem to be paying attention, but at the sound of Laura's voice, her head snapped back.
"Of course," she said.
Tom and Sarah started back towards the shelter, Laura trailing behind. As they walked, it occurred to Laura that Sarah had in those moments looked like she was talking or listening to someone. It reminded her a bit of…Baltar.
Laura shook her head. It couldn't be true. It was just her imagination.
