Omake #8: Anatomy of a recap episode.
A number of sharply dressed people were holding a meeting within the headquarters of Studio Shift. On one end sat the creative team of Tatsuhiro Iwanabi, producer of Shift, Eme Aoji, author of the original Puella Magi Madoka Magica manga (and who really does resemble a Metapod in real life), Ken Uroduki, noted scriptwriter for tv adaptations, and Shift's goldenboy, Akiyami Shendo, favored director of design students.
On the other side sat the network executives and financiers of the Puella Magi Madoka Magica anime, all recognizable by their scary shiny glasses. One of the execs opened with, "We were pleased with the first season of Madoka, hence why we ordered another." The lights darkened, and a projector displayed a chart, "This is the schedule we have for the second season of Madoka."
Iwanabi looked and noted, "But there's only enough material for 23 episodes. What do you want us to do about the 24th?"
"Make a recap episode."
"A recap episodeǃ?"
"You fools!" Ken erupted, "You will jeopardize this entire operation if you make us go through with that!"
"Like how you jeopardized the Fate/Zero anime adaptation? Everyone knows why that flopped."
"Geh! I only undertook that project because Hasu-san and I roll dice together! But I just couldn't bring myself to kill off-"
"-Relax," Akiyami soothed, "I always get the job done. We'll do a recap, but we'll surpass people's expectations."
One of the execs, hands folded over mouth, remarked, "We would expect nothing less from you, but how do you intend to 'surpass people's expectations'?"
Akiyami was deep in thought, "Let's have the most popular character outside of the main heroine narrate it. Hit up the fansites, which character besides Madoka do the fans like most?"
"Uh, Shendo-sama, the most popular character isn't even Madoka, it's-"
"-I see. Even better! Well then, let's get to storyboarding!"
A girl was seen preparing for school. Throughout this scene, her voice narrates, "My name is Kyoko, of the Sakura family. At first glance, you would think I was just another girl going to school, albeit one from a family of practicing Christians in present-day Japan. Well, truth be told, I hold a much greater secret."
The scene cuts to an earlier episode, "If you fulfill this contract, you will be required to exterminate the demons."
"Why?"
"Because if you sign the contract, yet neglect your duty . . . you will die."
Back to the new footage, Kyoko continued, "It all started when that thing called Kyubey appeared in my room. At first, I suspected he was a messenger of God. It would make sense, since not all angels are, well, how people typically picture angels. I figure he was sent to be my guardian, provided I fulfill a 'contract.' However, this reminded me all too much of a certain fallen angel. My father, the local preacher, told me what to do in case such a situation came up."
Going back to the older footage, Kyoko slurs, "Get lost, bum."
"Suit yourself."
In the newer, more mundane footage, Kyoko continues, "We can't go on without mentioning my father. He truly believes in the mission of the Gospel. He wants to save everyone, yet can't. Whenever he reads of misfortune in the newspaper, he sheds tears, believing that something could've been done. He's selfless, and yet has a more, modern interpretation of the Bible. It's this that lead to a more recent crying jag of his."
Going back to the earlier footage, Kyoko arrives home, to find her dad crying, with her mom comforting him, "It couldn't have been all that bad; you finally got to meet fellow Christians!"
"But they had disregarded Christ's words! They claimed that yuri manga were an abomination, and that welfare for the needy was a bad thing! How can they say they follow a religion of peace when they hold nothing but malice in their heartsǃ?"
The scene shifted back to the new footage, which was now up to Kyoko leaving the church and walking to school, "Of course, it was just another one of dad's crying jags, or so I thought. A few days later, he and mom gave me and my sister a chat."
The scene shifts back to archived footage of Kyoko and Momoko facing their parents, "Kyoko, Momoko, I discussed this with your mother, and I am making it official; I am starting a new denomination."
Back to the new footage, Kyoko mused, "This was big news, yeah, but the only thing that changed was the sign in front of the church now read, 'First Church of the Cherry Blossom.' Yeah, that's the name of our version of Christianity, The Church of the Cherry Blossom, after our family name. Nothing really changed though; the morning congregation still only consisted of an old couple, a homeless guy, and a stray cat. It dismayed us, because I knew how serious dad was about his mission."
Switching to old footage, "Some time later, I got this idea of how to help him. I was alone in my room, and I called out, 'Hey, devil . . . angel, whatever. You there?'"
He showed up, "Right here, Kyoko bird!"
"Let me ask you something, if I became this hero of justice or whatever, could you wish it so people actually followed my dad? It'd make him and my mom and sister really happy . . . and me too."
He said, "Why yes, that is within the realm of my power! But if you agree to this contract, you cannot undue it."
"I recalled his last conversation, 'Yeah, but if I keep killing demons at a steady rate, I could live forever! Like a vampire! Oh, one last question, if I do this . . . my body will still grow out eventually, right?'"
He smiled, "Yes, Kyoko! Your body will mature to a point, but then stop aging before anything breaks down! Curious thing, these contracts! I could even fulfill it right now, if you wanted to."
Kyoko narrated, "Superpowers, immortal life, and can't die from starvation and disease, what fifteen year old wouldn't want that? That, and a gift to the family too." She said, "Then do it!"
Kyubey's eyes glowed. A bright light emerged from Kyoko's chest. That light temporarily blinded them. In a moment, what looked like a red faberge egg sat in Kyoko's palm, "There you are! One Soul Gem for my newest Puella Magi!"
The show shifted to new footage of Kyoko going to the shoe locker, with her narrating, "And just like that, everything was better. The church was full every Sunday, the family felt like they had a purpose in life, and I did too. There was a problem, though. I was the only Puella Magi I knew. Kyubey claimed there were others like me, but I never saw them. That all changed one night."
The show goes back to old footage, this one of Kyoko fighting numerous demons. She is being beaten badly, "Damn it! I'm surrounded on all sides!"
Just then, the sound of gunfire cracked. The demons perked their heads up. In the distance stood a girl smiling. She had numerous percussion-lock muskets floating in the air. Kyoko's jaw dropped as she narrated, "She was incredible. I had never seen such grace before." The blonde girl jumped about, using her magic ribbon and guns to destroy the demons effortlessly, "There was no need to ask what she was."
The girl approached Kyoko, extending a hand, "Are you alright?"
She took the hand and stood up, "I am now!"
The new girl said, "It's dangerous to fight demons like that at such a close range. You shouldn't let them surround you like that. This isn't a game, you know!"
Kyoko put her hand behind her head, "I know, but, I'm still trying to get the hang of everything."
The girl stroked her hair, "Oh. How long have you've been doing this?"
"A couple of weeks."
The girl placed her hand a few inches away from her mouth, "Oh! No wonder! And you fight alone? Wait, I do too. Maybe, whenever we can, we should team up. I'm Mami Tomoe."
"Kyoko Sakura."
Kyoko narrates as more archived footage plays, "And that's how I met Mami-san. She was the same age as me, yet she had been a Puella Magi longer than me. I still remember this one time when we both finished off some demons, she invited me over to her house. I accepted. Of course, she was . . . very friendly."
Mami is walking home, holding Kyoko's hand. Kyoko, blushing, and not making eye contact, asked, "Uh, why are you holding my hand?"
Mami faced Kyoko and smiled, "It's what friends do, right?"
Kyoko stammered, "Yeah, but it's not like I'm your little sister or anything."
Mami, still smiling, said, "Really? You haven't pulled your hand away yet."
"Good point."
Kyoko narrated, "She led me to this lavish apartment building, and her place. Her mother, Mrs. Tomoe, was in the kitchen."
Mami asked, "Do you like yellow cake?"
Kyoko said in narration, "Because of dad's vow of poverty, we didn't usually eat extravagantly. Asking me if I liked yellow cake, my personal favorite of cakes, was music to my ears. That day cemented Mami-sama as my BFF. The two of us protected Mitakihara, I gave her someone to talk to about magic stuff, and she gave me food that I could now eat like crazy without getting fat. This continued for a few months, a few months before we met more Puella Magi."
In more old footage, Kyoko was jumping from rooftop to rooftop late at night. She said to Mami telepathically, "So these newbies needed bailing out?"
Mami responded, "Actually no. It was the other way around. They saved me."
"Whatǃ?"
"But it's true!" Mami concluded.
Kyoko was on top of a building when she spotted Mami with three other girls. One of them was a short girl in a pink-and-white dress, "Hi!" She called out.
Another was a girl about Mami's height sporting short turquoise hair and whose costume had a white cape, "Sup!"
The third was a black-haired girl who said nothing, only glaring at Kyoko. Mami told Kyoko, "These are some new Puella Magi. They go to the same school as me, although they're a year behind." She looked at them, "What were your names again?"
"My name is Madoka Kaname!"
"I'm Sayaka Miki!"
"Homura Akemi."
Kyoko narrated, "So there they were, a little kitten, a girl with a permanent poker face, and the only other Puella Magi who's anything like me, i.e. Cool. Well, that's what I thought about Sayaka at first, until-"
"-Oh my God! It's him!"
Kyoko narrated, "She was head-over-heels for some violin virtuoso. I got to meet Kyousuke Kamijou, but I don't see what she sees in her. I tried to talk her out of her infatuation, but she just won't listen. I even resorted to ripping off something I saw on tv once."
Getting to more archived footage, Sayaka, in her "transformed" state, was sitting in fetal position, crying. Kyoko, also transformed, looked over her, "No guy is worth dying for, Sayaka! No matter how awesome or smexy they may be!"
Sayaka, through her sobbing, murmured, "But, his eyes though! HIS EYEEEEEEEEES!"
Kyoko narrated, "It was pointless. Aside from that one thing though, Sayaka became my new BFF. I'm still not sold on Homura though. One time, when we were hanging out at the arcade, being 'normal' girls, I tried to break the ice."
There was more old footage, now of Kyoko sitting at a table in a video arcade eating pocky. Homura sat across from her, filling in a sudoku puzzle. Kyoko asked, "So, what was your wish for?"
Homura's voice was distant, "Why do you need to know?"
"Just curious. Everyone knows what I wished for, what about you?"
Homura continued filling in numbers, "That is not the sort of thing you should go asking anyone."
Kyoko took out her pocky, "Why not? Oh?~ Is it something naughty? Did you wish to get inside some guy's pants, eh heh heh!"
Homura stood up and glared at the redhead, "Do you do this to every Puella Magi you meet, or are you just harassing me specifically?" Kyoko was stunned. Homura continued, "If you have a problem with me, then tell me."
Kyoko was still stunned. Then she replied, "Hey you're right! I am harassing you! I never asked Tomoe-san what her wish was too! How uncourteous of me!" She took out her cell phone and sent a text message. She got back a message that she read aloud, "'I'm sorry. It's personal.' Ah whatǃ?"
Homura said, "That's why you shouldn't ask for a girl's wish if you don't already know it."
Kyoko narrated, "She's gotta be hiding something. Something beneath that stoic veneer of hers. Whatever it is, it can't be good." The show shifted to a different archived scene, "Life went on, that was until I met a real little Puella Magi."
A little girl in a green-and-white dress was running away from demons, "WAAAAAGH!"
Kyoko then appeared and disposed of the demons. After gathering up the cubes, she went up to the girl, who was crying, "You all right?"
She said, "Yuma's scared!"
Kyoko dropped some cubes for her and asked, "Yuma? Is that your name?"
"Yuma Chitose."
"Ah, nice! I'm Kyoko Sakura! Say, how long have you been a Puella Magi?"
Yuma answered, "A few weeks."
Kyoko narrated, "This was all too familiar." The scene showed different archived footage. "I took her home, remembering something Tomoe-san did."
Kyoko was holding Yuma's hand as they walked down the city, "Why are you holding Yuma's hand?"
"It's what friends do, right?"
"Um, okay."
Kyoko narrated in voiceover, "I led her home, then told her, 'If you need me, just call out my name.' Life went on, however, something strange came up. Anytime Mami or Sayaka fought demons with the other girls, they always deferred to Madoka. I had to find out why."
The scene was the five girls in uniform. Kyoko faced Kyubey, "So QB, why is the pink squirt our leader?"
Kyubey answered, "Because she is the most powerful ranged fighter I have seen in centuries. I can barely recall the last time I saw a Puella Magi with this much potential."
"Is that so? So you let her be leader even though Tomoe-san or Akemi-san would be more qualified? Lame."
Sayaka exclaimed, "What are you doingǃ?"
Madoka now looked to be on the brink of tears, "You think . . . you think I'm a worthless leader in battle?" She fell onto her knees and cried. (Director's note: Did we reuse the cels when she cried on the episode when they knocked out Oriko and Kirika? This scene looks awfully familiar; we may have to redraw.)
Sayaka grabbed Kyoko by the shoulders, "You stupid bitch! You made my best friend cry!"
Kyoko was silent, her face distraught by Sayaka's words. She narrated, "I had no snappy comeback. She was right. I couldn't be disrespectful to a fellow girl-in-arms just because of how she came across to me. Of course, this meant I had to kiss everyone's ass. But then a little bit after this, we met them, two magis, one a pompous presumptuous bitch, the other an unhinged psychobitch. I'm too disgusted to even recall their names. I can remember, I think it was the third time we encountered them, the pink girl tried to reason with them."
In the archived scene, Madoka pleaded, "We have the same enemy! We should be fighting together!"
Oriko stated, "What? Fight with your lot? None of you care about this mission like we do. You still go to school, you still have ties to family, you try to live like humans, when you're not."
Kirika cried out, "You're just clinging on to your vestiges of humanity even though you accepted the contract! Humans can't fight demons, so stop pretending to be what you aren't and embrace your true nature already!"
Madoka faced her contractor, "Kyubey, make 'em stop!"
"I can't, love. I didn't recruit them."
Sayaka added, "What about your friend? The one that talks like The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?"
"Let me find out." Kyubey looked off in the distance, "I say, Jubey?"
"What up, dog?" Jubey's voice reverberated.
"Are Oriko and Kirika some of your clientele?"
"Hell naw! You think I would recruit girls like that?"
Kyubey looked down, "I see. Be on your guard, there may be a rogue within our ranks."
"Can do!"
Kyubey looked at everyone, "Jubey said he doesn't know them. However, I urge both parties to stand down. The last thing we need is a mess over philosophical differences."
Oriko spoke, "I agree with your contractor. There's no sense in me or Kirika wasting our soul energy on any of you."
Kyoko narrated, "They would criticize us over anything. It really ate at us, although there was that one time Madoka, for once, actually devised an effective strategy for dealing with them without killing them."
The scene was now an older (though more recent) episode showing Mami forming a gigantic rifle, "TIRO FINALE!"
Madoka aimed a pink arrow toward the sky, "Sagitta Luminis!"
Homura held out two semi-automatic pistols that appeared to be "charging up" magic near their barrels, "Jackpot!"
Sayaka held her sword above her head, "Eternal Omega Omnislash!"
Kyoko pointed her spear, which extended to its target, "Gae Bolg!"
In one second, Oriko and Kirika were hit by a laser blast, a rain of arrows, red magical bullets, an extensible spear, and a fast-moving Sayaka slashing them repeatedly. They both fell, with no visible signs of damage. Kyoko said in voiceover, "That was awesome and you know it!"
All the archived footage was finished. Kyoko, in the new footage, was walking home. She narrated, "And that's the story of my life up to this point. My family still has no clue as to what I've become, although I think my dad would be proud of me since I now slay demons. Right now, I just want to relax." She walked into the church and said, "I'm home!"
One night before the premiere of the dreaded recap episode, Iwanabi, Aoji, and Shendo were having a coffee break in the recreation room. After sipping some coffee, Iwanabi asked, "I've been meaning to ask you, did you even read the tweets about Kyoko?"
"No I did not. I'll do that now."
Shendo pulled out his smartphone and looked up a Twitter hashtag, "#YULiekKyouko: I like Kyoko becuz she is hawt, lol." "I luv how U focus on Kyoko's legs, butt, and barefeet like in ur other animus!" "I would gladly convert to Christiandom for her!" "I'm a girl (straight) and I am seduced by Kyoko. I want her hair."
Shendo noted, "Eh? They just like her visual design more than the others?"
Eme observed, "I know! It was the same way back when Madoka was still manga-only! I predicted fans would like Mami or Homura the most, but no! It's Kyoko they want, for one reason or another, despite her abrasiveness!"
Shendo said, "Wait, I found more tweets, these ones not so superficial."
"#YULiekKyouko: She's like Sayaka, but without the lovesickness. In short, a slighly older and badass-ier version of Sayaka!" "She's like the anti-Homura; always yelling, yet still able to verbally lash out like her!" "I think about all the things she can do with her spear . . . it makes me hot."
Shendo changed the subject, "Has anyone seen Uroduki-san?"
"I heard he was dealing with fanboys flaming him for Fate/Zero."
"They're still upset about that? Can't they just read the original novels like more sensible people?"
"Apparently not. Then again, like you just saw, you can't reason with fans, not all of them."
They continued drinking coffee in silence.
[Author's Note: And now you know how to make a recap episode of a fanfic version of a popular Japanese cartoon, ladies and gentlemen! Now I am completely out of ideas for this fanfic series, though. Don't expect another update for a long time, if even that.]
