A/N: THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS! Seriously, you guys are amazing and I love writing for you all, you guys make me feel more confident in it, and I appreciate it a lot. (L)
I'm so sorry for taking SO LONG, but there were too many distractions and writer's block in the way. Besides, I have summer homework to do, sucks doesn't it? Oh, well. I'm not pleased with how this turned out, that's why I avoided it…enjoy!
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Way More
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Leaving had never felt so empty.
She had her thick coat on and was bundled up with gloves and a scarf; it was the early morning, around 5:30 to be exact. The train would arrive at 5:45 and she would be home by the early afternoon.
Clare had Jake embracing her tightly, kissing her cheek, nose, and forehead. He was whispering over and over, "I'm going to miss you."
Clare just held her harms straight, not holding him, but rather having them dug in her pockets, "Jake." She gasped and he pulled away, studying her face.
She smiled warmly, guilt behind it, "One month and a half."
He grinned and nodded in agreement, "Yeah. Of course."
Jake pulled her hands out of her pockets and grabbed her palm to place a kiss on it, after interlacing his own hands with her, "Be sure to call me when you get there."
Clare hummed a yes and she thought of how she only managed to say a quick thank-you and goodbye to Cece and Ted; and also the maids, along with Tony, who recently drove them here.
But not Eli, he was still asleep and Clare was still guilty.
It's wasn't until the swift rushing sound of the train's wheels, that Clare and Jake had realized it was time for her to go.
Jake's grip on her tightened and Clare sadly whispered, "I guess this is goodbye, for now."
"It's never goodbye, I'll call you every chance I get and see you the minute I can." Jake said, and the look on his face sincerely expressed sadness.
"Same here." Clare mumbled, as she grabbed her suitcase, ready to walk away.
Jake only walked her up to the entrance of the train, before she entered, he yelped, "Clare, wait."
She turned around and was greeted by his soft lips, which tenderly kissed her in desperate passion. She was frozen with multiple emotions anguishing her thoughts, and for the first time since a while, Eli wasn't on her mind.
"I love you." He breathed happily.
Clare was ready to reply the same phrase, until a man in uniform glared at both, "Ma'am, there are other passengers waiting."
Jake scowled at him, "Hey! I can put you-"
Clare tugged on his shoulder, "Jake, let it go." She turned to the man and was already boarding the train. She looked back at Jake and whispered, "I love you too."
She meant to speak every syllable with passion and endearment, but the tone she gave was dull. The last look she saw on Jake's face was his glowing grin and worried brown eyes, glossed with a confidence; she deeply knew he wouldn't miss her too much.
The doors snapped shut and she turned around, lugging her suitcase to the far back. She took her seat, and rested her head against the window. Wretchedly, she didn't know who she would miss more: Jake or Eli. The thought frightened her.
.
"Hm."
It was the umpteenth time Eli tossed and turned in his bed. He was dreaming about Clare, about her lips and her smile. Her giggles and her movements. He was enraptured by the thought when he kissed her. His lips were in obliviousness, and he was on top of the world.
"Clare." He breathed, and he couldn't stop thinking about her. He was giddy in his sleep, his feet were moving against one another in jitteriness, and his hair was a mess with the friction it made with the sheets, after shifting around so much.
And then, somewhere along his dormant thoughts, he reached a realization he had avoided for quite a while: Clare was leaving today. He didn't know what time, but he hoped she was still there. He needed to speak with her about what happened; that it wasn't a mistake or wrong. It was perfect.
He rushed out of his bed, still dazed by his slumber, and looked at his alarm clock. It was six in the morning, so there was a good chance she was still here and awake.
With that optimistic thought, he got up from bed and walked into the hallways.
Eli saw that no one was around and he headed towards Clare's room. He knocked gently at first and no answer was given. Déjà vu.
He knocked more roughly the second time, "Clare, it's me."
Still no answer; and he turned her doorknob. Once he entered her room, that joyous aura that was there before had disappeared. The scent of lavender and vanilla still lingered on, but everything was empty. The curtains were draping, blocking the morning sunlight. The room itself was dark and hollow, with a bed in the center, neatly made. Her suitcase wasn't there anymore, and he panicked.
"She left."
He turned around and found Miriam standing against the doorway, with a knowing look.
"W-what do you mean?" Eli stammered.
"Her train was early, a couple minutes before six. Tony drove her and Jake."
Eli stayed quiet, and avoided Miriam's gaze. She sighed inwardly and took steps to Eli, "I may be stupid, but I'm not that stupid. I see things." She whispered at him.
Eli sighed shakily, "What do you mean?"
"I've known you since you've known Jake. And I've known Jake since he was born. But, you and I know who I care for the most. It's a horrible thing to have uneven love for you boys…" She breathed, "You were always this sweet, loving boy, Eli. Remember? You'd come with me everywhere to go run errands, so you would 'protect' me. Because, you said that 'a true gentleman never lets a nice lady out alone.'"
Eli nodded and she continued, "But, over the years I saw that sweet and loving boy became poisoned by…anyways, that boy I once knew, didn't make an appearance until she came along." He finally looked up at her, and she crinkled her face into a smile, "It's funny how she was here only one week, and you were finally 'back to normal', I guess."
"Where are you going with this?" Eli indifferently said.
"I've seen the way you look at her." Miriam bluntly replied, "I won't say a word to anyone, you know me. But, I will say this—remember Eli, two wrongs don't make a right. You aren't Jake."
Eli was calmly shocked at what she said and she nodded, "…You think, no one notices the real Jacob. I do. I see his rude behavior, treatment to people he doesn't care about, lying. I've seen it all. I've seen you struggle, and I've seen him laugh about it, even to this day."
"And it will go on forever." Eli hastily muttered.
She sighed in defeat and he glared at the room around him, realizing that Clare was gone and there was nothing he could do. Anger and hurt were being felt by him, but he tried to mask those feelings.
Miriam frowned, "I have to get back to the kitchen. Breakfast will be ready soon."
Eli walked over to her and gave her a hug, "You were always like a second mother to me. You know that, right?"
She hugged him back and nodded, leaving him in the room alone to think.
Eli looked around and was surprised to find a pale blue book on a dresser; he picked it up and realized it was Clare's.
.
She had her suitcase by her side and when the taxi driver dropped her off in front of her house, she took a moment to look at it and absorb the fact that she was back at home and a life different from the one Jake had showed her.
She searched for her keys and was ready to unlock it until the door opened for her and her aunt threw her arms around Clare and kissed her on the cheek, "Goodness gracious, it's been too long without you. We missed you."
"I missed you too." Clare breathed and she had an uneasy change of nature, her aunt noticed right away.
"What happened? You seem pale." Her aunt said as she grabbed the suitcase from Clare's hand and both walked inside the house.
Clare looked around, before she fretfully shook her head, "Nothing. I just woke up early and had little sleep. Just tired."
Her aunt nodded and from upstairs her dad came walking down, with a newspaper in his hand, "Hey! You're finally home, Clare-bear."
Clare ran into her father's arms and she embraced him tightly, he was confused and surprised, "Am I going to have to hurt Jake?"
"What!" Clare pulled away, "No, of course not. I just missed you so much, even though it was a week. Did you take your medications? Have you been okay?"
Her dad chuckled and sincerely smiled, "I've been as good as you left me; you have to tell me how it went. But first, can I just say it's a good thing you're back. I've missed your cooking." He hugged her once again.
"Well, I'm home now, dad."
Far away from Eli.
A week later
"Goodbye, Eli." Ted grinned at him easily; Jake was next to him who was making business calls behind him.
"Take care." Eli shrugged and gave him a half hug, and he turned to Jake. He stiffly muttered a goodbye back at him.
"So, one week, eh?" Cece sighed, "You know how much I hate these business trips."
"Well honey, you better get used to them. This project is HUGE, I may not go to many, but Jake here will be attending them frequently, since he's in charge and what not."
Jake clicked on his phone and smiled, "Yeah, me."
"Come on, I'll go help you load these bags into your car." Cece muttered at Ted and they walked out the door.
Eli glared at Jake, but rendered, "I never got the chance to say it, but, congratulations."
Jake rolled his eyes, "Elijah Goldsworthy, everything you always have to say has to be full of cynical bullshit." He circled around him, pacing himself to think of what he was about to say next, "What is it, jealous?"
"Of what, you? Of course not. Being a disdainful neanderthal isn't in my life-long dreams." Eli scoffed.
Jake quirked an eyebrow and harshly said, "No wonder you can't get a girl. You're ridiculous."
Eli smirked at him, "Say what you want. Things always turn out unexpected, especially when you're involved."
"Yeah, well, I can say the same about you." He paused and a knowing grin form onto his face, "You had all these girls at one point and look where they ended up—with me. Now, let me remember…" Jake smiled, "There was those two girls in middle school, that gothic backbiter in high school-"
"Julia. Her name was Julia." Eli gritted through his teeth.
"Does it even matter? She was a waste of time, and horrible in bed." Jake slowly said.
Eli breathed in, trying to remain calm, "I swear if you keep-"
Jake shoved him lightly and said, "What? You always start teasing and get pissed off when I start saying something about you. You can't handle anything; you've always been such a complainer."
Eli grabbed his hands strongly and pulled them away from him, glaring in his eyes, "If only your little girlfriend knew this side of you, I bet she'd leave you in a second."
Jake scoffed, "Keep Clare out of what happens between you and me."
Eli laughed, "Why? Is it because precious Jacob loves her?"
"Shut up." Jake snarled and responded, "I've been dying to break your neck for a while now, but I can't. One day, though."
"The feeling's mutual." Eli replied and shoved his way past him, "Have a nice trip."
Jake picked up his bag and he walked to the car. There was nothing more in this world that he wanted to do than to hurt Eli in any way possible.
But, both Ted and Cece were always there to protect him.
"He's your brother now. And she's your mother."
"I can't change, dad! You never even told me you found someone, and they come into my life, when you expect me to act is if nothing happened! He's taking what's mine!"
The only thing that kept him sane nowadays was either work or Clare. But Clare wasn't here.
.
Somewhere between the week when Jake was gone, Eli was still thinking about Clare. At the same time, he had a sudden impulse to do something unexpected and satisfying.
It was almost midnight, and he couldn't sleep. He got up from his bed and thought about it carefully, before he went out his door and into the hallway.
Eli went inside Jake's room and searched through his dresser, until he found a phonebook. He looked through countless pages, until he found Clare's name, and under her number, there was her address to her house.
Eli ripped the page and stuffed it into his pocket.
He went back to his room and that was when he grabbed the pale blue book from his dresser and put on a clean shirt and pants. He rushed out of the door with his car keys in hand.
Cece eyed him worriedly when she stepped out of the hall, "Eli, it's almost midnight. Where do you think you're going?"
"A friend's house. I'll be back tomorrow." Eli said and looked at her with assurance, "I just need to ask him something, very important." He mumbled and kissed her cheek, "Go back to sleep, mom."
Cece warily nodded and said, "Alright. Be safe."
It was all so sudden.
The next minute he was outside, in his car, anticipating about what he was about to do. There was so many ways it could have turned out, but to be honest, he didn't care anymore. Eli needed to see Clare, he wanted to know why she left without a goodbye, an explanation, anything. It was killing him slowly, because she became an abrupt necessity.
His hands were on the wheel gripping it tightly and his eyes focused on the road.
He was determined.
.
When Clare woke up, she found her aunt and father dressed up and heading towards the door.
She rubbed her eyes from the sleep and asked, "Where are you going?"
Her aunt smiled and said, "It's your father's appointment with the doctor today. He needs his check-up."
Clare replied, "I'll go with you, just let me get-"
"No, sweetie. You'll stay. These check-ups take hours, and the house needs some cleaning." Her aunt interrupted.
Clare hesitantly asked, "If anything happens with my father, you'll call me, right?"
Her dad laughed, "Honestly Clare, you act as if I have the black plague. Don't worry, you stay and fix up this place a bit. That's all we're asking."
Clare smiled, "Alright. Don't take too long."
Her aunt scoffed playfully, "At hospitals? You must be joking."
"Okay, fine, go." Clare dismissed and they went out the door.
When they left, she looked around and sighed to herself. There was a lot to do to keep her occupied and maybe she would call Jake after and see how things were going with him. She hadn't spoken with him since the night before.
.
It was bright and early in the morning; the ride took him a couple of hours.
And when Eli drove into town, it was all alien to him. There were more trees than buildings; overall it was a humble town of a small population rather than a metropolis.
He was beginning to regret taking his vintage Mustang to a place like this, where everyone was driving at least a truck or a moderate car, inferior to his. This made people give suspicious and hungry stares to his vehicle, which in turn, made him uncomfortable. He drove by a couple of streets until he reached an isolated block, with a few houses.
He cruised by slowly until he reached the supposed address. He parked down the street, and walked to the house. It was a simple one overall, with yellow walls and a brick roof. Part of him expected Clare to live in a more modern place, and the only thought that ran through his mind at first glance was: poor.
It didn't matter to him though, just surprised him enough that he doubted it a bit.
There was a white picket fence with its paint already chipping off, surrounding the place. He went through its entrance, and walked to the door, cautiously with slight hesitation.
He looked at the wooden door and knocked roughly.
That's when it hit him. What the hell is he doing?
Eli then realized his palms were starting to sweat, and he tapped his foot nervously. Maybe he got the wrong address.
His doubts and thoughts were soon tarnished once he heard the sweet, familiar voice muffle from the inside, "Wait just a second! I'm coming!"
Eli held his breath in, and he drew a bit of confidence as he heard small footsteps heading closer and closer.
The door opened and it felt like he hadn't seen her in months, years, and decades.
She was stunned, her blue eyes widened and her jaw dropped a bit, "E-Eli."
He grabbed the book from his pocket and waved it around, "You forgot this."
She blinked her eyes. Has he gone mad?, "Thank you." She breathed and realized that she had to be polite, "You drove all the way here, just for this?"
He nodded briefly and let out a nervous laugh, "Well, aren't you going to let me in? Or…"
Clare looked at him suspiciously, "Sure, come inside."
He entered and once he was inside, he made his way towards her living room and sat on her couch.
Clare trailed behind him, and cleared her throat, "Do you want something to drink?"
"No thank you." Eli mumbled.
They stayed quiet and he suddenly asked, "You live by yourself?"
Clare's eyes bulged a bit, "Not at all, I live with my father and aunt; they just left to go run some errands."
"Oh." Eli replied.
And Clare quietly asked, with a blush staining her cheeks, "Eli, I don't buy the idea that you came here to return a book of mine. What did you really come for?"
He smirked at her and bore his eyes into hers, before he grew serious, "I think you know."
The way he said it, made her weak in the knees. She did know what he meant, and it scared every bone in her body.
Her voice trembled, "I wish I didn't"
Eli stood up and walked closer to her, "What happened…I know it's not something a girl like you does-"
"Eli, I'm sorry. I don't know what overcame me, I was vulnerable and you kissed me. I responded. We are both at fault, but please. Let's put this behind us, it's not fair for Jake's sake."
For Jake's sake? Eli didn't a damn about Jake alone, the phrase alone made him shudder angrily.
Eli shook his head, raising his voice as he spoke "Jake had nothing to do with that kiss. It happened. And you know what? I liked it, a lot. I don't regret it, and you can praise how guilty you feel, and how wrong it was, but you can't deny that you liked it too." Eli saw Clare's worried eyes looking back at him, as he continued, "And another thing, I have a feeling you don't regret it either. I need you to confirm or deny that idea of mine, because you left without speaking to me about it, out of nowhere. But, I'm here now and we're having this talk."
Clare turned around and left the unnoticed book in her hand on the coffee table. She glanced back at Eli, and her eyes began to well with tears, "This can't be happening."
"It is." He whispered, "Look at me, Clare." He stepped closer and cupped her face.
"Ignore Jake, he isn't here right now. It's just you and me…"
Clare sniffled a bit and shuddered, "But, I can't…it's wrong."
He hugged her tightly, "Clare, we can't deny this."
"Yes we can."
"We won't."
"We should."
He pulled away from her and sighed, "I need to know…what did you feel when I kissed you?"
She glanced at him and clutched her hands against her chest, "I never felt anything like it before."
He caressed her face, "Well…"
"Jake…" Clare breathed, ignoring his gaze, "This isn't fair to him…we love each other."
He remained quiet and kept his gaze onto her eyes, until Eli coolly replied, "That's understandable."
"It's the way things are supposed to be, Eli." Clare muttered quietly.
"Is it?" Eli wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek, "Clare, I missed you like crazy."
She sighed, "I've thought about you too…" And, she sadly whispered, "But I miss Jake."
He looked into her eyes and he drew in a bit of consciousness before tentatively pecked her lips as she closed her eyes, "I needed to see you."
He was relieved that she didn't pull away and slap the crap out of him as his lips made contact with her soft ones. They had the taste of strawberries, and he felt invigorated by the action. He would've smiled if the situation wasn't so tense.
But what came next surprised him.
She pecked him back, mindlessly, "You're here now."
He took this as the 'okay-go'.
So, his lips grazed against hers and Clare replied to this second kiss with her eyes open aware of this hypocrisy of her ethics. 21 years of morals and beliefs, slowly being thrown out the window, taunting her virtues. She began to cry more and Eli tasted the sweet tears slipping down her cheeks and onto her lips as he kissed her.
She shoved him softly away from her and she sobbed, "I c-can't do this."
Eli's face grew pale and he walked to her, once again wrapping his arms around her, "It's too late, Clare."
Clare wiped her tears away and answered, "I know."
Eli rubbed her tears away and kissed her tenderly before he whispered, "Ignore Jake, he isn't here right now. It's just you and me…"
Clare agreed.
Months Later
"Well sir, it was a pleasure speaking with you." Jake shook Randall's hand as he had his arm wrapped around Clare's waist.
She had a grey hue overshadowing her blue eyes and she was attempting to smile around him, as her father then said, "Have fun, take care."
Jake grinned and replied, "I won't keep her out too late, sir."
Margaret from behind chuckled, "She's not fifteen anymore, we trust you, Jake."
Jake dismissed a polite goodbye and walked out of Clare's house, holding hands with her. He led her to his car and pecked her lips lightly before he opened the door for her.
"See, I told you, I'd find time to see you. I promise you'll have fun on this date." He grinned.
Clare timidly nodded, "I just didn't expect for you to come back from Quebec today, you could've warned me."
Jake shook his head, "Where's the surprise in that? I haven't seen you for a couple of weeks now. I missed you."
Clare thought about how Eli visited her the past few weeks, when she would volunteer at the town square and he would spend the afternoons with her.
All they did was spend time with each other, really. They got to know each other better, however sometimes it became physical and personal.
She was living in guilt, and she tried to break it off with Jake about a month ago for the sake of him and her conscious. However, Jake just happened to pay for her father's hospital bill behind her back. She was working aside, hoping to gather the money and pay him back, thanking him with what was fair, rather than her unrequited love.
Clare gulped and couldn't look at him in the eye. He had been too good to her, "I'm sorry, you came all the way here just to see me and I'm not receiving you the way I should…"
Jake focused his eyes on the road and mumbled quietly, "Don't worry about it."
.
He was kissing her inside his car parked in front of her house like in those teenage-romance movies. The lights inside her house were turned off because everyone was asleep. Jake wrapped his arms around Clare's waist and kissed her cheek, lips, neck, and he breathed against her, "I love you."
Clare gasped in her throat and imagined: it was Eli, not Jake.
She was kissing those dry, rugged lips that always smirked when sarcasm flowed out of his mouth. The hands wrapped around her had long fingers, cold as ice. The hair that brushed against her forehead was black—not brown—longer and silkier. And, the eyes looking back at her were emerald.
"I love you too." She said, and right then she wished that lightning would strike her. She felt like the filthiest and most horrible woman—no, she didn't consider herself one anymore, she thought what she did was too cruel and heartless to assure herself as one—to walk on Earth.
His hands roamed downward to her knee, and upward towards her stomach. He began to toy with a button of her blouse, and he unbuttoned one. She drew a gasp and pulled away, blushing furiously.
"Sorry, sorry." Jake shamefully heaved.
Clare sighed, "It's fine." And she looked at the clock that read it was a bit past midnight, "I should go inside now."
He reluctantly nodded and stepped out to walk her to her door. Once they reached there, he said, "I'll go to a hotel and stay for a couple of days, so I can be with you this week. I'll visit you tomorrow."
She was appreciative about the idea and genuinely smiled at him, "Thank you for tonight."
Jake smirked, "No, thank you."
And after she entered her home safe and sound, he left. She passed by the rooms and saw that her father and aunt were asleep.
When Clare went inside her room, she grabbed her cell phone that she purposely left. When she turned it on, she saw that she had two missed calls from Eli.
Clare knew he would be awake at this hour, and a part of her worried if it was urgent. She walked downstairs and headed out her back door to her backyard. She redialed the number and a gruff voice answered.
"Hello."
Clare softly mumbled, "Eli?"
The gruff voice remained stern, "I called you, where were you?"
Clare stammered and answered, "Jake came back from Quebec…"
The other line went quiet, and she couldn't even hear Eli's breath.
Until he spoke, "How are you?"
"I'm fine." Clare softly replied, "You? Is everything okay?"
"I just called because I wanted to. I miss you already."
"Eli, I can't talk about this after I went on a date with Jake."
"Clare, I don't care." He seemed angry and it drew another awkward silence, "What? Jake took you out to another fancy date? Did he kiss you, did he touch you?"
Clare whimpered a small cry, "He's my boyfriend."
"And what am I?" Eli snapped.
"You mean a lot to me." Clare trembled through her lips.
Eli heavily breathed, "I'm sorry for being like this. It's been a long day."
"I understand." Clare nicely said, "I didn't know he was coming, it was a surprise, really."
Eli calmly replied, "Clare, I thought you said you never want to talk about him when we're together."
"Right, right," Clare sighed, "Anyways, how has university been for you? Did you finish that huge research paper?"
Eli chuckled, "Honestly, you're conversational skills are horrible, Edwards." Clare giggled a bit as he continued to speak, "Be more spontaneous and fascinated. Try again."
"How much do you miss me?" Clare said in a whisper.
Eli paused, "Not the question I was going for, but I like it." He drew a breath, "And to answer it: you have no idea. I have been thinking about you non-stop. When I see anything in my way, I always start to imagine you being here with me."
"Eli, I care about you too much it scares me." Clare suddenly said.
His hearts was savagely beating, and he couldn't help but have his jaw drop a bit when she said that to him. It was a surprise, because he started realizing something on his own as well.
"I should probably let you go to sleep. It's late." Eli indifferently responded.
"Alright." Clare delicately said, "Goodnight."
When the two lines disconnected, Eli was still thinking about her of course.
"Dammit." He muttered to himself, "I really, really like her."
A/N: This chapter was just for the initiation of their affair. Yep, we'll see how it works out.
Sorry for the wait, but here are some major hints for chapters in the future: How long will Eli be satisfied with sharing Clare? Clare's guilt and idea of what the right thing is will alienate her from some things. What if Jake finds out? What if her dad and aunt find out? What if Eli and Clare really do fall in love? I don't know…
Thank you for reading :)
