A/N- I'm alive! I'm so sorry that I've taken so long to update. Life is quite difficult at the moment, plus the stress of being a teenager (so much homework) and I really struggled to find inspiration for this Chapter but I finally found some…after watching Season 4 of Bones, it makes me happy, what can I say? I hope you're all still interested in this story and thank you for all of your lovely reviews.
Disclaimer- I don't own Bones.
Brennans POV
I kept to myself on the ship, the idea of interacting with people who weren't familiar to me wasn't very appealing and I found myself often retreating back to my cabin. I hadn't spoken to many people, only the people I passed in the hallways but even those conversations were very short and I dismissed any personal questions with different excuses each time. There was one lady though; she was quite older than me, definitely old enough to be my mother. She had dark hair although the grey in it was very visible and she struck me as someone who wasn't afraid of growing old. She looked as though she had lived a very complicated life and it was more often than not that I would find myself wondering what her life was like. I wondered if she had a normal childhood, a mother and a father, if she was married and had children. One day my curiosity got the better of me and I decided that I would ask her regardless of whether or not it would be considered rude. Booth would say it was and I remembered something he told me from years ago 'You have to offer something of yourself.' So I kept these words in mind as I walked towards her.
"Hello?" She turned around and gave me a smile, wrinkles spreading across her forehead as she did so, evidence of her ageing. It was then that I noticed her eyes, chocolate brown, they reminded of Booths and I couldn't help but smile back at her as I remembered the times I found comfort in his eyes. I was about to say something but she said something before I had a chance to open my mouth.
"Hi darling, can I help you?"
Her voice was intriguing, it was strong but the evident pain couldn't be hidden, not even from her intense stare.
"Um, yes I think so." It sounded idiotic in my mind and even stranger as I said it although I didn't know what to say. It was very rare when this happened; I always had something to say. She noticed my hesitation and started talking.
"You don't need to hesitate, I don't bite. I'm an old lady, what could I do anyway?"
She gave a hearty chuckle at that, a grin spreading across her face, one that reminded me of Booths. They really shared a resemblance although I couldn't decipher how they could be related; it was probably just my mind confusing me. Lately everything related to Booth, I couldn't keep my mind off of him. I once again struggled to find my words and once again, she took over.
"What's your name?"
I wasn't sure if I should give her my real name, I know that my Dad used a fake identity to get me on this ship and if I told her, it could get out and my cover could be blown. I was actually quite surprised that no one had noticed me yet. Despite my uncertainty, I felt as though I could trust her and that she wouldn't tell anyone who I was if I asked her not to, so I went with my gut (as Booth would say) and I told her.
"Temperance Brennan"
"Oh, wow. I thought you looked like her although I didn't want to assume anything, I read your books, fantastic work."
"Thankyou" I smiled at her and she returned it before she started speaking again.
"My name's Jane. It's nice to meet you!"
"It's nice to meet you, too." She holds her hand out and I shake it in return before asking a question.
"Are you here alone?"
"Yes dear, I've been alone for quite a while now. Are you here alone as well?"
"Yes, I needed to get away for a while…or forever."
She looks confused by my words so I continue speaking.
"I had quite a complicated childhood and it effects how I live now. I don't trust easily and relationships aren't my strongest forte and I ruined any potential relationship with the only man I've ever loved."
"Oh sweetheart, I'm sure you haven't ruined anything. He probably loves you right back."
I shook my head forcefully and soon felt tears streaming down my cheeks. After that I found myself telling Jane more than I've ever told anyone else. She stayed the whole time and just listened which I appreciated but I eventually felt very tired.
"I'm sorry Jane; you didn't need to know all of that but thank you for listening anyway."
"It's no problem dear, you seem very troubled and I wish I could help you but I think that man of yours loves you more than you know and you're making a mistake by running away."
"Maybe, but what if he doesn't love me anymore?"
"He still needs you regardless, you made him a better person, and you must know that."
"He was an amazing person before I met him, I didn't change him; I just hurt him."
"You can believe what you want sweetheart, but his heart belongs to you and yours to him. If I can tell that just by listening to your story, I'm sure anyone who knows you both personally can see it very clearly."
I took her words into account and realised that they could've been true. People would always tell Booth and me that we looked and acted like a couple but we always denied it. It wasn't until recently that I realized just how much we really did act like a couple. Nothing really had to change, he didn't want me to change and he didn't expect me to change. He wanted me the way I was, I should've known.
"Yes, people always assumed we were together but we always denied it, only now do I realise that the only thing we were denying was what we really wanted. But, it doesn't matter now, he has a girlfriend."
She just nodded, she didn't know what to say and that was understandable, how could anyone understand it if I couldn't even understand it?
"Um, I'm quite tired so I'm going to go to bed. Thank you for listening and I'm sorry for burdening you, I'm sure you didn't need it."
"No need to worry Temperance, thank you for sharing with me, you said that you don't trust easily so I'm grateful that you were able to trust me."
I smiled after wishing her a goodnight but turned back before turning the corner.
"Jane, could you please not tell anyone I'm here, no one has noticed yet and I'd like to keep it that way."
"Ofcourse, you have a good night dear."
I nodded before walking back to my cabin. When I arrived in my cabin, I turned my laptop on and connected it to the ships wireless and accessed my email. I wasn't expecting anyone to contact me after they had read my letters, I assumed they would understand and just let the situation slide so I was surprised when I opened my inbox and it was full of messages from my father, Angela, Hodgins, Cam, Sweets and Booth. I only had one from my father so I opened it first.
Hey Tempe, I gave the letters out for you. They weren't happy and you thought wrong, they already miss you. You need to stop running honey, it's not going to help. If you need me you can call me, I have your address in London so I will come and visit soon. Please think about what you're doing. Dad
I gave a short reply, dismissing mentioning my recent evaluation of my relationship with Booth. My father didn't need to know about that and if I decided to stop running, I'd ask for his help but at this moment, I'm not sure what I want, all I know is that I need to figure it out.
Next I read Sweets email, it was quite long and he used psychology which I dislike and tried to tell me why I was running away in the first place. I wondered if he actually had any idea, I wondered if any of them did. I also replied to his email, although cut it off short to prevent myself from giving away too much information.
I read Cams email next; it basically said what she had told me when I got back from Maluku a year ago. She said that I am ruining my intern's chances at pursuing a career in Anthropology although what she didn't know is that I had paid for each scholarship for my interns in order for them to continue learning at the Jeffersonian. They shouldn't suffer because of me, I can't keep hurting people.
I read through all 10 of Hodgins emails although 8 of them were from Angela; she probably thought that if I didn't respond to her, I might respond to Hodgins. She was wrong, I would reply to her, I would reply to anyone while I was on the ship because no one could trace where I was because I was in the middle of the Ocean. Hodgins emails were quite amusing, he somehow came to the conclusion that the Government made me leave and he wrote that he would deal with the Government and that it was okay to come back. It made me laugh and I was grateful for the very brief moment I allowed myself to laugh, it felt good until I realised I wasn't laughing because I was happy, I was laughing because the whole situation is ridiculous and if Hodgins thinks that I left because of the Government, what could other people think? I replied by telling him to read the letter I wrote to Angela, I only ever intended it for Angela's eyes but if it would help him to understand a bit more, it would be okay.
I read Angela's emails next, they were all short, and demanding answers except the last one was longer and more meaningful than the rest.
Bren, what are you doing? Why are you running again?
I know that Booth hurt you and I know that you hurt him but you can get through it together, you two are so strong and I don't want to watch you break your own heart while you break his as well. You should've seen him sweetie, he thought I knew where you were and he came to my house demanding answers but I didn't have any Bren, I didn't know what to tell him. He told me he was going to show you he loved you, don't you see? He loves you so much. I need you to tell me why you're gone, what made you leave?
I want to reply to your letter but it's a goodbye letter and I'm not going to say goodbye to you because I know that I will see you again. You're going to come to your senses and come home or Booth's going to find you, I don't really care how you get back home but you will get here. I don't want to live without you, you're my best friend sweetie, and you're supposed to be my baby boys God Mother, please come home.
I love you Bren, don't you ever feel like you are worthless because you aren't, so many people love you, you need to accept that.
Please reply, I hope you're okay where ever you are!
I wrote a short reply, letting her know that I was okay and that I would explain everything when I understand it myself. I didn't say too much because I knew that she would misinterpret words and think I'm saying things that I'm not actually saying. After I replied, Booth's emails were the only ones left. There were 60 of them, very similar to Angela's except more demanding.
BONES, WHERE ARE YOU?
COME HOME RIGHT NOW, I NEED YOU HERE.
YOU'RE KILLING ME, WHERE ARE YOU?
I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO LEAVE, I KNOW IT'S MY FAULT THAT YOU DID AND I NEED YOU TO COME BACK.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME NOT TO HAVE REGRETS BONES, I REGRET EVERY TIME I EVER HURT YOU.
I'm not better off without you, I need you, you made me a better person and I don't want to live without you.
Please Bones, come back.
BONES, I LOVE YOUR CRAZY, BRILLIANT BRAIN BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW IT MADE YOU LEAVE. WHY DID IT MAKE YOU THINK THAT I DIDN'T LOVE YOU?
Temperance…..why?
Most of his emails were like this, some just said my name and others just had question marks. He wonders why I think he doesn't love me, he might but how can I be sure? He wants me to come back, he says he needs me. I want to go back, I need him too but I already left, I can't just change my plans, can I?
I didn't reply to any of Booths emails, I didn't know what to say but I was contemplating whether or not I should call him when I get off the ship in London. I wasn't sure so I stopped thinking about it, turned off my Laptop and went to sleep.
Booths POV
I was in Bones' office when I heard Angela's squeal. I hadn't left her office since I read her letter; I just needed to be somewhere that was so Bones, a place where she had spent so long in, a place where we have spent so much time together. I've been using her computer to send her emails, I still remember her password from so many years ago. I told her she would write Jupiter and apparently she didn't care that I knew what it was going to be because she stuck with Jupiter anyway.
I walked out to where I heard Angela's squeal come from. As soon as she saw me, despite being angry at me, she ran up to me and said-
"Booth, she's okay, she didn't tell me where she was but she said that she's okay in her email."
I nodded at Angela before I ran back into Bones' office to check my emails. I was disappointed to find nothing from Bones in my inbox, I wondered if they got to her correctly and so I sent them all again, all 60 of them plus a few new ones. I was logging out of my email account when I heard Angela squeal again, this time because Hodgins had received a reply as well. I walked over to them and I spotted Cam walking over as well. Angela started talking first.
"Booth, Cam, did you get a reply from Brennan?"
Cam nodded and then went on to tell everyone what it said. Once she stopped talking, everyone turned to me, it was Hodgins who spoke this time.
"What did she say in yours Booth?"
"Nothing, she didn't reply."
No one spoke after that but by the look on their faces I could tell that they were surprised. I simply nodded my farewell and walked to my car, getting in and driving straight to Bones place. If I couldn't be with her physically, I needed to find a way to be with her somehow.
I will be with her again.
A/N- Wow, that's the longest Chapter I've written. I hope you enjoyed and please review. Also, if you like the band 'The Pretty Reckless', check out my friends YouTube channel 'Emma Momsen', she has some pretty great videos!
