Some Kind of Madness
Chapter Eight: Flip This Switch
Disclaimer: Don't own it. If I did it would be one pretty effed up show.
Warning: Mature themes. Cursing (both kinds). Possible magic gone awry. Trippy ass shit.
AmorousWallflower: But that would ruin the mystery :)
To the Guest reviewer who guessed correctly: You guessed correctly. A+ for you!
LauratheChef: I dunno. Maybe? If I say yes do I get more desserts?
To the Guest reviewer LOLing at me: wtf, indeed.
ghostperfect: I remain indecisive. Sway me.
A/N: Oh, my beautiful babies. Prepare yourselves because it is about to go DOWN in this chapter. I cackled evilly as I wrote this. I'm not even sorry.
Mary Margaret Blanchard wasn't much of a drinker. Drinking tended to lead the pixie haired schoolteacher toward making very bad decisions. Snow White, on the other hand, was no stranger to alcohol and it's effects. The cursed personality in her attributed the fact to alcohol being much more accessible to minors in a realm that was similar to medieval European times. That being said, Snow had long ago found the perfect remedy for hangovers. A remedy she was sure her daughter would be in grave need of. The instigator in her felt more than a little guilty for the amount of alcohol she'd encouraged her daughter to consume.
"Emma, sweetie." Mindful of the sensitivity her daughter would have to loud noises, Snow entered Emma's room carefully. "I brought you some…"
Regina blinked blearily at the other brunette. Completely unaware of her state of undress.
Snow stared with wide, petrified eyes at her former stepmother. Her shocked stare shifted toward the motionless lump bundled into the blankets next to Regina and… oh god. She prayed to whatever higher being there was that it wasn't Emma, her precious baby girl, underneath those covers. When her gaze traveled back to a still silent, still obviously half asleep Regina, Snow couldn't help but look where she wasn't supposed to (and really did not want) to look. Yep. Those were…
"Boobs…" The word seemed to snap both Regina and Snow out of their dazes. "It's porn!"
Regina winced as the banshee like screech assaulted her eardrums.
"Ah!" The already high pitched quality of her voice reached another, higher, disciple. The hand holding the mug of hangover remedy dropping said mug and moving to cover her eyes. "My eyes! They burn! What are you doing in my daughter's bed?! Naked!"
The brunette in question merely arched a brow. Wary of Snow's childish antics. She was acting as though she'd never seen breasts before.
"What is going on in here?" Charming barged into the room, one of his arms curling around his wife's shaking form. His gaze found Regina's dark, irritated, stare and he lifted his sword. "You! What've you done, you…"
A dark, red flush seeped across his cheeks and he immediately diverted his gaze. What in the hell was Regina doing in their home, in Emma's bed, topless?
Regina rolled her eyes. Were her nemeses really that squeamish when it came to nudity? She reached for the sheets, the ones covering the blanket hog next to her, and yanked. She might was well cover herself before either of the imbeciles had a stroke. The last thing she wanted was to be blamed for it. The harsh movement elicited a deep groan from her bedmate.
The sound caused all three of them to stare at said lump in utter confusion.
As if feeling the heat of their stares, a handsome blond haired man emerged from the shelter of the covers. He squinted at the lot of them with puzzled and irritated emerald eyes. He could deal with their weird staring in a second because at the moment he had bigger problems. There was a fucking jackhammer going to town on his skull. The blond rubbed at his pounding head and ran a hand through his short, tousled locks before suddenly going still. He cautiously brought both hands to his hair, running his fingers frantically through the tangled mess of short golden curls.
With his hands still fingering his hair, he turned toward a broadly grinning Regina and glared a very familiar glare. "What the hell, Regina?"
"Who is..." His eyes widened considerably, face paling. "Is that me?"
The deep tenor coating the words had Emma freaking the fuck out. Because, yeah, that was totally her. She turned to her parents with wide pleading green eyes. "Please tell me this is a nightmare and I'm going to wake up soon."
It was Snow who managed to voice their suspicions. "Emma?"
"Okay. Let me get this straight." Snow stared both women down, her eyes squinted in concentration and brows furrowed in complete bafflement. She couldn't be hearing them correctly. "Someone cursed you," She spared a pointed glance at Regina who rolled her expressive brown eyes for the umpteenth time which, Snow reasoned, was totally not helpful to their current plight. "To be a man and Henry convinced you," She eyed her daughter warily. She was more surprised that she wasn't surprised by the blonde's actions. "To pretend Regina was your son's long lost father."
When Regina scowled a "he is my son" at the exact same moment Emma let loose a "well, technically she was", Snow wanted to smack the both of them. She opted for fixing them both with a stern stare, a stern stare of disappointment. They should have known better and dealt with the situation like adults. And not embarrassed the living crap out of her by making her crush on her daughter's fiancé. Oh god, her face paled considerably, she was crushing on Regina. Regina in male form, yes, but Regina and just… She might be sick.
Regina scoffed and rolled her eyes as she watched Emma cower under her mother's disapproving stare. Really, the woman was acting like a child who'd been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She supposed it served the blonde right for coercing her into playing along with her shenanigans.
"Then Rumplestiltskin," Snow shoved down her need to be violently ill and trampled onward. "Suggested that you attempt True Love's kiss on Regina to break the curse which obviously didn't work," She eyed her daughter's cursed form with a disappointed shake of her head. The man before her was still Emma, still looked and acted and talked like Emma, without actually being Emma. How could she have gotten herself into such a troublesome predicament? "And you somehow ended up with no recollection of last night's events beyond the kiss."
Charming chose that moment to snap out of his horror induced stupor. His confused blue eyes trained on his… Daughter? Son? Was he having a strange dream? "And you've been turned into a man while Regina's curse has been broken."
"How can we be sure she didn't just pass the curse on to you, Emma?" Snow queried softly, shooting an accusatory glare in her former stepmother's direction.
Regina scowled at the accusation. "If that were the case I would have most certainly not woken up naked in your daughter's, excuse me, your son's bed."
Emma frowned, her green eyes narrowing and strong jaw tensing. The deep tenor of her voice coming out in a deadpan tone. "I really hate you."
"Wait a minute." Charming's face contorted in thought. "Maybe Emma did break the curse. Maybe she turned Rich, um, sorry." He blushed softly at the slip. "Maybe she turned Regina back and that damned imp is behind this."
Snow's eyes widened as she processed her husband's theory. "It would explain why he would suggest such a thing to Emma in the first place. Maybe he found a way to transfer the curse."
"You often forget that Rumplestiltskin and I share a distinct loathing for one another. He would not pass up the chance to watch me suffer. While I do not doubt the imp is planning something he is not the one behind this."
Snow opened her annoying trap, most likely to contest Regina's statement. Thankfully, whatever the pixie haired brunette was about to say was cut off by the front door swinging open. Regina had never been so happy to see Ruby in, well, ever.
"Ugh!" The waitress groaned, one hand steadying her sunglasses as the other rubbed soothing circles into her temple. "Remind me never to drink that much again." She trudged further into the apartment before plopping onto the nearest flat surface, which happened to be a fairly rickety end table. She hadn't noticed the strange blond man or Regina in her battle with her hangover. Her equilibrium was being a real bitch at the moment. "I forgot how bad fairy dust hangovers were."
When she finally felt sturdy enough to stand again, she turned her attention toward the silent Charming family. She found Snow staring at her with wide green eyes and her jaw hanging open. "What?"
Ruby's stare moved to David and she found him wearing the same stunned, almost frightened, expression. "Do I have something on my face?"
Another cursory glance and her brows furrowed. "Why is Regina here?"
The sound of a throaty, anxious chuckle forced her stare away from the scowling brunette and toward a very attractive blond man. Ruby's brow arched, intrigued. A flirty little smile curling at the edges of her mouth. "And who might you be, handsome?"
Emma's laughter died abruptly in her throat.
