Alright guys, sorry for the long wait. So, to make up for it, a chapter filled with pure absurdity.
"Alright, just a few more days…" Professor Oak signed in relief. The paperwork has started to get on his nerves. The parents just worried too much, practically demanding daily reports! Suddenly, the telephone rang, causing Oak to jump in slight surprise. Grumbling about wretched telephone rings, Oak picked up the phone.
"So, how's life treating you, old man?" Oak smiled lightly; Agatha was always so blunt, direct… And, after being forced to negotiate with a car dealer, that was a huge relief for Oak.
"Terrible, my dear friend;
I wish the torture would end;
For paperwork is the bane of me;
I just want a cup of tea."
"Cut it, doofus. I don't have all day!" Oak wisely held back a laugh, for his old friend had a temper to match with her tongue.
"Alright, alright. What do you need?" To his surprise, he heard a loud haunting laughter ring out from the phone; as well as an… explosion?
"Agatha? Agatha?!" Oak was starting to get slightly worried. Sure, she might be an Elite Four, but… Oak whistled in appreciation at the string of vicious curses escaped the phone; probably Agatha having problems with her ghosts.
A few minutes later, the vicious curses stopped. "Alright now, old man; a few months ago I caught a shiny Ghastly." Oak's mouth dropped; shiny Pokemon were a product of a rare genetic alteration. The defects were typically a different coloration. The chance of a Pokemon being born shiny was about 1/8192, making shiny Pokemon highly valuable to collectors and researchers.
"The 'lil hellion's been driving me nuts with its pranks! Nothing I tried works, not even pitting it against Specter!" Professor Oak was slightly taken aback; Specter was Agatha's strongest Pokemon as well as her starter. Even his Dragonite had trouble with it!
"So, I'm sending him to you." Oak was about to protest; considering Ash's Pikachu, they didn't need another prankster at the lab. Then again, the chance to study a Shiny Pokemon was too much to pass.
"Yes, I'll take it." Oak sweat dropped at his old friend's shout of delight; maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.
Serena sat at the window, looking out into the distance. Their log had a wonderful view at the forest. She didn't know why, but watching nature always carried a certain… charm to her, so to speak.
"Hey, Serena, why are you sitting there,
While the wind blows back your hair?
The sun still shines on thee,
So forgets your troubles, shout in glee!
For you are young, the hopes and dreams
Are still ahead. So beam a smile,
Dream your dream!"
Serena jumped up in surprise. Well, that was to be expected, with Leaf bursting in and serenading to her. Seeing the brunette's grin, she grew a tick mark.
"What the…" Serena gasped in surprise when Leaf reached out and taped her mouth with a 'censored' word on it. Leaf put her hands on her hips, making a 'tsk' sound, looking at her blonde friend in disapproval.
"Beware of your potty mouth
Lest you wish things to go south."
Finally tearing off the tape, Serena gasped for air, her face red from slight anger and lack of air. Turning to her friend, Serena faced her with a scowl (that, ironically, strongly resembled a pout).
"Care to explain what's going on?" Serena sweat dropped at the sight of her brunette friend twirling in a dance, singing a soft La-la-la. Or, well, "La la la la la la la la lah, la la la la la la la la, la-la la-la la la lah, la-la la-la-la la-la-lah, la-la-la-la-la la-lah, beauty and the beast…", but who cares?
"You see, Mr./Temp got bored
So he dug up his good-old board
And made us sing our lines today,
For he hates Mondays; (even though he's not Garfield)"
Serena face palmed. This was going to be a long day. Suddenly, one of the walls broke down with a thunderous 'boom'.
Meanwhile, an extremely absurd scene played out at a different place. Ash, Yvette and Sycamore sat, staring at the screen. "Ready? Steady? Go!"
Ash:
The feeling inside of her,
She cannot explain.
Her thoughts are like a blur,
Her heart is locked in chains.
Yvette:
Locked in chains, oh, locked in chains;
Sycamore:
The fuzzy feeling welling deep inside,
Makes her feel safe and warm;
No, she shakes her head in pride;
She's independent, she is strong;
She won't be yet another girl,
Who would swoon over a pearl.
Ash:
But yet, she feels a void so deep,
That she feels empty deep inside.
She almost wants to weep
Her feelings she can't hide.
Yvette:
Bland is the story,
It rivals the Twilight
So, embrace clichés in all their glory
In a star that shines so bright.
Sycamore:
He's a romantic, he can't see
His own emotions in the vast blue sea
He yearns for something, he can't tell
If it's companionship he seeks,
Or he's affected by a spell.
Yvette:
His life seems bleak,
His eyes are dull from boredom;
The peace so pure and calm
Yet he gives no qualms
About abandoning it for his dreams
To find the bird of love that soars above;
Gone are the gentle streams,
Now, in a drive of love
He sees nothing but doves,
Flying around like guardian angels,
Guiding Cupidon to him.
Ash, Yvette, Sycamore:
And then they meet, two halves of a-
Professor Oak was furious. "Ash, shut up!" Well, Agatha did say the Pokemon was a little hellion creature, but still… The Ghastly was driving him nuts! Oh, and as if that wasn't crazy enough, Ash, instead of being at the bloody camp, was in the lab, singing/listening to some ridiculous love song!
"Ghas…" The little ghost snickered, before dropping a bucket of water on him.
"That's it." You can only stretch a man's self-control for so long. Professor Oak, fed up with Ghastly's tricks, recalled the ghost to its ball, ignoring its pleas.
"And now, for Ash." Oak marched straight to the boy, who was apparently in the middle of a chorus. Wait, a love song? Oak was about to crack a grin; Ash and Leaf WERE pretty close… And then he saw Sycamore and Yvette on the other side of the screen, dancing and singing as well.
" …Together, they complete the other,
Each other's hearts they colour
In a deep red scarlet,
Bountiful for harvest."
Oak was nearly overwhelmed by the stupidity of the lyrics. Really!? A deep scarlet red, the colour often associated with passion and love, that is, according to the next line, 'bountiful for harvest'!?
"I demand you stop this mockery of the art of poetry!" Oak was practically steaming with rage, all his previous thoughts evaporating; those infidels, how dare they violate the sacred-laws-of-poetry-that-do-not-exist?
"Oh hey, Prof, you see,
Love is like and endless blue sea;
In all its glory, it's a flame;
Caressing hearts so ever gently;
In all its malice, it's a blade;
So ever cold, so ever deadly;
But really, truth be told,
The writer has no ideas
Thus he wrote our lines so cold,
Emotionless and cold- just like your thesis."
At that, Oak fainted. There was only so much stupidity a guy can take. Unfortunately, when he collapsed, he also accidently released the Ghastly.
"Oh, hello there Ghastly!
Where are you going so hastily?" Ash paused, thinking if it fit or not, before deciding that it worked.
Ghastly on the other hand, laughed. Could it be, that he'd found someone who could match him in the absurdity of his jokes? The ghost type cracked a grin. Look out word. For here they come!
The Ghastly and the Ash,
The Ghastly and the Ash,
One is a prankster, the other likes Slash,
They're fanfic characters,
They truly lack coherence;
They're Ghastly, they're Ghastly
And the Ash, Ash, Ash, Ash
Ash, Ash, Ash, Ash
Ash.
Before the chapter's done,
Their plan will be unfurled,
And by the dawning of the sun,
They'll scream out "Hello world!"
They're Ghastly and the Ash
Yes Ghastly and the Ash
Their weekly campaign
Is easy to explain
To make up cheesy jokes
To crack up all the folks,
They're Ash;
They're Ghastly and the Ash, Ash, Ash, Ash
Ash, Ash, Ash, Ash,
Slash!
"I don't care what you think, Arceus, but this has gotten way too far! Some things aren't even funny anymore!" Sir Aaron shouted, part in exasperation at Arceus screwing up YET AGAIN, part in desperation, because this was all so ridiculous.
"But it wasn't me…" Arceus stood, tears flowing down his face in anime-style.
"What the hell happened here?" Ash stood with his mouth agape. Well, who wouldn't, after seeing the place they slept at missing one of its four walls?
"The wall has disappeared!" Leaf faked an exaggerated look of hopeless despair.
"Whatever are we going to do?" Ash too faked a look of horror, making Serena face palm. This was going to be a long day.
-Will we catch flu?
-Will we be fined?
-Probably, for the contract we have signed.
Suddenly, a wave of quiet washed over the not-so-intact building. Serena looked in hope; was it finally over? And the answer is, of course, no.
"Whatever are we going to do?" Serena saw Ash and Leaf mock hug each other in a faked expression of fear, wailing at the skies in a very comical way.
Pikachu, who was, up to this point, forgotten by everyone including the authors, simply sighed. "Pikachu."
Meanwhile, a pair of white laboratory mice sat in the cage in deep thought. The taller one sighed dreamily, thinking about that wonderful Ponyta, Phar Fignewton, while the other mouse was busy making complicated otherworldly calculations. A few minutes later, Brain screamed in frustration. Damn it!
"Narf! Oh hey Brain, what are we going to do this afternoon?" The taller mouse, Pinky, who was definitely not pink, said.
"The same thing we'd never done the other afternoons, Pinkie. We'll revert the curse of the-poet-on-the-moon!" At that precise moment, the blackboard upon which he did his calculations, fell on to him, comically squashing the two mice.
"Pinky, I'm in considerable pain."
All he got in response was some disjointed jumble. "Narf, Brain!"
"Alright now, Sere, it is time!" Ash cracked the goofiest grin ever. Serena sighed internally. She just wanted some peace and quiet! Then, before she knew it, Leaf grabbed her hand and dragged her along.
"Where are we going?" Serena screamed, struggling to not fall down while being dragged around by a highly active brunette carrying a… Corsage? Serena blinked; where the hell did her friend get one?
"Tonight's the night; when it is bedtime,-" Ash suddenly quipped in.
"You'll be drowning
In happiness so overflowing! " In the background, there was a sound of the police siren. "Attention, the Grammar Police is here."
At that, Ash and Leaf shared a look. Before both of them cracked a smirk. Serena gulped; she didn't know what the two have planned, but it couldn't be any good- Woah! Serena almost tripped as Now both Leaf and Ash ran at a ridiculous speed, all while dragging her behind.
"The time has come; tonight's the night" Leaf dramatically paused, somehow managing to do a pirouette, all while jumping forward, dragging Serena with her.
"That you'll fall in love so white!" Serena was slightly confused. What the hell were the two of them doing? And what did they mean by her falling in love? And why would that love be 'white?'
"Pure like silver, true as gold
An aster flower blooms so bold" Serena groaned. They didn't even bother with a big first verse! They went straight to the chorus!
"Gleams like ruby, deep as sapphire,
Passion burning like a fire" Serena sweat dropped; half of that didn't even make sense!
Lysandre always thought that Luminous City was a beautiful place. Yet despite that, he didn't like spending too much of his time there. Living next to the bustling city life reminded him of how the human greed corrupted nature, twisting beauty. He cringed when he remembered the winner of this year's Art Festival in Laverre City; an image of the Holy Virgin Mary fashioned with Tauros dung and highly perverted pictures. What has this world come down to?
Unfortunately, he had… business to take care of. Xerosic had made a major breakthrough in their project. Yes… Suddenly, he heard a shout to his left.
"Let me go!" Lysandre signed; it was just like people to hurt each other. Well, he supposed he should intervene. Walking closer, to his surprise, he heard singing.
"… Aphrodite's blessed touch,
You will feel happiness so much;
Toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!"
Lysandre blinked. What the-?
"Hard like diamond, pure like pearls
Gleaming like platinum is the human soul
Dancing, twirling in the light
That love sheds upon the night…"
Was that Sycamore? Lysandre blinked; a little girl along with Augustine rushed by, dragging along a preteen boy in a blue jacket and red cap. A soft smile graved Lysandre's features when he saw the look of joy on the faces of the girl and his old friend, Augustine. Yes, perhaps not all hope was lost for humanity.
Serena panted, desperately trying to catch her breath. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ash talk to someone on the phone. To be frank, she couldn't care less. Until… Serena jumped back when a strange creature appeared along with a Psychic right in front of her.
"So, you three are scheduled to teleport to Lumiose?" The woman tried to smile charmingly, but it only succeeded in scaring the Serena. Wait, Lumiose.
"No, she is." Serena could almost feel Ash pointing at her with a smirk; oh how she wanted to wipe that off his face…
"Say, aren't you too young to be reserving places that couples usually go to?" The man paused, his brain catching up to his words. Excessive teleportation would do that to a person.
"Nah, we aren't, Miss." Serena stepped back in horror; the psychic's laugh was almost… forced, unnatural…
I think that we've by now established that I suck. So in order to improve, I need advice, constructive criticism. Hell, I've only got 9 reviews, only two of which pointed out my mistakes. So please, review. Oh, and one more thing. I made a new updating schedule that I will try to follow. Key word- try, but whatever.
The Misadventures Of A Master- 1 every week.
A White Rose (if you haven't checked it out, I highly recommend you do so; it is darker and has a more coherent plot line- mostly because I didn't goof around as much.)- once every month
