Warning; During part of this chapter Deanna has a passing thought that could be interpreted as underage, though it isn't meant as inappropriate, I know people can perceive it like that. Teens will be teens though.

Loki loomed on the edge of Ada Milligan's Heaven, speculating just how close her True Vessel was with her. Was it possible that the woman, with the right amount of time with her, would develop feelings for her older sister much like Loki possessed feelings for Lucifer? Or would it be a discrepancy much like Lucifer's physical sex not matching his True Vessel?

"It isn't a discrepancy." Loki spun around, opening her mouth to spout out some excuse but before she could Raphiel had a hand on her mouth. "We don't want Michelle to see that you're here."

'Let me go, Raphi.'

"I'm going to let you in on a secret, Gabriella." Raphiel said quietly, drawing her hand away.

"My name isn't Gabriella. It's Loki." She bit out, wiping her mouth off and half regretting that she hadn't licked her sister's hand.

"Michelle had me toy with the bloodlines. For Lucifer. In the time since he Fell, since you left, she has done what she could to prevent killing Lucifer."

"What does this have to do with Sam?"

"Michelle doesn't want to kill Lucifer, I don't think she has the strength to do it."

"I'm the last person you should be telling. You're one of the only ones that know why."

"Michelle knows why. Your secret, it's no longer a secret."

"What?" She froze, staring at her sister.

"Telling Deanna Winchester was a stupid choice."

"So Michelle has visited her already?" Loki forced out as she fought through the wave of fear and panic. What would Michelle do?

"Yes. I have to wonder what was going through your head when you decided to tell them."

"I wasn't really thinking." She admitted reluctantly. "I just…he was out and I snapped. I was so excited."

"Yet you haven't blown the horn."

"Not until they have their Vessels."

"You really are going to blow it." Loki didn't answer and Raphiel gave her a distasteful look. "Did you know that the True Vessels are all hermaphrodites at birth?"

"They what?" Loki asked, thinking back on the countless sexual encounters with Sam. Sam was…she was definitely female.

"Ava, Samantha, and Deanna all were hermaphrodites at birth. Their parents made the choice of having their sex fixed, and by all rights Samantha was meant to be fixed as a male."

"But she isn't." Would things be different if she had been male?

"No. There was an issue during her surgery."

"Michelle?"

"Me, under her orders."

Loki glared at her sister, wings twitching where they were long ago hidden. "You had no right to-"

"Michelle wanted to cut down on the chance that he would fight. She was hoping his narcissism-"

"Michelle wanted him to fall in love with his Vessel."

"Yes. From our understanding Lucifer never showed sexual attraction to males, so a female was the better option."

"You had no right." Loki accused, stepping back. By all rights their parents didn't have the right either, but the Archangels weren't supposed to step into the creation of the Vessels.

"No. We didn't. But I did it because I don't want to watch Michelle and Lucifer tear each other apart! You know what I've been dealing with since you left, Gabriella?"

"Don't you dare. Michelle ordered me to leave!"

"She didn't mean it and you know it! You chose to go, you followed her orders rather than doing what you have done for thousands of years!"

"What, disobey Her? Fall like he did. Nuh uh. No way. I love Lucifer more than I value my own life but I was not going to sit among The Fallen and lick his boots-"

"You would prefer to lick his cock." Raphiel cut in with disgust and Loki flinched at the use of the word.

"If you must know, Raphiel, I don't get that privilege. You and our cunt of a sister took that away from me. Just like she sent me away from home. I love you, both of you, but the last thing I'm interested in is flinging insults when you sent me away because I didn't want to go to war with him!"

"It wasn't supposed to be a war, Gabbie. We were going to take him by surprise. Do you know how many of our brothers and sisters died because of you? All because you wanted to fuck our brother? Those deaths aren't on me, or her, it's all on you. I love you too, Sister. But you need to go because Michelle is coming now and if she sees you, she will imprison you."

Loki almost cried.

Just barely, but she almost did.

Instead she did as she was warned and she fled, carrying herself far and fast as her Spirit curled around itself. Loki was lost. What would she do? What could she do?

'Luce?'

'I'm sorry, Gabbie. Not yet. I can't risk her finding me without Sam.'

'Make her say "yes".'

'I won't force myself on her, Gabriella. It has to be her choice. I never planned to lie to her about anything either. You changed the entire plan.'

'You don't have to keep me involved.'

'Of course I do. You're my sister.' The words hurt as though he'd slapped her. It was obvious he worded it the way he did because it would hurt her.

But he was also making a point.

Loki shut her eyes as she wrapped herself in memories of a simpler time, a time before humanity and the dark truth of her feelings ever came to be. A time before she was Gabriella, a time where she was simply The Voice.

.-~*~-.

Deanna pulled Sam into a tight embrace, holding her close as she shut out the sight of the black aura surrounding her sister.

Deanna was terrified. Not that she would dare tell her sister that. There were enough issues surrounding them that bringing up the visit from Michelle and that dick angel that…

No, she wouldn't think about that. Cass apparently had no memories of being possessed which made her and that angel the only ones aware of what had happened.

It would stay that way if she had any choice in the matter.

"I lied." Sam muttered, pulling away and wrapping her arms around herself.

Deanna already knew, could tell just how bad of shape her sister was in. She was pale and had lost far too much weight to be healthy. There were bags under her eyes and Deanna wasn't stupid. "At first it was easy. I was distracted. Then I ran into a demon and…I thought I was still good. I thought I could keep working."

"You relapsed." Deanna forced out and Sam shook her head quickly.

"I didn't."

Deanna believed her.

"But…damn it I can't stop thinking about it and I need your help, Deanna. Please."

Deanna stared at her sister's tear filled eyes, remembering the sharp "never cry, girls. Don't you dare cry. Crying is a weakness and those creatures can smell weakness."

"We'll figure it out." Deanna promised, "For now we need to get the hell outta civilization and-"

"You have got to lock me down, Deanna. I'm holding on, but it calls to me. I know there's a demon three miles from here and I…" She started shaking violently and Deanna grabbed her sister's shoulders, shaking her slightly until she met her gaze.

"We'll take care of it. I promise, Sammy."

There was something in those broken puppy eyes for a single moment that scared the hell out of her, that caused her to drop her grip and recoil slightly.

It was only a second, but Deanna had seen it, and it was wrong. It screamed at her threat and danger. Something she was extremely in tune with after years of hunting.

"If I didn't you know... I would wanna hunt you. And so would other hunters." And they had. It had happened once before and if word got out about Sam's addiction, about her connection to Lucifer…well Heaven and Hell wouldn't be their only issue.

"Let's go." Deanna forced out and Sam nodded before making her way to Baby. Deanna watched her sister go with an air of unease, the last detox her sister had gone through burning in the back of her mind.

Back then, they'd had the panic room, she'd had Bobbie to keep her head on right while she was forced to hope her sister lived through a literally hellish withdrawal.

Now she was alone with something burning deep in her that she tried hard not to think about. Something she felt within her that she ignored with all of her might.

"I'm going to take care of you, I'm going to take care of you! I gotcha. It's my job, right, watch after my pain-in-the-ass little sister..."

Deanna forced herself to walk to The Impala, sliding into the driver's seat and glancing at the rearview mirror where she could see Sam curled up in the back with her head carefully tucked against her knees while shivering wracked her body.

"Take care of your sister, Deanna."

.-~*~-.

Six hours later they were pulling up outside an old hunter's cabin in Colorado they hadn't been to since they were kids. It was worn down and looked as though it had been hit by a few storms but other than that it was in good shape.

It was also secluded.

For a moment she was forced to think of her sister as a rabid animal, ready to strike if someone moved wrong.

Or the wrong creature came within vicinity.

Deanna wasn't sure how well she was doing either. There was a nagging at the back of her mind, a silent 'Don't shut me out.' though it was less with words and more with emotions, feeling.

Deanna ignored it as she climbed out of the Impala, walking around her and pulling open the back door.

"Sammy." She said carefully and her sister opened her eyes. "I'm gonna check the place out. You good for a minute?"

"I'm fine, Dee." Sammy muttered shakily.

No.

She definitely wasn't okay if she was calling Deanna Dee. She hadn't called her that since she was…god two? Dee had turned to Ann for a couple years to a mixture of Deanna and Anna until it stuck at Deanna.

For a moment Deanna wondered. She wondered if her sister even remembered that, or was this another one of the crazy side effects of the demon blood cravings?

If she was honest, she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

"Hang in there." She muttered. "And don't you throw up again." She added as an afterthought before closing the door and turning to face the old cabin.

I wonder if there's any food up here. If need be she'd trap squirrels or hunt a deer. The nearest town was a two hour drive and she didn't want to leave Sam alone again. Not until she could figure out how the cravings were going to treat her, because this wasn't withdrawal.

If this was withdrawal she would've either relapsed or recovered at this point. It had been somewhere around a month since Lucifer, Sam had started getting shaky within a week before. Broken in longer.

This had to be something else and with the small niggling of what she knew was her Spirit she had little doubt about what it was.

Sam wasn't going through withdrawal. Sam was craving like a damned vampire and there was nothing Deanna could do but hope it would pass before her own issue became prevalent.

Not that she'd let it become an issue.

As she stepped up the creaky porch steps she eyed the newer round grill shoved to the edge of the porch.

It was new enough that she had hope there was some sort of nonperishable food stashed inside that was edible.

Worst case I have Cass. Except Cass hadn't spoken to her in several days, since the incident her angel couldn't remember. But if she called for something urgent, she had just barely enough faith that the angel would come.

"C'mon." She breathed out before pushing the creaky door open.

A sigh of relief escaped her when she saw the still intact interior. That was good. They could work with this. Kneeling down, she checked the underside of the mat just inside the door, satisfied to find a devil's trap in place. A bit of work and she would be able to ward the rest of the place against both angels and demons.

Then she would just have to focus on keeping her sister contained.

"If you can't save her, you've got to kill her."

"I won't kill her." She stated firmly, telling the air.

I'm going to lose my mind.

"You might." Dean spun around in an instant, .45 already in hand as she stared at her sister leaning weakly against the post on the porch.

"I won't."

"Lucifer thinks you will. He thinks that you'll say 'yes'."

God, Lucifer was still visiting Sam. Was The Trickster doing it too? Deanna wondered for a moment if the visits from Archangels weren't the root of her problem more than the demon blood cravings.

"Well he's full of shit, Sammy. We ain't going to say 'yes'."

"Lo thinks you will do something else." Sam breathed out. "She wants to help us though. Promise me something."

What the hell? She wanted to help? Deanna was calling bullshit on that one then and there. There was no way in hell the damned Trickster planned on helping them. Not with the way she talked about Lucifer. But Sam clearly wasn't in anywhere close to the right mental state to bring that point up.

"Promise what?"

"Promise me you won't have sex with Michelle."

"What the fuck?" The words left her mouth before she could stop them, her mind swimming as she tried to grasp where the hell this conversation had veered off to.

"I talked to Cass. Before… and she told me about the intensity of a possession. I had sex with Lucifer. It was a lie, but I did it. It was the most intense experience of my life and I have to wonder…but it doesn't matter. The sex is a gateway drug. Promise me you won't have sex with Michelle."

Deanna opened then shut her mouth, feeling like a fish out of water. When the hell had Sam had sex with Lucifer? They hadn't been apart for that long, had they? How deep were Lucifer and fucking Loki's claws digging into her little sister?

"Save her. Save your sister. Because if you don't, you have to kill her."

"I swear, Sammy. I won't fuck the Archangel that wants to wear me to prom." She forced as much sarcasm as she could muster into the words. Sam gave her a grateful smile before her eyes slid shut and she slumped into an unconscious heap on the floor.

"Sam!"

"Dad didn't even have to tell me, it was just always my responsibility. I had one job and I screwed it up. I blew it and for that I am sorry."

.-~*~-.

"Oh, Dean. You think you're strong don't you? Choosing to suffer in the place of your brother? Newsflash. You're not. You're weak. You've always been weak and that's why your momma left. That's why Sammy left. They don't care, you know? Your sister? She's on the surface right now, hunting better than she ever did with you dragging her down."

"No."

"Yes, Deanna. Your family has never cared."

"I-"

"Enough."

Deanna jerked upright, tumbling out of a motel bed and looking around the room until she caught sight of Andrew Stone again.

It pissed her off when she realized the Archangel was still wearing his face. Michelle had no right.

"Deanna."

"Leave."

"You were having a nightmare." Deanna didn't want to believe the concern that blanketed the Archangel's words, it had to be fake, but at the same time…

"Tends to happen when you spent forty years suffering in Hell."

Michelle flinched. It was subtle, but Deanna caught it. What was her deal? Was she trying to play the sympathy card in hopes of getting consent? Because it was going to happen. Deanna had absolutely no intentions of saying 'yes'.

"It was never supposed to take that long, Deanna." Michelle finally told her. "When I sent my soldiers to Hell to rescue you I did so the moment I was informed you were in Hell."

"Gotta love that dickish middle man." Deanna scoffed. "You expect me to believe you wanted to help me?"

"I do." Michelle responded, completely missing the point. "Ariah didn't tell me you were in Hell until a month following your death. I sent my strongest garrisons to Hell in hopes of rescuing you. Instead I failed you. I know you don't trust me, you think I plan to manipulate you into giving me your consent. What you forget is that Lucifer is the deceiver, Lucifer is the master of manipulation. I'm not my brother."

"You want my consent to ride me around like a freaking suit."

Michelle dropped her gaze. "There's a difference between what we want and what is a necessity, Deanna. As I told you before, my brother is forcing my hand. As sure as I am that I love my brother, I know both him and Gabriella are harassing your sister."

"How do I stop them?" Michelle jerked slightly, moving her gaze to Deanna with surprise distinct in her expression. "You heard me. You want to help? Tell me how the hell to keep them out of my sister's head. Help me."

Deanna wasn't completely sure what came over her but almost immediately she realized it didn't matter because Michelle could help. If she was being serious. If she was truly planning to help.

Deanna held the Archangel's gaze and could see the conflict in her eyes, the uncertainty.

"I've seen a ward before but…I would have to find it again." Michelle admitted weakly, bowing her head. "I will return to you tomorrow night, if you will allow."

Deanna didn't know if she believed the Archangel, but she was desperate. There was nothing else she could do, no one left to ask. All their family and friends were dead…Cass was MIA and as much as she…cared about her she kept screwing up whatever it was between them.

"Angels are not meant to love as humans do." Michelle spoke up. "Romantic love did not exist when we were created. Mating was a foreign concept to the Archangels."

"Stop reading my mind." Deanna bit out, cheeks heating up with embarrassment.

"I'll refrain. I am simply making a point. Humanity changed the way Archangels interacted."

"Like…Gabriella?"

Michelle made a disgusted sound. "Gabriella's feelings towards our brother are disgusting, but they exist and now I have no choice but to accept them for what they are. Let me make it clear to you, Deanna because they don't seem to be sticking with anyone. My feelings towards my sisters as well as my brother are completely platonic. Anything I feel for my siblings as a whole. I have never engaged in sexual activity with others and I have no intentions of doing so."

"Promise me you won't have sex with Michelle." A fucking virgin. Of course she was a virgin. Except where the hell did that mirror? Deanna thought hard on her early teenage years. On when she would sneak a finger or two in the bed or sneak swimsuit issues from the stores.

Fuck.

Andrew Stone was more than the first man she failed to save, her first hunt at thirteen, and God she was stupid.

"Go out with me."

"My mom would kill me."

"So? Go out with me."

"Mom would kill you."

"What's my life worth? I'll show you a good time."

Images of skyblue eyes staring lifelessly at the sky, blood spattering a pale freckled face and the dead body of a werewolf draped over his chest danced through her vision.

"Mom-"

"What the hell are you doing here, Deanna? You left your sister alone!"

"I'm sorry." She wanted to cry. All she could do was stare at the lifeless body of Andrew Stone. My first. The thought rang through her head like a low bell.

"Sorry doesn't fix your mistake. You knew better! Risking everything for some boy you just met? Go back to your sister. Now. You're supposed to protect your sister."

It was always about Sam. That night had been her. About how she felt. I loved him. Her mind supplied unhelpfully.

"God I'm so fucking stupid." Deanna breathed. They were fractured mirrors. Michelle may have been older, but her side was still playing out. What Michelle had been going through since the Dawn of time was already played out for Sam and her. Michelle wouldn't have sex until she trusted the person, or was stupid. Whichever way she saw it as.

"Deanna?"

"Go out and get laid, Michelle. I promise it'll do you some good."

Or you'll ultimately kill them, just like I did. Let's see how close we are, Michelle.

"I don't understand."

"That isn't the point of getting laid. You don't understand. You just do. Now go. I have-"

"Wait, Deanna."

"What?"

"The angel that fed you his blood. I want you to know I had nothing to do with that."

Her stomach lurched. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I was going to discuss it with you, Deanna. I never would have done that to you."

"Fuck off."

"He Fell after what he did to you. I have half of Heaven searching for him right now."

"Well when you find him, let me know." Deanna bit out angrily.

"I will." Michelle promised seriously and frustration burned beneath her skin.

"You're worse than Cass."

"No. I'm not stupid. I'd just rather ignore your hostility and get my point across than argue with you about every little thing."

Deanna glared at the Archangel.

"You are so untrusting, Deanna. What you need to understand is that the world isn't out to get you. Despite the tragedies you have endured, there are people out there that care about your well-being. Castiel is not the only one out there."

It barely passed her notice that Michelle didn't mention Sam, and Deanna wasn't sure how to take that. If she was honest, she wasn't sure how to take any of what Michelle was saying. Her first instinct was to tell the Archangel to "fuck off", but something made her pause. The brutal fact of, she needed help. If Michelle was serious about helping, then she needed to suck it up and accept it. Demon blood cravings and Archangels were so out of their league. Any of their potential research material was lying in the ashes of Bobbie's place.

Yeah, she could throw a line out in the hunting community but there was a lot of potential it ended up backfiring on them rather than helping them. If other hunters found out about their situation they would be public enemies number one and two.

"Bye, Michelle."

Deanna opened her eyes, staring at the wooden ceiling of the cabin as she silently hoped that Michelle would pull through. Every inch of her skin was covered in sweat that left her feeling sick to her stomach. A reminder that her dreams weren't just dreams. That Michelle's words were as real as her fucked up life.

"You can't be here." Sam's voice was rough, quiet, and Deanna froze where she was.

"I'm not. I'm just projecting myself into your mind." The Trickster's voice came from the same direction.

Damn it.

"I don't care. Lo, if she hears me talking to you she's going to be pissed."

"She's always pissed at you, Sammy." Sam made a small sound that Deanna refused to think on. "I wanted to talk to you about what we discussed."

"Lucifer?" Sam asked, voice quieter.

"You were right." The Trickster said softly. "I talked to Raphiel this morning."

"What did she say?"

There was a long pause and the sound of movement, The Trickster's words were almost inaudible. "They manipulated The Apocalypse, Sammy. I wanted it to start, so bad, but…Mother help us, Michelle did it. Michelle shifted the events to make sure it started and…"

Deanna couldn't hear the next part but her blood was boiling under her skin. Was Sam buying this crap? It was ridiculous. All of it was crap.

"Sam?" She spoke out, dragging her voice to make herself sound like she was just waking up.

"Yeah?" Her sister's voice sounded far too normal. Carefully she pushed into a sitting position, eying the cot across the room where her sister was leaning against the wall. The assortment of sigils lining the wall behind her reminded Deanna vaguely of the day she met Cass.

"You good?"

"I couldn't sleep." Sam responded. "Loki was talking to me."

Well at least she was being honest.

"Yeah? How'd that go?"

"You don't trust her."

"Of course not. She's a monster, Sammy. Ignoring everything else, she killed me over a hundred fucking times just for-"

"Heaven ordered her to do it."

"She fucking psychologically tortured you!"

"It wasn't her choice!"

Sammy. "I'm just asking you to think about this."

"I've had weeks to think about it, Deanna."

I never should've left.

"Have you figured out how to tell the difference between Lucifer and the damned Trickster yet, Sam?"

"Yes." Sam bit back, glaring. "Did you plan on telling me Michelle has been visiting you?"

"Yes." No. The lie came out of her mouth before she could stop it, "I mean no. You've got too much bullshit going on in your head to worry about what's going on in mine."

"What did she tell you?"

What was safe to share with her sister? Clearly Michelle was nosing around in her head, it wasn't hard to imagine Lucifer was doing the same to her sister.

"That she doesn't want to kill Lucifer."

"You believe her?"

Fractured mirrors. "I don't know." She admitted honestly. "I'd like to think this doesn't end in two Archangels duking it out and wiping the planet in half."

"Lucifer and Loki both say that Michelle started it all." Hope flared to life in her when she realized Sam was listening. Under the skepticism and pain most likely being brought on by the demon blood cravings there was a familiar flash of the nerd she knew her sister was.

"Michelle swears she wouldn't have done that. Think about it, Sammy. What does the ruler of Heaven gain by killing the devil? Peace on Earth? There'd be no Earth left, and they live in Heaven anyways. You know it doesn't add up. You're not stupid."

Sam chewed on her bottom lip, staring at the floor. All Deanna could do was wait patiently. Hope that her sister got it. The fact that she was listening at all meant that Sam wasn't gone.

"I don't know what to do, Deanna. They're constantly there. Constantly in my head. Constantly pushing. I need to believe Loki. I have to believe her."

"Maybe I'm wrong about Loki." Deanna conceded with difficulty. "But…Sam, you saw her. We both saw her. I want to think you're enough to change that. You're my baby sister. I want you to have everything you want. But what if you're wrong? What if she's using you? What if you wake up one morning and you're in Hell and Lucifer is standing there with The Trickster at his side expecting a 'yes'?" It took every ounce of her will power not to throw Robbie in her sister's face. Right now she couldn't afford to get into another argument.

"She's always pissed at you, Sammy."

Loki knew the new Sam better than Deanna did to some extent if what she read in Charlie Shurley's books was anything to go by, assuming Loki actually had watched Sam all that time she spent hunting her down, The Trickster had months of experience analyzing Sam's behavior and mental condition. Not to mention Lucifer actually getting in her head.

"What if you're wrong? There's a lot you don't know about her, Deanna. So much. I think underneath that desperate insane woman there's still the rational Messenger of God. There's got to be."

"What if there isn't?"

"Then we'll deal with it. Just like we deal with everything else."

Unless it's too late. If you're wrong, Sammy, she'll ruin you. Not that she would dare say that out loud. This was the most conversational progress they'd made since she woke up from her Archangel induced coma.

"Fine." Deanna conceded, forcing her legs to move as she pushed herself to her feet.

"Where are you going?"

"Bathroom. An issue?"

"Whoever was out here last destroyed the bathroom. Looks like someone needed the pipes."

Ugh. "Fine."

How did women survive without bathrooms? It was times like then she wished she had been born as a man. But what could she do? Grudgingly, she made her way to the front of the cabin, the floor creaking ominously with the low thrum of the radiator in the background. When they were younger it had been a hole in the wall, but one of the hunters had pulled through in modifying the place. There was a solar panel on the roof that Deanna had been forced to pull a tree branch off of and a cheap TV that looked like it came from the 90s and an old DVD/VCR

It worked from what she could tell, though their movie choices were very limited. Not that either of them had watched one yet. Maybe they would, though.

It could be somewhat normal, if she ignored everything else.

By the time she was done outside she was shivering slightly from the chill outside mixing with the residual sweat on her skin.

That was one of those things she needed to ask Michelle about. Especially if the bathroom was out of commission. There was no way she could sit sweat dirty in the cabin. If she was honest she wasn't sure how well she would handle being stuck in a cabin again to begin with.

"Deanna."

All of her thoughts fell apart as she spun around, staring into Cass' deep blue gaze for a moment before the angel collapsed into her.

Blood.

Damn it, Cass.